Ego or Igor

Oh boy, it’s another chilly day in LaLa Land. In the 15 years I’ve lived here, I don’t recall it ever being this cold. But I can’t complain; life is good.

I meant to post yesterday, but somehow the writing didn’t come along. I couldn’t get a clear idea written down. I’m giving it another shot today; we’ll see how it goes.

One definition for surrender is ‘To give up or give back.’ A second is, ‘To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion.’

I’m not thinking about waving a white flag and giving up on anything, especially not life. But since my previous post, I’ve been thinking about this word and what it means for myself. What exactly am I surrendering? Is detachment a better word? Possibly. If so, then what am I attached to? The first thing that came to mind is thinking and thought. I think too much. Though it comes in handy for writing purposes, I’m starting to wonder if possibly, it’s keeping me from being fully present in life.

French philosopher Rene Descartes once said, “I think, therefore I am.” But what if instead it’s “I don’t think and therefore I live.” Though he was referring to man’s existence, what if thought prevents us from existing in our present world. Are we lingering too much on the past or future?

Since thinking about not taking life to seriously, I’ve felt lighter in spirit. However, I'm finding that letting go doesn't happen so easily. It’s easier said than done. My ego, or Igor as I like to call it, keeps me from surrendering; it’s need for control is it’s very existence. Maybe Descartes is onto something. If Igor doesn’t think, he doesn’t exist. The trick now is how to I keep this little monster of an ego quiet? Meditation? Hmm… I think I’m onto something. In meditation it's about not grasping onto a thought; it's about observing them flow by, nothing else. A river flows perfectly.

The portrait here is of Frankenstein. Though he’s considered to be the original monster of monsters, like everyone else, he simply wanted acceptance. And as for ego/ Igor maybe it too wants acceptance. And so instead of completely detaching myself from it, I’ll allow for it to coexist with who I am. Because who I am is not who I think I am.

Until next time, observe lightly.