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POSITIVELY Equal

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POSITIVELY Equal


HEYA! I’m just slightly waking up and going back to bed for a bit before work. I’m feeling a bit under the weather, UGH!

Yesterday was the 30-year anniversary of HIV/ AIDS. According to the CDC website about 33.3 million people have passed away. WOW!

Last night while watching NBC news, it was great to see Bono (U2 lead singer) talk about his passion to one day be free of HIV/ AIDS. His activism is an inspiration.

I’ve been positive for over 12 years, and though I may not always see or understand how it affects my everyday life and choices, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s part of who I am. I rarely talk about it, as I don’t want to define myself in that manner. But here I am writing about it and yet, who I am doesn’t change; I’m still me. It’s really a matter of how others may come to perceive me.

I believe that in one way or another, we have all been touched by this HIV epidemic; it has changed our world. And though it has brought about death, pain and sadness, I also believe that it has been a blessing. It has brought people together that may never have met; it’s been a universal bond.

Last night, as I watched PRIMETIME OWN with kids facing OCD and contamination, I wondered about what was behind the mask? What did these kids fear in being contaminated? Not once did they mention the fear of death? Is their compulsion a fear of dying, of not existing? Why not talk about our mortality? Dying is what makes living beautiful and worthwhile.

I may not understand the chemical imbalances or psychology that contributes to OCD, but I do know that there is more to us than fear, there is LIFE spirit.

When my OCD self goes about my apartment, double checking doors, the stove, the candles, and iron, I realize its my fear of losing everything that is dear to me, my life, my identity of how I relate to our world. It’s scary, yet it can be liberating if I change my perspective of how I identify ME with the world around US. We are mortal, yet ever-changing. Though we may not have signed a contract, it’s part of being human.



5 years ago, my short 2-week stay at Cedars Sinai with PCP Pneumonia will stay with me as the most beautiful time in my life. As I lived on the verge of dying, there was a great sense of peace and joy. There was so much love not just from friends and family, but also from the staff who made me feel alive and worthy.

The piece here is titled "Equally Positive.” HIV, Death, and the Equality symbol inspire it. We often perceive those infected with HIV as a symbol of death; sometimes it feels as if we don’t exist, as if we are not worthy of everything human, as if…

May you go out into our world knowing that no matter what lay beneath the surface, there is more that lay above and beyond it. There is love and kindness. There is LIFE!

Peace and Blessings.