Blog

WOWZA! What a beautiful day in LA!

This past week I watched Rupual’s Drag Race Finale. Along with that, I’ve been thinking about the word relevance in regards to art.

During Rupaul’s Drag Race, Roxxy Andrew has a breakdown on stage. It brought tears to my eyes. I can’t imagine being left at a bus stop by your own mother. After her breakdown, Rupaul says, ‘we get to choose our family’. Even she had tears in her throat. Throughout my youth, I never understood the age-old saying ‘blood is thicker than water. As much as I love my family, I went through a phase in my life where family was not so meaningful. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t love them, but that I had wanted the freedom to choose whom I wanted in my life. In doing so, I created a family of friendships that have lasted a lifetime. This is relevance.

But as I think about relevance in regards to my art, I realize that, relevance, in any form, is in the eye of the beholder. As much as there is simplicity in my work, there is a depth that goes beyond words. It defines who I am; that is what matters. It’s relevant! According to an online dictionary, relevance is defined as, “a: relation to the matter at hand b: practical and especially social applicability.” And though I can question my work according to the outside world, it remains relevant regardless. It matters because that is how I see our world. I couldn’t possibly see it through anyone else’s eyes other than my own. But (and yes there’s a but) I couldn’t possibly see this world though the eyes that I do had I not had the most amazing family, blood or not.

I love you all for embracing the person that I am and continue to be. And to all the drag queens I’ve been blessed to meet, you inspire me greatly.

A most special shout out to my little sister Blanca; she inspires me not just as a sister, but also as a mother, friend, daughter and human being. I love you hermana! The piece here is a painting of one of my very first Little Girls; it’s called “Blanca Cuts Her Hair.” When we were kids, our other sister, Moni, had the idea to play hairdresser and cut Blanca’s hair, or rather, she chopped it. The idea of it makes me laugh. To Blanca, you are the LIFE in my party!

Food for thought: Existence is no more than the precarious attainment of relevance in an intensely mobile flux of past, present, and future. – Susan Sontag

Have a beautiful weekend!!!!

It’s another gloomy day in LA, but this time around, I feel much better. I’m enjoying being home and being creative.

Over the weekend, I finished reading Will Ellsworth-Jones book about street artist, Bansky, The Man Behind The Wall. It’s definitely left me feeling inspired about doing street art. However, in the last chapter, the critics come to disagree about Bansky. Is his work too accessible? What you see is what you get. Does art need to be complicated and full of hidden meaning? I don’t think it need be. Rikka Kuittinen of the V&A Museum in London said it perfectly; “…I think contemporary art, sometimes unfairly, has this reputation of being difficult…I don’t think accessible means bad at all.” Over the years, I've spent doing art that is uncomplicated; I don’t see the need for it to be. With life already being a challenge, I can’t imagine adding any more complication.

This morning, I started reading an Isabella Blow biography by Laruen Goldstein Crowe. I’m only a few pages in. The book immediately starts off with Phillip Treacy and McQueen attempting to figure out what to bury Ms. Blow in. Other than being a fashion icon, I don’t know much about her life. I’m curio to find out, if at all, what lead her to commit suicide. The piece here is my Pink Sheep inspired by Ms. Blow. Those who have the courage to live life according to their vision inspire me. Cheers to you Ms. Blow for being unique; it’s beautiful to be different.

Leo Tolstoy once wrote, "There is no greatness where there is no simplicity, goodness and truth." Ah yes, words to live by and to use creatively. Have a beautiful week ahead. Keep it simple.

Oh boy, I’m just getting back from my long morning walk. I wanted to break down in tears as soon as I left my apartment. Though I’m easily affected by this gloomy LA weather, its more than that. I’m feeling discouraged with my art career.

Immediately I started feeling gratitude for everyone and everything in my life. I’m blessed in every way. How could I possibly be sad? Yet being grateful didn’t alleviate the sadness. I kept walking and thinking about how to get out of this, yet knowing I had to feel it through; I need to cry. I’d wait until I got back home to let the tears flow. They haven’t come yet.

In the middle of my walk I had a mini epiphany. I had to stop focusing on where I ‘wasn’t’ and start focusing on where I want to go. This is the clue. I’m being pushed to think bigger and outside of myself. The uncertainty feels scary! I’m feeling overwhelmed and curious at the same time.

This past week, aside from working on painting my apartment (because I need a fresh start), I’ve also worked on my Pink Sheep. There’s something magical about these pink sheep; I feel joy doing them. And though they’re very simple in nature; they’re meaningful. The series is a representation of not following the norm, off not conforming to standards other than your own. The piece here is titled, “Will Work For Sex.” The idea of a sheep working for sex is silliness. How could I possibly feel sadness in seeing this? It cracks me up.

And as for the rest of the day, I can’t say. But I'd rather be a happy pink sheep than a sad one.

Be Bold, Be Weird, Be Random, Be AMAZING!

Happy Belated Birthday Mr. John Waters! 2 Days ago, on your actual 67th birthday, I finished reading Role Models, what a great coincidence and an amazing book. I felt like I took a college course, Cult 101. I learned so much about fashion, art, pornography, books, and even religion. The last chapter titled Cult Leader was especially brilliant. It's like you took the words right out of my mouth. “I had little use for dogma that was drilled into my young mind. I mean, “original sin”? The idea that newborn babies come into the world already soiled before they can let out their first cry? “ I've thought the exact same thing. Hogwash! If you’re going to be a cult leader, I want to be a sheep in your herd. Where do I sign up?

Speaking of sheep, a few weeks ago I started a new series based on pink sheep. There’s so much to explore. I've always felt like an oddball in life and instead of being a black sheep, I’d like to think of myself as the pink sheep. I’m curious to where this newfound inspiration will take me. It’s very different from anything I’ve done before, but there’s something magical in a pink sheep. I can see this being bigger than I'm thinking.

The piece here is a simple sketch of my Pink Sheep. It’s called Baaahdass. I think Mr. Waters would approve of the simplicity, I hope. I’ve never been one to follow the status quo. He once said, “It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else.” How is it that God hasn’t brought us together? You've forever changed my life. Baaaaahhhhh!

Sometime this week, possibly tomorrow, I’ll be starting my art campaign titled ‘Free Ricky.” I immediately thought of 80’s song 'Free Nelson Mandela' by Special A.K.A. But, it was more than just a song: it became a slogan against apartheid.

In no way could I possibly compare this art campaign to Mandela’s Freedom. But in some way it’s still freedom nontheless and in this case it’s also about free art. For however long it takes, I will be tacking on 1,013 signed mini prints onto trees, mostly around my Miracle Mile neighborhood. Because I'm a little odd, I've chosen an odd number. I like 13 and so far 2013 has been a very good year. I like the idea of free art on trees. Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree inspires it. Every time I walk by a tree stump, I think of this beloved story and I’m reminded of how much more I can give back.

I’m curious as to how the project will evolve, if at all. In some way, it's a 'pre' prequel to a bigger art project in mind. I have my work cut out for me, and though it feels a little impossible, it also feels possible. It's with this little grain of possibility that I'll move onward. Nelson Mandela once said, “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” And as much as I'll appreciate the journey of of this bigger project, I'll look forward to looking back once it's done and knowing I believed it's possibility. He also said, “There’s no passion to be found in playing small- in settling for a life less than the one you are capable of living.” As I write, these words have brought tears to my eyes because I have played small in many ways and I can’t no longer. I want to play bigger than I can dream for myself. And this to me is freedom.

The piece featured here is from my LITTLE Pop portrait of Nelson Mandela. Thank you Mr. Mandela for being the man that you are, for the inspiring our world.

Always remember to give back, to give freely. Have a beauty of a beauty of a week.

Happy Monday!

After all these years, I'm finally reading one of John Water's books; it's Role Models.

And so of course, I started thinking about my troubled teenage years. But looking back they actually weren't so bad. As a ‘goth’ teenager in an all boys private high school, I was the weirdo. If I had known John back then, I think we would have been best friends and I'd now be an old cult legend. A few days after smoking some laced marijuana, I asked my parents if I could see a shrink; surprisingly, they said ok. And though I only had two sessions, because I felt it was a bunch of hooey, my shrink did come to say that I needed to stop drinking soda and start drinking water. Otherwise I'd develop diabetes; it was life changing! But now, I wonder if he could have been forecasting something else?

A year or so later at UC Berkeley, I was introduced to the cult works of John Waters and Divine. At the local theater, I saw my first double feature of Pink Flamingoes and Polyester (in Odorama). Like quitting soda, it was life changing. On screen were the biggest freaks of all. And though I still consider myself an oddball today, at the time after watching those movies, I no longer felt like the freak I thought I was. And about a year later, I was lucky enough to see John Waters give a talk on campus. Like the good student I had always been, I sat up front. Who would have thunk?

In Role Models, I'm immediately drawn to Mr. Water's storytelling, enjoying each and every odd nuisance. I'm already learning so much about old films I've never scene or even heard about. In leading a class about filmmaking at the Maryland prison, he asks the inmates to do a little improve and to act “the exact opposite of [themselves].” As I read and rode the stationary bicycle at the gym, I wondered about who was ‘my’ complete opposite? The answer revealed itself easily. My complete opposite is an aristocratic straight blonde haired blue-eyed man with an English accent. He’s polished and ignorant to any and every subculture and probably a CEO or even a lawyer. Or maybe even both. I laughed at the thought; I sat up straight with my chin up and I looked around at the measly members working out alongside me. Did they know who 'I think' I was?

The piece featured here is titled “Waters: Lost Doggie.” I found this old poster on the street as I left the gym. It’s in homage to the infamous scene of Divine eating dog poop. Ah, good times. And since I'm thinking about troubles, Walt Disney once said, “All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” I feel the same way. I wouldn't change anything in my life. And how appropriate this qoute is, especially in just having seen Llyn Foulkes retrospective at The Hammer Museum, whose work spoke up against Disney and corporations.

Is it possible that with all our troubles, the world itself can be the happiest place on Earth?! I think it can.

Have a beautiful week. And make sure to drink lots of water.

Bullshit is defined as ‘Stupid or untrue talk or writing; nonsense.”

After 2 months, I’ve finally finished reading Sarah Thorton’s Seven Days in the Art World. As a behind the scene into the art world, it was an intriguing read. It’s a must read for any artist thinking about what it must be like. It’s left me seriously thinking about how to take my art to a different level. Because as of right now, it feels like the entire process of receiving recognition is a bunch of bullshit. It seems even more daunting than the entertainment industry. Who do I know and who have I slept?

Is it even possible?

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve debating over a new idea, but it will be costly. Yet I know that money can’t be a determining factor in whether or not to proceed. If I can think it and visualize it, then it needs to be brought to life. And whether anything comes from it, I can see it being interesting doing the work; and most of all, I’m curious. I’m calling this new project “Free Ricky.” Aside from it being a slogan about my own freedom as a human being, it’s also about giving back to the world a little FREE art. I’m in the works of figuring out the details.

The piece here is a sneak peek of what I’m thinking. It’s a portrait of Muhammad Ali. He once said, “The man who has no imagination, has no wings.” These words reminded me of Mr. Stover, my high school English teacher who once said, “You can’t be bored as long as you have imagination.” Since hearing those words 30 years ago, I’ve never been bored in my life. It’s like he gave me wings to always keep imagining, anywhere, anytime. No bullshit!

I think the Brits are coming!

After all these years I never believed that a man would magically come into my life and make all my dreams come true; I never believed in prince charming until last night. The preview show, "Lie Down I Think I Love You" by British artist Charming Baker at Milk Studios was amazing!

I had just been introduced to his work and there aren’t enough words to describe how beautiful his images are in person. Last night, I was moved. Not since seeing the 2008 Marlene Dumas exhibit, at the MOCA, had an artist touched me. There’s a simple beauty about it that grasped me when standing in front of his paintings. The titles said it all, especially while going through my own beautiful transition in life. I’m not sure what it is yet, but I’m enjoying the process. e.g. "I Look Forward to the Day When Knowledge Gives Way to Understanding."

Yesterday, I also finished reading Alexander McQueen’s (another Brit) biography, though it was more a reflection on his shows than on his personal life. What I found most interesting was to read the ideas behind his inspirations. There was so much more to his work than meets the eyes; it was truly a reflection of his soul. Of all his collections, I most loved the 2008 Summer Show, La Dame Bleu - a tribute to Isabella Blow who had just committed suicide. The clothes were beyond beauty; if I were a woman this is what I would be wearing.

The piece featured here is titled ‘Queen of Thrones.’ It’s a photograph of my Queen Elizabeth (another Brit) sticker placed on the street ad of HBO’s Game of Thrones. I’m not sure what it is exactly, but the idea of royalty fascinates me. I don’t understand it. What’s the big deal? We’re all still human. Regardless of history or title, she bleeds just like you and I. (Shakespeare, another Brit)

Thank you Mr. Baker for bringing beauty into this world. You are my prince charming. “Beauty can come from the strangest of places.” – Alexander McQueen. And speaking of strange, what exactly do the lyrics mean to The Smiths lyrics of a Charming Man?

Why pamper life's complexity
When the leather runs smooth
On the passenger's seat?

Was Mr. Morrissey being seduced in a car by his own prince charming? I have a feeling he had sex in a car, just like myself when I had sex for the first time with a strange man up in the Berkeley Hills, except that I was drunk and he was no prince charming. But I digress.

The End.

(P. S. This one's dedicated to you Annatte... maybe a cardboard truly exists, maybe there is a real prince charming.)

Happy Friday and here's to the 3 R's: Reading, Riding and Rules.

After 4 years of not belonging to a gym, I finally decided to join again. After 20 years of belonging to a gym, I called it quits, mostly because of the ‘gay vanity’ crap that our gay culture is so consumed by: youth, body, and looks. I couldn’t take this idea of having to fit into a mold of perfection. I had to break the rules in some way.

I decided to rejoin because, aside from walking and little workouts at home, I needed a change of pace. I’m mostly looking forward to reading books while riding a stationary bicycle; it felt good this morning. For 45 minutes I cycled and caught up on reading Alexander McQueen’s biography. It’s been cool to read his biography and later Youtube the fashion shows being referenced.

Alexander once said, “You’ve got to know the rules in order to break them.” I loved this! Not so much because I like breaking rules, because I actually do follow the rules, but rather because I like making my own set of rules. It makes life more interesting and I live according to who I am, me. My little sister Blanca once referenced it as being 'Ricky's world.'

The piece featured here is from my artist inspired “Little Girls” series. It contains two seperate canvases; it’s titled “Light My Fire.” It’s inspired by David LaChapelle’s photograph of both McQueen and Isabella Blow. It was she that really took him under her wings and introduced him into the fashion world.

Thank you Ms. Blow and thank you Alexander for breaking the rules so beautifully.

Have a great weekend and cheers to breaking rules even if they’re your own, especailly if they're your own.

Ah, it’s a beautiful Saturday in LA. I’m now on day 6 of 21 days of cleansing/detox. Will I make it? I think I will. A week before my Vegas trip last week, I started reading Clean by Alejandro Junger. It’s been 30 years since I fell in love with reading books. And of the hundreds of books I’ve read; only about 25 of them have left a lifelong lasting impression. Alejandro’s book is now one of them. It’s changed my perspective on eating and the habits revolved around it. It’s not that I won’t now be eating burgers and stuff, but I’ll think twice about what I put into my body.

While doing this clean program, I’ve thought about Gandhi. He not only fasted as a way of protest, but he was a vegan, before being vegan became almost fashionable. Though I didn’t enjoy his biography much, it did leave me wondering about man’s ability to fast and above all our willpower to survive. The piece featured here is in Gandhi’s honor. He changed our world and inspired great leaders in Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King.

The first couple of days were a bit tough especially with not having my morning coffee and walking while drinking it. The ritual was the toughest. This morning I went for a 2 hour walk and it wasn’t too bad. I ended up finding tons of stickers on the street from our local LA artist. I’ve already added them to my scrapbook. I, of course, left a few of my own out on the streets of my beloved city. This newfound project has brought so much joy in my life. It reminded me that I used to collect junky stickers when I was a kid. And the best part is that I found a large sticker that read, "Eat Good, Poop Good." It was little sign from God to keep going with this clean program.

Indian guru Sri Sathya Sai Baba said, “Krishna insisted on outer cleanliness and inner cleansing. Clean clothes and clean minds are an ideal combination.” I’d have to add a clean body as well, inside and out. But if all this is to be true, I must now do some laundry and a little house cleaning.
… and maybe a nap and warm bath.

Keep Clean, Carry on.

Happy Saurday.

It’s been a little while since I last posted. I just got back from 5 days in Vegas for the Travel Show; I’ve been consumed with work.

For the past month during my morning walks, I’ve been placing stickers from my LITTLE Pop series out into the public streets of LA. In doing so, I’ve come to recognize quite a few artists and have become a little obsessed in collecting these street art stickers. Carefully, I peel them off and have started a scrapbook collection.

With my own stickers, I place them mostly on street signs; afterwards, I photograph them. I find a sense of humor in it. This morning, I took the photo featured here; it’s titled “Queen and Her Dog.” I can only imagine Queen Elizabeth picking up after her dog.

Aside from taking photos of these stickers/signs, I haven’t done any new work. For now, it’s OK, I’m having a good time doing this. Quite a few of the stickers I've come across have sayings on them. My personal favorite simply says "Bankrupt Slut." The idea of a slut being bankrupt makes me laugh each time I come across it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "It is said that the world is in a state of bankruptcy, that the world owes the world more than the world can pay." Though this was written many years ago, it applies more so now than ever before. If only each one of us could pay it forward a little more often than not. Give back.

Have a beautiful week.

It was only last week that news broke out that the Pope was resigning. Honestly, I was kind of happy. Any upheaval within the church reminds me of why I left it. There were too many questions and no answers in return. I was 17 years old when I told Papa that I was no longer going to church. His look told me that he wanted to hit me, but he didn’t; he just walked away. It was a turning point in a young mans life now non-Catholic life.

Who knew that 28 years later I’d be staging a short-lived campaign for a transgender woman for Pope! Amanda Lepore for Pope! The Pope’s resignation inspired me to create this mini campaign when going to Evita, in Hollywood, last Tuesday night.

And because of this little idea, I had the pleasure of hanging out with Amanda. Over the years, I’ve done many works of art inspired by her. She’s a muse in my life and I wish I could know her better. I especially love her courage to be herself; it’s inspiring to be different and to honor that difference.

For the evening, I made a digital image taken from Jason Wu’s doll of her. I inserted a gold cross and the papal hat. Oh how I would love to own one of these dolls, but their either impossible to get or super expensive. I am, however, lucky to own the Swatch by David LaChapelle with Amanda’s face on it; it’s genius!

On the back of my leather jacket I ironed this image that read “Amanda For Pope.” After a few photo ops, I gave her the jacket. I hope she wears it proudly. I also handed out stickers, but my campaign for her as pope ended rather quickly. I was empty handed within minutes; I should have made more. Would have been cool if everyone had been wearing one.

During my morning walks for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been plastering stickers in my neighborhood with different images of my LITTLE Pop series. The image featured here is a photo of the same sticker I handed out at Evita. I call it “Handicapped.” Many years ago, Amanda's decision to transition in a woman may have been considered a handicap or even a mental disorder. Nowadays, it can be revered as an act of courage and honesty. Thank you Amanda for being you.

I like the idea that each one of us, in one way or another, is handicapped regardless of who we are or we think we are, this includes the Pope. And so maybe instead of feeling happy for his resignation, I’ll think differently and remember that he to is one of us; he too is human.

George Orwell said it perfectly, “The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection.” It's easier said than done, but words to live by nonetheless.

Lately I’ve been thinking about time. Does it fly or does it stand still? We’ve often heard the age-old saying, “Time flies when you’re having fun.” But am I really having fun? I believe so; I’ve had 45 great years of life! It’s been an interesting ride; I wouldn’t change a thing.

I can’t remember the last time I felt like time stood still. It may have been almost 15 years ago when I first moved to LA. I had the privilege of meeting a fly on the 2nd floor of Barnes and Noble in Santa Monica. The little fly flew over to where I was sitting and while I read a book, he kept me company. It’s a simple moment in life I will never forget. For months afterwards, I kept going to the same place and sitting in the same spot. Each time I felt calm; I felt inspired.

While on my recent trip to NYC, I came across a book called “The Life of Fly” by Magnus Muhr. I laughed out loud when I opened the page. I kept laughing as I kept flipping through the book. I had to have it; it was too funny and it reminded me of my own Mr. Fly, as I came to call him.

The simplicity of this book got me thinking about art and the amount of time spent on creating any works of art. Is the amount of time spent relevant to the value of art?

The masters spend years on paintings that I can’t imagine doing myself; I’d never finish anything. Plus, I’d be dishonoring the spirit of who I am and how I live my life. Someone once told me not to reveal the amount of time I spent on my art. Honestly, some of my Little Girls took less than an hour to create. And some of my all time favorite pieces are the simplest, the one’s that happened without any effort and hardly a thought. Does this take away from their value? I hope not.

When thinking about time and art, the first person to come to mind is of course Keith Haring. His work was simple, beautiful, and meaningful. He once said, “My contribution to the world is my ability to draw. I will draw as much as I can for as many people as I can for as long as I can.” Ah yes, I feel the same way! In honor of his spirit, the piece here is titled, “Dik.” It’s from my latest LITTLE Dick series. I think Keith would appreciate the sense of silliness and simplicity.

Cheers to you Keith! (If only I could have been a fly on your walls).

I woke up this morning thinking about things… dicks, cocks, penises, pee-pees, wieners, weenies, pingas, vergas, organs, man hoods, horseys, schlongs, sausages, packages, its, you-know-what’s, you name it… (Actually if you can think of any other names, please let me know.)

It feels like I’m being called to do a new series of artwork. Could it be that my lack of sex, for almost 3 years, has lead me to this moment, possibly! It must be God sent. He created us; he created it. For the past week, I’ve been doodling dicks, cocks, penises…you name it.

This morning while on my walk, I was thinking about the series and I started realizing that possibly it has to do with having had sex at 7 years old. I was still a little boy, but after sex, I became obsessed with these things, dicks, cocks, penises…you name it. At this time, the details of that first moment are irrelevant, but I know that my life took a different course, none that I regret of course. Especially if it’s led me to this moment and this NEW concept, which I don’t have a name for yet. For the moment, I’d like for the series to come from that innocent place, almost to the moment in time right before I did the ‘dirty deed,’ because it did feel dirty at the time.

The piece here is titled “Eggs and Sausage.” It was the first thing I did after opening my eyes this morning. I did it on my IPAD, but I’m thinking of doing large acrylic portraits. As I move forward with the series, I’m curious about where it will take me; I love this newfound sense of curiosity. It’ll make life interesting!

After years of having gay sex, I wonder if it’s possible that the series can remain playful, uncomplicated, and possibly innocent? I believe so. I hope so. Ernest Hemingway once said, “All things truly wicked, start from innocence.” If for whatever reasons you happen to find this series, (of dicks, cocks, penises… you name it,) wicked, it ‘s not meant to be shocking, but hopefully a little thought provoking.


Because after all I’ve been through, I’m still that little boy who used to LOVE new erasers on my #2 pencils.

OK, so I’m a few days late, but here is what I meant to post on Monday.

What do Coco Chanel and Sid Vicious have in common?

Nothing that I know of other than they both had a great sense of iconic style. And with a simple Google search, I come to find that back in 2011 designer Kinder Aggugini launched a line of women’s clothes self described as Coco Chanel Marries Sid Vicious. A-ha, so I’m not the only one that sees them together. Makes me wonder what a dinner conversation between them would have been like? If Coco were to say to him, “In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.” I think Sid would have listened closely. He’s the ultimate icon when it comes to the punk era; he was definitely different! And to this day, defines a look that is irreplaceable.

A few days ago, while working in NYC, I also came to find out that in May, the Metropolitan Museum of Art is going to be exhibiting Punk: Chaos to Couture. I’m so excited! I’ll have to make a special trip especially since I just finished reading Sid’s biography Too Fast too Live. It was short and quite sad. (Odd Note: The story goes that when a woman asked him to fuck her because she wanted something to remember him by, instead of fucking her he shat on her.) I don't hink Coco would have approved.

In wondering what to read on my way back to LA, I remembered having seen Coco Chanel’s biography at Chelsea Market bookstore. When I went back to purchase the book, I instead found “Seven Days in the Art World" by Sarah Thornton.” 50+ pages in and so far it’s been an interesting read about the art world. It makes me wonder about my own career? Is it worth it? Will I receive recognition? As I keep reading, I hope I’m not dissuaded, but rather inspired to keep working on my art regardless of any success.

The portraits here are of Sid and Coco, it kind of sounds better than Sid and Nancy. I had forgotten about Gary Oldman and Courtney Love’s performances; they were both brilliant. Again, thanks to the Internet, I saw for the first time Sid’s original performance of "My Way." I wasn’t too impressed, but nonetheless I’m still a fan.

But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

There is no other way to live our lives...BE DIFFERENT!

In thinking about what to write this upcoming MLK Day, I thought I’d repost what I wrote last year. I couldn’t say it any better. It started with a dream…

Burr!!! Happy MLK Day. (And Inauguration Day.)

I had a dream last night. Definitely not like the one Mr. King spoke of almost 50 years ago. 

I dreamt of myself as a little 6-year old boy unknowingly riding on a bus with an older version of myself. When little me went to tell the bus driver that I needed to pee, he told me to go back to my seat. An innocent bystander came over to help and without a thought, the bus driver opened the door, and while the bus was still moving, he pushed us both out! The remainder of the passengers gasped as little me and the innocent bystander rolled onto the concrete, blood everywhere. 

Suddenly, I was now not only observing the dream, but in the dream. I was now the older version of me in the bus. I stood up and yelled to protest his cruel act of violence; I immediately asked for everyone’s assistance. I got very little help and so I got off the bus but I was already too far away from the crime scene. In the end, there was no resolution, the dream got weird and I don’t remember the ending, ugh! 



This morning I woke up and decided to read MLK’s “I Have A Dream” speech; I read it word for word, as I had only done so once before when reading his autobiography. After all these years, the words are still powerful. They reminded me of all the inequality that still exists in our country, our world. The one phrase that caught my attention was “we cannot walk alone.” It sort of summed up everything. How often do we get consumed into our little lives, not realizing that we do not and cannot walk this earth alone? We, each and every one of us, are all connected, past, present, and future!
(Rather than post last years image, (Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness), the piece featured here is titled, “MLK”). In his speech, MLK quotes this ‘unalienable right.’ There’s that little me that just doesn’t understand how such a simple thing cannot be granted to us all. How does it all get so complicated? And in one simple answer, I think religion really fucks us up and keeps us from uniting as one world. 
(Obama- to hear a King proclaim that our individual freedom is inextricably bound to the freedom of every soul on Earth.)



John Lennon said it best:



“Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for 

And no religion too 

Imagine all the people living life in peace 



You, you may say 
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one

I hope some day you'll join us 

And the world will be as one"

So I woke up this morning and thought is it really Friday again? Where did the week go? After almost 45 years of life, I've been lucky enough to live 2,312 Fridays in my lifetime!

A few weeks ago while waiting in line to purchase a copy of 1000 Portrait Illustrations by Julia Schonlau, I found a perfect book waiting for me. It's called You Are A Circle by Guillaume Wolf. It’s a visual meditation for the creative mind. I believe God wanted me to have it. Yesterday as I flipped open to a random page for my daily dose, it said, “If you think you know everything, you’re dead as an artist.” I laughed out loud as I had just been writing about thinking too much. I think this applies to not only being an artist but to being alive, period. We can never know everything. There’s no need to, otherwise life would not be worth living. How dull would life be to NOT ever learn something new?

Aside from the beautiful blurbs inside the book, I love the title! I like the idea of me being a circle. I’d rather be a circle than 'be square.' With my latest digital series, I’ve become a bit obsessed with dots. It’s like the book was written for me. The portrait here is titled “Einstein.” I love the silliness of the original photo. I like to stick out my own tongue as well; it reminds me of being a little brat. Einstein once said, “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” It sort of applies to what I’m trying to say. Though I think of myself as being intelligent I don’t mind feeling or acting a little stupid. I kind of like it. If, for example, I don’t know something, like the meaning of a word, I’ll ask a question. There’s no need for me to pretend to know something when I don’t know. It's one of those things I like about me.


I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I get to spend it with two loves in my life, Alex and Vero. We’re going on a hike in Griffith Park. It’ll be my 2,312th Saturday. And with them, I can be and act as stupid as I want; they love me anyway. I love them back; it’s a big circle of unconditional love. Maybe love does make the world go round and round.

…and round

Oh boy, it’s another chilly day in LaLa Land. In the 15 years I’ve lived here, I don’t recall it ever being this cold. But I can’t complain; life is good.

I meant to post yesterday, but somehow the writing didn’t come along. I couldn’t get a clear idea written down. I’m giving it another shot today; we’ll see how it goes.

One definition for surrender is ‘To give up or give back.’ A second is, ‘To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion.’

I’m not thinking about waving a white flag and giving up on anything, especially not life. But since my previous post, I’ve been thinking about this word and what it means for myself. What exactly am I surrendering? Is detachment a better word? Possibly. If so, then what am I attached to? The first thing that came to mind is thinking and thought. I think too much. Though it comes in handy for writing purposes, I’m starting to wonder if possibly, it’s keeping me from being fully present in life.

French philosopher Rene Descartes once said, “I think, therefore I am.” But what if instead it’s “I don’t think and therefore I live.” Though he was referring to man’s existence, what if thought prevents us from existing in our present world. Are we lingering too much on the past or future?

Since thinking about not taking life to seriously, I’ve felt lighter in spirit. However, I'm finding that letting go doesn't happen so easily. It’s easier said than done. My ego, or Igor as I like to call it, keeps me from surrendering; it’s need for control is it’s very existence. Maybe Descartes is onto something. If Igor doesn’t think, he doesn’t exist. The trick now is how to I keep this little monster of an ego quiet? Meditation? Hmm… I think I’m onto something. In meditation it's about not grasping onto a thought; it's about observing them flow by, nothing else. A river flows perfectly.

The portrait here is of Frankenstein. Though he’s considered to be the original monster of monsters, like everyone else, he simply wanted acceptance. And as for ego/ Igor maybe it too wants acceptance. And so instead of completely detaching myself from it, I’ll allow for it to coexist with who I am. Because who I am is not who I think I am.

Until next time, observe lightly.

Burr, it's chilly! Yesterday while on my morning walk I didn’t think of something new or different, but somehow I felt this thought on a different level. As I walked past a man smoking a cigarette, I thought, “We get one chance at life, why take life so seriously.”

I didn’t have an answer for it; I still don’t. Though I can understand our human need or want for change and/or progress, it doesn’t explain why we take it so seriously. If we get one chance at life, why not take it lightly with a grain of salt and a smile on our faces.

As I continued walking, I thought of the soap opera One Life to Live. Though, I’ve never seen it, I can imagine the drama involved. What I can’t imagine is my own life filled with drama; it’s not who I am or want to be. I've had enough of it in my 20's especially in my relationsips. (Oh boy, I could have won some awards.)

The trick now, is how do I keep this idea of living lightly with me everyday, as much as possible? Is it a matter of simply surrendering? Yesterday after my walk, I felt lighter in spirit. A sort of who gives a fuck about it. Not that I didn’t care, but that I couldn’t continue on this path of trying to analyze or understand everything. I’ll go crazy. I want to smile and laugh more. Kids do this so easily. Sure they have their own dramas, but they forget them so rather quickly. They move on; they laugh again. They play.

The portrait here is titled, “Oprah.” A few days ago, my great friend Angel reminded me about Oprah's obsession with wanting to be in The Color Purple. It was in surrendering and singing to herself gospel song “I Surrender All” that her reality came to fruition. I’ve been thinking a lot about these words...I surrender. Maybe it’s not just about taking life lightly but more so about surrendering, of letting go and relinquishing control. I’m writing this with tears in eyes all while listening to Ce Ce Winans sing the hymn. Has my need to control taken me away from being fully embraced in life? I think it has. I’ll take this thought with me today. What’s the worst that can happen if I surrender all…If I have one life to be me.

You've got one life to be you.

Good morning World!

Since starting my LITTLE Pop series, I seem to be seeing spots everywhere. I think of them as dots, but they’re actually periods, a punctuation mark.

Many years ago I took a class on Adobe Photoshop, but since I never used it, I forgot everything about this program; it’s now evolved. In knowing myself, the thought of retaking an Adobe course seems daunting. I like things and life to be simple. But who knows, I may surprise myself. When my brother John inquired about how I was creating these portraits, I told him I was doing it on MAC Preview. He was surprised to hear that all these dots are actually a punctuation mark from our alphabet, a period.

After a few months, I’ve created various color boards with a simple period, some small, some large. As I move onward, I keep creating more and more boards. Though I sometimes use the same color board, each portrait is different from one another. And because I seem to keep seeing spots everywhere, I’m not surprised that I keep imagining more and more color boards. I’ve become an expert on Preview.

With recent technology of texting and stuff, I see how a period and every other punctuation mark have become obsolete. As an amateur writer, I still find punctuation marks important. They may not express everything I have to say, but in my portraits of icons, a period is everything. It’s a round spot, a symbol of life coming around full circle. In doing so, I’m allowed to create works of beauty.

The portrait here is titled, “Judy.” Judy Garland, as Dorothy, inspires it. It’s my second portrait of Dorothy. “Glinda tells her she’s always had the power… but that she had to learn it or herself. It’s been many years since I have seen the movie, but I love this idea. With a little help, I have the power to transform my own life. Period.

As a grade school boy, I once came in 2nd place for a Halloween drawing contest. I drew a witch with a big nose, a wart, and green face. I wish I still owned it. As I look back, maybe it was a sign; the wicked witch was not supposed to prevail and rather goodness and greatness would be who I became. Almost 35 years since doing that piece of work, I’m still an artist living my life as best as I could, always and still.

To believe is to move forward, to evolve. I believe in evolution. I believe in who we are and will become. And if the Beatles sang, “Believe in yesterday”; I’ll keep believing in today, tomorrow, and the next days.

Have a beauty of a week ahead............

According to an online dictionary, equality- /iˈkwälitē/ is defined as “The state of being equal, esp. in status, rights, and opportunities.”

A few weeks ago while doing a Google search, surprisingly, I found Lincoln on top of a list of 100 icons that shaped U.S. history. I couldn’t agree more. The piece here is titled “Lincoln.” I did this portrait a few months ago; I love it even more now after having seen the movie.

Yesterday after work, though I still wasn’t feeling well, I went to see “Lincoln.” The movie sheds light on a very important time in our history. Personally, I didn’t remember that there was a difference between the Emancipation Proclamation and the 13th Amendment. But it was Lincoln’s insights into equality that really did it for me. I especially loved the scene between Lincoln and his black female housekeeper, Mariah Vance. I couldn’t possibly do it justice in words. I was surprised to find myself teary eyed, almost sobbing. The thought of inequality amongst any of us hit the spot.

Inequality exists not only in our laws, but also in our actions, our words, and even our thoughts. I’m guilty of it myself. Prejudices, however small, create boundaries and keep us from connecting with one another. On many different levels, equality equals freedom. Mandela said it perfectly, “For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”

This morning in reading a few passages from Deepak Chopra, he writes, “The essential nature of the universe is the coexistence of opposite values… you cannot be virtuous unless you also contain the capacity for evil.” It made me think of our world then and today. It’s often because our differences and our fears of them that we have inequality amongst us. It made my morning walk a pleasure, my heart felt open. How could I possibly cast any stone when I myself am a reflection of everyone else.

If I can see me in you, and them and there, I can love more easily.

Have a loving lovely weekend.

Uh-oh! I woke this morning not feeling too well. I’m just getting back from a short walk and getting a couple of cans of Campbell soup. It’s my favorite thing to eat when I’m not @100%. It looks like I’ll be spending New Years Eve all alone and calling it an early night. But it’s all good. There’s a difference between being alone and feeling alone. With God's given imagination and all the love in my life, I couldn’t possible feel alone. I’m actually looking forward to a quiet day at home in my pajamas.

As I reflect back on this year, though I went through the most challenging time in my life, I remain grateful. Luckily after 4months, it passed and the world didn’t end. We’re still here!

I’m grateful for the memories of being with my family. I will cherish the times we spent in Tulum Mexico and Puerto Rico. I’m grateful for my friends whom have enlightened my life; I’m grateful for their understanding, compassion, and support. I’m grateful inspiration, that after all these years, I’m still being provided with new ideas. I’m grateful for my dreams, each night I go to sleep, I’m inspired, entertained, and even given guidance.

Last night, I finally finished watching both seasons of MTV’s show Teen Wolf. The boys are beautiful. Surprisingly, they quoted Winston Churchill, “When going though hell, keep going.” I loved this. Through those tough months of what seemed like hell, I kept going, and I survived. I kept walking, reading, writing, drawing, and believing that greatness would come. Surprisingly while going through it, I started my latest series, LITTLE Pop. It’s changed my world. It’s like I get to see the world through color again. The piece here is titled ‘Campbells.’ Warhol inspires it.

At work I like to tell Digby that I made my reservations in hell and that I made sure to get ‘bottle service’ VIP of course! It makes me laugh. Tonight, I won’t be celebrating or drinking, but I’ll look forward to an early morning walk tomorrow. An early morning walk on New Years Day is amazing; it’s like I get the city to myself. As the New Year approaches, I’m filled with a great sense of curiosity.

Cheers to you all, to LIFE! I wish each one of you in this world, peace in your hearts and joy in your eyes.

Ah yes, it’s Friday! Honestly, it feels like it was just the Friday before.

It’s weird to think that the New Year is just a few days away. My sense of time is off, but I can’t complain. It’s a beautiful day!

The piece here is simply titled "Red." It's my second photo from my “LITTLE Solo” photo series. On the first day of taking my first photo I came across a few other red cups. Since taking that first photo, I haven’t taken another. As I’ve walked around LA, keeping my eyes open for these red cups, they aren’t anywhere to be found. Today again, I came home empty handed. It’s like the more I look, the more I won’t see them. I realize that searching for them is useless. It’s like life. Life doesn’t happen while looking for it; life happens when we are in it, completely surrendered. It’s the law of non-resistance. Rilke said it perfectly, ““May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back, the way it is with children.”

And since I’ve decided to stay home and do some housecleaning, I’m going to think of it as playtime. After a little breakfast I’m going to play some Melody Gardot on Pandora and start rocking. Where do I begin? Kitchen... definitely the kitchen.

Have a beautiful weekend!

Ah yes, it’s finally XMAS Eve. I’m loving the drizzly day.

After a little work, I’m driving up to Ontario to spend time with the family. After almost 45 years, I still love it and none of us have ever missed it.

In honor of XMAS and of a little something red, the piece featured here is titled “Red 12.” It’s my very first piece from my photo series, “LTTTLE Solo.” I’ve been anxiously waiting to do it. And thankfully to my coworkers/friends I’m finally able to pursue it. They gave me a digital camera for XMAS! I’ll always think about them when I see this piece. (Thank you Digby, Annatte, Sam, and Sadiero).

A few months ago my old camera gave out, but the idea started while vacationing with my siblings in Tulum, Mexico. My little sister Blanca started singing Toby Keith’s song, “Red Solo Cup.’ Somehow the lyrics stuck in my head and when I returned to LA, it seemed like this red cups were everywhere. Because I walk so much in LA, I’d come across them in the strangest of places. I wondered not only about whom left them behind, but about what they were drinking. Where did they come from and why/how they came to be discarded. Most interestingly, I usually see them lying around solo as if they never belonged to anyone.

In some strange way, I see myself every time I see them. Not because I’ve been discarded, but because I realize that there’s more to meet the eyes than what we see. I often wonder what others see about me; there’s a story behind me, behind all each one of us. If we look behind what our eyes see, we can see each other. We see a connection and not just a single one of us. We are not solo; we are together.

“Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party.”

Merry XMAS. Cheers and Blessings on this Holiday Season.

I’m back! I took a little week holiday break from writing. Last Monday, I woke up with not a clue about what to write so I decided that after almost 3 years of writing consistently, I’d take a break.

I’m also just getting back from my morning walk. While out and about, I picked up this weeks LA Weekly and to my surprise I found an article about local LA multimedia artist Aaron Axelrod. And though I wasn’t familiar with his work, the article intrigued me. I came home and immediately logged onto Axelrod’s website. His “Freedom From The Press” pastel drawings are amazing! I loved that as a young kid, his parents supported his creativity. How special is that.

I also learned of something new, a psychedelic brew called Ayahuasca, which he experimented with. Axel says, “That opened my mind to everything. It kind of took away my ego.” And taught him that life is all about new experiences and being happy. I now want to try it myself. Umm, where can I find some?

Many years ago, my brother once asked me about what I felt about having experimented with drugs. I told him that I thought it killed some brain cells and kept me from overanalyzing everything. The piece here is a portrait of my brother; it’s titled ‘Johnny.’

Picasso once said, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” This quote started off the article about Axelrod; it’s what got me reading. Personally, I’ve always felt like an artist. Thankfully, I have kept it up the older I grow. And the older I grow, the more childlike I see we remain.

May you find the artist in yourself; may you grow up to be whom you imagine. May you imagine everything possible.

Cheers.

So what do Hitler, Barbie, and the Gerber Baby have in common? They were all part of my LITTLE Pop Art Show on Thursday night. They were the last 3 portraits I completed. After thinking I was all done, I realized that these 3 iconic figures were meant to be part of my beloved exhibit. It’s interesting that, regardless of how we come to view them icons come in all different shapes and figures. They shaped and shape our world.

Installing the exhibit was somewhat amusing. At first glance it may seem that the portraits were randomly placed, but upon closer inspection one will notice a well thought out pattern. Hitler, for example, hangs right next to the Dalai Lama and Mandela. Above him is Jesus. Not only is he amongst great men, but he also looks gay. Right below him is Leigh Bowery himself, as he had done a ‘patch’ portrait of Hitler from leftover pieces given to him by Lucian Freud.

Overall, it looks beautifully put together. And even though I’m grateful for the opportunity to display my work at Flgiht001, unfortunately, it isn’t at a respected gallery or place that would give me recognition. But in writing this I also understand the importance of letting go and of continuing my work.

As I move onward, I realize that there are a countless many other iconic figures like Michael Jackson, Mother Theresa, Shakespeare, Snoopy, Lady Gaga, The Mona Lisa, and Gandhi just to name a few. I’m curious as to how many more of these I will add to the series, as I already have a new series in mind. I’ll trust in God and imagination.

The piece here is my portrait of Hitler. Surprisingly it’s my favorite piece from the show. As I mentioned in my last post about Leigh being a ‘beautified monster’, the Hitler piece is my ultimate portrait of a now ‘beautified’ monster.

Anthony Hopkins once said, “I am able to play monsters well. I understand monsters. I understand madmen.” I believe there is compassion in his words. We all have our own monsters to bear. What we see ugly in another is part of who we are. With a little compassion comes freedom.

Let freedom ring and monsters live.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but monsters will never hurt me.

Last night I dreamt about being attacked by giant 10-foot chickens/roosters.

This dream was followed by yet another more interesting dream. I was deployed to 1940’s Nazi Germany. When our helicopter landed safely, everyone got off, but myself; I was taken to another secret location. We landed at a ritzy Nazi occupied hotel. I was left alone without instructions or any personal belongings. Once the helicopter parted, I was escorted, by the concierge, to the pool area where Nazi onlookers stood shocked in seeing me in USA uniform. Because I was without belongings, I dived into the pool fully clothed. A Nazi Commander carrying a loaded rifle followed me in. The rifle like a sharks fin remained above water. I woke up.

I woke up thinking about whether or not I should do a LITTLE Pop portrait of Hitler? Good or bad, there aren’t many bigger icons than him. He changed the face of our world. As the morning unfolded, I realized I must. I will begin work on it shortly. I already have a vision in mind.

This morning while riding the stationary bicycle at the gym, I started reading Tom of Finland’s biography. Only 28 pages in and man-o-man it’s already intriguing. There’s talk of uniforms, World War II and anonymous sex. In regards to World War II and its blackouts, Tom’s biographer F. Valentine Hooven III writes, “All over Europe during this period, the bizarrely quiet war turned cities…into sexual playgrounds.” Reading these details felt like Europe during war had become one giant sex club for men in uniforms.

I love the synchronicity of life, my dreams (of cocks and war) and this biography. Deepak Chopra writes, “Synchronicity is choreographed by a great, pervasive intelligence that lies at the heart of nature, and is manifest in each of us through what we call the soul.”

After 2+ years of not having sex, is it possible that my ‘soul’ and I need to get laid? A-ha!

Since I won’t be revealing my Hitler piece until after my show this Thursday, here’s a Hitler piece I did from my LITTLE People series. It’s titled, “Imagine Peace.” A yes, it all sounds so good.

Good Morning. Where has it gone already?

I’m just getting back from a little workout at the gym. In the corner of the gym floor, I found a copy of New York magazine. On the cover was a portrait of President Obama by artists Craig Redman and Karl Maier. I felt a little sadness seeing it. I picked it up and brought it home. Though I was unfamiliar with their work, the portrait looked like one of my latest digital pieces. I wondered if I would ever end up in any magazine cover or if I’d get recognition before dying?

Aside from eating, I’m spending the rest of my day finishing up touches for my art show on Thursday at Flight001. The show is a tribute to Leigh Bowery. After a few months, I just finished his autobiography. Surprisingly he was buried in the nude. And this past week, I re-watched his documentary; surprisingly for only the second time ever. In it he’s referred to as a clown and a beautified monster. I loved this phrase; I can relate to it.

MY LITTLE Pop series is in a sense a beautification process. In the end the question remains whether these icons retain their visibility or are they transformed into ‘beautiful monsters?” Or maybe even as Les Child said about Leigh, "someone beyond definition." I’d like to think that like Leigh, they can be all three.

The piece featured here is my own portrait of President Obama. It a set of six images that show a sort of step by step progess of the eventual final image. Will it and I, one day get recognition? What do I have to do without losing site of who I am? Presient Obama once said, ““If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.”

I guess I’ll keep walking, walking and walking. And as for the copy of New York Magazine, I'm keeping it as a reminder that recognition is on its way.

Happy Weekend!

A few weeks ago I started an online meditation challenge with Deepak Chopra. It’s been an interesting experience. Because I started a day late and missed one day, I’m two days behind; otherwise I would have finished up today. On Wednesday once I’m done, I’m going to continue on my own and see how it goes.
Though I sit quietly for 15 minutes, on the inside my mind is usually racing, especially today. I kept thinking about my art show next Thursday. I’ve got lots to do today. But it’s work I like doing. So far, it’s looking beautiful. I’m excited and curious!

The piece here is a snapshot of the work I’m doing today in getting ready. My apartment is a mess, a good mess.

In thinking about this upcoming Art Show, I realize that I’ve been living as an artist for the past 15 years. And yet after all this time, I still feel a great sense of invisibility. Because I haven’t had the recognition or success I would like, I question whether or not my work really matters. But as I continue onward, I know that this feeling of invisibility will pass and it will not discourage me from doing the work that I most love. Being an artist is who I am and will always be. No matter what!

“Let's just say that I think any person who aspires, presumes, or feels the calling to be an artist has a built-in sense of duty.” – Patti Smith

The beautiful thing about this meditation challenge is that I have done so without expectation. I haven’t done it to be a better man nor to have a better life. I’ve meditated because it feels like the good thing to do. Slowly, this feeling of invisibility fades away and connections feel possible.

May everything in your life be filled with a great sense of possibility.

What a beautiful sunny Saturday in LA. I love this city!

As I was walking to work early Wednesday morning and thinking about gratitude, the first thing that came to mind was my beloved city and this area called Miracle Mile. I’ve lived in this neighborhood for the past 15 years. I love everything about it, especially the name. It feels good here; it’s my home.

Throughout life, I’ve been very blessed. The list of people and things to be grateful for is endless. In referring to his unorthodox life of drinking, taking drugs, and smoking, dancer Michael Clark was quoted as saying, “If I hadn’t lived that life I wouldn’t have felt so inspired. It was living that made me want to dance.” In coming across these words, I got teary eyed. I felt the same way about my art. For over 25 years, I’ve loved every minute of going out to the clubs here in LA, NYC, and SF. I’ve met an amazing amount of people who have inspired me and altered my way of seeing our world. It takes great courage to share and explore ones ideas and uniqueness. When I’m feeling down, I like to remember the endliss list of memories and people I’ve come across while ‘partying’ it up. It's been a MIRACLE.

The piece here is titled “Raja.” Rupauls Drag Race winner inspires it. When I first moved back to LA, Raja was one of the first drag queens I came to admire. I first saw him perform at OZ in Buena Park. I have some fond memories of those drunken days. During the LA fires, his first time performance of Chaka Khan's 'Through The Fire' (at the old Peanuts) remains to be one of my favorite all time drag performances. It was GENIUS! In recent years, I’ve been lucky enough to hang out with Raja. He’s a great talent and a beautiful human being.

Boris Yeltsin once said, “It is especially important to encourage unorthodox thinking when the situation is critical: At such moments every new word and fresh thought is more precious than gold. Indeed, people must not be deprived of the right to think their own thoughts.” His words are beautifully and poetically said. I wonder if Mr. Yeltsin had the opportunity to meet drag queens of his own? I think he would have appreciated their courage.

As for this weekend, I’m laying low. I love a good quiet Saturday.

Hola Monday!

A few weeks ago while on my way to The Getty to see the Robert Mapplethorpe exhibit with one of my favorite people in the world, Christine, I told her about my grade school confessions at St. Marrianes. In knowing I had to go to confession, I found myself filled with anxiety not because of the ‘bad’ things I had done, but because I was good kid and didn’t really feel the need to confess anything. But how could I possibly sit amongst my classmates and not walk into the dreaded confessional.

What would I tell the priest? Even in confession I lied. I had to come up with some things to tell him. The most often used things were that I lied and had impure thoughts. As I told Christine this, I wondered about what sorts of impure thoughts could an 11 year old possibly have?

Was me thinking about boys naked impure? Was me hating my dad for making me work so hard impure? I think this normal rather than impure. Who’s to determine the impurity of a thought? Isn’t it subjective? One online dictionary defines impure as “not pure or clean, contaminated. Immoral or sinful. Unclean. Rather than confession, it sounds more like I needed a good laundry detergent. Or even a good spanking.

Interestingly enough, I had my last confession around 13 years of age. If anything, these so called impure thoughts happened around this same time once I started masturbating! I can only imagine telling the priest about whacking off 10 times a day and possibly even thinking about him naked while on the other side of the veiled wall.

The piece here is titled, “Mary.” I wonder what sort of impure thoughts she had. Is writing and thinking this impure? If so, at least I know that penance often came with a simple string of Hail Mary’s and possibly one Our Father. Not too shabby for impurity.

As for thoughts, like waves they come and go; they are what they are. But then again, Buddha once said, “What we think, we become.” If this is the case, I’m one dirty son of a bitch! Pardon the language, the impurity. Let me see what else I can think of…

Peace and blessings and Happy Thanksgiving!

Ah yes it’s F-day. Or at least it was; I was supposed to have posted this yesterday.

In just about 3 weeks on December 6th, I’ll be debuting my latest series of digital photographs at Flight001. It’s all happening during the annual 3rd Street XMAS party from 9-6PM.

The series is called LITTLE PoP. And aside from the obvious inspirations of Warhol and Lichtenstein, my mother and Leigh Bowery inspire this series. What a combo! Who would have thought that two very different people could somehow inspire the same person, me.

I’m halfway done reading Leigh Bowery’s biography by his best friend Sue Tilley. It’s interesting to note that he loved telling lies and yet was very generous with his friends. After reading about how he liked to embarrass and almost humiliate others, I found this to be refreshing. In referencing one of his ‘looks’, he said, “This new look is a cross between polka dots and skin rash…simulating infection and disease.” In my LITTLE PoP series, I’ve loved applying this concept to some of the icons of our times. It’s interesting that regardless of alterations, icons remain visible to the eyes. It’s like the perfect are imperfect. Do we hold them to a higher standard?

The piece here is the flyer for this show. It’s titled, “Marilyn.” There aren’t many bigger icons of our time. She is the epitome of what we consider iconic. One online dictionary defines the word icon as “a sign or representation that stands for its object by virtue of a resemblance or analogy to it.” Are we breaking the 2nd Commandment in holding anyone to an iconic status? I wonder? Or is this whole idea of breaking commandments a ‘con.’ If I con, will you con?

I’ll leave it at that for now.
Cheerios!

Hello Monday! This past Saturday I walked over to LACMA to see their latest exhibit: Stanley Kubrick. To my surprise, I loved it. Though I’m familiar with his movie titles, I’ve only seen three of them. (Clockwork Orange, The Shining, and Eyes Wide Shut) Surprisingly, I have not seen Lolita, Full Metal Jacket, and not even 2001 Space Odyssey. I have some catching up to do. Tomorrow at LACMA is “Target FREE Tuesday. It’s FREE!

In doing some research, I found this quote by Mr. Kubrick himself, “However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light.” I loved coming across these beautiful words; they’re a reminder that light is within us all. That regardless of our challenges, we’re able to move forward and shine brightly.

While at LACMA, I also saw the works of Ed Ruscha and Robert Mapplethorpe’s once controversial XYZ Portfolio. 20 years ago, I was lucky enough to have seen these images at The Berkeley Art Museum. Finally, I walked through Ken Price Sculpture: A Retrospective. The sculptures were amazing! After seeing banners all over our LA streets, I was hesitant about seeing the exhibit. But as I did my walk through, closely examining each piece, I wanted to pick one up and bring it home. The shapes and colors were beautiful. Never before, had I been taken by sculptures.

The piece here is titled, “Innocence.” For a few months now, I’ve had this idea to do a sculpture series called “LITTLE Jars.” There’s something about placing something in a jar that inspires. I’ll be working with toys to convey ideas of emotion and meaning. I’ll see how it develops. I’m curious. Today especially, my brain feels a bit overwhelmed with ideas and creativity. I can’t complain.

On this Veterans Day, a special thank you to all the Vets and their families who allow us the opportunity to live in this beautiful and abundant country.

Peace Out, Peace In.

Happy Friday. I love this chilly fall weather.

On election Tuesday, I had a little Obama fever. More than anything, I believe he cares about our country.

Today I’m continuing from my previous post. I’ve never been a big fan of Michael Jackson. But of all his songs, ‘Man In The Mirror’ is my favorite. “If you wanna make the world a better place Take a look at yourself and then make a change…”

One day in my early 20’s, I remember dancing around in my underwear in my apartment in Pacific Heights and feeling the words to this song; I felt alive! Like everything and anything was possible. It remains a dear memory. And though I look back at this time of my life as a good time and place, I’m a different man today. It’s not the wrinkles, the extra pounds, nor the aching bones that make me different. It’s that I’ve evolved and opened myself to seeing life constantly from a different perspective. It’s a shift in perspective that allows us to grow and evolve.

The piece here is titled, “Bowie Set.” David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust inspires it. It's a 4 step process leading to the final image. Maybe even Bowie was onto something with his song ‘Changes.’ “Ah, changes are takin' the pace I'm goin' through.”


Right now, I see change happening for myself. It feels good. As a verb, an online dictionary defines the word change as “to become different, to become altered or modified, to become transformed.” I especially like this last word- transformation. Its sound like a process rather than an immediate moment. Though life is changing at every blink of an eye, real change happens over time.

I want to make and leave this world a better place. I’ll start by looking in the mirror. And as Greek philosopher Nikos Kazantzakis wrote, “Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.”

Have a beautiful weekend. SEE Differently. LIVE Differently.

After not posting over the weekend, here I am today on my favorite day of the week. It’s a beautiful sunny day in LA. While on my morning walk I sent in my ballot and cast my vote for Obama. Tomorrow’s a big day!

As Americans, we’re fortunate enough to have the right to vote; a liberty not granted to everyone in our world. It boggles then why not everyone single one of us would choose not to vote. If over time everyone voted, I believe that our country and world would be a greater place. There’s no excuse not to vote. It’s not about one vote making a difference; it’s about using our voices to affect change today and tomorrow. As Lincoln said, “America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.”


The piece here is titled, “Obama.” When choosing a president it can be a simple as thinking from our heart and asking a simple question, “Who would I want, as parents, to raise me?”

While on my walk this morning, a man driving by blasted Michael Jackson’s “Man In the Mirror.” “I’m going to make a change for once in my life.” To be continued…

It’s only noon and already I feel like I’ve been up for hours.

Keeping in the Halloween spirit, I’m sort of leaving off from my previous post. About 10 years ago, life change unexpectedly. It’s not something I planned, but looking back on Halloween Night 2002, life took its course and I was never the same.

I didn't join the Marines, I dressed up as a creepy S&M Clown. The image pictured here is a photo from that fateful Halloween Night. I don’t recall where the idea came from, but what I most remember is waiting in line at Trader Joes on 3rd and La Brea and realizing that everyone around me refused to look at me standing in front of them. It’s like they didn’t want to acknowledge the reality of it all. Why? I wondered. And though I have always questioned human behavior, that moment has stayed fresh in my mind. Were they afraid of seeing something within themselves? Possibly, a darkness? A reflection of something unknown or too close to home?

A few days later after having the photos developed, even I found myself a little disturbing. Thankfully, something great came from it and I have since done my self portraits as a clown. Any red circle/ ball is me. I even wear a necklace of this red ball around my neck to remind me that it's OK to be different. It's OK to embrace our darkness.

After a few days of not feeling 100%, I’m feeling a whole lot better. And since I haven’t had a TV for the past couple of months, I spent my down time watching ‘stuff’ online. I'm all caught up with CBS's hit show Hawaii Five O. I have to admit that I have a big cheesy man crush on Alex O’Loughlin. It’s not his masculine energy, his beautiful body or his tattoos that I’m attracted to. It’s his eyes that I’m drawn to. I think they’re beautiful! It’s someone’s eyes that draw me to him or her. They reveal everything.It's where I find connection.

I wonder what my own eyes reveal? Are the windows to my soul clear? I hope so.

Tonight, enjoy our most beautiful moon. Oh and P.S. I’m having my first ever astrology reading. I’m curious, excited, and even a little nervous.

It’s only a few days until Hallow’s Eve; it has to be one of my favorite nights of the year. With the exception of maybe one year, for the past 20+ years I’ve been dressing up in some sort of eye-catching attire. This year will be no less; I’m thinking the circus meets a fashionista-a-la-Gaultier. Unfortunately, I’m feeling a little under the (hot LA) weather, but come Wednesday evening, I’m hoping to be 100%!

Back in 1997 before moving away to NYC from SF, I had dinner with my best friend Roberto and his boyfriend Julio. I showed up wearing polyester hot shorts and my red, white, and blue 70’s motorcycle leather jacket. He looked at me and said, “I’m going to miss you bitch!” He was referring to our Friday nights of dressing up and living it up. Looking back, it took a lot of ‘huevos’ to show up to dinner dressed as I was. Ah, good times. Great times!

A few months later I went to my first Susanne Bartsch Halloween party. Just a few weeks prior, with a line down the street, I showed up to one of her weekly events, and though I had never met him before, Kenny Kenny allowed me to walk right in. I felt like a movie star.

The image pictured here is a photograph of Ms. Bartsch and myself at her ’97 Halloween party. Now that I think of it, I wonder about who took this photo and how it came into my hands. It’s interesting to see the photographer in the background along with the faces in the frame. I must have had a camera with me and asked a stranger to snap it.

While walking past Ms. Bartsch, she turned around, looked at me and said, “Amazing!” It was the biggest compliment ever! My uber gay sailor was pure genius! Unfortunately aside from my ‘Pussyboy’ sailor hat, the bottom half was the best part (and not visible in any photos from that evening.) The outfit was a real sailor uniform that I restructured myself. I had the button flap pulled down revealing a stars and stripes g-string; it was sexy as hell. I love that I had the balls to walk around the city dressed so provocatively.

And as for disguises, in one way or another, we all wear masks throughout the year. Some of these masks provide with protection, some of them allow us to fit in. While some of them hide us, some reveal who we are. But, interestingly enough, the real self is revealed through our words and our actions.

And as for little words of wisdom, Oscar Wilde said it beautifully, ““What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise”

Happy Tuesday Late Afternoon.

I’m writing a day late due to a little revenge. Not the real kind, but the ABC hit show by the same name. On Saturday afternoon after a little reading of Leigh Bowery’s biography by his best friend, Sue Tilley, and a stroll through the Brewery Art Walk, I came home and surprisingly got hooked on Revenge. I just couldn’t stop watching.

I often wondered what it’d be like to not have a TV. It’s now been a few months since being TV free; Netflix has been a pleasant substitution. Funny how I’m now watching a TV show online. Maybe it some sweet little revenge. Interestingly enough life has felt better without TV interruption.

In Revenge, Emily’s father tells her, “Go with your gut; intuition has your best interest at heart.” For as long as I can recall, I’ve lived my life by this principle. Without a doubt, it’s been my guide. I can’t imagine living my life any differently. Every decision I’ve made has come from listening to this little voice. I often wonder why any of us debate over making decisions (big or small) when answers are always in front of us. As for revenge, it’s just not in my nature; no good can come from it. I can’t imagine revenge, in any case, being in anyone’s best interest. Love, on the other hand, serves us all; it’s got everything to do with it.

The piece here is titled, “Tina.” Tina Turner inspires it. In “What’s Love Got To Do With It,” Angela Basset’s character fights back. Though her standing up to Ike was not about revenge, as it was standing up for herself, her courage to move onward is truly remarkable. It’s a testament to her strength, will, and overall sense of beauty, grace, and agility.

Follow your guts! “There can be as much value in the blink of an eye as in months of rational analysis. - Malcolm Gladwell.

In the blink of an eye life changes, magic happens. I believe this 100%! (blink, blink).

Good Morning World.

“Damn, you’re the best thing I’ve seen today.” That’s exactly what the older black woman said to me as I walked by her car this past Monday afternoon. It made me smile, but then I thought, well it’s an older black lady and secondly, she said ‘today.’ Ha! Why couldn't she have left out today? I wondered what had she’d seen days before.

Today, I’m taking a day off from work and I’m not sure what to do with myself? Just this morning, I received an email from Plastic God about purchasing a Divine piece from him. I’ve become a big fan of his work. I already own a Frida and Keith Haring piece. I’d also like to get Leigh Bowery and Freddie Mercury and possibly Dali and Warhol.

The piece here is titled, “Warhol.” Thanks to him, Lichtenstein, Mama, and my own imagination, I started this new digital series. It’s been an interesting journey.

In Coming to America,(which I rewatched earlier this week), Eddie Murphy’s character says, “No journey is too great when one finds what he sees.”

Luckily, I’ve been able to find beauty and to see beauty; I see life everywhere. Thank you old lady for seeing beauty in me.

What will you find, what will you see? Today is a NEW day.

Ah it’s my favorite day of the week, Monday!

Welcome back. This past Thursday night, I returned home from Puerto Rico. We had another great siblings vacation. I’m already looking forward to next year; where will we end up?

My return home has already been great. On Friday night, Christine treated me to see The Book of Mormons at The Pantages. We had an early dinner at Delancey, which we both loved. And yesterday, thinking of her, I saw the One Night Only Hello Kitty Art Show at Known Gallery on Fairfax. I found out the night before and so I didn’t have time to plan ahead. I know she would have loved it; she’s a little Hello Kitty obsessed.

We like to joke about it being ‘age’ inappropriate, but then again who made those rules about what is and isn’t appropriate. I’d prefer to live life according to my own set of childlike standards. At this point in life, who needs more rules?

The piece here is titled “Kitty.” I created it this morning. Christine and yesterdays art exhibit inspires it. It was an experience seeing the show; hundreds of people showed. Luckily I was able to get a book to add to my growing Art Book Collection.

Have a beautiful week ahead and remember to “Welcome the task that makes you go beyond yourself”- Frank McGee

For the past 3 months life felt like I was wigging out; I could've checked myself into an institution. But for the past almost 2 weeks, life is looking up.


Later tonight, I’m heading to Puerto Rico with my siblings and in laws for a belated birthday in honor of my amazing little sister Blanca. It’s beautiful to have siblings and in laws like I do. We have times to remember.


This past Tuesday, in preparation for Mr. Blacks Masquerade Ball, I re-watched Wigstock: The Movie. It’s been a little over 10 years ago since I was lucky enough to be at the taping of the movie in both Tompkins Square Park and at the Christopher Street Piers. it was truly a gay and happy Extravaganza! I’ll never forget it. The list of performers was unbelievable: Lady Bunny, Leigh Bowery, Debbie Harry, Joey Arias, RuPaul, Mistress Formika, Lypsinka, Dee Lite, Crystal Waters, Ultra Nate, Candis Cayne. The list goes on and on. During RuPaul’s performance, I have a mille second appearance when the camera scans the crowd. (I look so serious and mean). It’s not my 15 minutes of fame, but the memories of joy are priceless.


The piece here is titled, “The Lady Bunny.” It’s from my LITTLE series. Sometime in 1991ish, I first saw the Lady Bunny in San Francisco when Gus Bean threw an amazing party at the Palladium. I had VIP passes and everything. And speaking of SF, a few years later when Wigstock traveled west, I even came oh-so-close to performing with Mona Foot as Wonder Woman. I was soooooo nervous. It happened last minute; a dancer had not shown up and I was wearing the right attire, leather pants and a black tank top. At the time, thankfully, the dancer showed up, but now looking back, I wish he hadn’t.

In 1992, a year prior to the filming, I told my boyfriend, there’s a drag queen that sang this song called ‘Supermodel.’ I think she’s going to be huge. A year later, RuPaul said, “I had a dream and I never faltered.” Because if God has bigger dreams for us how can we falter.

Today’s post is dedicated to my siblings, my in laws, and to all the drag queens who have made my life colorful. You all inspire me to dream!

Happy Saturday!

On my birthday this past Tuesday I had a mini breakthrough moment. This is what happened.

I spent my day in Santa Monica/Venice. At Barnes and Noble, I found a book called Ishmael. At first I walked away and didn’t buy it until an hour later when I couldn’t stop thinking about this Gorilla named Ishmael. He places an add in the paper, “Teacher seeks pupil. Must have an earnest desire to save the world. Apply in person.” How could I not be curious? Plus the name Ishmael reminded me of my first creative writing professor at UC Berkeley named Ishmael Reed. Thanks to him, I learned to write using my own voice. “Write like you speak,” he said. At the time, it was an a-ha moment. And since, my writing has evolved.

After buying this book by Daniel Quinn, I went for a long walk on the beach, reading it as I went along. When I came to a stop, I had this realization: I spent the first 30 years of life soul searching, as if finding or even understanding this ‘thing’ called a soul would bring me happiness. And then came the idea of ‘being a pure observing spirit.’ It allowed me to breathe and live freely. But somewhere along the way, I lost sight of this idea and I started searching again. For what reasons, I don’t know.


British philosopher John Stuart Mill wrote, “Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.” How brilliant is this! Happiness doesn’t happen in an answer or in a search for meaning as I had again started looking. It’s in ‘being’ that happiness happens. When I surrender, observe, and just be, happiness is. It is in searching/ looking that I lose sight of what’s already here. Happiness is not lost or somewhere waiting to be found. It’s in front of me.

The piece here is titled, “Lennon.” John Lennon inspires it. The Beatles sang, “There will be an answer, let it be.” Were they onto something? I’d like to think so.

If the question is as Shakespeare asked, "To be or not to be?" I'll BE.

Joy to the World!

It’s not’s XMAS, but we’re exactly 3 months away.

I’m just coming home from my super-duper-early morning walk. There were tears in my eyes. Of joy or sadness, I couldn’t tell at first.

But before I begin, a very special Happy Birthday to one of the most amazing people I know, me!

I’ve spent the last 44 years of life, getting to know myself. ‘Knowing’ doesn’t happen easily; it’s a process of solitude, reflection, and observation. Luckily, I’ve been willing to sit through the dark parts; it’s in these darkest hours that my heart opens and makes life worthy.

Viktor E. Frankl wrote, “But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.” He couldn’t have said it any better. I’ve come to understand the meaning of these words, especially in the last couple of months. If I am worthy of life, I am worthy of suffering, of love, of joy and everything else. Other than recently, I can’t remember crying more than when first reading his book, Man’s Search For Meaning. It remains to be my favorite book of all time; it changed my life.

And as for life, thank you Mama for bringing me into this world. On the day I was born, Mama said I had the biggest brown eyes she had ever seen. I can’t imagine there NOT being joy in her eyes when she saw me then and now. I’ve often wondered if there was joy in the eyes of nurses and doctors who helped bring me into the world. More than any gift or birthday wish, I want to have joy in my eyes when I go out into the world, everyday, every minute, every second. I think its possible. And I can’t imagine living life any differently than believing it possible.

The piece here is titled, ‘Birthday Suits.’ It’s inspired by my 1-year old birthday portrait at the Sears in East LA. It’s this little boy I imagine when life gets tough. Along with wonder and curiosity, there was joy in my eyes, then and still now. My great friend, Robert, likes to quote Bugs Bunny and say, "Tell me more about my eyes." They're words I've never forgotten; they make me smile and remind me to see beauty all around us.

As for the tears so early this morning, they were tears of joy. I felt alive and blessed. I felt worthy. If I were to count my blessings, I’d be here forever.

Cheers to you all. To braving our world with courage, love, kindness, and joy.

I don’t want to be Jane Fonda.

On Wednesday, I had a little meltdown. And so I called my great and beautiful friend, Micah in San Francisco. It had been a long time since we had talked. He told me, that many years ago, a close friend of his mothers told her, “Why you gotta be Jane Fonda.” He was referring to this idea of always having to save the world. I started laughing; the truth of it hit the spot.

Though I haven’t been an activist, I carry the weight of the world on my back. Concerned about goodness and ‘always’ doing the right thing down to how I even think about everything. Even my intentions have to be in alignment with the greater good. It’s impossible.

The next morning and still today, I’m thinking about this phrase. It makes me laugh. 'Why you gotta be Jane Fonda." It’s one of those things that I’ll take with me throughout the rest of my life. It’s a reminder to NOT take life too seriously, seriously.

After all, I don’t want to be Jane Fonda. We’ll maybe I do, the ‘now’ and improved version of her. I find her honesty about life, aging, and her zest for life inspiring.


The piece here is titled, “It’s Gay World After All.” It’s said Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Maybe dreams can come true and happiness can come back to me after all.

Happy Saturday!

Ah yes it’s Monday and another hot day in LA. But in less than 3 weeks we won’t be complaining about the heat, my siblings, in-laws, and myself are heading to Culebra Island in Puerto Rico. We’re celebrating my little sisters Blanca’s belated 40th birthday. Woohoo!

At a young age, Mama instilled in us the importance of family. After all these years, we still love being together.

My sister and I were never super close growing up. It wasn’t until I moved to LA almost 15 years ago that we bonded. I feel very close to her; I can be myself, no matter what, and I can tell her anything. It’s a gift. She’s an amazing sister, friend, daughter, and mother. I love her greatly.

The piece here is titled “Snow.” It’s inspired by my sister’s love for this Disney character. Growing up we called her Blanca Nieves- Snow White. According to Wikipedia, the tale originates in Germany and the best-known version is by the Brothers Grimm in 1812.

In ‘The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire,’ Deepak Chopra writes, “…Live a life more wondrous than any dream.” These words have left me thinking. What do I dream about? Though I dream every night, what dreams do I have for myself during the day? If my life were a fairy tale what sort of character would I be? What sort of life would I want? As of right now, it all feels blurry and vague. I need to figure this out.

If you’re life were a fairy tale come true, is happiness now?


All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. – Walt Disney

I’m waking up feeling hungry and lazy on this already beautiful Friday day. What to eat, what to do?

This week I started re-watching Damages. I first watched this show a few years back. I'm hooked yet again. One character tells another, “You’re only as happy as your saddest child.” I thought of two things. First, I thought of Mama. She internalizes any of her children’s unhappiness. Since I don’t have kids, I can’t even pretend to imagine or understand. It brings me to my second thought. Since I don’t have children, where does my happiness depend on? Am I as happy as myself? If there is sadness, how do I deal with it?

The past couple of months haven’t been easy, but I’m managing. For the first time in my life, I couldn’t answer the happiness question with a yes. It’s weird. For almost 44 years of life, I would have answered YES! No question about it. Now, I wonder how to change this NO into a YES. Looking back I could tell that doing my art was a reflection of where I stood on life, on happiness. When I painted there was joy. Now, I ‘m doing so much of it and it’s not equivalent.

The piece here is titled “Mama La Nina.” It’s a portrait of my mother. It’s the first photograph we have of her almost 74 years of life. Was she happy before she had any of her 5 children? I wonder. She calls us her 'vitaminas', her vitamins. I love this. It’s like we nourish her spirit.

If we are without children, how do we nourish ourselves? Where do we turn to? Is it by adopting the world as our children? If our world feels damaged, how do we feel any different? I realize that I can’t carry the worlds problems on my shoulders, but somehow I feel like I do. The self-help books may say to look inward, but it doesn’t always help. I’m doing my best.

Andre Agassi’s coach once told him, “Stand on my shoulders and reach for the stars.” I would love this for myself and for everyone. What if we all stood on each other shoulders, how many stars can we reach?

Thank you for listening and have a beautiful weekend.

Love, Ricky

TGIM! I love my Mondays; especially that I don’t have to work. It’s like I get to start off the week with time for me; it’s important.

I’m just coming back from my morning walk; I was thinking about words. I wasn't lost in translation; I was lost in inspiration. I love it when this happens.

This past week I’ve been obsessed with a LITTLE new project; I’m calling it LITTLE Pop. I’ve spent hours on my computer working with old photographs. One night, I was up until 4AM. Though the pieces have a little Warhol/ Lichtenstein, some of my very early work while in high school included drawing with dots before I even new of Lichtenstein. Interesting! At least that’s what I thought.

The piece here is titled. “Chela.” My older sister Glicelda inspires it. The image is taken from a family portrait we did when she was about 7. I have always loved this photo; there is something very haunting about it. It even reminds me of the Mona Lisa. The enhancement of these photographs is not to make them better, but rather to see them from a different perspective.

As I digitally enhance these old photographs with clicks of a button, I wonder if we can do the same with our lives and with one another. How can we enhance one anthers life? With different perspectives, can we shed light and meaning? It’s something to think about.


Spanish poet Miguel de Unamuno wrote, “Art distills sensations and embodies it with enhanced meaning.” This quote made me think twice about art and life and how we observe it all. do we embody love? Have we been kind and compassionate?

With my art I’ve always thought that when I’m gone, it can beautifully enhance the lives of those who come to own it. There is love in it.

Happy Friday.

I was going to write about something else this week, except that I found myself watching live coverage of the DNC. In all my years, I don’t ever recall watching this and I have to admit that I didn’t watch the RNC; I probably would have gone into a dark hole.

Through my almost 44 years of life I have not been politically concerned until the recent future. And though I respect individual beliefs I can’t see how the Republican Party is concerned with basic human rights. I don’t get it. So much is based on greed and establishing moral standards based on overtly religious principles. How could anyone in the 99% vote Republican? What about our basic human rights?

The piece here is titled, “Fist Pumping First Lady. The Obama’s inspire it. Though I don’t completely understand all the verbiage behind politics and in someway believe that both parties are corrupt, I will no doubt be voting for Obama. I truly believe he ‘cares.’

Rodney King once said, “Can we all just get along.” How simple is that. The key word here is ‘we;’ not in party lines, but in human lines. What if instead there were no parties and we had ONE Human National Convention. It would be a place where we could share our differences with respect and compassion. It would be about truly working together and making this a WORLD not just a place, but an AMAZING place.

Clinton said, "We believe 'we're all in this together' is a far better philosophy than 'you're on your own.” Michelle Obama said something to the effect of when you go through the door of opportunity, you don’t slam it closed behind you; you reach back and keep it open for the person behind you. I got teary eyed. How could we do any differently? I don’t see the Republican Party doing this: I don’t see the same care and concern for our rights and well-being. I don't see love?

WE are ALL in this TOGETHER.

Ugh! After a 2-hour walk at 4am this morning, I'm now just getting up. It’s almost 10 a.m. I’m not sure why, but I couldn’t sleep. It feels like it’s going to be a strange Tuesday and the full moon has already passed. I’m I feeling the after effects?

I normally work today, but I covered on a Monday for Digby. Today, aside from doing laundry and some light cleaning, I’m not sure what else to do with my day? I may do some painting or some digital stuff.

Since this past Friday, I’ve had this idea to digitally work with words. There’s something about the simplicity of ONE word, in standing alone, meaning so much. Who knows where this will take me. Is it art? I don’t know. Time will tell. The piece here is an example of what I’m thinking. It’s titled, “No!” By looking at it, it can mean so many things to different people. I don’t even know what it means to myself? What do you see? I'm curious.

My coffee tastes a bit bitter. My stomach is growling. And the cleaning ladies are already vacuuming the hallways. It’s going to be one strange Tuesday day.

Albert Einstein said, “How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people.”

Thank you Albert for some very beautiful words. Though I often reflect on this thought, my actions aren’t always up to par and I tend to beat myself up for it. I’m doing my best; I always have.

With Love, Ricky

As human beings, we can speak through our eyes, with our hands and body, but why do we have languages? Why do we speak? Is it a simple question? And what is ‘it’?

I’m curious to hear some thoughts on this, please. Pretty please. If you're reading this please let a thought out.

Today I’m spending the day with a great and beautiful friend of almost 25 years, Christine. The piece featured here is in here honor; it’s titled “Mi Negra.” It’s my funny way of calling ‘her my “N”’ word. It’s a portrait of her from when we spent a day together a few years ago. Aside from wearing a black dress and black Prada sunglasses, she has a Hello Kitty tattoo near another tattoo of a cherry blossom tree. Upon request, I asked her to have a fallen cherry blossom tattooed at the bottom. She did. That’s what the red ‘stuff’ falling from her dress represents. It’s me, the fallen angel.

Again, why do we speak?

Hello Monday!

A couple of weeks ago, before heading off to NYC, my TV broke down. It went poof! A little over 4 years ago since the 2008 Olympics, I got cable for the first time. And since then, I’ve been watching more TV than I’d like. This breakdown may be a blessing in disguise.

Except that now I’m hooked on watching “Breaking Bad” on Netflix. Like Crystal Meth, it’s been addictive. I’ve replaced one bad habit with another. The trick now is to find a good habit like reading or painting more.

The piece featured here is from my LITTLE series; it’s titled “Help Me.” Drug addiction inspires it. As I’ve mentioned before, many of the people in my life have been addicted to the drug. Though I’ve had my share of experimentation, I’ve been lucky enough not to get hooked. Thank God! I’ve seen it change lives. But then again, maybe it’s all been for the good. They’re all amazing people! And luckily no one close to me has died from it.

But aside from drugs, how many of our own addictions change the course of our lives? I wonder? TV, alcohol, cigarettes, food, even computers…just to name a few. I can say that I’ve partaken in all of these. Can breaking away from TV be a good thing? Possibly.

Shaquille O’Neal said, ““Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.” But after a little research, I found out this quote is actually from Aristotle. Either way, it’s brilliant. Excellence like anything requires effort and work; it’s doesn’t happen from a single act of doing something. If this is the case, then we must get back to doing the work we most love.

Have a beautiful week ahead. Cheers!

Ooh La Land!

On Thursday day, I got back home to my beloved city of Los Angeles. As much as I love NYC, it’s always great to sleep in my own bed. I knocked out for a few hours.

Aside from a few hard days of work, my trip overall was fantastic! While shopping at UNIQLO, I came across an ad for their T-shirt contest. I just made my submission. They’re looking for works inspired, by ACDC, Madonna, The Sex Pistols, David Bowie, Kiss, and The Who. I submitted 4 pieces. One of the pieces was of inspired by The Who. It’s the piece featured here. It’s titled “Who Am I.” Though I’m not a big fan, I was inspired by the logo and the idea of the eternal question we have to ask ourselves, “Who am I?”

At the very young age of 7 years old, I began asking myself this question. And though I’ve come to some general answers, as I get older I realize that the question is somewhat indefinable. We’re always changing. It's non-stop. Mark Matousek in 'Sex Death and Enlightenment' answers it as best I’ve heard, “I am the pure observing spirit.” This simple quote changed my journey in life. I stopped searching and I begun observing.

When I see who I am, I see you. I see the sun and the rain.

Enjoy your Saturday!

Hello World!

I’m just getting back to the apartment after a long days work at the NYC Gift Show. It’s been a great 5 days in NYC. Can I see myself living back here, I don’t know?

On Saturday after 4 hours of work, I took a 7-hour walk with me, myself, and my 2 legs and feet. After 140 New York City blocks of walking without buses, subways, or taxis, I came home exhausted!

I stopped at my favorite store UNIQLO, the MOMA Store, a first time visit at the MET and the Schiaparelli/Prada exhibit, a glass of wine at the rooftop garden, a stroll through Central Park, a quick bite at Shake Shack and alas a power walk through Time Square.

Even when I lived here, one of my favorite things to do while in NYC is to take a super-duper-long walk; the city never fails to inspire me. In one episode of Sex in the City, Carrie says, she’s dating the city and she thinks it’s getting serious. On Saturday it felt the same way. I had a blast!

The piece here is titled, “King.” It’s from my series, LITTLE. I wore a t-shirt with this image on it and I received my fair share of compliments. To this day, the 2005 movie version of King Kong remains to be one of my favorite movies. I love everything about it and I can watch it over and over again.

In high school some boys once called me a loner; it bothered me at the time. But now I can’t imagine life without spending a little time with myself. I cherish the moments. It's a gift being able to be with oneself.

A quote on Thinkexist.com says, “It’s so lonely when you don’t know yourself.” How sad it would be going through life without knowing oneself; I can’t imagine not enjoying my own company. In doing so, I’m able to appreciate my time with all the great love of friends and family.

Thank you to everyone in my life. I love you all ☺

Salud!

Hello Monday. It’s finally over; the Olympics are now a blast from the past.

This past Saturday after a long hike in Griffith Park with my sister Blanca, we went over to Wacko and The Luz De Jesus Gallery. I wanted to see the works of LA artist Jose Rodolfo Ontiveros; the show is titled Disasterland. I loved his work and his concept of fairytale gone wrong is inspiring, amazing!

Later on in the evening, while doing some late night reading, I suddenly heard the loud chirps of a cricket. It was inside my apartment and it sounded like it had a megaphone! Was he trying to tell me something? Possibly?

Patiently, I took my time, I stood very still, I listened closely, and after a few minutes, I found it crawling around in a corner of my living room. I reached for it, it jumped, I missed and it jumped again. I snatched it and was about to flush it down the toilet bowl, but a little ‘jiminy cricket’ voice told me to fling it out the window. Like any other creature, it deserved life. I’m glad I didn’t kill it because according to Chinese culture, crickets are a symbol of good luck and protection. Maybe it was here for a reason, but I knew I couldn’t sleep with it talking so loudly.

Jiminy Cricket says, “A conscience is that still small voice that people won't listen to. That's just the trouble with the world today...” It was the little voice that told me not to kill the cricket. Maybe it was Jiminy himself. If the trouble with the world is not listening to this little voice, why don’t we all do it more often? Are we afraid of hearing something, a truth about ourselves?

The piece here is another from my LITTLE Jesus series. It’s titled “Jesus Soul.” I love the simplicity and beauty of this piece. It’s a little mixture of Jesus and me. It’s our souls that speak to us; if we listen closely, the answers are always here, there, everywhere.

Suddenly, I’m now feeling grateful for this little cricket; it’s reminded me to pay attention and to listen closely. Thank you!

“I can hear you now.”

It’s a beautiful sunny Friday! I have a feeling that as Jimmy Cliff sings, “It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshinin' day”

He also sings, “Oh yes, I can make it now the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared” Though life has been better than before, not all the ‘bad feelings have disappeared.’ But it’s great to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. It’s been a process of meditation, walking, writing, reading, painting and the love of friends and family. I’m going to make it!

For as long as I can remember, I have collected quotes. Just recently there was one by Benjamin Franklin that struck a nerve. “On the whole, though I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet as I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been had I not attempted it.”

Boy, he couldn’t have said it any better. It is in this strive for perfection that I continue to challenge myself. Though in the process, I beat myself up and others, I have grown and evolved because of it. Without it change wouldn’t happen.

Even as I write, British singer Emile Sande sings ‘I am full of light, I am full of wonder.’ What a beautiful song to hear at just the right time. I love it when this happens. I will take her words out with me out into the day.

With both Franklin and Sande’s words I thought of a man named Jesus. I think he would agree with them. It was through his endeavors of being the best man he could possibly be that he continues to be a light in our world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Jesus freak, but I believe him to have been an amazing human being with a great message of love. The piece here is from my LITTLE Jesus series; it’s titled “Jesus Inspire.” There’s a little Amanda Lepore and me in this piece.

Through our words we can affect one another. Though our words we can change and inspire. Through are words we are connected. As Robert Fulghum writes, "As hard as I have tried to speak in my own voice, I realize now how much of what I have said is neither original nor unique... Thought is forever being revived, recycled, and renewed.

Have a beautiful weekend.

Good Morning Monday. I'm just getting back from a doctor's appointment; all is well.

After 43 years of life one could say that burn out is possible, especially in the last couple of months. Life hasn’t been so easy.


After 10 days of Olympic coverage, I’m a little burnt out, but I continue to be inspired. Of all the moments so far, I’d have to say that my 2 most memorable have been: 1) Seeing Beach Volleyball player Keri Walsh ‘Hi Five’ the entire crew after her matches. It’s turned my heart to see her do this. Her sense of gratitude is a beautiful thing! 2) Double amputee Oscar’s Pistorius’ grace before and after his last 400M race is remarkable. His spirit is beyond amazing!

As I wonder about life and the game of life, I wonder what if, regardless of the outcome, we saluted with grace, everyone who partook in our daily experiences. What if we said thank you a little bit more?

The piece featured here is from my LITTLE Self-Portrait series; it’s Untitled. This past week I spent a couple of hours working on some more of these pieces. It’s been a reflective an interesting process. The piece here represents my overcoming of fears.

Oscar’s sporting motto is, "You're not disabled by the disabilities you have, you are able by the abilities you have." These words are incredible! How could I possibly think of burn out? What if instead I stop and appreciate the many abilities I’ve been blessed to have? What if instead I went out into the world with a sense of wonder?

If I'm able to walk, to see, to hear, to hold, to smile, to eat, to love, to paint, to think, to talk, to write and to breathe; then I am fully able to live up to everything I imagine.

Cheers!

Good Morning World.

My watching of the Olympics continues. I can’t get enough! Today’s post is dedicated to pop icon and all around genius Leigh Bowery. Recently, I received my book of pictures of Leigh in all his glory. Olympics-Oh Leigh Pics. Get it?

Earlier on in the week, I found myself consumed on Youtube; I spent hours searching for stuff. I started off with Amanda Lepore and ended up watching videos of Leigh. I just purchased his biography on EBay. Though I never personally met him, I was lucky enough to see him perform at ’93 Wigstock in the now famous ‘birth’ scene. It’s something I’ll never forget! You have to see it for yourself. Here’s a link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtZ_cnMsWo4&feature=related

The piece here is titled “Legend of Leigh.” Leigh obviously inspires it. What an imagination he had. While on Youtube, I found a clip of Rosie O’Donnell giving an interview about Leigh. In talking about his life, she says, “His was so much less of a desire of the result as it was enjoying the voyage to it.” How often have we heard about enjoying the process, the journey as much as the destination? And for Leigh to have lived his life in such a manner is truly inspiring. As an artist, I have found that there is a greater joy in the actual process than in seeing the finished product. But this only happens when I stop to observe. It is in observation that we see the beautiful miracles happening throughout our days.

Considering that the majority of Olympians do not receives medals, one can probably say that what also counts is the journey getting there.

Enjoy the moments and the weekend ahead.

Good Morning World. I’ve spent the last couple of days watching Olympic coverage. I plan to do the same today with maybe a little painting.

Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “The source of a true smile is an awakened mind. Over the weekend I shared this quote with a great love in my life, Vero. In telling her this, I realized the answer to my ‘life’s’ slump is in these words. If you sit and think about them, there’s more to them than meets the eye. There’s more to them than meets a smile. The message behind his words is beautiful, insightful and powerful. When we share a smile with another, for a moment in life, our spirits connect in present time. It's magical.

Many years ago while in a school cafeteria, a woman told me, “Smile kid it’s not that bad.” She smiled as she said this to me; I smiled back. I’ve never forgotten this moment. It’s reminded me about how important a smile can be. Back in college, I used to imagine my smile traveling across the world. A sort of ‘pay it forward’ idea before I even knew of this concept. I often wondered where a smile ended or if it even did. Every time I smile this woman’s spirit is in my smile. It’s a beautiful thing; it’s like her spirit will never die. I’d like to think that my own spirit would also be in another’s smile for years or centuries to come. Even in writing this, I wonder who’s spirits' past are part of my life today. Could it be everyone!?

And since I’m thinking about how far my ‘self’ will travel, the piece here is a self-portrait. For now, it’s untitled. As I watch the Olympics today, I will work on a couple of these self-portraits.

If the Olypmic Games can bring unity amongst nations, can a simple smile do just as much? I think it can.

Smile, Cheese, Queso!

Good morning world. I’m super excited about the start of the Olympics. It was 4 years ago that I got cable for the first time in my life; I wanted to watch the Olympics in Beijing. At the time I wondered about how having more channels would affect my life. I’d have to say that I’ve watched more TV than before, but in the last couple of months, I’ve made it a priority to be conscious about what sort of TV programming I’m consuming.

It boggles me that so much of our entertainment is focused on reality TV crap. Crap is defined as ‘Something that is of extremely poor quality.’ I don’t get it? I often wonder how these shows are leaving our world a better place. Recently, out of curiosity and research, I watched an episode of the Kardashians for the first time. I found their behavior sad and quite honestly, disgusting.

It was a perfect example of how I DON’T want to live my life. So in some way one can say that it actually made a difference. But I will definitely not tune in again.

As for the Olympics, I’ll be watching as much as possible. Knowing the amount of effort, dedication, and sacrifice these athletes make is inspiring. Over the years, I've shed tears watching these Games. As a little boy it was my dream to have been an Olympic runner. Because of unforeseen circumstances, my dream was never realized. Yet for 20 years of my life I ran as much as I could. Crossing the finish line at the 1997 LA Marathon was a high point and one of the greatest moments in my life.

In honor of the Olympic Games being hosted in London, the piece here is titled, “God Shave The Queen.” It remains to be one of my favorite pieces from my LITTLE People series. I found this quote by James Dean to be appropriate, “Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.” What do you dream of? What will you do today knowing that it oculd be you last. I'll keep these words close to me for as long as possible. Because if its possible; it's worth doing.

Have a beautiful weekend and enjoy the Games.

Good Morning World! It couldn’t be a more beautiful day in LA.

Last night I finished reading a biography on Freddie Mercury, “Mercury” by Leslie-Anne Jones. It was a fascinating read; how interesting it would have been to meet him. Later today, I’ll begin my autobiography of Boy George. I hope it’s good a one. I’ll never forget the first time I saw his “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me” video on TV. Because we didn’t have cable at home, we saw it on MV3 staring KROQ DJ Richard Blade.

The next day at school everyone was talking about it. Was it a boy or a girl? A few years later, the same question would be asked of me while I walked home from high school past my old elementary school. The kids playing outside ran to the fence and between themselves asked, “Is it a boy or a girl?” I remember wanting to pull down my pants to show them my dick and say, “It’s a boy!”

The piece here is titled, “Boy Oh Boy Jesus.” It’s another piece from my 'Losing My Religion' series. Boy George and a crucifix inspire it. It’s been interesting working on this series; I plan on doing a few more pieces this weekend. I’m sort of regressing to my high school days when music was a huge part of my life and when so many questions about God and religion went unanswered.

This random quote by Albert Einstein made me laugh this morning; I got a silly visual in my head. “I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice.”

Have a beautiful weekend. ☺

Hello World. It’s Monday and in a few minutes I’m off on my morning walk.

Last night while watching “Oprah Builds a Network” (a behind the scenes of her as CEO of OWN) she said something that struck a nerve. In struggling with the network, she said something to the effect “that at some point everyone is taken down from the mountaintop.” She was referring to not being on top of the game, yet being able to see the beauty of another mountaintop. I immediately saw how this applied to my own journey in life. Life for the past couple of months has not been easy; emotionally/ spiritually it’s been the hardest I’ve had to live with.

Now, I can see that I’ve needed to come down from my own mountaintop. And though the valley has been quite low, I can now climb another mountain, with a different view, a different journey. I see how hearing these words will help in the transition. By the grace of God, we are given everything we can handle. By the grace of God, we are given an opportunity to live life. I’m breathing today and that is enough. I can start climbing again.

The piece here is titled, “ By The Grace of God.” Grace Jones and a crucifix inspire it. The old proverb goes, “There but for the grace of God go I.” I like to say, “There for the grace of God go I.” In simply removing the ‘but’ from the sentence, the entire meaning is changed. It’s a reminder to see myself in everyone and everything. It doesn’t always happen so easily, but if definitely makes life easier when I do.

Have a beautiful week ahead.

If weekends could fly, then this past one was like an eagle; it’s long gone.

I’m just coming back from my morning walk, what a beautiful sunny day in LA.

During the 80’s music was a great big part of my life; in many ways, it defined me. Or rather, I defined myself accordingly. And so I find it interesting that, nowadays, music is nonexistent in my everyday life. It was also during this time that I lost my faith in God. The Catholic God that I had grown up with was no longer a part of my life. I stopped going to church; there were too many unanswered questions and 'questionable' priests.

I don’t remember why, but recently, I found myself watching videos of Billy Idol. I was searching for the specific one that had him taking a shower. I found it; it’s “Catch My Fall.” He still looks beautiful! I used to masturbate to it every time it came on; it was the 80s, my teen years. It’s weird to have found it and to see it after all these years. But while watching it, the idea to do another “LITTLE Jesus” series came to mind. Thank you God for inspiration. This series is called “Losing My Religion,” appropriately titled from R.E.M.’s hit song by the same name.

This past week, I started the series. The piece here is titled “Idol Worship.” Billy Idol inspires it! This series is mostly digitally enhanced with very little drawing. I’m taking iconic images from the 80’s bands that shaped my life, adding a crucifix and a word over them. It’s symbolic of a time in life when music, religion, and sexuality intermixed. Viola!

Thankfully, after all these years, God is still a great part of my life. I’ve learned to think of God as an amazing source of energy that surrounds me everywhere I go. The more I see him, the more beautiful life becomes. As the lyrics in Billy’s Catch My Fall, I’d like to think that “If I should stumble, (God will) catch my fall."

Thank you for listening. Peace Out.

Ah, it’s Friday!

But the way life has been happening, days don’t seem to make a difference, other than I get to look forward to a day off tomorrow.

It’s now been a years since I started my “LITTLE” series. It seems like so long ago. Though I still have plenty of ideas for my Fisher Price Little People, I haven’t taken a photo of them in months. Having them in my life to play with this past year has been beautiful. I found myself laughing and smiling quite a bit.

Since I’m finishing up a second book about Divine, the piece here is “Shooting Flamingoes.” I’m thinking about remaking it as I think that LITTLE Divine can be done better. I’m also thinking about doing a LITTLE Grace Jones from the cult 80’s movie Vamp. The image of her in Keith Haring body paint has always remained in my head; it’s striking and beautiful.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Beauty without grace is the hook without bait.” At this time in life, I can use a little joy, a little peace, and a little grace. I realize, I posted something similar about 2 weeks ago, but this idea about grace is something for me to seriously think about. Luckily, through this darkness, I've been able to see signs from God.

Have a greatceful weekend.

It’s a gloomy Monday morning and I’m watching a little Wimbledon.

Though I can see a little light at the end of the tunnel, life still feels dark. ☹ And as I wonder about everything getting back to normal, I realize that I don’t want it to. Life needs to be different. I want to live from a different place. More than before, I want to feel alive, joyful and vulnerable.

Two weeks ago on Tuesday night I had a little bright light in my life. Mr. Blacks in Hollywood paid tribute to Keith Haring. Funny how life works out; I had just finished reading Keith’s biography. I had an amazing and most memorable evening. I wore a long sleeve black dress shirt and took oil markers with me. I wanted to get ‘tagged.’ It took me out of my comfort level and I got to talk with many different people. It was beautiful. The image here is a photo of Ernie tagging my shirt. It’s a sort of collaborative piece; it's a shirt I will keep forever. Thank you Luke Nero and Ernie Omega for being such great hosts.

In the last couple of months, my art has somewhat regressed to my Keith Haring days, but it’s different this time around. It’s not me trying to imitate; it’s my own vision. It feels real and honest. It’s like I get to play again without limitations. I can use a little play and joy in my life right now. Confucius said, “It’s better to play than do nothing.” Though sometimes I love doing nothing, I want life to feel like a giant playground and I want to play for as long as I can.

Cheerios!

It’s a beautiful Monday morning and after a few days off from work, I’m feeling much better, lighter. On Friday, instead of blogging I chose to hike in Griffith Park with my cousin David. I needed a little break from writing and some quiet time for my soul. Maybe a little divine grace.

Over the weekend, I also finished reading Divine’s biography, written by his mom. I didn’t come across any startling information, but I loved that his mom wrote a book about her very unique son; her love and openness is remarkable! Thank you Frances Milstead, I think you’re amazing for writing this book about your son, he's inspired so many for generations to come.

I first came across Divine, a.k.a. Harris Glenn Milstead, a few months after arriving on the Berkeley campus. The University Theater, a few blocks form school, played cult movies and at the time held the longest midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture show. Unknowing what to expect, (but I new it had a single X-rating), I watched Pink Flamingoes. Somehow, the the 'filthy' storyline and characters planted a seed that anything and everything goes. Though I was a somewhat naïve-East-LA-Mexican-soon-to-come-out-of-the-closet-gay-boy, they were right up my alley. Pink Falmingoes remains to be the raunchiest movie I've ever seen.

My ex, John. was lucky enough to drive Divine before he passed away. John says he was quiet and shy except for this one time:

…the first time I met him he was doing a show at the I-Beam, he had his manager with him and a call boy. They all were well behaved. I remember his big song was “Shoot your Shot” not the best lip-synched performance.

The other time I drove him was like a year later for… I believe (not sure) a New Years Eve party at the Gift Center. He had same call boy with him. He was shaved head except when he had his wigs on for the shows. He was really so quiet all the time. Up until that nightmare ride to his hotel: On way to his hotel the call boy started peeing on Divine at the same time I started yelling NO not in the limo…. put that dick away Goddamit!! Divine told me just the drive the limo and quit being so nosey…and mind my own freaking business …at which point he started screaming… “Mountain Dew slut boy, Where is my MOUNTAIN DEW… If I wanted 7-fukin up …shit…

Speaking of John’s about a year later, I saw John Waters give a lecture on campus. Looking back I think of myself as fortunate. How amazing! I sat front row in a small lecture hall; it’s around the same time I got to see Nobel Prize Laureate Toni Morrison speak soon after writing Beloved. Though I don’t remember much about John or Toni, knowing that I saw them speak in small classroom environments brings a smile to my face. I’d like to think that I was informed and inspired to be who I am now.

The piece here is titled “Jesus Divine Grace.” It’s one of my latest Jesus’ pieces inspired by Divine and Grace Jones. They both remain to be great sources of inspiration. Aside from not writing this weekend, I also took a break from painting. But interestingly enough, imagination still happens; I feel blessed.

As life continues to unfold, I remind myself that it’s OK to be different. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Elijah Woods feels the same way, “I think being different, going against the grain of society is the greatest thing in the world."

Have a beauty of a week; be different, live differently.

After a dark couple of weeks, on this Monday life feels a little better.

In thinking about this darkness, I wondered if maybe God is missing? I don’t think of God as an entity, but rather a source of energy, of love. And so if this is the case, I wonder is love missing and in what way? Have I strayed too far? If God/Love exists everywhere, then why would I think it missing? Have I built a wall so high that I can’t see it or feel it?

A-ha! I’m starting to see a little light.

On my walk early yesterday morning, I was thinking about feeling broken. But as I reflected on this idea of being broken, I realized that my spirit wasn’t fully broken. It just had a big crack and I needed some ‘crazy’ glue to mend it. But upon deeper inspection, I thought, maybe it’s not my spirit breaking but rather an outer wall I’ve put up to protect me, to keep me from feeling, from hurting, and loving. And so instead of crazy glue, I thought, maybe I need a little hammer to break it down completely to release the floodgates and be free. I think this is it. This wall, as my brother pointed out, is not just a regular emotional brick, but rather it’s my ego. Is it possible that my ego is dying? In referring to the ego, Deepak Chopra writes, “What (the ego) promises as a completely fulfilling life is an illusion… When you become aware of this defect, the result is fatal for the ego.”

Interesting that instead of any ‘tools’ a mere awareness of the ego does wonder for our spirits. It’s in this simple act of awareness, that we free ourselves from illusion. We return to our ever changing spirit, our soul, God, and love. Unfortunately, in the last couple of days, I had been unable to see this. But here I am now in full awareness.

The piece here is titled “Jesus Caution.” Thanks to a couple of days off this weekend, I finished this piece along with a few others. I was able to work on my art, to sit still, and to reflect. When starting new jobs, relationships, or anything new, we often hear the phrase, ‘proceed with caution.’ But what if, rather than proceeding with caution, we went out into the world with open arms. It may not be what our ego feels most comfortable with, but our spirit pulls us in this often-unfamiliar direction of change, of grace, of an unbound less source of energy moving all around us. As uneasy as it may feel, this is the place I want to live from.

“You can’t ever nail down who you really are. To understand your real self, you have to keep up as it moves. Finding the real you happens on the run.” Deepak Chopra

And so I’m off and running. I’ll never catch it, no need to, but I’ll have a great time trying. It’s the best I can do.

Have a blast of a week. ☺

I’m keeping it short today ☹

If sadness lingers, I think it’s been here too long and it’s brought some friends, friends whom I haven’t been able to identify. Either way, the past couple of weeks have been difficult and dark. It’s like I’m broken and I can break more at any given moment. No matter what I’ve done, I haven’t been able to snap out of it. A snap can happen so easily. I need some help and I’ve asked my angels, Sam and Bill, for some guidance.

The piece here is titled, Jesus Shadow. It’s my latest piece. Working with ‘oil’ markers has sort of brought the kid in me. I need my kid; it’s the little boy in me that makes life worthy. And that creepy clown in the photo is me. It's a photo from 10 years ago. Interstingly enough, it was Halloween and I'll never forget walking in to Trader Joes dressed in this atttire and feeling invisible. Even the cashier said nothing! It's like nobody wanted to see what or who was in front of them.

A little bright light has been the start of the new season of Glee Project. I don’t watch Glee, but this competition brings a smile to my face; watching these young ones and their hopes and personalities is refreshing.

An old proverb says, “If you see a friend without a smile; give him one of yours.”

I may not know you, but I'll give you mine. :)

Does a photo really say 1,000 words? Or is it me?

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I didn’t write on Friday. Here it is.

Since I’ve been writing about Jesus, Berkeley, and Keith Haring, I thought I’d share one last story, at least for now. It has to do with life coming full circle. I love it when this happens; it’s a beautiful thing.

At the end of one of my creative writing classes while at Cal, Professor Alfred Arteaga pointed out that I wrote about photographs. If he hadn’t said it out loud, I may not have noticed. Yet my poems (of photographs) were never near 1000 words; they were short and to the point. Even in writing my blog, I write about photographs, except this time around I’m using my own artwork. And still my posts are under 1000 words.

Just over a week ago, I discovered ‘oil’ markers. Where have they been all my life? The other day I spent close to $100 on markers. (Thank you Annatte for the commissioned piece; your money went to good use). These oil markers opened up my imagination and in some ways have taken me back to my early days of drawing while at Cal.

Just a couple of days ago, I found a ‘photo’ of Jerome Caja lying around my apartment. Jerome loved working with religious concepts, often defacing them. Since working on my latest series LITTLE Jesus, I put these markers to use and from out of nowhere, I decided to draw a crucifixion over this photo of Jerome. It came out beautifully; it’s the piece featured here. It reminiscent of my early work when I was doing line doodles a la Keith Haring. In the past couple of days, I’ve finished about 15 of these Jesus pieces; they all include one word on it. I’ve been slightly obsessed and I plan on spending most of my free time this week working with Jesus.

And so after all these years since Professor Arteaga’s comment, I’m not only writing about photographs, I’m drawing over them and even taking my own pictures. I don’t know what it is, but Diane Arbus said it interestingly enough, “A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you the less you know.” And so maybe it’s the secrets that have captured my imagination? And maybe my imagination has it’s own secrets.

Happy Monday and have a beautiful week.

After a few days of not feeling so well, I’m feeling a little better.

As I mentioned in last week’s post I didn’t major in Art while at UC Berkeley. Because Mama and Papa were paying for college, I didn’t think it was an option. Instead, I majored in English and I took a few art classes in between. I did well. And thanks to Keith Haring’s influence, I even received an A in my first figure drawing class.

Our professor, whose name I no longer recall, was a short Jewish woman with lots of energy and kinky wild hair. She encouraged us to paint larger than life and to use our entire bodies while painting. Though I never forgot her words, it’s interesting that I’m painting so small. But it’s who I am as artist and because of her I know that, at some point, I while paint large again. And if we were to be artists, she said we needed to paint for 8 hours a day. Otherwise, she didn’t want us in her classroom.


One morning before entering the classroom to inspect our finished projects, she peeked in through the door (with a coffee in hand) and asked us to hang our art work on the walls. After a few minutes, she walked in and immediately pointed to my piece and said something like, “This is one, this one. Who did this one?” Shyly, I raised my hand. She loved that my human figures were a bunch of obsessive line drawings(a la Keith Haring) instead of the traditional real to life human torsos that everyone else had done. I felt proud!

After all these years, I no longer have the piece that she was pointing to, but the piece shown here is similar in style. It’s Untitled; it was my final project. With thousands and thousands of dots, it was even more obsessive and time consuming to finish. Though it’s a little beat up, I still have it stored in my closet.

5 years after entering college, I lied to Mama and Papa. So as not to disappoint them, I went through graduation ceremonies. Because I unknowingly dropped a ‘required’ elective class in my last semester, I was one class short of receiving my diploma. Though my siblings and friends knew I had not officially graduated, I have never told Mama and Papa. After the ceremony, Mama quietly whispered into my ear, “Why didn’t you major in art?” Why hadn’t she told me years before? How would life been different? I wonder?

There’s no regret. I never did go back to receive my diploma; it was not important to me. I felt complete; I had received an amazing education. It's all I wanted in going to college. And so to Mama and Papa, I am eternally grateful for this gift. Thank you, you are my heroes.

And thank you for listening. Have a beauty of a week.

Ah, it’s Friday! And I’m not feeling too well, but it’ll pass.

I’m continuing where I left off, from my last post (sort of).

I decided not to follow in my older brother and sister’s footsteps and attend Santa Clara University. I was sick of private schools, priests, and mostly the Catholic religion. After high school, I wanted to attend a public university. My brother suggested Berkeley; he said I would fit right in. He was right.

On the day we drove up to the campus, he exited the freeway and drove up Telegraph Avenue. He kept saying, “Wait ‘til you see.” I wondered what he was talking abou,t as it looked like any other street, what was I supposed to be seeing?

And then it happened. We came across the main part of Telegraph near campus and People’s Park. There were college kids, punks, street vendors, and homeless loitering the streets. I was home; this is where I belonged. One image I’ll never forget is seeing “The Bubble Lady” hobbling down the street blowing soap bubbles. It was beautiful. I would later find out, that she was a poet; her real name is Julia Vinograd. I have kept two of her books, one of which is signed. The poetry is pure genius.

I didn’t consider majoring in Art and I chose English instead. I was sick of being a math wiz and I needed a challenge; English never came easy. Mostly, I wanted to read books and write poems (many even inspired by Julia). I thought I was going to be a writer. But here I am, I’m an artist and ‘maybe’ a writer. I never got to publish a book (as I had always dreamed of doing), but after 2 years of blogging I’m starting to think of myself as a writer. Growing up, I never thought I could be both; I either painted or I wrote. I painted when I was happy and I wrote when I felt sad. The two didn’t go hand in hand. Almost exactly 20 years since I left the Berkeley campus, I’m now an artist and a writer. OK, I said it; it’s official! And as for happy and sad, there are both still here. But mostly there is happiness.

The piece here is in honor of Julia Vinograd/ The Bubble Lady. It’s titled, “Save.” It’s part of my latest series, LITTLE Jesus. Somehow, though I never officially met Julia, I made a big life decision in seeing her and her soap bubbles. As I mentioned in my last post, she wrote of a poem called The Crucified Clown. Who knew that, without knowing, I’d be painting my versions of this poem. “Thank you Julia. Your words and bubbles inspired me.”

Cheers and Bubbles!

Suicide

Lick a stamp
and place it on
your forehead.
Seal your lips.
Send away with
no address,
no return address,
no letter, not
even a picture.

WOW! It’s a glorious and beautiful Memorial Day Monday.

Last night, I finished reading Keith Haring’s biography. In the beginning of the book he says, “So anyway, after the Jesus thing I got into drugs.” As a teenager, Keith turned to Jesus and was considered a Jesus freak. It surprised me; it’s something I didn’t know about him.

Immediately after reading this quote, like a light switch going ‘on,’ I got up and started painting a crucified Clown/Jesus. It was beautiful; I was inspired! Though it doesn’t resemble Keith’s work, this vision came from reading his words. This new series is called “LITTLE Jesus.” They are portraits and self-portraits. For the next couple of hours and into the next day, I painted non-stop.

And then came the idea of adding a word to each piece. Having grown up Catholic, I not only debated about the concept of a crucified clown/ Jesus but also about adding the words that started coming to mind. I didn’t want to offend anyone, but I also didn’t want to censor my ideas. They were visions from God and not meant to be offensive.

It’s amazing how life works. 2 days later, this is what happened:

As I’m getting ready to go to the Getty Museum to check out the Herb Ritts exhibit, I decide to iron on a t-shirt with my LITTLE piece titled ‘Skinheads.’ A poem by Julia Vinograd, a.k.a. “The Bubble Lady” inspired it. After all these years, I’ve always remembered this poem. It’s simple and genius! It’s called ‘Family.’

A punk couple
And their baby
3 bald heads.

Wanting to see the poem, I dug through my closets in search of her 2 books and found them. As I flipped through the pages, I miraculously came across yet another poem. It’s called “The Crucified Clown.” How does this thappen? I laughed out loud as I saw this. Here was my sign from God; I had permission to continue working on this Jesus series. It's OK; I’m following inspiration. I felt grateful. The piece here is my first finished piece from the series. It’s titled, “Hipster.”

Since that day, the signs keep coming; I keep looking up at the sky and thanking my angels. (to be continued...)

Peace and Blessing!

Good Morning World!

Keith Haring died on February 16th 1990. It’s strange to think that only two years later I’d be living in New York City. Our life paths came so close. If he had survived AIDS, I have a feeling we would have met. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

I first came across Keith’s work through John, my first boyfriend. He had a poster of his work in his apartment in Pacific Heights. I’m just now realizing that I met John days before Keith’s passing. A few days ago, I talked to John and I found out that he had driven him in 1986 while Keith was in San Francisco painting murals at Club Dv8. He says Keith was “low key, soft spoken, and friendly.” I now vaguely remember these paintings. (Interesting side note: in1996ish I sneaked into the VIP room at Club Dv8, and since I was not wearing a shirt, I had my back autographed by Nina Hagen; it was awesome).

Keith’s work opened my eyes to a whole new world. I was drawn to the simplicity of lines and color; I felt an immediate connection. For the next couple of years, I imitated his work, I didn’t know better. As an artist, I didn’t yet know who I was. Though I didn’t think of myself as ‘artist’ back then, I now see that I was. I was just starting off. It wasn’t until I started my series of LITTLE Girls in 1998 that I found my calling and I stopped the imitation and in some ways said good-bye to Keith, but thankfully you can still see his influence in my work.

The piece here is 20 years old; it’s Untitled, 1991. It’s strange to look at it now and see how I’ve evolved. Today, It’s stored in my closets, but back then, it hung above my bed and I remember John telling me that, because of the green penis, I should consider taking it down when my parents came to visit. I refused; I left it up. They said nothing ☺

I’m almost done reading Keith’s authorized biography; but because of a newfound inspiration, I’m taking my sweet little old time. Thank you Keith for the beauty of work you left behind. Our world is a much better place because of you. And because of you, I’ve found my calling. Though we didn’t get a chance to meet, I feel you watching over me. In this past week, the outpour of ideas has been a little overwhelming, but amazing! Cheers to you! (To be continued yet again…)


Happy Memorial Day weekend.

Ah, I couldn’t sleep last night so I went out for my morning walk at 4AM this morning. (Today’s post is a continuation from last Friday).

Last Monday when I got back from Griffith Park after finishing Just Kids, I came home and I wrote. Afterwards, I found myself feeling uncertain. What was I supposed to do with my art? I didn’t doubt the work I had done, but rather I felt unclear of my next steps. It had been a couple of weeks since I painted or photographed. Creatively, I felt raw and vulnerable.

After writing, this is what happened: Many years ago, I painted a tiny acrylic doodle of a purple bearded lady. Randomly, she to came to mind. I pulled the piece from out of the closet and I placed it near my painting table. I then opened up my Keith Haring book from the Whitney Museum (1997) and I flipped through a few pages. Still unsure, I then realized that I had a bunch of unfinished paintings stored in a red suitcase; I pulled out these pieces, my paintbrushes and some paint. I started painting little bearded ladies.

For the next 8 hours, I painted. There was joy and magic. The pieces were raw, simple, and colorful. I loved them! I’m calling this NEW series LITTLE Beards. They are a symbol of feeling weird, freakish and different; it’s a beautiful thing! (Important Note to Remember: Keep them simple and don’t overwork them).

The 3 images here are examples of my 'new' LITTLE Beards. For now, I’m keeping them all Untitled.



(Just this Friday, I received my authorized biography of Keith Haring. 100 pages in, and it’s been mind-blowing. I feel so grateful for this newfound inspiration; it’s just what I needed… to be continued (again)…


Enjoy LIFE!

Happy Friday! I'm super excited about today's post; it's a diary entry form earlier on in the week:

It’s Monday May 14th 2012. I just finished reading Patti Smiths’ book Just Kids.(Thank you Rachel for the recommendation!) It’s an amazing love story between herself and famed photographer Robert Mapplethorpe. I can’t recall reading a more beautifully written book. For a couple of days, I time traveled to the 70’s; I felt like a part of their lives in New York City. I found myself wandering the streets and the Chelsea Hotel along with them. As I read the last pages, I cried. For a few minutes afterwards, I sat in my chair while at Griffith Park, the sun warm on my face and I closed my eyes; I wondered about what to do with all this emotion.


Back on May 1st 1993, I surprised my boyfriend, Carlos, by renting a room at the Chelsea Hotel. It was his birthday and I had plans for a beautiful day. Just like Patti and Robert, we were ‘just kids.’ Though I didn’t know as much as I do now of this then famous hotel, I wanted to see it and feel it’s energy. As I write now, I wonder what had happened in that room we stayed in, whose ghosts were we in the presence of? That evening, we took plenty of photos just as we had for the two years we spent together. We were each other’s muses/ supermodels. The piece here is a photograph taken while at the Chelsea Hotel. Madonna’s Erotica video had just come out a few months prior. But aside from Madonna, it now feels like we were channeling Robert; I think he would have been proud. Is it possible that we could have been staying in their room? Later that evening, we got dressed up in our designer clothes and we explored the city like two little boys playing dress up. It’s an evening I won’t forget. Especially not now!

As I was reading the last pages of the book, she writes about her newborn child and Robert's death from AIDS, I got emotional, almost numb; I didn’t want it to end. And then I realized that soon after his passing, I was lucky enough to have seen his work exhibited at the UC Berkeley Campus Museum. It was a posthumous retrospective exhibition, “Robert Mapplethorpe: The Perfect Moment. It was about a year after his death and though I didn’t know who he was at the time, I was drawn to his homoerotic images. I had just come out of the 'closet.' What an honor and blessing it is to have been so fortunate.

(Interesting note: this exhibition created a lot of controversy and the original opening at the Corcoran Gallery in Washington D.C. was cancelled due to a political debate over the NEA’s distribution of government subsidies to so called ‘obscene’ art.)

Thank you Patti for keeping your promise and writing your story. I won’t ever forget; it’s changed my life. And though I feel some sadness, I mostly feel inspired to keep writing and to keep all creativity flowing. I’m an artist; it’s who I am and always will be.


To be continued...

Have a beauty of a weekend!

My weekend flew by. It feels like I closed my eyes on Thursday night and it’s now Monday.

Recently, a Facebook friend pointed out that our mutual FB friends were a bunch of ‘freaks.’ I loved it! I love the word freak. Though there’s often a negative connotation to the word, to me it’s a beautiful thing. It means different, special, and unique. I’d rather have a bunch of freaks as friends than ‘normal’ ones.

My FB friends range from my beloved and deeply religious mother to the fabulous transsexual Amanda Lepore. There’s a wide gap between them, but who knows, they’ve never been in the same room. Just maybe, other than having me as a mutual FB friend, they’d have something in common.

Though I’m like my mother in many ways, I lean to the side of Amanda. Throughout my whole life I’ve always felt different. And as I’ve grown older, I’ve loved this ‘different’ part of me; it’s who I am and always will be.

Though I have not personally met each of my FB friends, I’ve had the opportunity to meet most of them. In some very beautiful way, they all represent a little part of who I am. As a teenager, Mama once said, “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you whom you are.” Though I disagreed with her at the time, I agree with her now. Who I am is who my friends are. And so who are you? I want to know.

The piece here is obvious and titled “Face Fuck.’ Pardon the language, but it’s just pure silliness.

And as my beloved Golden Girls theme song goes:

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

Thank you for listening. Have a fantastic week!

Good Morning Saturday! I’m a day late in writing; I felt lazy yesterday.

Here’s an early cheer to all the mothers out there and those to come.


I can’t imagine a greater superhero than Mama. She may not have the superpowers of some of our beloved superheroes, but her force of love is unlike any. She has brought love into our world. It was sad to hear her once say that she felt like she had not contributed to our world. Over the years, she has adopted many as her own; many call her Mama Delia. I love this!


Whenever I find myself being loving or kind, I think of her; I know it’s because of her. Nowadays, because of her ALS, she can’t speak, but I can see the joy and love in her eyes when she sees me; it’s magical. I love her back so much. Abraham Lincoln said it best. “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother”


A mi querida Mama, la amo con todo mi Corazon. Usted es mi #1. (To my dearest Mama, I love you with all my heart; you are my #1)


The piece here is titled, “Seeing A Princess.” A photo of Mama at Disneyland inspires it. This idea of Mickey and Minnie Mouse seeing a princess came to mind. In the last month, I haven’t done much art, but I did this a couple days ago. I'm waiting for inspiration.


When I told Mama (and Papa) that I was meant to be an artist, they both said that they wanted for me to be happy. It’s the greatest gift ever! Thank You.

Enjoy your weekend. And to every Mama out there, thank you for giving us life. You are the heroes of our world. Salud!

Happy Birthday to all my Taurus friends! Over the years I’ve often been amazed at the amount of Taurans in my life; it’s like we connect in an uber special way. A special shout out to Angel, Nene, and Mama!

Before I continue, let me apologize if this blog is a little all over the place. I’m feeling oh-so-lazy on this beautiful Monday day; my brain is still on vacation mode, but I promised myself that I would write. And so here I am.

Today, as I went on my morning walk, I thought of the word ‘towards.’ I associate this word with ‘goals.’ I’ve never been one to think of myself as striving toward my goals as much as I see myself living a life instinctually. I trust and listen to my instincts/intuition. I pay attention to the ‘little voice.’

Every decision we make impacts our journey ahead. With every action there is a reaction. But it is not the reaction itself that matters but the way in which we choose to see the outcomes. Michael Jordan says it beautifully, “My attitude is that if you push me towards something that you think is a weakness, then I will turn that perceived weakness into a strength.”

I’d like to think that I go towards life and not the other way around. But if life does come toward me, I’ll surrender and embrace it all.

In honor of all the birthdays this month, this piece here is titled, “Piñata.” As kids, the memories, of us breaking birthday piñatas inspires it.


Celebrate, Strive, and Trust!

Welcome back to me! After being disconnected from the ‘real’ world for almost 7 days, I’m back from Tulum, Mexico. What an amazing time we had celebrating my brothers 50 birthday and 'life' in general! I couldn’t have asked for a better vacation. I feel refreshed yet curious about how it will be ‘getting back to normal.’

It feels a little weird typing on a computer and staring at a lit screen thinking about what to write. In few minutes, I’m walking to work. I can hear the LA traffic; it sounds loud! But what a beautiful sunny day it is.

I’m so grateful to have such an amazing family and group of friends that are loving, supportive, and best of all fun to be around with.

The piece here is titled, “Not Here.” For a few days in life, I was ‘not here.’ I was not in LA; I was not in the USA. I was not thinking about work or anything else; it was beautiful. The piece is inspired by my line of greeting cards called LITTLE Toursits. So far, they’ve been selling pretty well at my beloved Flight001.

How will this vacation inspire my art in the next few days or weeks? I’m curious.

Saint Augustine wrote, ““The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page. ”Unfortunately, I have not read many pages. I need to catch up. I can't wait to flip a new page.

But on this little trip to Tulum, I got half way done through reading Patti Smith’s book Just Kids. I’m in love with her way of storytelling; it’s beautifully written. And hearing about her life with Robert Mapplethorpe is fascinating; their journey as starving young artists in NYC is inspiring. I can’t wait to flip some pages tonight!

Celebrate life. Explore. Read. Live.

Viva Mexico!

Buenos! Friday! In just a short bit I’m boarding a plane to MEXICO! Woohoo! I’m in need of a vacation and still feeling hung over from my little rendezvous at Pop Tart gallery. After all this time, I finally picked up my self-portrait taken by Austin Young in last years “Your Face Here” exhibit. I even purchased a piece by Jose A. Guzman-Colon featuring last years Rupaul’s Drag Race winner Raja Gemini.

I’m looking forward to this birthday celebration with my siblings and in-laws; I couldn’t ask for better.

The piece here is titled, “ Viva.” It’s inspired by Mexico of course! In Spanish, one often hears the phrase, “Viva la vida.” It means long live the life. How appropriate; life is the most beautiful thing there is. What else is there to do.

I couldn’t decide between both these quotes. They're both so beautiful.

“Every man dies - Not every man really lives.” William Ross Wallace

“Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.” – Angela Monet

And so if you think I'm crazy, I'm just dancing to music you can't hear.

Salud! And Asta luego ☺

Happy Belated Earth Day!

According to the World Wide Web, population Earth is 6,840,507,003. And though I haven’t lived on any other planet, I can’t imagine existing anywhere else. Being on Earth has been the best thing ever.

In thinking of our beloved planet, I wonder about the millions of beings that have passed away and the many being born today, tomorrow, and the next days to come. Life happens and regardless of who we are or when we pass, life can be and is beautiful.

The piece here is titled, “I Am Here.” It's a self portrait and the idea of existince/reality inspires it. I am here! And speaking of I am, Tom Shayac’s movie, “I Am” will be making it’s primetime premiere this Thursday night on the OWN network. Don’t forget to watch!

Any Rand asks, “Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.”

I vote for both here, afterwards, and always! If I were the last man to fall to Earth, as corny as it may sound, I would want a gentle peace amongst us all.

Enjoy our world! Peace and Blessings.

The other morning I found myself asking this question. What would the Dalai do? Though I was thinking of the Dalia Lama, I of course thought of Salvador Dali; the pronunciation of their names is close enough. But depending on who was answering the question, the answer would vary greatly; it made me laugh.

It was early in the morning and I was driving down a small street. A woman in a large white Mercedes SUV drove toward me in the middle of the road. She didn’t slow down and she didn’t budge an inch; it’s like on one else mattered. Though no one could hear me, I cussed out loud. It’s rare that I use the ‘F’ word, but I said it anyway. Using ‘bad’ words has never been part of my immediate vocabulary, but it comes out every once in a while. But just as I passed her by, I thought, “What would Dalai do?”

I immediately wondered if the Dalai Lama had ever said the 'F' word or even at least thought about it quietly in his head. After all, he is human, but would he have even been bothered by such a simple infraction?

I often find myself thinking such thoughts when I’m frustrated or I lose my patience. How else could it be handled or seen from a different perspective? Though it usually helps me see things differently, it doesn’t always do the trick. In an attempt to understand human behavior, I can harbor on things for a while.

Interesting how in this simple dilemma, I was inspired! In thinking about the Dalia Lama, I made a LITTLE piece. It’s titled “Free Tibet.”

Another great man, by the name of Mahatma Gandhi, once said, “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” I love this quote; it allows for the imperfect to be okay. Being human does not mean perfection. I’ll take this idea out with me for the rest of the day. I hope it works!

Have a beautiful weekend!

Happy Gorgeous Monday.

Joe blows! His real name is Joe Sorren, an artist from Flagstaff, Arizona. His work 'blew' me away. Not since seeing Marlene Dumas, 4 years ago at MOCA, has an artist inspired me. I was immediately drawn to his work, the beautifully surreal figures and richly textured colors. This past Saturday, while looking for trinkets for my LITTLE series, I came across his work exhibited at La Luz De Jesus Gallery inside of WACKO. If I could afford a $40,000 piece of artwork, I would have purchased a piece.

The piece here is titled, “Joe Schmo Blows.” Though in no way is Sorren’ work ordinary, this idiom came to mind after seeing his work. I came home inspired and I finished this piece.

It’s strange that I have not painted in a very long time. Today, I may just sit down and paint for a little while. The writing of my book has also been slacking. Thankfully my inspiration for LITTLE continues; I’m not stressing. I’ve been blessed to have inspiration happen way more often than not; it has happens naturally from out of nowhere and mostly in the mornings.

“Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action.” This quote by Brendan Francis Behan sums up the importance of taking action when inspiration happens. It ‘s quick and, as he sums up clearly, it needs immediate attention. Otherwise, it blows somewhere else.

Enjoy this beautiful week. Be inspired!

Happy Friday 13th

“The world doesn’t owe us anything; it owes us nothing. If anything, we owe the world everything.” – Me

The piece here is titled, “You Are Not Here.” The many maps indicating where we are, ‘you are here,’ inspires it. But what if we weren’t ‘here?’

Soul Bro

It’s not the latest in Soul Food cuisine nor the newest reality show on the BET, it’s the way I see the relationship between my older brother, Johnny, and I. Tomorrow, April 10th, my Bro’ is turning 50. Happy Birthday!

And though we haven’t had the closest of relationships, meaning we can go for weeks or months without talking, I admire him greatly, more than he can imagine. There’s no other person in the world that has challenged me the way he has; he’s helped me see life from a different perspective. I love it that when we’re together, we can sit quietly or talk for hours on end. Oftentimes, when I’ve had what I believe to be a clear understanding on something, he throws in a ‘soul wrench’, a new idea or thought that makes me see life differently. I love this about him.

It was during my high school years that he introduced to books on spirituality and self help. At an early age I was already reading books by Louise Hays, Shakti Gawain, and Tony Robbins. These writers helped shape my thoughts and ideas. Thank You Bro!

In a few weeks my siblings, in-laws and I are leaving to Tulum, Mexico. I’m looking forward to a little belated birthday celebration and some down time. The piece here is titled, “The Sencions.” I love my family immensely! My little sister Moni once said, “If we hadn’t been born siblings, we would have met during our lifetime.” This is exactly how I feel toward each of them. We are more than just siblings; we are soul mates.

Los Quiero Mucho. Salud!

Happy Friday!

If patience is a virtue then grace is a transgender houseplant. At least that’s the story I’m telling.

On Monday, I finally broke down and decided to bring a little life into my abode; I bought a houseplant. It’s been years since I’ve had one in my apartment. I call her Grace and she’s not like any of the other plants; she’s transgender, born in the wrong plant body. As I wandered around the nursery, she immediately caught my eye. She’s different and I love her just the way she is.

For the past few days, I’ve been talking to her and wishing her goodnights and good mornings. I plan on nurturing and loving her for years to come; I know she’ll do the same for me. I’m looking at her right now and I’m smiling.☺ She’s beautiful! Funny how yesterdays message on my Yogi teabag said, “Grace brings contentment.” How did they know?

For many years now, I’ve been wondering about the word ‘grace.’ If you ask me to define it, I could only say ‘godly.’ But even that doesn’t seem to fit; the word seems so much bigger and greater. One online dictionary has a few definitions. Here are a couple examples: “Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion,” “An excellence or power granted by God,” or “A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill.”

For some reason these words just seem like words, they don’t capture the essence of this most miraculous word. I think of it mostly as a state of being, one that is pure, indefinable, and ever changing.

Maybe, this understanding of grace will be a lifelong process that will unfold gently and gracefully. Deepak Chopra writes, “You represent grace through your actions, not as a private possession to be admired behind closed doors.” But I know that having Grace in my apartment will be a constant reminder to go out into the world from a place of grace, whatever it may mean. She’s not mine to possess.

The piece here is titled, “OMG.” Whether in a state of shock, surprise, or awe, we often use this phrase. Oh My God! But if we truly kept our senses open, maybe this OMG thing would happen more often than not. Peace and Blessings!

Have a fantastical weekend. Happy Passover and Happy Easter!

Good Morning World!

It’s another beautiful day in my beloved city of LA, where not many people walk, though in the past couple of years, I have noticed a slight change in pedestrian foot traffic. There’s no better way to feel the city; there’s art everywhere. I’m inspired every time I go out! I especially love looking at the garbage filled metal trashcans; they look beautifully interesting. I’ve actually thought of photographing them as a project on waste and what is actually considered trash.


I have a funny story on my way to the Brewery Art Walk this past Saturday. As I was coming to a stop sign, I noticed a young Caucasian man helping an elderly Chinese woman cross the street. An act of kindness, I thought. But then as the young man hopped into his car and was about to pull away, he came inches from hitting another elderly woman crossing the street. She gave him a dirty look and I found it to be quite funny.


As for the Brewery Art Walk, it was my first time there and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Though I wasn’t greatly inspired by the artwork, I found it to be quite interesting roaming around the complex and getting the opportunity to see how other artists live. Of all the artists I got to see, I most liked Rob Silverman’s photo series titled Pez on Earth featuring Pez candy dispensers. I’ll definitely go back during the fall.



My own piece here is titled, “Trash.” A few years ago while on one of my morning walks, I took this photo. This is an example of what I find curiously beautiful in trashcans. I remember wondering who, and why had someone, dumped an empty carton of eggs in a public trashcan? Did this same person also dump the dreaded wig right next to it? I wouldn’t have come across this if I hadn’t been taking a walk.

I found this quote to be humorous, ““I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.” - Henny Youngman

Have a fantastic Monday and next time you come across a trash can, take a peek and wonder about what it is we leave behind.

Dear John

This is not your typical Dear John letter, though in some ways it is.

I want to thank you so very much for always being there; I know I can always count on you to hear me out. How many times have I drunk dialed you late at night? Too many to count.

You were my first love; I can’t believe it’s been 20+ years since we met and you first saw me drunk in a dark alley. You fed me, took me back to your place, and you let me sleep in your bed while you slept on the couch. How beautiful is that! Not very many, if any, gay man would have NOT taken advantage of a young 21 year old. A month after that night, I was moving into your place in Pacific Heights. We had 2 beautiful and interesting years of life together. You let me be ‘me’ and honesty, no matter what, was always our policy. What a blessing that was and still is!

It was during our time together that my real journey as an artist began. I didn’t have a vision of who I was back then, but regardless, you allowed me to transform your already beautiful apartment into my playground. Thank you John C. I love you still and always.



The piece here is Untitled. I’ve never posted any of my early work. I was so trying to be the next Keith Haring, ha! But when there’s a retrospective of my work, this will go down in the ‘Early Years.’ So much has changed. And thankfully, after all these years, our love didn’t go down the toilet as the drawing suggests. Te Quiero Mucho!

Have a most beautiful day.

Love,

Ricky

Ah yes, it’s Monday and I’m just getting in from my morning walk.

My apartment is a mess, but an artist lives here. My LITTLE people keep taking over and I find myself unable to keep them under wraps. But it’s a good thing; it means that inspiration and passion are still here. I’ll do some cleaning and organizing today; a clean space always helps with letting new ideas appear.

The other day, I imagined what my gallery/work space would look like; I have a clear vision of the shape, the colors and even the logo. Now it’s just a matter of making it happen. If I could have anything, I would want this space. It would be a dream come true. But aside from the physical space, I’m going to start thinking about what I would want the space to be about. I don’t want it to just be an art space with my own work; I want something different. Hm!?

The piece here is titled, “No Solicitors.” I’m submitting the image as part of a group show for the Photo Response Project hosted by the Art House Coop in Brooklyn. Out of 5 photos, I chose photo #5. The idea of Mickey and Mini Mouse soliciting propaganda past a mousetrap inspires it; I found it funny. I hope it makes you smile. It reminds me of when we were kids and my little sisters would slam the doors on any solicitors coming to our front door. HA!

Until Friday, have a great week ahead.

Cheerios and Cheese!

“Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition
Yawnin' and stretchin' and try to come to life.” - Dolly Parton (9to5)

Ah yes, I'm up early today. It’s Friday and it’s so good to have a day off from work. Here’s a tentative list of what I have planned for my day.

1) Meditate
2) Write
3) Make some coffee
4) Take a long morning walk
5) For breakfast, make some homemade ‘chilaquiles’ and refried beans.
6) Take a couple of photos for my LITTLE series.
7) See The Hunger Games at the Arclight.
8) Possibly have lunch somewhere?
9) Go see the Women of Surrealism Exhibit at the LACMA
10) Come home and relax for the rest of the evening.

The piece here is titled, “Amanda Lepore.” From out of nowhere, inspiration happened yesterday and I remembered this video by famed photographer David LaChapelle featuring Amanda Lepore. If you've never seen the video, it has Amanda naked in front of a vanity, painting her entire body pink with a M.A.C. lipstick.It's a little X rated, but not really. It’s art; it’s pure GENIUS! I just had to do it and I absolutely LOVE it. It came out exactly how I imagined it.

Later today, I’m going to work on a piece featuring Joan Rivers, a piece using little old people and shadows, and finally a piece inspired by surrealist artist, Rene Magritte; I’m excited.

“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.”- Gloria Steinem

Have a beautiful Friday Day and weekend ahead.

I'm to the races.

Cheers!

Hello Monday. What a GORGEOUS day in LaLa Land!

I'm on day 7 of 9 days of work. I need a break!

On July 4th, 2012, I posted my first image from my LITTLE series. I can't believe it's been over 8 months since my obsession with Fisher Price Little People began. It all started with the purchase of one little clown from Ebay. Before I knew it, I had collected a handful of pieces; I'm up to about 500 total. Where the idea to buy the first one came from, I don't remember.

As soon as I snapped the first photo, the ideas started rushing through me; it's like I had no control. I kept snapping photo after photo. I told myself to roll with it, to allow it to happen and to lose total control! Since it began, I have done very little painting. Even now the ideas still keep pouring in; So I won't forget, I've had to keep a list of these ideas. I can see myself doing them forever.

Albert Einstein said it perfectly, "“I know quite certainly that I myself have no special talent; curiosity, obsession and dogged endurance, combined with self-criticism, have brought me to my ideas.”

I ain't no Einstein, but this is exactly how I feel when I wonder about my inspiration and creativity. Where do ideas come from exactly? Must be God sent!

A while ago, I posted an image of what was supposed to have been my first photo taken from my LITTLE series. But in doing a little research, I realized that I had lied. The FIRST and official photo taken is the piece shown here. It's titled LALA Land!" Recently, I digitally enhanced it as I'm now adding words to my images. This idea, too, has been interesting. Thank you God!

May you have a beautiful day and if you're lucky enough to live in LA LA Land, enjoy the spectacular weather!

I’m a-day-late in writing yesterday’s post. But it’s been a long week of work, overall a good week. I’m loving the rainy day, sort of wish I could stay home and chill, but I’ve got more work to do.

Though the saga of the mini breakdown continues, overall, it’s been beautifully interesting. It still feels like it just happened yesterday, yet already 3 whole weeks have gone by. At the end of that fateful night, one simple word came to me; it was GIVE. There was no explanation of what to give or how to give, but to just GIVE.

As I’ve gone about my morning walks, I’ve thought about this word. What exactly am I supposed to give? In one-way or another we give every day. We give birth and our lives; we give opportunities, speeches, and respect. We give of our time and services. We give attitude, compliments, smiles and hugs. We give dinner parties, flowers, and presents. We give signs, promises, hope and even dirty looks. The list is endless! Yet on this night, the word GIVE was about giving something else, something greater. It may sound corny, but I started thinking about ‘me’ as a little boy who was full of joy, playful and unconcerned about fitting into a certain role, image, or status. I believe it’s that little boy who I’m meant to GIVE out into the world each day, every day, as much as possible.



It’s going to be a slow and life long process, but I’ve got to surrender. I MUST! Strange, but I feel fragile and courageous at the same time.


In honor of St. Patty’s Day, the piece here is titled, “Lucky Face.” Last years Austin Young exhibit at Pop Tart Gallery inspires it. Interesting how ‘Luck’ is free, it’s never given out. It’s ours to take. At this point in my life, an anonymous quote really sums it all up, “If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.”

Have a beautiful rainy day. If we are lucky enough to have life, even with all the suffering, we are worthy of it all.

Hello World!

Ugh, I’m feeling like caca; I can’t breathe. Just a few days ago, my allergies kicked in and last night, they hit hard. I feel exhausted and worn out. I had a terrible nights sleep, but luckily I had a dream of working with graffiti artist Bansky on a NEW installation. At some point, he had a group of young boys painting thousands of Chinese food cartons gold. Interesting! I think I may be inspired.

I’m just coming back from my super-duper long morning walk; I feel slightly better. As I walked, and thought about my lack of oxygen, I took moments to focus on my breath. It’s amazing how a little moment of awareness can change perspective. In these short moments of focus, LIFE felt different. I felt alive! German philosopher, Erich Fromm says, “Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or joy or breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies.” I couldn’t say it any better. This is how I feel every morning as I go about my walks. It’s my therapy, my alone time; it’s my time to feel, to regroup, to be inspired, and to just be.

Years ago, when I left Cedar Sinai after my bout with Pneumonia, I promised myself that so long as I could walk and breath (since I couldn’t do much of either while in the hospital) I would walk as much as I possibly could. After all these years, I have thankfully been able to keep my promise. If I’m breathing, it’s a good sign; it means I’m still ALIVE!

Since I was dreaming about Bansky and gold Chinese cartons, I chose this piece today. It’s titled, “Golden.” It’s my latest piece from my LITTLE series. The idea of the Golden Egg as a symbol of greed inspires it.

If we had a choice between breathing and greed for money, no one would chose greed. You’d be dead! Yet it’s interesting that the majority of our world is driven toward it. As if having MORE would make life better or longer; I don’t get it. It may sound childish, but breathing is FREE; it’s what we all have in common. We don't take more than we need; we can't hoard it. And yet a breath of air is worth more than anything we could ever possess.

If to breath is to be alive, then what does being alive mean to you? As an old English teacher would say, “It’s a little food for thought.”

May you have a beautiful week ahead.

Open your heart

Madonna sung about it in the 80’s. Was she onto something much deeper than she intended?

I’m still feeling aftershocks from the breakdown 2 weeks ago. The other morning as I found myself struggling for understanding, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and these words came to me: “Open your heart.” As much as I felt a lingering sadness, I realized that the answer lie in these words. Though it can be easier to remain open to our immediate friends and family, I wondered about what it would be like to keep an open heart with everyone. Is it possible? It may not happen so easily, but I believe it’s possible.

What do I have to hide, to keep secret? Why keep boundaries and anyone at arms length? To protect what, I ask myself? What am I afraid of losing, of hurting, of revealing? The answer really is nothing!

American writer, Madeline L’Engle said, “When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.” In these last 2 weeks, feeling broken has been a good thing; life has felt beautifully interesting. And as I allow myself to surrender, it's feeling a little scary, but I’m also feeling more alive than before. And though I realize deep personal relationships will not happen with every single person I encounter, what matters is that I remain compassionate and open to the possibility of connection.


The piece here is titled, “Believe.” I believe in magic, in angels, in love and energy. At the core of who we are, I believe is purity and an unconditional love. If and when we allow ourselves to reveal ALL, we are left with nothing to protect, and in there lies freedom.

Have a FANTASTIC weekend!

After a couple of weeks and almost 600 pages, I finally finished reading Steve Jobs biography by Walter Isaacson. Though it’s a fascinating read, a couple of times I came close to calling it quits. I found some of Jobs behavior and antics quite despicable; I questioned why I continued reading a book about someone with such unkindly manners. Throughout, however, I kept reminding myself that this man changed the face of our world now and for years to come. In the end, I was inspired by his drive and passion to create.


Apple’s advertising campaign “Think Different” was a huge success. Jobs said, “Apple is about people who think outside the box…”I felt a connection to this simple slogan. After all these years, I’ve always felt different. Since being a kid, I’ve always had this lingering feeling of being different, of not just thinking differently, but being outside the box. It’s like having a giant box of crayons with so many different colors and yet none of the colors match me. And so I color outside the box.


Being different hasn't been a bad thing; though it can sort of feel like a curse and a blessing at the same time, it mostly feels like a blessing. I don’t feel better than or less than anyone else, just different and I wouldn’t change places with anyone else.


The piece here is titled, “Be Different.” Today’s post inspires it. I can’t imagine life without each one of us being special and uniquely different; it makes life colorful and interesting. Different is beautiful! And as Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “We all boil at different degrees.

p.s. the work on my book is coming along slowly; it comes in spurts, but thankfully the ideas keep coming.

WOWZA! It’s another beautiful day in LA! I’m just getting in from a very long morning walk and feeling grateful.

Just last week on a very late Thursday night on February 23rd I was, as Digby at work would say, “becoming unglued.” I was on the verge of a real life breakdown. It happened quite unexpectedly and it didn’t play out like a quirky Pedro Almodovar movie. Instead, I sat alone in my bedroom sobbing in the dark. If anyone had seen me, I may have just won an Oscar for Best Lead Actor in a Real Life Mini Drama.


The following morning, I didn’t know quite what to expect. Feeling groggy from emotion, I picked up my Deepak Chopra book and I read something about the ‘ego dying.” As I went on my morning walk, I wondered if this is what had happened the night before. Because as I sat on my bed looking at my hands, my arms, this body I call Ricky, I saw life going on without ‘me.’ Millions of lives had passed before me and soon, so would I. As I looked around my apartment, at all my belongings, including my artwork, I felt nothing, as if absolutely nothing mattered. I felt broken!

Yet during my walk, life felt strangely beautiful. I felt alive and broken at the same time. Though it’s already been over a week I still feel the dryness of tears around my eyes and I can’t quite grasp or explain exactly what happened. I have a feeling that I won’t be forgetting that night anytime soon, possibly never. I don’t see life being the same again, and yet I’m still here willing to keep my eyes and every part of me open. I surrender.

The piece here is titled, “Broken.” I did it just this morning as a symbol to what I felt that night. Life will go. And as for now, I’m hungry and I’m going to take it one little step at a time. I’ve said it many times before, but as Helen Keller said, “The best way out is always through.” And so instead of breaking down, I will break through.

p.s. after months of NOT painting, I've started yet again.

Enjoy the weekend and every day to come.

Hey Monday, Lunes, Lundi!

It’s after the Oscars, boring! Aside from “The Descendants” co-writer Jim Rash making fun of Angelina Jolie and her awkward sexy pose on stage, I found the fashions and show uneventful!

Over the weekend, I watched the documentary of New York’s fashion photographer Bill Cunningham. I found his story to be beautiful and inspiring. At 80+ years of age, he’s un-wavered in his passion to photograph fashion, mostly New York street fashion; it’s remarkable!

Toward the end of the documentary, as he’s awarded the title Officier de l'ordre des Arts et des Lettres by the French Ministry of Culture, he chokes up as he says, “He who seeks beauty will find it.” I choked up as well. His words were beautifully said. Personally, I wondered about what it would be like to go out into the world each day seeking beauty? If “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, then what if my eyes beheld 'everything' as beautiful? Finding beauty in the eyes of a stranger, in the randomly scattered trash, in the sky, in the act of washing dishes, in the mirror. Seeing beauty in everyone and everything! How would our lives be different? Would our heart space open? Would we judge less? I believe so.

After all these years, Bill lives humbly in a small studio apartment. With the exception of many fashion books, he maintains very little possessions. Each day and night, he heads out on his bike onto the New York City streets. And on every street corner he finds the beauty he seeks.

The piece here is titled “Paparazzi.” I can’t imagine living a life pursued by paparazzi. While working at the store, I’ve seen it happen and I just don’t get it. The thought of our culture being obsessed with everyone else’s lives, but our own is sad. Bill never photographs celebrities for celebrity sake. He remains true to his passion, to seek beauty in individuality and personal expression. Each snapshot of the camera is a glimpse of his devotion to a life lived with unwavering passion.

May you seek and find beauty, each day, everywhere.

Cheerios!

Hello World! A few weeks ago, I found myself watching “No Impact Man.” The documentary follows the Beavan family’s yearlong project as they curiously explore the idea of sustainability while living in New York City. I was inspired! I’m not sure why, but the image of Jesus’ footprints in the sand came to mind.

Though I believe Jesus to be a man, unlike no other or should I say like each one of us, he, like our many great wondrous beings have changed how we live. And so I’m left wondering, how do we incorporate the messages left behind by Jesus and the Beavan family into our daily life? How do we affect our world, now and tomorrow, and what do we leave behind? How do we direct the energy of who we are and how we live and refocus it into leaving this world a better place? If God carries us through the hardest of times, what can we do to carry a little bit of world on our backs?


The Beavan family’s abandonment of high consumption, though extreme, left me wondering about how much more I can personally do so as to leave less of a footprint on this beloved planet called Earth. Interesting how No Impact Man left an impact on me. Since watching the movie, I’ve made some small changes. I use less paper towels,I turn off lights when not in use, I don’t buy bottled water, I carry my own grocery bags, I walk as much as possible, I wash my clothes less, I reuse and rewash my plastic sandwich bags, I flush less and I even use less toilet paper when wiping my ass! And still I wonder what more can I do? I figure that every little thing can and will make a difference. In these acts, I’m NOT thinking about me, but of others to come when I’m long gone. I want them to have the opportunity to experience their own wonderful life.


The piece here is titled, “Jesus Finding Bigfoot.” Jesus, No Impact Man, and Bigfoot inspire this piece. Yes, it’s a little silly, but it has a great meaning behind it.

I’ll end with a thought/question. If each one of us is responsible for the footprints we leave behind, we leave an impact by leaving less of an impact. What if the footprints we leave behind are more imbedded into the sand because we have carried the weight of the world on us? What if how we changed our world happens one act at a time, one step at a time?

May you be inspired!

I’m just getting back from a little work/breakfast meeting. I’m so grateful to work with a small yet amazing group of beings. (Annatte, Digby, and Sam). I can’t imagine a better crew! Thank you for making my job not only easier, but joyful.

This morning before leaving my apartment I found myself getting a little irritated by e-mail from a vendor. Luckily I caught myself in the act and decided to take a moment of ‘Shh’ before heading out the door. It’s amazing how a little moment of silence can shift perspective. I didn’t want to take any of that original energy out into the world.

Oprah once said, “That even a moment of silence each day can change our lives.” I believe it! In those days when I make excuses or just simply forget to meditate, life feels different. It feels out of whack! When I meditate, my days feel better, lighter, and easier. In a moment of silence I reconnect to spirit, the universal life force within us all. It’s as if I’m living from a different place and I feel connected to everyone and everything. It’s beautiful.

In honor of Presidents Day, the piece here is titled, “I Like Your Cherry.” George Washington and a cherry tree inspire it. It’s meant to be a silly and a little dirty. Hint. Hint.

Mother Theresa once said, “We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” I found her words to be beautiful. And though we may define God differently, the message remains the same.

May you all have a wonderful day and may the silence in your lives reflect the beauty of God surrounding us all. Cheers!

Good Morning Monday.

This past Saturday, I ran a 5K race honoring my angel, Mr. William Yurak. Considering I had not run a 5K in over 5 years, it wasn’t so bad; I didn’t feel too sore the following day. Maybe there’s a new runner in me, time will tell.

On my way to the race while driving down the 60 Freeway, the clouds were parting, the sun was peering through, and of all the songs to come on the radio was Sara McLachlan’s, “In The Arms of an Angel.” As you can imagine, I started balling; it was magical.

The other day while getting an EKG exam (a heart test), I happened to tell the nurse about an ex co-worker named Boris. I used to ‘mean’ play with him and because of it he once told me that I was cold hearted. Without blinking an eye, I responded, “Well Boris, that would mean I would have to have a heart.” There was a slight moment of silence and then we both laughed. My response was quick and funny, very Devil Wears Prada.

And so as the nurse finished the exam, he looked at the printout and commented that it all looked good. I quickly added, “So I do have a heart!”

And since it’s the big Heart/Love day tomorrow, I reminisce to my first boy crush. It happened in 2nd grade with a half black/half white boy named Greg. He had curly hair and brown eyes bigger than mine. One afternoon, sometime around Valentine’s Day, I took him aside and told him I had some Valentine’s Day candy in the pocket of my brown school sweater. We sneaked over to a corner of the playground and together we ate our heart shaped candy. I wanted to be ‘his’ just like the message said on the candy. I wanted to believe that by eating these sweet little things, I could eat love into my heart. It was my first ‘romantical’ outing! But the following year, he left school and I never saw him again ☹. Only 7 years old, and I was already heartbroken. (After all these years, did anyone else ever stand a chance? Ha! I wonder?)

The piece here is titled, “Sweetness.” I spent my morning putting it together. It’s in honor of that day with Greg when two little boys (at least I did) believed in the possibility of love. (Ah, yes I got a little teary eyed writing this last part).

And to Whitney, may your soul rest peacefully. You sang it best, “Learning to love yourself it is the greatest love of all.”

Happy Valentines Day!

TGIF!

Before I begin, let me warn you that I’ll be shedding tears while writing today. Tomorrow is going to be a big day.

I believe in angels. (I’m already in tears). I’m so lucky to have two of them in my life. Their names are Sam and Bill (Mr. William Yurak).

Today, let me tell you about Mr. Yurak. He was not only my high school teacher, but also my senior counselor and in short, the greatest man in my life. Because of him, I was able to go to the college of my choice. He told me to take my pick; he would get me in anywhere! I chose UC Berkeley. He asked, "Are you sure?" I said, "Yes." A month before anyone else received acceptance or rejection letters, I received my letter of acceptance. After spending 4 years contemplating suicide, this letter and his overall influence, gave me a great sense of hope and possibility.

For the first time in my life, I felt like somebody cared about ‘me.’ I felt respected and acknowledged. Unlike all the other teachers, he saw beyond the weird 'goth' kid facade. And though I know my parents have always loved me, up until my senior year when I had Mr. Yurak as my World Religions teacher, I had felt invisible.

Aside from getting me into the college of my choice, there were countless of little things that influenced me greatly. I won’t go into every little detail, as there too much to tell, but here’s one little example.

One day while teaching class, he stopped himself and asked a random and rhetorical question. He asked, “When you bite into a donut, what happens to the donut hole? You don’t actually eat the hole?” He waited for no answers and continued teaching class. But that little question left me thinking; it was a different kind of question. And for the first time in a long time, I started wondering about life again.

But for one simple thank you letter, I never kept contact with him after leaving high school.

Two years ago, when I found out that he had passed away, I broke down. Alone at work, I closed the store for a few minutes and I cried in the stockroom. I had Googled his name and was hoping to meet him once again. I wanted to thank him in person.

Tomorrow, a 5K race is being held in his honor. From a letter I received from his family, it looks like he touched a lot lives. And though I can’t really run anymore, I’m going to do my best even if I have to crawl it. It’s going to be an emotional and magical day. I know his spirit will be watching over us.

The old saying goes that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. I was so lucky to have him appear at such a young and importatnt time in in my life. To my beloved Mr. Yurak, my angel, my hero, thank you for still being in my life. Thank you for reminding me to care about others. Each day you remind me to be kind, thoughtful, and compassionate. You remind me to be the best man possible. Each day I wake up, I’m so lucky to have you and Sam alongside me.

The piece here is titled, “Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. The Trinity inspires it. If you believe in God, Jesus and or ghosts, you’ve got to believe in angels. I can’t imagine life without them.

May your angels shine their light on you each and every day! Thank you for listening and as a yoga teacher once said, "Go out into the world and shine!"

Uh-oh! I just came back from the doctors for a check-up and I gained a few pounds. I’m up to 179lbs; it’s the most I’ve ever weighed. What am I going to do about it? I’m not sure. I thought I was eating pretty healthy, obviously, something isn't working. I know that I could be doing a little more exercise. Maybe watching a little less TV and walking a little farther, a little faster.

Since I stopped running a few years ago, my body definitely took a change for the not so good. My legs just can’t take it anymore and the thought of going to the gym is not appealing. I’ve thought of taking up yoga, but somehow, I have not really made the effort. Maybe this will be the turning point to change. Do I need to take this seriously? Yes, I must! I must make a change!

But I don’t want to do it for vanities sake. I want to enjoy the amazing benefits that come from exercise. I’ve missed the highs I’ve gotten from running. I miss the extra energy and overall good feelings that come from a little workout. I know that what exercise does to our overall health is more than what our eyes can see from just stepping on a scale or looking in the mirror.

Just in case you missed my LITTLE post from yesterday, here it is again. It’s titled, “Madonna and Black Child.” It’s obviously inspired by Madonna’s performance at the Super Bowl. And of course, it’s meant to be a silly play on the religious image of Madonna and Child.

I’m not yet 50 years old, I’ve got 6 years to go, but the thought of having some of Madonna’s energy and agility is inspiring! I am going to give it all I've got!

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” – Thomas A. Edison

Good Morning my beloved LA. It’s great to be back from the Big Apple!

It’s now time to get back to normal, as much as normal can be. I’m looking forward to getting back to my writing, my art, my daily morning walks, and life in general.

While on the plane ride home, I realized that my 25th anniversary since graduating high school would be happening this summer; it feels like only yesterday. I left high school feeling regretful for not having accomplished anything. But because of it, I realized that I needed to change the course of life. I decided that I’d live life with no regrets and because of it, I felt full of possibility.

The piece here is titled, “HIGH School” The key word here being ‘high.’ Though its not one of my favorite pieces, its appropriate to today’s post. Our high school mascot was an Indian; we were called The Bosco Braves. It was during high school that I smoked my first joint. Though I didn’t feel high, I was high!

Thankfully, I’ve never been one to get hooked on drugs, but, out of curiosity, I tried almost everything. No regrets! As the years passed, I came to understand that regrets happen when we don’t learn the lessons from those moments. And so as I look back, rather than regret any decisions, I seek to learn the lessons.

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” – Fulton Oursler. I still haven’t figured this one out, but I have a feeling it’s something great. Ah, something to think about.

Happy Super Bowl Weekend and if you happen to get high on the game of life, enjoy the high!

Old New York New New York Now New York

Okay, I’ve officially been in NYC for over 24 hours. Before I say anything else, I’m always amazed by the amount of beautiful men roaming the streets of my beloved city. WOWZA! It was amazing! Though I don’t see myself being back in a relationship, in a few hours, I saw at least 20+ possible future husbands.
After wandering aimlessly for a few hours, my feet are achy; but there’s no better way to experience the magic of the city. Walking in NYC is my favorite thing to do while I’m here. And though I left over 15 years ago, it feels like I never left; it feels like I still belong here. I haven’t yet left and I’m already looking forward to my return.

The piece here is titled, “Old New York, New New York, Now New York. “ It’s obviously inspired by Lady Liberty and a little bit of Warhol. Little fact I didn’t know about the Statue of Liberty is that a broken chain lies at her feet. I love the simple symbolism.

“Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.” Well said, Mr. Benjamin Franklin!

25 years ago, I dreamed of living here and every day that I lived here, was a dream come true. Every return back is a reminder to keep on dreaming of everything possible.
Thank you NYC for always making me feel at home. Thank you for the beauty and most of all the inspiration. Thank You!

Ah! I’m loving the rain this early morning. I love the sound of water; it’s soothing to my soul. I plan on staying home all day and doing some reading, writing, and maybe some painting. I may even go out for a walk in the rain.

Recently, I realized that I’ve been using the word cheers quite a bit. I’m not sure how it started, but I like it. Aside from using it in my posts, I use it at work, as a sort of thank you and good wishes. The word feels light and joyful. It’s hard to say without there being well intentions behind it.

If we remove the letter ‘s,’ cheer is defined as: 1. Lightness of spirits or mood; gaiety or joy: 2. A source of joy or happiness; a comfort.

I always wonder how we come to use words in our personal vocabulary. After work yesterday, I went to Trader Joes, and as I was checking out, the cashier said, “Thank You Doll.” I LOVED it! It’s so endearing and kind. I also love it when women call me ‘honey.’ Would the world be a little different if we all took the time to grace each other with loving words and a little cheer?

The piece here is titled, “ I C U.” It has nothing to do with today’s post, but I did it just yesterday and it made me giggle. May you have a little joy on this rainy-grey-sky-day. “When you wish someone joy, you wish them peace, love, prosperity, happiness... all the good things.” ~ Maya Angelou

Cheers to Cheer and Cheerios!

Good morning Saturday! Yes I’m a day late in posting, but yesterday,I had a long day of work and afterwards a long drive to Palm Springs.

We’ve often heard the phrase, “When pigs fly.” According to Wikipedia, the phrase refers to “A figure of speech so hyperbolic that it describes an impossibility.” Sure we could get caught up into thinking that certain things are not possible, but what if our intentions came from a place of possibility, how would our lives be different? What would we allow ourselves to imagine.

I’m reminded of Meryl Streep’s words in The Hours. When referring to that moment of youthful possibility, she says,“So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And, of course, there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn’t the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment … right then.” While watching the movie in the theater, I wanted to rewind and hear them again. The words struck a nerve! Possibility is a sypmton of happiness. Lately, I've been allowing myself to imagine, to feel like everything is possible regardless of my age.

The latest piece here is obviously titled, “When Pig Fly.” The idea that anything is possible inspires it. Did we ever imagine that we could be walking down the street with a little earpiece and talking with someone across the country/ the world? Did we ever imagine cars self-parking themselves into tight spaces? Did we ever imagine planes in the sky? The list can go on as to what we imagined IMPOSSIBLE.

May you allow yourself to imagine. May everything you imagine to be impossible, be possible.

Cheers!

Burr!!! Happy MLK Day.

I had a dream last night. Definitely not like the one Mr. King spoke of almost 50 years ago.

I dreamt of myself as a little 6-year old boy unknowingly riding on a bus with an older version of myself. When little me went to tell the bus driver that I needed to pee, he told me to go back to my seat. An innocent bystander came over to help and without a thought, the bus driver opened the door, and while the bus was still moving, he pushed us both out! The remainder of the passengers gasped as little me and the innocent bystander rolled onto the concrete, blood everywhere.

Suddenly, I was now not only observing the dream, but in the dream. I was now the older version of me in the bus. I stood up and yelled to protest his cruel act of violence; I immediately asked for everyone’s assistance. I got very little help and so I got off the bus but I was already too far away from the crime scene. In the end, there was no resolution, the dream got weird and I don’t remember the ending, ugh!

This morning I woke up and decided to read MLK’s “I Have A Dream” speech; I read it word for word, as I had only done so once before when reading his autobiography. After all these years, the words are still powerful. They reminded me of all the inequality that still exists in our country, our world. The one phrase that caught my attention was “we cannot walk alone.” It sort of summed up everything. How often do we get consumed into our little lives, not realizing that we do not and cannot walk this earth alone? We, each and every one of us, are all connected, past, present, and future!

The piece here is titled, “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.” In his speech, MLK quotes this ‘unalienable right.’ There’s that little me that just doesn’t understand how such a simple thing cannot be granted to us all. How does it all get so complicated? And in one simple answer, I think religion really fucks us up and keeps us from uniting as one world.

John Lennon said it best:

“Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace

You, you may say
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one”

Happy Friday! It’s another beautiful day in L. A.

This year, aside from working on my book, I’m planning a trip to Barcelona. Believe it or not, I’ve never been across the Atlantic. For the past couple of years, something’s been calling me to go overseas. And so I'm going. A friend mentioned that since I’d be in the area, that I should also, check out Lisbon, Portugal.

Recently, I watched famed writer of Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert talk about creativity and inspiration. If you have a moment watch this clip. It’s worth it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86x-u-tz0MA.

In it she talks about the word Allah as being used to refer to God as the inspiration for creativity. In Africa back in the day, when in the presence of magical divinity, such as watching and amazing dance performance … the crowds would chant the word Allah, Allah, Allah! (God, God, God!) Centuries later, when the Moors invaded Spain, the custom was taken along and the pronunciation changed from Allah, Allah, Allah! to Ole, Ole, Ole!

I found this cultural footnote to be interesting, as I also believe that inspiration is divine. I oftentimes find myself curious about where my ideas come from. They sort of appear magically. And so when I listened to her speak about this from a historical perspective, it struck a nerve.

The piece here is titled, “Matador.” I did this a few months ago when thinking about my trip to Barcelona. Thank you Ole! Thank you for everything. I can’t imagine life without this beautiful thing called imagination.

“You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'” – George Bernard Shaw.

Ugh-oh! I almost forgot to post today. After a long morning walk, I’ve been cleaning all day. It's time to de-clutter!

It's strange to think it’s been only 7 days since the start of the New Year, so far so good. In a post from 2011, I mentioned that after all these years of wanting to write a book, I would finally devote my energy to making it happen.

Luckily, in the last couple of years, I’ve established some great habits with my painting and blog-writing. These new habits are already coming in handy. So far, I’ve put in a lot of time and energy into my book. It sounds a little strange writing this down, as I’ve dreamed of doing this since leaving high school over 25 years ago. I’m determined!

I realize that, much like painting, it’s going to take time, courage, will, and lots of patience. I’m excited about this journey; but mostly, I’m curious about the experience and what I will learn.

Writing and painting, together, has never been easy, nearly impossible. I either write or I paint. And so if I’m not painting or photographing new pieces, please understand, that I’ve given myself permission to allow the words to take over. This does not mean that I will not paint, as I will honor every little idea. However, writing will be my main focus.

The piece here is titled, “Balancing Me.” My own personal journey in trying to achieve balance inspires it. It’s been somewhat of a struggle, but I also understand that going with the flow is oftentimes more important.

“The word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”- Carl Jung

On New Years Day I finally watched Tom Shadyac’s documentary movie, “I Am.” What a great way to start the year! Since seeing him interviewed on The Oprah Show some months ago, I’ve been anxiously awaiting to see the movie.

It’s only been a few days, but life has felt calmer and a bit easier. It truly lit a spark in my heart.

I found it most interesting that when a local newspaper asked, “What’s wrong with this world?” English writer/ thinker G.K. Chesterton responded by simply writing back, “I am.”

How brilliant is that! The paper expected a long drawn out essay about the wrongdoings of humanity and instead Chesterton simply pointed the finger directly on himself. In doing so, he took responsibility. How often do we pass the buck of responsibility to everyone else, but ourselves?

This simple response still has me thinking and I’m not sure if I’m able to elaborate clearly.

One of the themes from the movie is that we are all interconnected. I realize that it’s up to each and every one of us to be the change. It sounds so vague, corny and even somewhat political, yet at the same time so easy. I take it that when we do our best in action and intention, the vibrations are like pebbles thrown into the pond and the ripple effects have greater impact than we imagine. How we change the world begins with ‘how’ we go about our world. If for example, we go out into the world feeling anxious, angry, or impatient, then we leave those ripples behind. And vice versa, grace, joy and kindness are just as infectious.

It’s all made me think more deeply about how even my own feelings are having ripple effects. Though it’s only been a few days, keeping this idea near and dear has been helpful. It’s a minor adjustment, but I believe a major accomplishment. Now if only I can continue with it for a lifetime to come or even just a few months; I’ll take a few weeks or even some extra days.

The piece here is titled “Buddha and Golden Boy.” What inspires it is the idea that behind each one us are Buddha spirits and who we are is already golden. It’s just a matter of seeing our best self. How great it would be if one day we can all answer the question, What's right with the world?" And have the same answer, "I am."

May you share the very best of ‘you’ with ‘our’ world.

It’s official; it’s a brand New Year! Hip-Hip-Hurray!

I’m wishing a happy and belated B-day to my great, beautiful, and most amazing friend, Christine. She was born on New Years day 1969.

We’ve been friends for almost 25 years; I love her dearly. Together, we have a long history of shared memories; I can count on her for everything! I adore her! A few years ago when I came home from the hospital after having survived PCP Pneumonia, I found a fridge full of food and water; she had lovingly left it behind because she knew how hard it would be to do my own shopping. WOW! It's something I'll never forget.

Many years ago, we shared a very special B-day in San Francisco. And in honor of her birth, I dressed up in drag and surprised her. We rented a room at a very special restaurant and celebrated her life! We celebrated again this past New Year at Rasputin's in West Hollwyood.

Growing up at home, we didn’t have much affection. While in our 20’s, Christine gave me a great gift, the gift of affection; it has meant the world to me. I wasn’t used to being touched, yet in simple acts of love while watching TV or just laying around on a couch, she’d rub my hands and feet with tenderness. And though I jokingly like to tell her,"You owe me." She really doesn't owe me a thing. If anything, I owe her.

The piece here is titled, “Friendship.” An episode of I Love Lucy inspires it. I love this episode; it’s a reminder that regardless of what happens in between, we can remain friends.

This quote by anonymous sums it all up, “Sometimes you put walls up NOT to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

It took me a second to understand the meaning behind these words, but they are very well said. When another can see beyond us and still love us, those are friends.

May friendships, new and old, flourish in your life!

P.S. One of my favorite moments in the Sex in The City franchise is when Carrie shows up to Miranda’s place on New Years Day and tells her, “You’re not alone.” With Friendships, we’re never alone.

Good morning last day Friday of 2011!

How often do we hear the phrase, “Leading brand, leading doctors recommended, leading blah, blah, blah? What would it be like if we were to apply this to our everyday lives and to be the leading examples of how to live our best life?

I truly believe that one of the best gifts we can give one another is to lead by example, to live our lives to the fullest potential. It may not be easy, but when we do, we shine and allow others to be inspired.

A friend once told me that I lived in a fantasy world. At first, I was offended and became defensive; I wanted to argue my point of view. But in the following days, I realized that I ‘did’ live in a fantasy world. It was the world I had created for myself, it was my fantasy world, and it was all relative. This was ‘my’ perspective and I had chosen to live and see the world in the way that was ME.

I’d like to think that in doing so I have inspired those around me to live their best life, a life that is true to them, a life that is meaningful, fulfilling, and inspiring.

We've often heard that the best managers/leaders lead by example. I’d like to think that this is true. It’s not in our words, but in our own actions that we inspire and that we give back. How we ‘live’ our life is more powerful than the words we speak.

The piece here is titled, “Super.” It’s my last and final creation for this year of 2011; Superman and the alter ego inspire it. When we can see the ‘Super’ in ourselves we inspire, we give back.

John Quincy Adams once said, “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, you are a leader.” And so I ask, “Why not have a world full of leaders? Why not look to the person next to us and see our equal regardless of skin color, gender, social background, power or fame? Why not see each other as a reflections of our very best selves, leaders of our FREE world!

May your year and years ahead be prosperous, healthy, fulfilling, and full of joy! Cheers!

Ah, it’s the day after XMAS and it already feels good. Spending a day with the family is always a treat for me; I had a great time as usual. For the first time, all the siblings and nephews played a game of soccer on a very sunny XMAS day. We may not have been the fastest nor the most agile, but we were definitely ONE family united and having one hell of a time. Maybe we’ll make it a tradition. Unfortunately, I hurt my left knee and I’m feeling some soreness today. Yet it’s all good, I get a day off from work and I get to relax a little.

I just finished a big breakfast and will be cleaning up, before possibly heading out for a day and catching a movie, maybe? Hmmm! Or possibly, I’ll stay home and be a sort of vegetable. I’ve got options and a little freedom.

I’m looking forward to the start of the New Year. I have a feeling it’s going to be an interesting year. I can’t wait to start working on my book and painting again. My LITTLE people have been waiting idly.

The piece here is titled, “Kickballing.” As a kid, I loved playing kickball; I loved the competition, the camaraderie, the feeling of freedom after kicking the ball as hard as I could and running around the bases, home. Free! I had a little bit of that feeling yesterday while playing soccer and afterwards building a human pyramid with the people I most love.

May you have a fabulous last couple of days before the New Year and may the resolutions, beginning to form, be ones that will bring you the greatest of joys.

“Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?” – Rose F. Kennedy

It's time to sing a new song and to take delight in even the simplest of pleasures. Cheers to ALL!

Merry F’ing XMAS!

Great morning world. I’m not normally one to use a ‘bad’ word, but after a long holiday season, it feels appropriate. I’ve got 2 more days of work before it’s all over and I can take a long breathe.

I’m not sure why, but for the past couple of months, I’ve been reminiscing about my very colorful youth. I’ve definitely had an interesting life. For a few years back in my 20’s, I made some interesting XMAS cards. I would put my everything into them, so far as dressing up in drag to make these cards memorable. In looking through my photo albums, I was inspired!

A couple of years ago, I took a photo of myself each day for 30 days straight. Curious about bringing back my homemade XMAS cards, the piece here is one of my self-portraits from that 30-day period. At some point, I hope to paint all of these photos. There is no title to the piece, but I especially love the intensity and almost sadness in my eyes. I’m curious about what’s to come in the year ahead.

For everyone, may it be blessed with the most amazing things imaginable! It’s up to each one of us how far we imagine. Cheers to the world we live in; it may not always be easy, but it’s definitely worthy.

Happy Holidays!

Ugh, I rarely ever go out on Sunday nights, yet last night I went out to WEHO and today I’m feeling the after effects.

The other day while driving, I saw a billboard of Hot In Cleveland. It had the 3 younger women wearing red sweaters with the word HO on each of them. Ho Ho Ho! Betty white stood in the middle with knitting needles. I found it amusing.

I make no apologies for what I’m about to write, but speaking of ‘Ho, I used to be one. I’ve had my more than fair share of sex with men; it’s probably over 1000. Most of whose faces and names I don’t even remember. I didn't have sex until after I turned 21 so I had to make up, ha!

It’s now been over a year since I last had sex; one can call it a drought. I feel almost like a virgin. The last time I had sex, it happened in the back of a dark alley with a black man whom I had a crush on for years. I just had to go out with a bang! But no joke aside, it’s been interesting to go without sex. I actually don’t really miss it. And when I go out and get drunk. I’m not even looking for it.

In all honesty, I’ve put all my energy into my art. I just had to re-channel my energy.

The piece here is titled, “Black Cock.” Make what you want out of it. I find it amusing. And since it’s the HO’lidays, here’s little funny quote by someone anonymous, ““Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last”

HO’pe you are all having a great HO’liday season!

I’m waking up late this Saturday morning. And yet again, I didn’t post yesterday. My brain cells are running on empty. There’s less than 7 ten days to go before XMAS. Fa La La La La La! I wonder who came up with the idea of this being the season to be jolly? In the last couple of days, I’ve felt a bit delirious; I sort of like it because I start acting sillier than usual.

I haven’t painted nor have I taken a photograph in a few weeks, but today I’m going to give it a shot and take out my brushes. I’m curious. I have a commissioned piece to work on before the end of the year.

This time of the year is always a challenge, not so much because of the holiday shopping nor because of the family, but because I’m not able to live with a little routine in life. I get consumed with work. Luckily, I finally get to go for a walk this morning and then make breakfast. I get a little peace on earth today, ahhhh!

The piece here is titled, “Brenda.” A few months ago, Brad, my boss and friend, commissioned me to paint it for his sister. It’s the last time I painted. I struggled with it a bit, but in the end I was happy with it, and his sister loved it!

In searching for a quote on ‘daily routine,’ they all seemed so negative. I believe that a little daily routine is healthy for our souls; it’s like the jingles in songs that keep us humming along and complete the lyrics. Fa La La La La La!

Have a great weekend and a little good luck with all the Holiday shopping.

Okay, so I didn’t write yesterday. I’m a day late. Life has been a bit crazy and because of the holidays, I’ve been consumed with work. But after a long day, (I was supposed to have a day off) I watched Janie Fonda on the Rosie show. WOW!

I’ve recently seen her in TV appearances, but last night, while watching her, I became a fan of Jane. She’s an incredible woman with so much wisdom, joy, humor, and perspective on life. I love her. Her courage to speak about her parents and sexual abuse is remarkable! You could see the burn in her yes. She even quoted Viktor Frankl, “Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

This here is my all time favorite quote. I’ve posted it before, but here it is again. His words have forever left their footprint on my life. It’s a reminder that no matter what, I’m free to choose how I see all of my life.

With my eyes closed and being a bit courageous, I randomly chose this image. Ta-dah! Of all my photographs from LITTLE, this is what I picked; it’s obviously titled, “LIFE.” It’s been a while since I’ve painted or taken a photograph, but recently, most of my LITTLE pieces have been digitally enhanced.

May your life be enhanced with joy, peace, and kindness. Cheers to all and to all a great life!

After 2 very long days, I’m home and ready to chill out at home. I’m exhausted!

I want to thank everyone who came by for the opening of LITTLE at Flight001. After a lot of work, it felt so good to have it finally set up. It looked beautiful and most of all, I had a great time! I sold a few pieces yesterday and even a few more today. The first piece to sell was this piece featured here, “Destination Love You.”

And if you didn’t happen to check it out yesterday, the show will stay up for a while, maybe even through the Holidays. And so if you’re in need for a LITTLE art or some super duper cool travel products, come by Flight001.

And thanks to a very cool customer, I may just have my work hung alongside Lichtenstein, Warhol and other great artists.WooHoo!

And since I’m pooped and hungry, I will leave it at that.

Have a most beautiful weekend ahead.

I’ve been up super early today, still feeling under the weather. This little bug of cooties is not going away. I’m making some coffee and going for my morning walk, burr!

Ever since leaving high school, I’ve wanted to write a book. For a many years, I worked on an autobiographical book that just never took shape. After all these years, my desire to finish a book has remained. After a few years of blogging, I have work to pull from and I’m now determined to put one together.

Over the years, I’ve read a great many books, but 2 authors that have inspired me to write are Robert Fulghum and Rachel Naomi Remen. Their beautiful short stories have inspired me to write my own book of stories and life lessons based from a gay artist’s perspective.

My goal by the end of next year is to have a complete draft sent to a publishing company. It’s going to take a lot of work, but I’m determined to follow this path. After majoring in English at UC Berkeley, Mama, afterwards told me, “Why didn’t you major in art?” I remember thinking, why she hadn’t told me this earlier; it may have changed the course of my life. I don’t hold any regrets, but I wonder.

For many years now, I have thought of myself as an artist and now I am slowly coming to terms with myself as being a writer also. I love my words and my storytelling. With this book, I hope to combine both my stories and my art.

The piece here is titled, “I WUV U.” It’s my latest piece inspired by my love for Scrabble. In this upcoming year, I hope to unscramble all the words I have written and still to write into one cohesive book with inspirational and interesting stories. Okay, I've said it out loud, now I can be held accountable.

“Facts bring us to knowledge, but stories lead us to wisdom.” – Rachel Naomi Remen

Enjoy your Monday, tell a story!

HEYA! I’m just slightly waking up and going back to bed for a bit before work. I’m feeling a bit under the weather, UGH!

Yesterday was the 30-year anniversary of HIV/ AIDS. According to the CDC website about 33.3 million people have passed away. WOW!

Last night while watching NBC news, it was great to see Bono (U2 lead singer) talk about his passion to one day be free of HIV/ AIDS. His activism is an inspiration.

I’ve been positive for over 12 years, and though I may not always see or understand how it affects my everyday life and choices, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s part of who I am. I rarely talk about it, as I don’t want to define myself in that manner. But here I am writing about it and yet, who I am doesn’t change; I’m still me. It’s really a matter of how others may come to perceive me.

I believe that in one way or another, we have all been touched by this HIV epidemic; it has changed our world. And though it has brought about death, pain and sadness, I also believe that it has been a blessing. It has brought people together that may never have met; it’s been a universal bond.

Last night, as I watched PRIMETIME OWN with kids facing OCD and contamination, I wondered about what was behind the mask? What did these kids fear in being contaminated? Not once did they mention the fear of death? Is their compulsion a fear of dying, of not existing? Why not talk about our mortality? Dying is what makes living beautiful and worthwhile.

I may not understand the chemical imbalances or psychology that contributes to OCD, but I do know that there is more to us than fear, there is LIFE spirit.

When my OCD self goes about my apartment, double checking doors, the stove, the candles, and iron, I realize its my fear of losing everything that is dear to me, my life, my identity of how I relate to our world. It’s scary, yet it can be liberating if I change my perspective of how I identify ME with the world around US. We are mortal, yet ever-changing. Though we may not have signed a contract, it’s part of being human.



5 years ago, my short 2-week stay at Cedars Sinai with PCP Pneumonia will stay with me as the most beautiful time in my life. As I lived on the verge of dying, there was a great sense of peace and joy. There was so much love not just from friends and family, but also from the staff who made me feel alive and worthy.

The piece here is titled "Equally Positive.” HIV, Death, and the Equality symbol inspire it. We often perceive those infected with HIV as a symbol of death; sometimes it feels as if we don’t exist, as if we are not worthy of everything human, as if…

May you go out into our world knowing that no matter what lay beneath the surface, there is more that lay above and beyond it. There is love and kindness. There is LIFE!

Peace and Blessings.

Hello Monday

I’m just waking up after some heavy dreaming.

After almost 1 year of continuously blogging every Monday and Friday, I missed writing this past Friday. I had started my post early in the morning, but could not find the right ‘thank you’ words. And so I decided to take a one-day break.

Today, after my morning walk, I’m doing a little house cleaning; it’s been a long time. I’m also working on my LITTLE Art Show for next week. I need to finish up a few things, but I’m almost there.

With the Holiday Season upon us, my brain feels a little fried. It's been a curious couple of days. I feel a little out of touch with myself. It’s almost like I don’t have time to sit still or ponder on what’s really going on in my life/ thoughts. Even writing this morning feels a bit challenging.

I think I’ll leave it at that and hope that in muddle of thought, I can go out into the world today and find some sense of understanding, even if it’s just a little bit of insight. Even though, American poet, Nancy Willard writes, “Sometimes questions are more important than answers.”

The piece here is the flyer for my LITTLE Art Show at Flight001 on Thursday Dec. 8th. Later on today, I’m going to FedEx and having it printed. I’m curious about how the enlarged size will look. And so with a little curiosity, I will head out into our beautiful world today.

Whoa! What a beautifully cool Monday day.

This past Saturday, my aunt, Tia Challo passed away. After months of being ill, she has gone home. As I’m waking up seeing this beautiful sunny blue-sky day, a day after the rain, I’d like to think she has arrived safely to heaven above.

Though I wasn’t very close to her, since hearing the news, I find myself thinking about her. I’m not sure what to think, to feel. It’s like I’m waiting for this something to happen. I think of my angel Sam. On the day he passed away, he became my angel. His spirit is with me always. I realize now that Tia Challo is an angel to someone else; the energy of her spirit remains.

In honor of my aunt, the piece here is titled, “Destination Heaven.” May she rest peacefully.

In search of a quote, I closed my eyes and opened up to whatever page I was meant to read. In Who Dies, Stephen Levine writes, “No really, death is nothing special. While you are reading this page hundreds of people are dying. We don’t mourn our aunt, we don’t mourn our children. Who we mourn is ourselves. We mourn our loss; someone we related to isn’t on the other side of the net for the game of life we have become so used to playing. Honor that loss and trust the feelings that arise when the mirror for your love has been shattered.”

The words at first sounded harsh, but I understand. I get it. Death is a part of our life and without it life wouldn’t be as amazing.

Me we go out into the world with a little death in our hearts as a reminder to live with the openest of arms.

Ah, Friday!

A couple of weeks ago, I officially introduced my LITTLE line of greeting cards into all 6 Flight001 retail stores, YEA! The cards are titled “LITTLE Tourists;” they’re inspired by my 8 years of working at this travel boutique on 3rd Street, Los Angeles.

I never imagined myself working in a retail environment, but being at Flight001 has been a great blessing in so many ways. Along with dealing with our beloved customers, managing a crew of employees has been the best gift possible. Each and every co-worker has shed a special light in my life. Thank You!

As I think about what to write for today’s post, I think about the word ‘welcome.’ According to an online dictionary, the word welcome means: ‘Received with pleasure and hospitality into one's company or home.’

We have often heard the term ‘Welcome aboard,’ when boarding a plane, but how often have we thought to live from this place? To receive others, including strangers with the same lightness and spirit that we so often reserve only for those near and dear. What would life be like if we were to live with open arms, without expectations and judgments? What would it mean to receive others into the ‘home’ of our soul?

I'm NOT always so welcoming; it’s not always so easy. I close myself off. As I write, I think of my angel Sam, who for years, I watched as he welcomed people from all walks of life to his little newspaper stand on the corner of Mission and Valencia in San Francisco. I found out he had passed away when I came across his little stand and it was covered with letters and flowers from all people whose lives he touched. Though I had never spoken with him before, he became my angel that day. I think about him almost daily; he inspires me to live from that place of welcome. He reminds me, that with each passing moment, we have the opportunity to pass along the magic of our spirit. Thank you Sam, thank you and your welcome.

The piece here is titled, “Welcome Aboard.” It’s one of pieces from my LITTLE Toursist. On Thursday, December 8th, I’m excited to be unveiling my first ever exhibit of LITTLE at Flight001. If you're in the neighborhood, please stop by and say hello!

May you WELCOME everything possible into your life. Have a Fantastic Weekend!

Hello Monday! What a beautiful day for a morning walk.

On Sundays, my favorite thing to do after work is to come home, make dinner, chill out with a little TV and call it an early night. Last Sunday evening, I found myself with nothing interesting to watch and so I switched over to CBS and started watching The Good Wife. Surprise, Surprise! Immediately, I fell in love with the show. Aside from it being another ‘law’ show, I found the characters to be likeable, the storyline interesting and I even found myself laughing out loud. I love it when a show can bring out a few different emotions.

I especially love Christine Baranski! Many years ago, while working as a pool boy at The Hotel Bel-Air, I was fortunate enough to wait on her. She was fabulous, kind, and a lady. I loved the way she called me, “Darling.” And so yesterday, I watched a mini-marathon of past shows.

Watching the show made me think about a possible other show called, The Good Husband. Immediately, I remembered something my little sister, Moni, once told me as teenagers. Because I loved to cook, clean, do laundry, and garden, she said, “You’re going to make a good husband.” Though the possibility would end up being a good husband to another husband and NOT a wife. I’ve always thought of myself as a ‘good catch.’ But after four failed relationships, maybe it really is ME and NOT you. Maybe, playing the role of a good husband is an NOT and option.

Except for the one-year relationship a little while ago, I've been single for 13 years. I think it’s the role I’m meant to play; I’m good at it. However, I won’t close myself off completely, but the For Sale sign is not really visible. If you’re thinking you want to put a ring on it, I’ll have to get back to you.

American rapper, Wiz Khalifa said, “Being single doesn’t necessarily mean you’re available. Sometimes you have to put a sign that says “Do NOT Disturb” on your heart.

Speaking of signs, the piece here is titled, “Signs.” It’s inspired by a stoplight, an upcoming art show, and relationships. Please feel free to add any meaning you would like to it. For now, I’m On Hold.

Have a beautiful week. And remember there are signs everywhere. How you interpret them is totally up to YOU.

It’s Saturday afternoon and after being out and about for a bit, I'm now lounging around.

I’m inspired to do a special Saturday post. I recently had a sale of one of my prints here on the FAA website. It’s my Little Girl, titled “I Have A Feeling I’m Not in Kansas.” The piece is a self-portrait of myself as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Back in 2000, I accidentally found myself being photographed for a Drag Queen calendar called Hollywood is A Drag. Iconic female stars from Hollywood’s movie past inspire it.

The piece here is the actual photo from the calendar; I was the month of July and heard that I came so close to being on the front cover. It would have been funny since I was the only person not to be an official drag queen. I look like a ‘chola’ version of Dorothy. Ha!

The piece below is my Little Girl inspired by this photo.

And finally on a totally different note, today I found a book at Serifos in Silverlake. It’s called Confessions. The book is composed of snippets from people’s real life confessions. It has me laughing out loud. Here are just a couple of the ones that cracked me up.

1) “A year ago, I was crossing the street. An elderly woman was lying face down in the snow. I passed her by without doing a thing. I still feel terrible- Elisabeth, Principal.

2) “I’ve always been kind of a racist, but lately I’ve been dreaming of getting a large black dick up my ass. I’m not gay, but I still want to know what it feels like. I don’t know what to do.” –Randy Racist 31

3) “On my way to school, I masturbated in a public bus. I was 15, horny and beside the driver, the last and only person on the bus.” - ME!

GOT a CONFESSION, I ‘d love to hear it. I dare You!

Good Morning World!

I woke up not feeling well, but as the saying goes, it’ll pass.

I’ll try my best to keep it short and simple. Christmas is almost here. Give the gift of LITTLE! The 8x10 photo print will be signed and framed in an 11’x14’ white/ glass frame. I will also include a matching 3’x5’ LITTLE greeting card. ONLY $50 + shipping. I have over 100 pieces to choose from.

My LITTLE series has brought so much joy into my life and I hope that this LITTLE gift can do the same for those who receive them. Please, please pass this along and share it on your Facebook pages.

The piece here is titled, “Superheroes.” It’s an example of the finished product. Please take a look at my website here on FAA or http://ricky-sencion.artistwebsites.com. I’m easily reached @ Littlegirls98@aol.com.

Today is 11.11.11. So much is being written about it, but one website said it best, “I would suggest not getting caught up in interpretations and more allow the energies of the day to be experienced by putting some time aside for quiet and meditation.” Shhhhhhhhhh!


May you have a beautiful weekend, may the magic in your life unfold, and may the journey of your soul be peaceful, joyful and bright.
Cheers!

Burrrr! I don’t feel like getting up and going for a morning walk. I sort of wish it was raining again; it would make my decision easier. But with a little coffee, I should be okay. Though yesterday, I did love waking up to the rain, it all feels so sudden. But living in LA, I can’t complain. There's a beautiful blue sky outside.

The rain (or the sound of water,) is my favorite sound. It reminds me of Papa. As a teenage boy, though I didn’t have a good relationship with Papa, I loved it when he watered the grass. As soon as I heard the splash of the water, I would go to my room, lock the door, lie on my bed, and close my eyes. Ahhhh! The noise of the water was music to my ears; it soothed my soul. And during high school, I needed as much soothing as possible. Maybe “The Sound of Water” like The Sound of Music could be turned into a high school musical. Ha!Ha!

Whether its water from a hose, a fountain, a waterfall, the sky, a river, or the ocean, the sound of water has worked magic on me. And thankfully, after all these years, it hasn’t changed. The beautiful thing is, that even though Papa and I still don’t have the best of relationships, I think about him often and I'm grateful for everything he has done for each of his kids and Mama.


The piece here is titled, “Rain On Me.” My love for the sound of water inspires it. And though it’s a self-portrait, it reminds me of Papa. In some strange way, water has healed how I see our relationship; I can see Papa from a different light.

Side Note: I have one very fond memory of myself while in college. On a spring day, it started raining really hard and looking out my dorm room window, I was inspired. Not only did I run around campus, but also when I came back, I lay on a bench and felt the rain on me. I was drenched! People must have thought I was crazy, but I needed a little water on me.

Quite by accident, I found this quote by Chuang Tzu. “You will always find an answer in the sound of water.” How does an ancient Chinese philosopher know about me? Ah, so wise!

Have a beautiful week ahead. And when it rains, remember to listen an await for answers.

Yesterday morning, a few minutes before 6AM,I arrived at Pan Pacific Park for my morning walk. I was surprised to see that the early birds were already out and about. It being so early, I thought I’d be a little invisible but luckily I wasn’t alone.

As I went about my walk, I thought about Oprah’s words a few days earlier. She said, “The worst thing you can do to another is to make them feel invisible.” I wondered about how I had made others feel invisible. How I had been made to feel invisible? What a great way to start my morning!

A few days ago I wrote about my lack of eye contact and realized that in doing so I make others feel invisible. I close myself off to the world around me and I don't honor the lifespirit.

While watching Oprah’s Lifeclass, Nobel Prize winner Toni Morrison says, “That the greatest gift we can give to our kids is to show them the joy in our eyes when seeing them.” Click! I remembered I had seen this show many years ago and though I hadn’t remembered where I had gotten this little seed of love, it was beautiful to hear her words again. I don’t have children and I don’t plan on having kids, but I thought, “What if… I had joy in my eyes with as many people as possible?’ Over the years, I have made the greatest of efforts, but now, hearing her words, I was reminded to keep this idea even closer to me.

Working in a customer service position, I thought about how I could improve on my visibility with everyone who entered the store. Though I know it’s not possible to be so open with every single person, I can at least make the effort to have that joy in my eyes as much as possible.

The piece here is titled, “Invisible.” Today’s post inspires it. Along with being an artist, I am a writer using a word as art. I also thought about the green screen so often used in the movies. That little green screen makes so many more things visible.

Roland Barthes says, “A photograph is always invisible, it is not it that we see.”

I found this quote interesting. When we look at a photograph, what’s the ‘IT’ that we see? Do we see ourselves? Do we simply take our own impression of it, or do we get a glimpse of what someone else saw, but for a second on earth? Did the artist/ photographer make something invisible, visible? What if we stopped to look at our life in the same manner? Will we see one another more clearly? It’s about going beyond what we see and keeping our ‘heart-space’ open to ourselves and to the magic everywhere. I can focus on the world around me, but seeing YOU is more important. When I see you, I see me. I see GOD. And life feels so much more alive!

The Challenge: go out into the world aware of how we make one another feel visible. We exist, therefore, we are!

Have a most fantastical weekend!

Happy Halloween! I’m waking up late after some tough dreams of being in a mansion looking for a place to hide from gangster killers.

Lately, I’ve been watching the new Rosie O’Donnell show on OWN. Even though I’ve enjoyed her in the past, especially her fights with Elizabeth on The View, I haven’t been a fan until now. It’s been great to come home from work and to have a comedy show to unwind with. She cracks me up! I actually laugh out loud at some of her dumb jokes and mannerisms.

On a somewhat similar note, my drag name is NOT Rosie, but Rosa, actually Rosa Rose. Translated Rose Rose. In some odd way it’s in honor to my mom who has loved roses for as long as I can remember. It’s been a long time since I’ve put on a wig and heels, but she’s still in here somewhere.

Personally, being in drag is another creative outlet. It’s not about wanting to be or feel like a woman. Whenever I have visions/ ideas in my life, I make the greatest of effort to bring them to life. This applies to my painting and photography. If I don’t express it, I feel weird and unfulfilled. I believe that GOD has given me this imagination and to NOT bring it to life is to NOT live to my best potential.

The piece here is titled “Becoming Me.” It’s from my series of Little Girls. A photo of me in drag inspires it back when I was living in SF. I remember how much courage it took to show up to a house party with only me dressed in drag. But I had this idea and I followed through with it. I’m always glad I do. My friends and I had a blast!

I found a quote from a cross-dresser that applies here, he wrote, “I seek only to discover more of myself and to create a safe environment to experiment in."


Have a great Halloween and remember to honor all your ideas and inspirations!

Ugh, it’s too cold and I want to lie in bed under the sheets! But I’ve decided to get up and get my day going. It’s a simple decision, but it’s a decision nonetheless. It’s my little voice telling me to get up, make some coffee, and write. Oprah calls it the ‘original whisper.” It’s a little whisper that guides us through life. How often do we not listen to it? How often do we hear it, yet make decisions based on the spin of the wheel.

We are making decisions all day long. What to wear, what to eat, workout or not workout, a right or left turn? Cash or credit? Obviously some decisions are bigger than others, yet deep down inside the little voice is always speaking to us about what to do. There’s no need for Pro’s and Con’s; with a little faith, in the Greater Power, and ourselves we are lead to the place we are meant to be.

Back in the 90’s when I made the somewhat crazy decision to wear a pair of Levi’s thong underwear out into the streets of San Francisco during Gay Pride, I didn’t expect the amount of attention I would receive. All by myself, I walked from my apartment to the the parade route. Today, I wouldn’t do it again. But when I need a little reminder of courage, I think back to that day. It took a lot of balls!

Surprisingly, because of that thong, later that night, I met a boy. Amongst hundreds of thousands of people, he had seen me walking in the parade earlier in the day. Though friends discouraged me, I trusted my little voice and after a year, I moved to LA to give the relationship a shot. After 4 years, it didn’t work out. But here I am in my beloved city of Los Angeles all because of a thong and a boy(were still great friends). No regrets! I love LA!

The piece here is titled, “Spin Me Round.” I did it especially for today’s post. Though rarely do I struggle in making decisions, there have been times that I have struggled. My head starts spinning and life begins to feel out of control. And then I remember to quiet down and listen. It's not always easy, but it's that simple.

Tom Robbins wrote, “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” Very well said! Decisions have outcomes, but it’s in how we handle these outcomes that shape our lives.

Enjoy your Halloween weekend! Be courageous! Be brave! Be outrageous!

Last night after watching a mini marathon of CBS’s new TV show A Gifted Man starring Patrick Wilson, I started today’s post. The show's about a doctor and his dead wife who’s a sort of angel in his life. The show makes me laugh, it’s brought tears to my eyes, it reminds me of my own angels, Sam and Bill; it makes me want to be a better man. Plus, I can stare at Patrick Wilson all night long. In one episode his wife tells him that he’s uncomfortable and afraid of being outside his comfort zone; it made me think about my own zone. What is my comfort zone composed of?

Today, while on my morning walk, I thought about it. The first thing that came to mind is my lack of eye contact. I’ve been aware of it for most of my adult years and I’ve made attempts to improve on it, but somehow I haven’t figured out a way to make better eye contact, especially with strangers. I realize that not only is it a way of keeping others at a distance, but unfortunately it also keeps people from coming in (in a good way.)

If our eyes are the windows to our souls then real eye contact can only open us up, free us, and move us forward. For the next couple of days, I will take this with me and SEE what happens.

The piece here is titled, “Caution.” It did it especially for today’s post. It’s my way of feeling when I know that I am keeping others at arms length. It’s like I have ‘yellow caution’ tape around me; it’s not good. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe wrote, “Thinking is more interesting than knowing, but less interesting that looking.” What a brilliant quote!

I’ll end with a question: What will life be like, if we look beyond what are eyes can see?

I hope to see YOU soon.

So on Monday, I blogged about something. I was curious! And I was surprised that I had NO feedback or replies ☹. I felt disappointment. Were my expectations too high? I’m not sure, but I thought I’d pass it on.

It’s not often that we get something for FREE. And here I was offering something Free Without Purchase. I was excited about giving.
My offer still stands but hurry before offer expires. Read Monday’s blog for details.

The piece here is titled, “Greed.” It’s inspired by people’s lust for money. I did this prior to the Occupy Wall Street Protests and now can say that it’s in honor to them and to their courage to stand up for what they believe; I believe the same. I wonder if change will come from all of this? I really hope so, even if it’s on a small scale.

Peace and Blessings.

The other morning while making the simple decision to reclose my eyes after being up at 4:00 am, I thought I could either go for a walk or rest. I decided to rest and thought: I’m an adult. For 20+ years I have now been an adult. I think about this at the oddest of times. Sometimes while driving, drinking coffee or even having a simple conversation. It’s as if I’m watching myself from a different place and it’s not really me. Because me still feels like a kid.

There was never an official welcome into adulthood/manhood. I never had a sweet sixteen, no bar mitzvah. The closest I got to a coming of age event, happened at 12 years of age while watching Peter Sellers (a.k.a. Inspector Clouseau) in a Pink Panther movie; he was running around a nudist colony. Aroused, I came (ejaculated) for the first time in my life. And though it felt incredibly amazing, I was terrified that something bad had happened. No one ever explained to me anything about orgasms and semen. And so coming into manhood happened all by my lonesome self. There was no big party with guests and envelopes filled with money.

I’m kind of glad there wasn’t a party (I don’t think I would have been able to cum with so many people around, Ha!)

But seriously, this way I have an excuse to always remain a kid. Because like the Toys R Us commercial says, “I don’t want to grow up.” As I age and see wrinkles, grey hair, age spots and a little more aches and pains, I love growing older. Because deep down inside, I don’t think I’ll ever really grow up. I may act more mature and a bit wiser, but the real part of who I am remains a little kid that is curious and playful. It’s just a matter of HOW much I want to let him play.

I’m fortunate to have my imagination and the talent of my artistic abilities. Especially with LITTLE, it’s been like being a kid again and playing without any rules. I find myself laughing out loud oftentimes while setting up the pieces before they are photographed. The piece here is titled, “Silly Rabbit.” As I put on the bunny ears, I laughed until my stomach hurt. I laughed at the silliness of the piece. Now it’s just a matter of taking this out into the ‘real’ world each day.

Marcel Proust wrote, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” Because as adults, we may have the freedom of making choices, but the real freedom is in our abilities to change our perspectives at any given moment. We are free to choose how we see this world.

To the first 8 people who respond or post back on FAA or Facebook, I will be sending out Surprise Treats in the mail. Because, silly rabbits, tricks aren’t kids, they’re for ALL OF US. (Please make sure to shoot me your mailing address to Littlegirls98@aol.com)

Have a beautiful week ahead. Cheerios!

On Monday, feeling uneasy about hiking alone, I went to the Sullivan Trail in Santa Monica and I came across Murphy’s Ranch. Back in the 40’s during World War II, this place was a Nazi compound built by Winona and Norman Stephens, a wealthy American couple with a marked affinity for National Socialism and Hitler's New Order in Germany. During the 70’s it burnt down and the ruins are now graffiti’ed.

Being alone and NOT having seen a single person on the trail, I climbed down 500 narrow cement stairs and eventually I came across the place. There was an immediate sense of curiosity, fear, and awe! As I entered the ruins, I felt scared as hell. What had happened here? There was a creepy energy lingering around. Just in case something BAD happened, I had left a note on my desk about my whereabouts.

After taking a few photos and walking up further along the trail, I came across a family of 4. I felt a sense at ease. If something happened, at least someone had seen me. But after they left, I explored some more, took some more photos, had lunch and was about to explore some more when I noticed something lurking in the distance. I paused; it paused. We both froze. It looked like a coyote, a wolf, maybe. Fear took over. Quickly I looked for large sticks and picked 2 up. I started flinging them around in hopes that the coyote, or whatever it was would keep its distance. I walked quickly, but did not run.

After reaching the top, now a 1000 stairs later, I walked some more until I came across the iron gates, the entrance to the ranch. I thought about going further, but the thought of being attacked, kept me from going. As I walked back to the car, I came across another set of stairs. With curiosity, fear, and a bit of courage, I climbed down another 500 stairs, only to reach the bottom and immediately feel the need to go back up. I just couldn’t risk it. But as I walked up, I felt a sense of pride for taking a chance, for being an adventurer- 2000 stairs! Ah my legs!

The piece here is titled, “Freak.” The first time I ever dressed up as a creepy clown, I knew it had taken courage to walk out of my apartment. And though it was a different courage than going on this hike, alone; it was still courage, nonetheless. Courage comes in all forms. It can be something as simple as saying high to a stranger. Every time we leave our apartment, we take a little courage with us. How much we use is totatlly up to us.

Before leaving the compound, I picked up a piece of tile to remind me of this courage, to remind me to live life from a different place.

Have a courageous and exciting weekend. Woohoo!

I’m reluctantly waking up after the most erotic and sexy dream at an unbelievable all-nude male and female strip joint. WOW! I’ll never forget it! There were 100’s of dancers doing the most irreverent of things. So beautiful! Where it came from, I don’t know, but maybe it has to do with the Full Moon happening tomorrow.

I started feeling the effects of the moon over the weekend, actually on Thursday. It’s like being on my period; I know it’s coming and I start feeling strange all over, actually moody as crap.

On nights with Full Moons, I like going out to the bars and clubs. I get drunk and I let whatever happen, happen. No regrets! On these nights, I’ve had some very interesting evenings and I’ve met incredibly special people, who are now great friends in my life. As much as I love feeling the strangeness, I love knowing that there is another side to the all the strange feelings. There is magic! I never know what to expect, but I’m always open to the surprise.

According to Wikipedia, full moons “are traditionally associated with temporal insomnia, insanity (hence the terms lunacy and lunatic) and various "magical phenomena."

Yet according to psychologists ‘there is no strong evidence for effects on human behavior around the time of a full moon.’ I don’t agree! If a full moon can affect the tides of our oceans, and our bodies are composed of 70% water, logic follows; that it would affect our bodies, our being. I’m proof of the matter! I may not go out howling at the moon, but I sure start acting a bit strange.

The piece here is titled, “First Mexican Man on The Moon.’ It’s inspired by Man’s one small step on the Moon. It may not have been a Mexican to have first landed on the moon, but ‘for sure’ a Mexican is a testament to the idea that this beautiful full moon of ours truly changes how we go about our world. With the change of tides, we change as well.

Enjoy tomorrow, and every day after. Let the magic happen. Aw-hoooooooooo!

I woke up early this morning, but lay in bed for a bit; it’s Friday! And I wasn’t feeling up for a morning walk.

I’m off to work and afterwards, a little tennis with Alex. My plantar fasciitis is feeling better and my right knee, since surgery 20-years ago, has never been the same, but I’m ready to play.

For the past 2 weeks, I’ve been reading ‘Rafa’ by Rafael Nadal. Though it hasn’t been an amazing read, I’ve enjoyed reading his story. It’s been interesting and inspiring. What has surprised me most is how different he is off the court. He’s shy, reserved, and even a bit fearful. But most interesting is the manner in which he has trained himself to focus, to step inside ‘the zone’ and to endure the challenges that come his way while he’s on the court. It’s fascinating and incredible!

The challenge now is how do I take this information and use it for my own art career? After all these years, though I’ve made progress, its been slow. I want to take it further, to a different place, one that is beyond my imagination.

The piece here is titled, ‘Cornholes.’ It’s the first photo taken for my LITTLE series. I hadn’t posted it before. But doing so now, I see how much further I’ve come.

Albert Einstein said, ““Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

And so rather than try and understand it all, I will go out into the world, open to the possibility of imagination.

Cheers and Blessings!

Ah! A morning Monday walk, always the best!

I thought I’d write about something I may have already written before, but with a different header. Though, I talk to myself quite a bit, I’m still surprised by some of the Sh*T that comes out of my mouth.

The other day while walking around naked in my apartment, I said out loud “Nutty Nuder;” it came out from out of nowhere. I was referring to myself being naked and crazy. What exactly is a Nutty Nuder? It’s a crazy-ass-nudist! Though I’ve been to a few nude beaches, I don’t consider myself a nudist. I don’t normally walk around my apartment naked, but I'll do it from time to time. (There's even a video of me in my twenties dancing alone in my apartment naked.)

As for as being crazy, I know that in someway or another, I am, but I don’t mind. The online dictionary defines crazy as “mentally deranged; demented; insane.” It sounds so harsh! I like to define ‘crazy’ as offbeat, strange or wild, but then again, it’s all relative. Because in any way, who’s really ‘normal?’


The piece here is titled “Nudists.” It’s one of my favorite LITTLE pieces. I love the simplicity and composition of the piece. Like 'Nutty Nuder,' it also came from out of nowhere; I love when this happens. And now, I have another phrase added to my long list of “rickyism’s.”

In Who Dies, Stephen Levine writes, “Imagine if or the next 24 hours you had to wear a cap that amplified your thoughts so that everyone within a hundred yards of you could hear every thought that passed through your head…How embarrassed or fearful would you be to go outside? How long would you let fear of the mind continue to isolate you from the hearts of others.” These words have stayed with me for many years. It reminds me to be open and honest about who I am and what goes on inside my head. Because in the end, we’re all really alike. Uh-oh!

A very special Cheers to fellow Libran's Jason and Digby on their birthdays!

And a fantastic week to you all!

Buenos Dias Friday!

I'm up early again yet again. I’ve come back from a morning walk and a little yoga at the park. Ah, so good!

For quite some time now, before lying down to sleep, I wish myself a good night and tell myself, “I love you papa.” It’s a little term of endearment referring to the man in me, whom I love and adore. In Spanish, ‘papa’ can mean either father or potato. And so sometimes to be silly, I’ll say “I love you potato.’ Because along with loving the man that I am, I love the little boy who’s curious and keeps my spirits up.

Last week, I started reading Bethenny Frankel’s “A Place of Yes. “ It such a corny title, but it’s been a good read so far. Because of her sarcasm and wit, she’s my favorite of Housewives. While reading it one day, I laughed out loud. Quoting humor writer, Cynthia Keimel, she writes, “If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet.” Writing it down makes me laugh again. I wonder about how many men, if any, have felt that way toward me; how many men are in the process of dying? HA!

I know I’ve been guilty of feeling that sentiment, but that was way back in my twenties; I can’t imagine feeling that way again. Not because I’ve given up on romantic love, or maybe I have and just don’t realize it, but because I don’t see love coming from a place of dependency. Who knows maybe life will surprise me and I’ll fall head over heels over someone yet again. In honor of all the married couples out there, the piece here is titled “Here Come the Grooms.”

And so until the day another man blows my mind, I’ll keep being the love of my life. I can’t imagine not loving oneself. And as for potatoes, I do love them, but not nearly as much as I love ALL the amazing people in my life. I’ve been very blessed.

The best way to love oneself is to embrace the reflections of all the people who cross our paths. These reflections may not always reveal the best part of who we are, but they always reveal a truth of who we really are. (As my english teacher would say, it's a little food for thought.)

Cheers, to a whole lotta love and a little potatoes on the side.

Happy September 26th. I’m now 43 years young, plus one day.

Already, I’ve been up super early, curious about the day. I’m just coming back from my morning walk and hungry for breakfast.

I’ve got on more day of exploring our city. For the past couple of days, I’ve had a sort of ‘mini retreat’ in my beloved LA. For my birthday, I took 4 days off from work. I wanted to be a minus-plus-one and alone in my city, actually not really alone. The latest census poll says there are 9,818,605 people.

While out-n-about in the last 3 days, I haven’t befriended a single person; yet I haven’t felt lonely. I have smiled and laughed, I have even cried. I have felt joy, peace, and mostly gratitude for so much. Our World is a beautiful place!

In a little while, I’m heading out to The Natural History Museum. I haven’t been there since I was a kid. I’ve always loved dinosaurs (and volcanoes). The piece here is titled, “Murder at the Museum.” I am fascinated by the idea of how we are voyeurs in life.

In Sex and the City, Carrie says, “Why does a one minus plus one feel like it adds up to zero.” I can’t imagine being alone and feeling like zero. If we feel lonely, have we closed ourselves off to the possibility of ‘hello?’ Because a simple hello or a smile to even stranger can bring us out of our heads and connect us to one another.

Thank you for all the birthday wishes; it’s been fantastic! Cheers to Life and to you all!

Good Morning World!!!

It’s my 43rd birthday this Sunday.

While on my morning walk this past week, thinking about what to write today, the first thing to come to mind were words spoken by Meryl Streep in the Hours. She says to her daughter, “I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts and of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then.”

WOW! There was so much truth in her words. I remember watching the movie at the movie theater and hoping that I could rewind and hear them again, exactly as she said them. I had to wait a few months before I could rent the movie, watch it, and rewind it. The words had made so much sense; they defined what I had wondered about happiness. Happiness wasn’t a thing nor a place to reach, but rather a state of being that exists at the moment(s) we are open.

If happiness equals possibility, what did possibility equal. How do I define it? The online dictionary says, “Able to be done; within the power or capacity of someone or something.”

I say possibility, like happiness, is a state of being that is OPEN to All of life; it means living from a place that is free and vulnerable! I wish I could come from that place every second of life.

And though I’ve been fortunate enough to experience this sense of possibility throughout my lifetime, it hasn’t always been there. Luckily, in the past couple of months, I’ve come to feel it again. It feels amazing and nostalgic. It reminds me of being in my 20’s when everything I dreamed of seemed possible.


For my birthday this weekend, I hope to not do much of anything; I want to leave it open to whatever may happen. I don’t want to plan anything specifically, except for the volleyball match tonight between the #1 ranked Cal Women’s Volleyball team versus #12 USC. For 20 years, I've followed the team religiously; it’s like I’ve been part of the team and they should retire a jersey in my honor. I’ve spent 20 years hoping that one day they would win a National Championship. Last year, they came oh-so-close before being defeated by 4-time Champs Penn State. Just a few weeks ago, they received their first ever #1 ranking! Woohoo! Go Bears!

The piece here is titled, “Happy Birthday.” It’s silly; it’s me! It’s in honor of my birth, my coming into this world with openness and wonder. Just looking at it again, makes me laugh.


As I go out into the world today, I realize that not every moment in life will be filled with a sense of possibility. Yet, I will keep it in prayer that we may all get to experience it more often that not.

Because what we imagine possible, is possible.

Cheers to us all!

A very special shout out to my 1 brother and 3 sisters who have been the best gifts in my life. I love you all.

Greetings Monday!

I’m waking up and already indecisive about whether to go for a hike up Runyon Canyon or a morning walk around Pan Pacific Park? I guess I’ll decide after a cup of coffee, but I’m leaning toward the park; it’s near by, easier, and closer to the Blick Art Store.

I need to stop by the art store anyway. I’ve decided to start selling greeting cards featuring my photographs from LITTLE. I don’t see it making millions, but at least it’ll be another source of income. And I’m curious about what other avenues this may lead to. I’m open to all the possibilities.

The piece here is titled, “Sayonara.” It’s from my series of LITTLE called “LITTLE: TOURISTS.” Since I work at Flight001, it may be the best place to sell my little cards.

I love this new found quote by Dr. Seuss, "“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Ah, in so few words, such brilliance!

Have a beautiful and fantastic week.

And so until next time (Friday) Sayonara, Aloha, Ciao, Au Revoir, Asta La Vista Baby, Buh-bye!

Good Morning Friday!

As I was driving to work yesterday and feeling a bit anxious and strange, I thought about these words: ‘This is it.’ I may have written about this before, but here I go again. Many years ago, I thought about these words and realized that in this 1 simple sentence with 3 words and only 4 letters, lay the mystery of life.

I often think about them to remind me that life is about this moment, right now. Life isn’t about what happened yesterday or what we expect to happen after work or during the weekend. With all of life’s technologies, it seems that we are living one step ahead and forgetting about the present moments. Regardless of whether those moments are joyous or sad, I believe life is best lived when we embrace it fully.

And so as I drove to work, already looking forward to a day off on Saturday, I thought, ‘This is it.’ It allowed me to open up, to think about now. Though not everything changed, I felt better. I felt more open to life and to possibility.

The piece here is titled, “Convicted.” It’s today’s featured piece. There’s something very sad and final about it. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life in a prison cell.

I’ll leave you with a question, “If this is it, what is the ‘it’ in your life at this moment?”

Peace and Blessings!

I’m waking up late this Monday morning. After watching too much 9/11 stuff before bedtime, I was having dreams of terrorist attacks on our home in East LA. Ugh! But luckily, as I was opening my eyes, I felt like I heard clapping and roars of cheers. What a great way to wake up, to cheering from crowds.

Today’s the final of the men’s draw for the U.S. Open. Because of work, I missed the women’s final. After watching highlights and Serena's outursts,I'm glad Stosur won and It left a bad taste in mouth for Serena: she was tasteless!

As for the men's draw, I’m glad to have Nadal and Djokovic in the final; They're my two favorites! I’m hoping for a great match regardless of the winner. I'll root for both.

I’ve been playing tennis off and on for over 20 years. When I first picked up the racket back in SF, it felt like it belonged in my hand. I fell in love with the sport immediately. In recent years, I have played more often with my great friend Alex. We would play until my legs could no longer move. I love everything about the sport, the physical side and even more the mental chess game.

If I could come back and get a second chance in life, I would want to come back as a professional tennis player.

The piece here is titled, Center Court.” It’s obviously inspired by my love for tennis. I could literally stay home for hours watching it, while in between playing with my Fisher Price Little People.

Many years ago, I read The Inner Game of Tennis by W. Timothy Gallwey. It really changed the way that I played my tennis. But whether you play tennis or not, it’s a good read and can be applied to so many areas in life. Here is a quote from the book:

“The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change; yet at each state, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is."

Have a fantastic week!

Good Morning World.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been praying. Except for the short time I didn’t when I realized that I wouldn’t burn in hell for not praying before bedtime. It happened around 17 years of age. I fell asleep knowing I hadn’t prayed and nothing ‘bad’ happened when I awoke the next morning.

I pray to GOD, a greater power. I pray to my angels Sam and Bill; they’ve been unbelievably beautiful lights in my life. I don’t pray for things, but rather I give thanks for the abundance and people in my life. I have been blessed greatly.

Not so long ago, while praying one morning, the words, “Bless our World,” came out of my lips. It happened without me thinking. I realized that as I said them, that it was the first time, I had been thinking, not just about myself or the people around me, but rather about EVERYONE, every single human being on Earth. I meant it sincerely; I felt it in my soul.


The piece here is titled, “Terror” It’s inspired by the attacks on 911 and in honor of everyone affected by them. It’s changed our world forever. I’m left speechless.


But every morning, I do ask God, to bless our world, with PEACE, kindness, joy, healing, compassion, and light. Every little bit helps.


When it's our turn to leave, let's leave knowing we've left this WORLD a better place.

I’m up early this Labor Day Monday. I’m off for a quick morning walk, a little US Open, and then a few hours of work.

Hope everyone is having a great Labor Day Weekend. I can’t believe summer is already over, but here in LA, it never really ends.

According to Wikipedia, Labor Day is “observed on the first Monday in September (September 5 in 2011) that celebrates the economic and social contributions of workers.” And according to some, it’s the last day to wear white, but who really follows the rules.


The piece here is titled, “Strawberry Fields Forever.” Its inspired by the migrant farm workers (especially Mexicans) who have worked on our US fields.
My dad once told me a story about his early years in the US. He had come to the US illegally from Mexico and he worked in the grape fields up in northern California. While sleeping one night, his co-workers put make-up on his face and yelled, “La Migra.” Out of fear, my dad ran for his life and ended up in another little community with make-up on his face. They looked at him with hesitation, but it was all a joke, on my dad. After all these years, he was able to laugh about it.

Aside from remembering this story myself, I remember thinking that my dad was a storyteller, and, that just like him, I loved telling stories. It’s still in me to do so.

Cesar Chavez said “Si se puede!” “Yes it can be done!”

When we put our minds to anything, anything and everything is possible.

Cheers!

Ah coffee! I must wake up.

I can’t believe it’s been only 2 months since I started my series, ‘LITTLE.’ It feels like I’ve been doing it forever.
As a kid, I used to love playing alone. I could spend hours creating worlds and imaginary friends; it continued into my high school years. Luckily, I was fortunate enough to have a lock on my door; so I was allowed to be completely alone. Mama hated the locks on our doors, but they came with the house when we moved away from East LA to Pico Rivera. Now, I can look back and see why the the lock was important; it allowed me to play uninterrupted. My imagination was free to wonder! I think this is where 'LITTLE' really started.


Today, with LITTLE, I 'm spending hours alone in my apartment; I have regressed and I get to play again, Yea!

The piece here is titled, “Kickballing.” It’s inspired by my days playing kickball at school. Playing kickball in 2nd grade, I used kick the red rubber balls as hard as I could; I would run as fast as I could. I would try to catch the balls no matter if they hurt sometimes. It was never about winning, but about doing my best.

I remember some kids didn’t try; they didn’t run. They didn’t kick. Sometimes they just stood there already defeated. Even though I was only 7 years old, I wondered why they didn’t try. It bothered me that regardless of their abilities, their likes or dislikes, they didn't do their best.

It’s funny how a simple moment has stayed with me all these years. It’s been so much a part of who I’ve been and still am.

It’s NOT about winning or about being the best, but about doing the best for ‘me.’ It’s about NOT giving up no matter what and knowing that I have given it my ALL!

Have and beautiful Holiday weekend and may you go out into the world and be the very best of you.

After a good night sleep, I woke up early this Monday morning; it feels good! I’m off for a morning hike and then I’m back home to work on some more “LITTLE” and possibly a little painting. We’ll see how the mood strikes after my hike.

This past Saturday, after a hike in Griffith Park with my sister Blanca and my godson, Michael, we saw the ‘Water is Life’ show at the planetarium inside the observatory. It was just okay, but seeing the stars light up in a darkness struck a nerve, it gave me a great sense of wonder and I even got a little teary eyed. If only we could see stars like that every day.

I’ll take this thought with me as I go on my hike and see if I’m inspired to do a ‘LITTLE” piece inspired by our night sky.

The piece here is titled, “Alien Versus Alien.” It’s from my ‘LITTLE’ series and it’s inspired by the idea that we refer to people, mostly Mexicans, (without legal papers) as aliens. Though both my parents, now citizens, have been in the US for over fifty years, at some point, they didn’t have papers and were ‘aliens’ themsleves. Does this in some way make me an alien? Ha!

One dictionary defines ‘alienated’ as “Cause (someone) to feel isolated or estranged.” Throughout my life, I can definitely say I have felt alienated, especially in high school. I still do sometimes, but as I age, it doesn’t really affect me; I can handle it! It reminds me of the great quote by Mother Theresa "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."

I’ll take this thought with me today. I know I can handle it.

Have a most beautiful week!

Good Morning World!

In a little while, I’m off to my friend Vero’s place to help her with a little art project. I’ve been looking forward to it all week; it’s always great to be around her. Though I haven’t known her for a very long time, I love her greatly.

Earlier this week, I went to WACKO on Hollywood Blvd. I was in search of small bones for my ‘Little’ series; I found them! Not only was I surprised with the variety of little bones, but more surprised with their customer service; it was amazing. They were all so friendly and helpful. I was in a bit-of-a-rush, so I can’t wait to go back and look more carefully at other stuff.

Lately I’ve been spending more time alone due to working on ‘Little.’ In doing so, I’ve noticed that I’ve been talking out loud to myself, more than usual. I've come to say out loud “I’m a Wacko-Doodle!” But to back it up, I’ll also say, “I love you just the way you are.”

Love counterbalances wacko. (You can quote me on that).

The piece here is titled, “70’s.” I did it just now. It reminded me of Mama and how she used to make clothes for my sisters. It really has nothing to do with today’s post, but it’s all part of being wacko, I guess.

“The insane, on occasion, are not without their charms” -Kurt Vonnegut.
Being a little crazy does have its charms; without it, I know I wouldn’t be me.

Have a fantastical and possibly wacky weekend!

I’m just getting back from a late morning walk. I had a hard time getting up; I was dreaming of Oprah, Barbara Walters, Maya Angelou, and the Real Housewives (no one in particular). I belonged to their click and they were throwing a fundraiser. It turned out to be comedy act.

This past Friday morning, I took this here photo, ‘Imagine.’ For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by the Holocaust. Exactly why, I’m not sure. I guess I don’t understand the hatred, cruelty, and the lack of humaneness. It boggles my mind to think that it took place.

Over the years, and even this morning, I have woken up singing the lyrics to John Lennon’s 'Imagine.' Whenever I hear them, I wonder what would our world be like, if we truly lived from this place. Though I can imagine it, I wonder if it’s possible to have peace in our world, to live peacefully amongst our differences.

This past Friday evening after having taken the photo in the morning, I was driving home from work and the song came on as soon as I got into the car; it was magical! I got teary eyed, as I wondered about myself; I had not been the nicest of persons while at work. I was having a bad day and the song brought me back to awareness. I felt grateful, I felt forgiveness, I felt joy.

As I write now, I remember words I have never forgotten; they have been my mantra in life. "Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." Viktor E. Frankl in Man's Search For Meaning.

May the week ahead be filled with peace in your heart, light in your eyes and joy in your smile. Imagine!

A Letter to Lee Alexander McQueen

Dear Lee

On Wednesday, I received Savage Beauty in the mail. I was so excited to flip through the pages and to see your work from the exhibit at The Met in NYC. I will keep my fingers crossed that maybe one day the exhibit will come to LA; I will be first in line.

Though I have been a fan of your work, I was not familiar with your background or your insights behind your work. While flipping through the pages, I was not only inspired by your work, but by your words. You brought so much beauty into our world; your vision was unbelievable and forever inspiring.

I have a new and profound sense for my own work.

As I wrote a few weeks ago, I had the privilege to attend your funeral (in my dreams). Now I go to sleep at night hoping to see you again. Hoping to somehow have interaction with you, possibly a few words of encouragement or quite night at home.

The piece here is titled, “Fashion Victim.” It’s from my series of ‘Little.’ It’s a play on words and an idea that we fall prey to being victims of fashion, labels and brands, rather than exploring our own sense of style and being.

Thank you Lee for being a light, an inspiration, and a visionary.

With all sincerity and love,

Ricky


May you go out into the world with the courage to express the very best of ‘you.’

OMG! I almost forgot to write! I planned on writing after my morning walk, but after breakfast, I got caught up in photographing my Little People. In the past month, they have so consumed my life. It’s been an interesting experience! I'm so grateful each and every day for the many ideas that keep popping up into my head. Where they come from, I sometimes wonder.

The piece here is titled “Superheroes.” It is my latest photograph from early this morning. It includes, Spider Man, The Hulk, Iron Man, and of course, Jesus! Though I don’t believe Jesus to be the Son of God, I do believe that during his lifetime he was an incredible human being who influenced the world around him. I believe that there is no ‘one’ Son of God, but rather that we are all part of the same cosmic and universal energy; I like to refer to it as Love.

Last week, I received an e-mail from a customer at work and underneath his name, there was a quote by E. B. White- "I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."

These words hit the spot; they made sense to my life and how I have felt over the years. Sometimes, I get caught up in my own life and enjoyment, and at other times, I am lost in thought thinking about how I can leave this world a better place.

Enjoy the moments as they happen and may the superhero inside of you all shine brightly! Cheers!

I woke up this morning and the first thing I realized is that I had dreamt of being at Alexander McQueen’s funeral with my mother; she had a plus one on her invite. I’m not sure how I came to dream this, but I loved it. I also loved that I looked fabulous in a long baby blue trench coat and an extra long black Mohawk!

The only downside was that it ended rather quickly and there was no party afterwards. The other real downside was that I did not get to go the exhibit at the MET in NYC ☹. I did however just order the book: Savage Beauty. I can’t wait to receive it in the mail.

The piece here is titled, “Light My Fire.” David LaChapelle’s photograph of McQueen and Isabella Blow inspires it. I had so much fun painting this piece. I felt like I was smiling the entire time.

“My collections have always been autobiographical, a lot to do with my sexuality and coming to terms with the person I am – it was like exorcising my ghosts in the collections. They were to do with my childhood, the way I think about life and the way I was brought up to think about life.” – Alexander McQueen

It’s like he took the words right out of my mouth. If only I could have had the opportunity to meet him, now maybe in my dreams. May you rest in peace Alexander. Long live McQueen!

Good Friday to everyone.

I’m up early this Monday morning; I’ve got to report for Jury duty. It’s my first time doing so I’m curious about the process. I’m taking my journal, a book to read, and lots of snacks!

I’m feeling much better from my foot pain and I can’t wait for a good morning walk, possibly tomorrow!

Today is my sister Celdie’s birthday. I won’t say how old she is, but she is older than I. The piece here is titled “Chelita Holds Her Birthday Present.” I have painted many Little Girls inspired by her. I love the dresses she wore as a little girl and as she got older she seemed to pout all the time, at least in pictures. As little kids, we called her Chelita; she never seemed to like the name, but writing it down or saying it out loud, brings back memories of us growing up in East LA. Happy Birthday Chelita!

And so in a few minutes, I’m off to the courthouse. I think they’re all guilty! I don’t understand how people who are guilty don’t just fess up to their wrongdoings and pay the price. I don't know if I'll end up being chosen? I don't know if I'd make a good juror; I think Chelita would be awesome!

“A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.”
Albert Camus

Have a great week!

Oh Boy! I'm in so much pain; it hurts to walk. Looks like I have plantar fasciitis. I did not get much sleep because of it. After writing, I am planning on closing my eyes for a couple of hours.

On a great note, it’s been good to wake up early these past couple of weeks. Life has felt different. A little walk, a little yoga and some meditation have definitely improved life. I’m feeling the transformation of a new me happening.

Yesterday, President Obama turned 50. WOW! Though I am 7 years away myself, I can’t imagine being in his shoes. The responsibility, the work, the lifestyle… the stress!!! I wonder if as a young boy he imagined his life being what it is today. Though there is so much criticism and shit that I may not understand, I can’t imagine how he deals with everyday life.

The piece here is titled, “Fist Pumping First Lady, He’s Seeing Stars.” I painted this soon after Obama won his presidency. It was the one piece that was sold at Gibson on Beverly Blvd. I felt so proud and happy when I received the check in the mail.

Okay, I have to rest now. I don’t know how people live with chronic pain. OUCH! I know, this too shall pass.

I found this quote that made me laugh: Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark Twain


Have a most beautiful and fantastic weekend!

I couldn’t get up this Monday morning. I’m still feeling a bit groggy.

After my doctor’s appointment for a check-up, I’m coming back home to work on my ‘Little’ series. I have so many more ideas. Yesterday, I was thinking how weird it’s been to not be painting.

As I sit here drinking my coffee, I find myself at a lost for words. I don’t know what else to say. And so I’ll leave it at that.

The piece here is titled, “Housewives.” It’s inspired by the Real Housewives shows, especially Beverly Hills, which airs tonight! Along with the Part 2 re-union of New York. Yes, I like a little bit of trash TV; not to make excuses for why I watch, but I do find the psychology of their relationships interesting.

“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”
Oscar Wilde

What a quote with so much truth. I wonder what kind of masks I wear? Hmm! Something to think about for the day.

Have a great Monday! Be REAL!

CORRECTION: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 2 DOES NOT air until September 5th, Ooops!

Ah! Monday, it’s so good!

I just came back from a hike up Runyon Park. I hadn’t done it in some time. Coming down the hill, I got a little teary eyed as I thought about some recent words. “I have everything I already need.” Twice in the past week, they have come across my path. I have wondered about what they really meant.

As the sun was rising, I realized that I truly do have everything I need. I didn’t just understand it; I felt it. I wondered how it would feel to wake up each and everyday with this in mind. Having to do nothing because I already have everything. ‘Everything’ does not have to do with ownership, but rather a state of being, a state of gratitude. I want to live from this place. I want to feel open and free!

It reminds me of how I use to live, where did I go? I’m not exactly sure, but it’s good to know that I have seen an old light shine back.

The piece here is titled, “Self Portrait.” It’s from my latest series Little. Photographing this new series has brought so much joy into my life; I have laughed out loud. It's amazing how a little toy I used to play with has brought such newness into my life.

Thank you for listening :)

May you have a most fantastic week ahead!

Ah, yes it’s Friday. It’s grey and cool outside. I’m having my morning coffee and about to head off to work.

Great News Alert! A few weeks ago and for the first time, I submitted photos from my ‘Little’ series to a ‘Still Life’ juried exhibition at 1650 Gallery in Echo Park. 3 days ago, I received the email saying that I got selected. 2 of my pieces are being featured; I’m so excited and happy. The opening night is Saturday August 6th.

The piece here is titled “Royal Junkies.” It is one of the pieces chosen for this exhibition.

I can’t express enough how much this ‘Little’ series has meant to me. My usually clean white bedroom has been taken over by Fisher Price little people. I feel like Gulliver surrounded by Lilliputians. I go to sleep surrounded by them and wake up with them ready to go.

May the day and weekend ahead be filled with joy, kindness, laughter, compassion and inspiration.

May the LITTLE joys in life fill you up and keep you smiling!

Cheers!

Hello Friday! It’s always good to meet you.

I must say a very big Thank You to fellow FAA artist Rebecca Sherman-http://rebecca-sherman.artistwebsites.com.

In recent weeks, she has posted such beautiful feedback about my work. In “Me and My Blue Pearl Necklace," (pictured here) she wrote a beautiful review, "Ricky Sencion's self portrait series is done in a gently and ever so beautifully whimsical twist of homage to his classical inspirations. They are brilliant and a joy to see. In this one he is Frida Kahlo, and it makes me smile no matter how many times I view it."

It brought tears to my eyes when reading her words. I had been feeling a bit discouraged and wondered if anyone saw and cared about my work. “Whimsy,’ was the perfect word I could never find. Thank you. Thank you! I appreciate all the kindness.

Though Roger Ebert wrote this quote in regards to movies, I felt it appropriate. He wrote, “All over the web there are some very good critics and it's become for people who are interested. It's become a very good way to get to reviews and involve yourself in discussions.”
Thank you again Rebecca Sherman fro being ‘involved’ in my work. I don’t even have the right and suffice words to say it.

May you all have a most beautiful weekend and, if anything, be ‘involved’ in the life of the world around us.

Cheers!

I couldn’t get up this Monday morning. Coffee, coffee! And it looks like another beautiful sunny day in LA. Going for a walk in a few minutes; I think I’ll take a different route, for variety sake.

Well, Carmageddon was very quiet this weekend and not the hype people expected. If only traffic was more like this everyday. When can we close another freeway! Ha!

2 special people are celebrating birthdays today, my great friend Alex and my little sister Moni. Alex is turning 42 and Moni is turning the big 4-0.

The piece here is titled “Zip-It-Mona.” I call her Mona or Moni, short for Monica. This Little Girl is inspired by our zip-line adventure with my siblings in Costa Rica. 2 years ago, for my own 40th birthday, we had a very fun vacation. Later this year, we are heading to Belize to officially celebrate Moni’s birthday. I’ve been looking forward to this vacation for some time. Is it here yet?

Happy Birthday! Moni and Alex.

“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.”- Abraham Lincoln

Have a beautiful week, may there be great living ahead.

I’m waking up late on this Friday; Carmageddon in LaLa Land is about to start. A 10-mile stretch of 405 Freeway will be closed from Friday evening to early Monday morning. Luckily, I don’t live anywhere near there, nor will I be in car stuck in traffic. My legs will do the walking.

About 3 years ago, I decided to get rid of my car. I wanted to live car free. Though there has many positives, there have been a few limitations.
Recently, my parents purchased a new car and asked if I wanted their old Toyota Avalon. I said, “No!” But for the last couple of days, I have borrowed it to help me out with certain art errands. Though it has come in handy, I still walk to work, to the supermarket, to all the little errands around my beloved neighborhood, Miracle Mile.

And so now I’m thinking, maybe. Maybe I’ll keep the car; I’m going to sit on this for a little while before I officially decide.

The piece here is titled “Chicmobile;” it’s from my latest series called “Little.” It’s obviously inspired by our upcoming ‘Carmageddon.’ In just writing the word, it sounds so silly.

The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost the use of his feet. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Self-Reliance," 1841

As a high school kid, I once wrote a paper on Emerson; I was fascinated by his way of thinking. And now looking back, maybe I was influenced more that I thought.

Have a most beautiful weekend ahead. Be patient; be kind. If you can, use your most beautiful legs for walking.

Good Morning Monday!

I’m writing from bed and just finished reading The Front Runner by Patricia Nell Warren. Interesting to think that as a gay man and an ex-runner, I had never read the book before. Though I didn’t absolutely love it, I did like it. I found myself aroused, teary-eyed, and even inspired to run again. Though I don't see myself running again, I will be going out for my morning walk in a few minutes.

When I get back, I will be taking a few more photos of my “Little “ series. I have had a blast working on this new project and curious as to how it will continue to unfold. Later on, I’m meeting up with my great friend Rafa; we are heading out to see the Street Art exhibit at the MOCA downtown. I’m curious about seeing it a second time and of spending time with him. I haven’t seen in a while.

The piece here is titled, “Bobo and Bowling Pin.” It’s from my latest series “Little.” Many years ago, Rafa called me Bobo, meaning silly, clown. I liked it; it felt appropriate.

“Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.”- Mike Myers.

I love this quote. As I age, I do find myself being a bit more serious, yet in the comforts of my apartment, anything goes. The s#!t that comes out of my mouth, sometimes keeps me laughing all day.

Have a silly ass of a day!

Yea, it’s Friday!

This past Monday, I saw the Tim Burton exhibit at LACMA. Amazing! Inspiring! Crowded! Way crowded!

I can’t wait to see it again, with much less of a crowd. Though I have not been a big fan of his work, I left feeling inspired. I came home and started a whole new series of Little Girls called Blown UP. I’m so excited on working on this series; I’m almost finished with the first piece and have already started the second.

The piece here is titled “Clown Baby (set)”. Soon after leaving home to attend UC Berkeley, I came across Keith Haring’s work for the first time; my artistic eyes’ changed. It was the start of my journey as an artist. I loved his simplicity, his colors, and his message.

"One's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions."
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

This is exactly how I felt leaving the museum. I felt newness, like my work would never be the same. How beautiful to feel such fresh emotion. As an artist, once inspired, we never see life from the same perspective.

I’m fired up!

May you out into our world with new eyes, feeling excited and inspired!

Happy Freedom Day! I thought I’d be writing about freedom and democracy on this 4th of July, but instead I’m writing about Glee. Since the Glee phenomena started 2 years ago, I’ve only watched one episode, maybe 2. But last night, I found myself watching the new reality series Glee Project on Bravo. I was hooked; I was taken back to my high school days.


Along with singing Mad World by Tears for Fears, the challenge was to come up with a word that defined the contestant's vulnerability. While wearing a poster board with their word, they shot a video while at Universal City Walk. As I watched them film, I started crying. I was touched by their honesty. I wondered about my word? I transgressed almost 30 years back. What would have been my word? I can’t decide between loner, weirdo or ugly. I was the Ally Sheedy of high school. The weird kid that nobody talked to. I felt ugly and alone.

Luckily all that has changed; I don't feel ugly anymore. As for the weirdo and loner, I've embraced it. It's me!

The piece here is titled ‘Jerome.’ A photo of Jerome Caja inspires it. He definitely marched to a different beat; a beat I could somehow understand and dance to. He embraced his difference, his uniqueness. After a wild night at Club Uranus, I can still see him walking into Cafe Flore in San Francisco, in the middle of the day, wearing his lingerie garb and saying to me, "Hello Sweetie." I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to meet him. I only wish I could have known him personally. Happy belated birthday Jerome! I know heaven must be different with you there.



The definition of glee is: Jubilant delight; joy. Is this not what we all want in our life? Yes! Most definitely! Absolutely!

A little Glee to you all!

Friday! Blue skies, and a little Wimbledon. So far so good!

After some heavy dreaming with Rafa Nadal, wolves, and carjackers, I have a bit of a headache this morning. My brain is feeling quiet and I’m not really sure what to write about.

In the past two weeks, I haven’t done much painting; I needed a little break. Tomorrow, I’m looking forward to sitting down and picking up my brushes. I just joined a new art site called Saatchi. Already, I’ve been inspired by some of the artists.

The piece here is titled “Light My Fire #1 & #2. It is a two-piece set inspired by David LaChapelle featuring Alexander McQueen and Isabella Blow. I had so much fun painting this piece. Next up are some Alberto Giacometti inspired Little Girls.

That’s all folks!

Enjoy the holiday weekend!

Oh Monday, it’s always good to wake up today knowing I have some time for me. I’ve got some running around to do, but it’s all good.

This past Friday, I had a very short and beautiful dream. It dreamed with Lucille Ball. For a very brief moment I danced with her. First I made a sarcastic comment about her not being funny, but when we made eye contact, she knew I was kidding. She reached out and took my hand; we danced. And it wasn’t just dancing with her while dreaming; there was something magical. I felt her spirit present; there was a green light shining around her as if she had come back to let me feel her life. It’s so hard to explain in words, but it's something I will never forget.

The piece here is titled “Lucy’s Hot Pink Ball.” It is inspired from the I Love Lucy episode when she does ballet. She was so silly in it.

After a strange couple of weeks, I feel better today. Not fully back, but better. Today I will go out in the world feeling lighter.

I found this quote from the fabulous Bette Midler, I believe it’s from the ‘Rose,’ and so appropriate, almost eerie: “It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It is the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.”

Have a most beautiful week ahead!

Hello Friday!

I’m up early watching Wimbledon; I can watch it all day, but I’m off to work in a little while.

Boy, it’s been a tough week, almost two weeks. I haven’t been able to get out of this funk. A Libra horoscope from this week says,
“Darkness defines the light. You can almost be grateful for the problems that arise this week, as they will serve to make you grateful for support and help from others. You will see what is best.” I laughed when I read this yesterday. It was right on the money.

Yesterday, after speaking with Annatte, I felt much better. I had to say it all out loud. I felt an understanding about what has been happening; I've felt discouraged about the progress of my art career. I felt like giving up, but I won't. I will continue because it is what I love to do. My Little Girls mean everything to me. I now know what I need to do next.

The piece here is titled, “Annatte at the Beach with Bandaids.” It is a piece from many years ago. When I saw the actual photograph that inspired this Little Girl, I immediately went home from work and finished it instantly. Thank you Annatte for the little band-aid-of-listening, for being such a beautiful part of my life.

I'm feeling better already :)

Happy Friday everyone.

I’ve been up early this grey Monday. It’s the start of Wimbledon! I’ll be watching it all day and maybe doing some light painting. It’s past 9AM and I’ve already taken my first nap.

On Saturday with my great friend Christine, a.k.a Still High 169, I saw Art in the Streets at the MOCA downtown. It was beautiful, amazing, and unbelievable. I loved everything about it; I felt inspired! At some point, I even got teary eyed. I left with a big smile on my face and wanting to pick up a marker and write on the walls- 'Pretty Eyes 168'

The piece here is titled “My Clown Baby #2.” It’s another of my Keith Haring inspired pieces. Until I found my niche with my Little Girls, I had spent my early years, imitating his work; I loved his simplicity. Along with the history telling of graffiti art, it was great seeing some of Haring's work at the exhibit. Every turn of the corner had a new surprise. I may go back for seconds!

Have a beautiful Monday day.

Yours truly,

Pretty eyes 168 (my new ‘tag’ name).

It’s great to be Friday! Woohoo!

I’ll keep it short, sweet and simple. I’m not very tall; I’m only 5’8. I’d like to think I’m sweet, at least most of the time. And as for simple, come on; it’s like my middle name. I live my life as simple as possible.

Tall, mean and complicated. I can’t imagine!

The piece here is titled “My Clown Baby #1.” Keith Haring’s ‘babies’ inspire it. His work was as simple as can be. Yet working on this piece was one of the hardest I’ve had to do. I came so close to throwing it away. I’m happy I didn’t. I love it!

Have a beautiful weekend! Long, wild, and scandalous!

Boy oh boy! It’s Monday and I’m having a hard time waking up.

I’m not offering free housecleaning, but the other day while washing dishes, I thought about getting a housecleaner. I’ve never had one before.
Then I remembered how much I used to love cleaning. When I was younger, I used to love cleaning our 4-bedroom house in Pico Rivera. When my parents and siblings would leave the house for a few hours, I made it my challenge to clean every inch of the house before they got back home. Weird for a teenager! It didn’t happen often, but I found it therapeutic.

And so instead of hiring someone to clean my small 1-bedroom apartment, I am going to give it a shot. It’s not super dirty, but it needs some detailing. I’m hoping that in doing this housecleaning myself; I will find some comfort and joy. We’ll see what happens. I can use a little ‘bright’ today.

The piece here is titled, “She Cleans House.” It is one of my earlier pieces done on paper with colored-pencils.

Now I’m off for a walk before I start my ‘free’ housecleaning. One, Two, Three, Go!

Keep it clean; keep it simple!

Have a beautiful Monday.

Happy Friday!

I got an early start to my day- 5:00 Am to be exact. After some work and an afternoon nap, I feeling like I’m getting a late start. But here I am, ready for round two.

Happy Gay Pride! It’s Pride in LA this weekend. It’s been years since I've participated or celebrated. In the past 20 years I have definitely had my share of craziness and scandal! In recent years, I have laid low, very low. I probably won’t be going to the parade this Sunday, but I may make an appearance later on tonight, somewhere? We’ll see how the day unfolds.

I never understood why they associated ‘pride’ with being gay until I went to my first Gay Pride in SF back in 1989. For the first time in my life, I felt proud to be gay. The energy in that city, at that time in our world, was unbelievable! And so beautiful!

The piece here is titled “Rainbows Are Gay!” It’s from my series of Sketchy Girls. Fun facts about the rainbow flag:

"Originally created with eight colors, pink and turquoise were removed for production purposes and as of 1979, it consists of six colored stripes, which should always be displayed with red on top or to left. It is most commonly flown with the red stripe on top, as the colors appear in a natural rainbow.[11] Aside from the obvious symbolism of a mixed LGBT community, the colors were designed to symbolize: red (life), orange (healing), yellow (sunlight), green (nature), blue (harmony), and purple/violet (spirit).[citation needed] The removed colors stood for sex (pink) and art/magic (turquoise). Another presumed origin is the song Over the Rainbow, synonymous with gay icon Judy Garland, whose film The Wizard of Oz has often been interpreted as an allegory of gay coming out."

Happy, Happy, Happy!!!

Be Happy. Be Proud, Be Gay! It's more fun!

Good morning Monday Grey!

I’m just getting back from my morning walk and I can’t tell if it’s going to be sunny or cool; the clouds just came back. I haven’t yet planned the rest of my day, but most likely, I won’t be leaving the apartment.

This past week, I finished reading Agassi’s autobiography, Open. I couldn’t put it down. What an amazing, inspiring and beautiful story! In it his good friend tells him, “…Some people are thermometers, some are thermostats. You’re a thermostat. You don’t register the temperature in a room, you change it.”
I loved this metaphor; it grabbed me and made me think. I love the idea of being a thermostat, of knowing that I can change the world around me. I may not always go out into the world feeling warm and fuzzy, but I know that I have left my positive footprints. When I’m feeling down, it’s not always easy, but I snap back and remind myself of my responsibilities.

The piece here is the flyer for my upcoming show; Imitations of Me. It’s this Thursday night at the Downtown LA Art walk. If you’re around, please stop by and join me for a little art and a glass of wine. It goes on from 6-9ish at the Alexandria Hotel.

Regardless of the clouds, it’s going to be a bright sun shiny day.

As a yoga teacher would always say after the end of every class, “Go out into the world and SHINE!

Good Morning! It’s Friday and I had a hard time getting up. In 2 separate dreams, I was about to be killed! No matter how scary my dreams may be, I look forward to going to sleep every night.

Tomorrow, we are celebrating my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary. The actual date is on July 8th 1961.

The piece here is titled 50. A photo from my parents wedding day inspires it. Along with painting my mom as a Little Girl, I also painted my dad; it’s my first official Little Boy. Right before the last brush stokes, I began crying. There was a lot of emotion; it surprised me. I have not always been close to my parents. Yet, there’s a mutual respect, understanding, and love.

Growing up, I believe we all want to be understood and accepted by our parents. I’ll never forget the day I sat down with them and told them that I was an artist. They replied by saying, "We just want for you to be happy." And they meant it; it was very liberating! Soon after, I realized that as much as I needed acceptance and understanding, that they also needed the same. It was important for me to accept and understand them as they are. I love them so very much. I'm looking forward to the celebration tomorrow. Now what do I wear?

Cheers! Have a beautiful weekend!

"Open, Open, Open!'

Peace and blessings on this Memorial Monday day that we remember our troops who have passed away.

It’s not my birthday, nor is it XMAS, nor the yearly Mervyn’s Sale. It’s Andre Agassi’s autobiography called “Open!”

“Open, open, open.” This little jingle from the Mervyn’s commercial has a woman standing at the front doors of Mervyn’s waiting for them to open their doors. “Open, open, open,” she says. Maybe they never opened or they opened too late since they have now been out of business.

At the randomess of times, it pops up into my thoughts. After all these years, this jingle has stayed with me.

Agassi’s autobiography will stay with me forever. Only a few pages in, and I had already cried and laughed. It has surprised me in so many unexpected ways. As a man, an athlete, a brother, a friend, a human being, I have been inspired! Right off the bat, or should I say tennis racket, I was surprised that he always hated tennis. I have not been able to put down the book, 200 pages still to go. I wish it were more! Thank you Andre for your courage to share your story as honestly as you have. I'll have to rearrange my Top Ten List of books.

The piece here is titled “Wait a Minute Miss Post Girl.” It’s my only 'Little Girl' with the USA flag in it; it’s one of my earlier pieces back from 1999. Though I don’t understand the mechanics of war, I'm grateful to all the troops who have given their lives so that we can pursue our liberties. Thank you. Thank you!

Open yourself up; open your heart, open your spirit. Open, Open, Open!

O
No
O
Kay

I must admit that for 2 days, I got caught up watching the Oprah Show Spectacular along with her farewell show on Wednesday And more surprised am I is that I got emotional watching it.

In the past couple of years, I have not watched the show often, due to a minor detour. A few years ago, I was disappointed when she only gave Lisa Ling 5 minute airtime on her show about the war on Darfur. I was so disappointed; the war deserved more attention.

Yet I had to watch this week and luckily good came from it. I felt inspired watching this good-bye; I felt inspired knowing she has left a positive light in our world. The effect she has had goes on into the millions of people. WOW! I could only imagine the love she received at this 2 day spectacular.

I will never forget her words about feeling worthy and the common bond between all our pain and suffering is unworthiness. Yet because we are born, because we are here; we are worthy.

On her 50th birthday party at The Bel-Air Hotel, I was assigned to be her waiter; I felt fortunate and excited. In the end, she shook each of the waiters’ hands and she looked into each of our eyes and said, “Thank You.” I felt her sincerity, her kindness; I felt love,

And so I ask myself, “How can I give more, a lot more. How can I see and listen?” As I go out into the world everyday, I will take these words with me. I may not always be perfect, but the intention will be present. I will do my very best.

The piece here is titled “Oprah Hulas.” I painted this Little Girl many years ago. I used her favorite green and in the brown hula is her letter O.

And so as Oprah said on the last show “You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you're responsible for the energy that you bring to others.”

Have a beautiful holiday weekend!

Bonjour!

Uh-oh! It’s only 6am and I’m already hungry. I’m up earlier than lately, as lately has been 8am.

After a morning walk and some light grocery shopping, I’m coming back home to do some painting, reading, and eating, of course!

“I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel.”- Audrey Hepburn

So it looks like Audrey and I have something in common. This is what I’ll be doing for the rest of my Monday, being alone; I need some refueling. Aside from working on a getting ready for my art show in June, I will be working on 3 new pieces inspired by Jerome Caja. They are coming along beautifully!

The piece here is titled “At Tiffany’s.” Audrey Hepburn’s role in Breakfast at Tiffany’s inspires it. While in college I read many of Truman Capotes books, however, I never read this one as I had already seen the movie. Tomorrow, I'm heading to the library in search of The Dogs Bark:Public People in Private Places also by Capote.

Now I’m off to start my Monday.

Go lightly, live lightly!

It’s feeling a bit like a ‘freaky’ Friday!

Last night, I left my computer here at work and so I woke up this morning without Internet service. At first it felt weird, but then I realized how good it felt to wake up quietly without the mad rush to the computer.

This past Tuesday, I saw Dita Von Tesse perform at The Roxy in West Hollywood. As it was my first time seeing her live, I was so looking forward to it. I don’t know if it was because I was way in the back and all by myself, but it all felt a bit underwhelming. If I had VIP seats and with friends, I wonder if it would of all been different. She did look absolutely f’ing beautiful!

The piece here is titled “Dita.” It is one of my earlier pieces. I can’t wait to do a few more Little Girls inspired by her; there are so many more beautiful images of her online. I wonder what it would be like to sit with her over dinner? So curious! What would we talk about?

I'll keep an open mind, but what can I expect for the rest of the day? A little more freaky?

“All the freaky people make the beauty of the world.” – Michael Franti

On this Friday day, get your freak on!

It’s Monday already and I don’t have any coffee at home. I'm off to Trader Joes to buy a little ‘Cup of Joes.’

Over the weekend, I hiked near the Hollywood sign with my sister Blanca and my godson Michael; my legs are feeling the soreness. When I mentioned that Madonna used to live in the area, my 12-year old godson replied, “Who’s Madonna?” It was strange hearing that question. “Who’s Madonna!?” I didn’t really bother explaining; what would I say that would make sense. That along with Cher, she is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, gay icon out there! Over the years, I have been a fan, though not a fanatic; I have seen her in concert twice. And if I could have dinner with a table of any 10 people, living or gone, she would definitely be sitting at my table.

The piece here is titled “Burning Prayers.” Madonna’s Like a Prayer Video inspires it. It’s my favorite Madonna song. Hearing my godson ask that question, inspired me to do more pieces. Though I have so much to do today for an upcoming art show in June, I will get some pieces started.

Who’s Madonna?!

Have a beautiful week ahead, express yourself!

Good Morning Friday. I’m feeling groggy; my dreams had me all over the place.

This past week, I started re-watching Sex in The City for the umpteenth time. As Steve’s walking away in the rain, Miranda chases him down and says, “Maybe I can believe?” It brought tears to my eyes.

Can I believe? Can I believe in love again? It’s been almost a year since Jason and I broke up. Or rather since I broke up with him.

In all honesty, I miss him, but also, I don’t. It’s not because there wasn’t love between us, but because I do enjoy being with ‘myself.’ Am I meant to be alone? Is that such a bad thing? I’m not sure? So much good has happened since the break –up. Yet I wonder if intimacy is a hard thing for me to commit to.

In high school, I once overheard one boy telling another boy, “He’s a loner!” They were talking about me; I felt ashamed about it, as if they knew my darkest of secrets. For a few years afterwards, I wondered about it. I’m still wondering about it.

While in college, I realized that being able to be with myself was a beautiful thing; I enjoyed my own company. I enjoyed running alone; I enjoyed eating dinner alone, and going to movies alone.

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion." ~Henry David Thoreau

Is this a sign? Am I destined to live alone for the rest of my years? I’m not sure, but I do have a great time and luckily I have so many beautiful people in my life that I get to share the best of me.

The piece here is titled “Her Birdie.” I love the simplicity of this Little Girl. In writing about being alone, this one feels appropriate. Because even though I can be alone, I don't feel lonely. But if love comes back, I will make room on my pumpkin.

Enjoy you and everyone around; we're all here together!

Oh Monday, I’m not so excited today as I usually am; maybe it’ll kick in.

The other night while at a bar in West Hollywood, I kissed a guy and I don’t know if I liked it!

This year, I’m turning 43 years old and I had just realized last year that I wasn't big into kissing. I would much prefer to have my head and my ears rubbed. Practically every night, while with Jason, he rubbed my head and especially my ears while I rubbed his feet. It was the best loving act of affection. Better than any kiss. Maybe next time I’m at a bar, instead of a kiss, I’ll ask for an ear rub. Ha!

The piece here is titled “I Kissed a Frog and I Liked It!” It’s from my series of Sketchy Girls; it's pure silliness! I haven’t drawn any in a while. When they did happen, I couldn’t stop. I’ll never forget those 2 days that I stayed home and watched tennis and drew my Sketchy Girls. There was laughter and joy.

Enjoy your Monday with a little joy and if you haven’t ever had your ears rubbed, please try.

Happy belated Cinco de Mayo! Happy early Mother’s Day!

I’m a first generation Mexican American. Up until my senior year in high school I felt a shame for being Mexican. I felt less than; I felt like I didn’t belong. It wasn’t until my college years @ UC Berkeley that I was able to embrace my heritage, my culture, and my family, especially my parents.


The piece here is titled “My Rock N’ Sisters.” A few years ago, my sister, Moni, commissioned it. My 3 sisters hiking in ‘Red Rocks’ Colorado inspire it. The 3 of them are moms of beautiful kids, 2 of which are my god kids; I have a total of 8 nephews. I may not be the best of uncles, but I do my best.

Below is “Mama and Her Ninos.” A photo of her and us 5 children in her hometown of Chapotan, Mexico inspires it. She calls me her #1. And it feels good to believe her, to think that to someone in this world, believes I am #1. But there are 5 of us and she calls us all her #1’s. She laughs every time we ask her about it because we know and she knows that to her, we are all her #1’s!

Either way, she is our #1 Mama!

Have a beautiful weekend and celebrate you Mama’s life!

Boy did this week fly by. I can’t believe it’s Monday again.

After a morning walk and some breakfast, I’m sitting down to paint for a short time.

Later today, I’m meeting up with my good friend Micah, who’s visiting from San Francisco; I love the story of how we met.

Soon after moving into this apartment almost 12 years ago, I went to the gym one evening. It’s something I never did, as I only worked out in the mornings. But on this day, something was telling me to go to 24 Hour Fitness; there was someone I was meant to meet. Before I knew it, I was having diner with Micah and handing him keys to my apartment. For a week, he needed a place to stay before moving up to SF. My friends worried that I had given a ‘stranger’ keys to my place, but as usual I trusted my intuition. I have always listened to that little voice inside me; I never question it. Even if it’s something as simple as turning a corner somewhere or staying in and taking a nap, I listen.

The piece here is titled “The Disguise #3.” It is from my series of Little Girls called Evolution. The last time I wore these hot pink Isaac Mizrahi sling backs was at a Halloween party up in the Hollywood Hills. It was a drag party thrown by the infamous house of Xtravaganza. Micah was there that night. In my silly drunkenness, I broke a heel and have not worn them again. I have kept them tucked away for memories sake!

There is truth and magic in our little voices, listen!

Have a most beautiful Monday day!

I’m up early this beautiful Friday morning. Not to watch the wedding, but because I had dreams of flying and being chased, in the end by an octopus!

The only curiosity I had about this ‘royal’ wedding was the dress and simply out of fashion curiosity. I don’t understand all the hoopla about it; it plays to the fantasy image of how we come to see relationships and marriage.

After a few minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore, especially watching the commentators. After Diane Sawyer said something about having to do World News Tonight later on, she said she hoped that ‘the wedding brought a little light and joy into our life.’ I immediately switched the channel; I Love Lucy was on! Now that would bring a little joy and light into my life.

The piece here is titled “Purely Audrey.” Audrey Hepburn playing Sabrina inspires it. When I think of royalty and grace, I think of her. She embodied everything that was princess like. She was beautiful, elegant, and graceful; her humanitarianism was inspiring. I think I’ve seen every one of her movies; I could recognize her voice with my eyes closed. I am currently working on my Little Girl inspired by her role in my Fair Lady. Her white and black dress, while at the horse races, is amazing. I’m a little scared of working on it.

“Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

May you go out into the day feeling beautiful and graceful!

I love you Monday!

For many years now, Monday has been my day off from work. I love waking up early, knowing that I have a day to myself.

As I write, I’m drinking some Trader Joes medium roast coffee. Afterwards, I’m off for a little walk on this beautiful sunny day. When I come back, I will sit down and do some painting before I meet up with my dear friend, Christine. I haven’t seen her in a couple weeks; we have some catching up to do.

This past week, I finished 2 Little Girls. David LaChapelle and model Alex Wek inspired the first piece. About a year ago, a photo I took of Christine inspired the second piece. It is the Little Girl shown here; it is titled “Mi Negra.” She was wearing a black dress and black Prada glasses. She looked fabulous!

I call her ‘woman’, she call me ‘hombre,’ (man). I call her ‘mi negra’ (my black girl), and she calls me ‘my N’ word. It’s all silliness and I hope no one takes offense to it.

Today, I will work on another LaChapelle inspired piece featuring Alexander McQueen and Isabella Blow. Of all his images, this is the one I remember the most. Again, there is such silliness and beauty in his work. How he combines these two, is what I find amazing. If only I could combine these two in my everyday life; Personally, I know I can sometimes take everyday life too seriously.

“Shake your booty boys and girls for the beauty in the world!”
– Macy Gray

With silliness and beauty, go out into this world.

Happy Hip-Hip-Hooray Monday!

Good Morning Earth Day!

I'm feeling lazy. How nice to write from bed today.

Interesting, that as I age, my love for this place we call home, only gets bigger and bigger.

And just like the apartment I call home, I do my best to take care of Earth in the same manner. I‘ve let go of my car, I’ve stopped buying bottled water, I turn off lights when not in use, I take re-usable bags to the supermarket, I recycle my cans and bottles, and if I’m on foot, with trash in my hands, I will hold onto it until I find a trash can. Any little thing I can do helps.


On tax day, I purchased a collection of ‘Go Green’ stamps from the post office. On the back, are a few suggestions: “Out of milk? Walk or bike to the store. Repair a drippy faucet… put on a sweater instead of turning up the thermostat.” It also says, “Recycling just one aluminum can reduces waste- and saves enough energy to run a computer for 3 hours.”

On Wednesday, I caught a few minutes of Oprah. On the show was Tom Shadyac, a very successful movie writer who gave up so much in order to live simply and only by what needed. I was inspired; I will look forward to watching his latest movie, “I Am.” To take only what we need and no more, that was his message. I have been challenged to live by the same manner. It’s not a race to see who ends up with more, but rather how we live and how we contribute.

The piece here is titled “Madonna Rules the World.” It was inspired by the May 2008 Vanity Fair cover of the “Green Issue.” While painting it I also thought of the comment she made on American Bandstand when Dick Clark asked her, “What are your dreams, what’s left?” She says, “To rule the world.” I remember seeing it live; the words stuck with me, not so much because I wanted the same, but as a reminder about the importance of believing in our dreams.

Have a most beautiful Earth Day!

Good morning Monday, why so grey? I had a hard time waking up, the dreams kept coming.

Next week, I will be unveiling my latest blog. It is called Remembering Monsters. As a little boy, Mama says I told stories of monsters; she called them ‘los mostros.’ Unfortunately, I no longer remember the stories of these scary monsters, but I continue to be a storyteller.

As I reflect back, I’d like to think of the people and experience in my life as beautiful monsters; they have inspired and shaped who I’ve been, who I am, and who I’m becoming.

In this blog, I will include my personal photos and the stories behind them. After almost 30 years of attempting to write my stories, I’m excited about this project. May it inspire you to remember and share your own stories. In Kitchen Table Wisdom, Rachel Naomi Remen writes, “Telling stories can be healing. We all have within us access to a greater wisdom, and we may not even know that until we speak out loud.”

The piece here is titled “Monsters.” It is from my series called Evolution; it is in honor of those stories I no longer remember and to the stories I still recall.


In Season 1, Episode 4 from Sex in The City, the girls says,” Sir we’re talking about up the butt, a cigarette is in order…a hole is a hole…I’m not a hole…I’m just saying, with the right guy and the right lubricant…what was that? (As the taxi bumps in the road)... a preview!” After all these years of re-watching the episodes, the honesty between friends always makes me laugh. I only hope that my stories are as genuine and enlightening.

Speak out loud a little truth of who you are. Have a beautiful Monday day!

Oh New York!

Very late Tuesday night, I arrived back home from NYC. Thanks to Brad, I was able to go to New York City and celebrate my brother’s 49th birthday.
The piece here is titled “Siblings #1.” It is 1 of a 5 set piece from my Evolution series. The set means the world to me; it hangs on my apartment wall. It is in honor of my brother and 3 sisters; I love them like crazy!

I hadn’t been to NYC in a few years and unlike the previous time, I immediately felt at home and like I belonged. On arrival, we started off early for happy hour, followed by dinner at Yucca and for the first time I did Karaoke. The next day, I took a long 6-hour amazing walk followed by my brother’s birthday party. The party was amazing and thanks to Blanca who made the food. The following days, we ate, we walked, I shopped, and of course we ate and drank some more, at BLT at Fette Sau at the Spotted Pig, at Hecho in Dumbo and DBGB.

“Now you're in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you.”

As much as I could see myself living there again, it was so good to be back in LA and to sleep on my own bed.

Tomorrow, I will spend my day painting away; it’s been over a week since I have done so. I miss my Little Girls.

Today, wherever you are, may you have a New York state of mind and enjoy our beautiful LA sunny day!

NYC, here I come! John, my older brother is turning 49. Early tomorrow morning, I am leaving town with my sister Blanca and her man, Joe. Earlier this year, my brother commissioned me to paint a Little Girl for his dear friend Pam. The piece here is titled “Pom Pom Pam!” It's inspired by a photo of her and her friends in their cheerleader uniforms. Pam has admired my work and so I was so happy to be painting a Little Girl for her for her 50th Birthday.

After he gave it to her, he told me a story about what happened. Though she was a cheerleader in high school, she said, “That she never saw herself as a cheerleader.” He told her, “But you are a cheerleader to all your friends.” It brought a little enlightenment to her. For me, it made the piece even more beautiful; I only wish that she can look at the piece and remind herself of the cheerleader that she is to all the people in her life.

I can say, that I have been blessed and grateful to have many cheerleaders in my life. And what a beautiful gift it is when we can stand back and support them in their own dreams.

Rah! Rah! To all your friends!

Enjoy this cloudy Thursday day.

It’s early this Monday morning. I got up at 4:30 am and decided to start my day.

I enjoy having Mondays free from work: it’s a day just for myself. In the past couple of months, I have been spending my Monday evenings with my close friend Christine. Over 20 years, we first met while on a road trip to San Francisco. Since that day, we have been in each other’s lives; I can be around her and just be ‘me.’ Sometimes, we do much of nothing and still have a great time.

A few months ago while she was paying for dinner, I told her, “You owe me!” She said, “Put it on my tab.” The girl behind counter said, “Come on guys, it’s Valentines Day.” It made us laugh because little did the girl know that we have being doing this for some time; it’s our own silliness.

The piece here is titled “Christine with Henry on Her Head.” It’s inspired by a photo of Christine and my bird named Henry, whom I had as a pet many years ago while living in SF. I never knew that a little bird could bring so much joy into my life. Of all things, whenever Christine showed him her feet, Henry would whistle "La Cuckaracha!". Him whistling to her feet made us laugh; even writing about it now brings a smile to my face.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, a german playright wrote, "Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at."

May you have a little laughter on this Monday day!

Oh yes it’s Friday and I’m up early. It’s gonna be a long day; first work and then an evening at the Alvarado’s for an always fun an interesting ‘Friday Night!’

Okay, so I have struggled with this piece. It’s titled "Burning Giraffe and Me.” For months, it sat untouched until this past Saturday when I sat down finished it! WooHoo! One more Dali piece to go and it's gonna be the most challenging of the three.

Prior to seeing “Little Ashes”, a movie about the love affair between Salvador Dali and Federico Lorca, I didn’t know much about Dali other than his surreal and bizarre images. Though watching the movie reminded me of his bizarre and surreal work, it did not make me care for him more; he wasn’t very likeable. But since I have often felt different and a bit bizarre myself, I related to him. I am still in awe of his imagination.


Tomorrow, along with finishing up my Little Girl inspired by Elizabeth Taylor in Butterfield 8, I will work on a 50th anniversary piece inspired by my parents wedding day photo. On July 8th, they will have been married for 50 years. I will be painting my first official ‘little boy.’ This piece is in honor to them and the the beautiful example they have been to all of us around them.


Have a most beautiful weekend ahead. And remember, when life feels bizarre, enjoy the moments; they're little gifts to remind us that life is not ordinary, but rather EXTRAORDINARY!

Happy Beautiful Monday!

“And just like that Charlotte Poughkeepsied in her pants. Miranda was right, when something was really really funny, I laughed.” I love this scene in Sex and the City. After all these years, seeing Carrie laugh still makes me laugh.

For the past week, I’ve been laughing out loud, mostly to myself, in the comfort of my apartment. My horoscope in Brand X, a local LA rag, said, “You might be in a playful mood this week, or experiencing a few amusing incidents that bring a smile to your face. It is OK to loosen up and enjoy life.” I’ll take it!

I’m not exactly sure why I've been laughing a lot, but it feels amazing! I know that mostly it comes from the stuff going on inside my head and the things I say out loud, only to myself.

Waking up to I Love Lucy and The Golden Girls is a great way to wake up. Recently, they have been playing in the early mornings. Along with Sex in the City, they are my all time favorite shows. Interestingly enough, the main characters are mostly all women. I have still to paint versions of my Golden Girls, but the sketches are coming along.

Today, I will work on finishing up my Dali inspired piece, hopefully, it will be done today.

Enjoy the laughter. Savor the moments that remind us not to take life too seriously!

Cheerios!

P.S. The piece here is titled “ Naomi Throwing Cans of Campbell Soup." Last night, I dreamt that Tyra Banks and a bunch of supermodels were trying to kill me. I was scared, but now I can laugh at the silliness. LOL!

My Egg My Life

I’m getting a late start on this cloudy, rainy sort of sunny day. But I’ve got my Mario Badescu Enzyme Revitalizing Mask on and I’ll be ready to go soon.


Ta dah! Here is the final piece inspired by David LaChapelle/ Pamela Anderson; it is titled My Huevo, My Vida (My Egg, My Life). Over the years I have admired his work, his concepts, his colors.

The concept behind this Little Girl is the idea of birth and courage. I believe that with every birth, there is courage. It takes courage to go out into the world each day and to live according to one’s spirit. In doing so, we honor life and make it golden.


The other day as I was working on my Dali piece, which I have struggled with for weeks, I started another LaChapelle piece featuring model Alek Wek. By doing so, I was re-inspired; I can now see the finish line.


Deepak Chopra writes, “Every moment lived adds another stitch, and even if you cannot envision what the final pattern will look like, it helps to know that the thread is golden.”

May you have a golden day ahead! It’s gonna be a lovely day!

Just a quickie before I reveal the finished piece on Friday.

It's step #6 of my LaChapelle/ Pamela Anderson Little Girl. Right before I come to realize that a Little Girl is finished, I step away, sometimes, for a few minutes, sometimes for a day or so. Then I sit down until she is done and I have that moment of acceptance. The difference between this step and the finished piece is very subtle, but it is in those subtleties that the magic appears.

P.S. Just hearing that Elizabeth Taylor passed away. May her spirit rest in peace. In her honor, I will paint a Little Girl inspired from Butterfield 8 in which she won her Oscar for her role as Gloria Wandrous. She looked absolutely sexy. Surprisingly, I have not seen the movie yet, but after reading about the plot on Wikipedia, I can’t wait!

Happy Wednesday!

Happy Monday and 2nd day of Spring!

After yesterday, I was hoping for some more rain. I am planning to stay in and paint and eat and nap.

Over the weekend, I painted very little. I was stuck on my Dali inspired piece and from there I felt no other inspiration. What to do? Shall I begin another piece or sit again and work on my Dali Little Girl? Humm, maybe another David LaChapelle inspired piece will do the trick.

I think I’ll eat before I get started- some eggs with salsa, potatoes, refried beans, and tortillas, umm, yummy!


Here is step #5 of my LaChapelle/ Pamela Anderson piece. Right before I sit down to work on the piece, I quickly brush some paint on the canvas. This sort of gives me the basic background for the vision I already have in my head. After almost 13 years, it's these visions that I am grateful for, they keep appearing and so I keep painting. Afterwards, I let it sit for a day or so before I begin.


On Friday, I will reveal the finished piece. I’m excited.

With excitement go out in our world and SHINE, even on a rainy day!

Good Morning. I had a hard time getting up, as the dreams felt heavy. Without going into detail, they had something to do with stepping up to the plate and moving forward with my art. I will have to reflect on it and see what more I can do. What am I holding back?


The piece here is the 4th step of my LaCahapelle/ Pamela Anderson piece. Prior to tracing the image onto the canvas, I paint a base color to get me started. In this particular piece, I used a light grayish purple that will become the general tone to the inside of the egg. I finished the final piece last Saturday and I’m excited about finally revealing it next week.

Due to work, I have not had a chance to paint this week. I’m looking forward to doing some painting tomorrow. I’m thinking that I will work on my Dali and Frida pieces; they need a little love, a step forward.


Funny little thing, but whenever I have a choice between taking stairs and elevators/ escalators, I take the stairs to remind me that I can… still can and will.

As an old French Proverb says, “The first step binds one to the second.”


Cheers!

Burrr, it's early!

I’ll keep it short today as I just wanted to post the 3rd step of my LaChapelle/ Pamela Anderson piece. When I first started my Little Girls in 1998, I never traced them from sketches, instead I copied them freehand onto the canvas and they never turned out as good as the actual sketches. Until I figured out that I could trace them, AHA!

It is my least favorite step, yet I find the tracing sheets to be beautiful and art in themselves; I have one of them framed in my apartment. Maybe one day I’ll use them in some other way. The other images on this tracing sheet are of my Angel Botello inspired Little Girls

Keep an open mind and allow the ideas of inspiration to flow; it’s beautiful world of out there!

Good Monday Morning!


This past Saturday, I went out to the unveiling of “Your Face Here” at Pop Tart Gallery; it was a beautiful exhibit and I LOVED my portrait. I looked so young and fresh, ha!

The piece here is step #2 of my LaChapelle/ Pamela Anderson 'Little Girl.' It’s the finished sketch before I trace it onto the canvas. While working on the piece this weekend, I realized that there is an additional step; there are 7 and not 6 steps.


On a different note,

I have finally finished my piece from my Evolution series titled “Paz En El Corazon.” It is honor of Mama. Over the years, these words are the ones I most remember her saying. Her wish to have ‘peace in her heart’ is all she has ever wished for. They have been words to live by; they remind me that the most important thing in life is to have that sense of tranquility within myself.

Interesting that this past Friday, I read the story of a rose called 'Peace' and I thought of Mama. In short, rose seedlings that were exported from France during World War II and in 1945 it was voted the most beautiful rose, (You can Google and read the full story). Over the years whenever I see roses, I think of Mama. I think of the beauty she has been in our world. And now when I see roses, I will forever think of Mama and of Peace together.



“Paz En El Corazon,” the piece shown below, sat untouched for almost 2 years. And after finishing up this most beautiful piece, I am re-inspired to complete the series. So far I have completed about 25 pieces. I am thinking that it will come down to a total of 40 pieces.

Now, I am left wondering what to paint in Papa’s honor; this will be a challenge. I’m curious!


With curiosity, go out in the world and wonder!

Peace out, Peace In.

Good Morning My Beautiful Sunny LA!

A few months ago, I posted about the 6 steps it takes to bring one of my Little Girls to life; I found it interesting, so I’ve decided to do it yet again. A photo of David LaChapelle featuring Pamela Anderson coming out of a giant white egg inspired me. The piece here is a very rough sketch; it is the 1st of 6 steps. It is to be titled “My Huevo, My Vida- (My Egg, My Life). Normally, titles to my Little Girls don’t appear until after I am finished or while I am working on the piece, but this time around, it appeared from just looking at LaChapelles photo.

A few weeks ago and for one night only, the gang at POP TART Gallery took their ongoing exhibit of “Your Face Here,” to Mr. Black LA in Hollywood. I showed up to have my portrait taken by Austin Young; I had a blast! Tomorrow night is the grand unveiling at POP TART Gallery on 6th and Vermont. I’m excited about finally seeing, not only my portrait, but also the many portraits of familiar faces.

What do I wear? Do I show up in an egg?

Show up, inspire, create, and share YOU with our world!


Have a most beautiful weekend ahead!

A few weeks ago, I watched a documentary of David LaChapelle, the photographer. Not to be confused with David Chapelle the comedian. I was inspired by seeing him at work and listening to him talk about his thoughts and ideas. I think he’s somewhat of a genius.

3 things to note between LaChapelle and I:

1) Back in the early 90’s while living in NYC, I had the opportunity to go to his studio and work on one of his projects. I didn’t know who he was at the time, but a friend of a friend asked if we wanted to help with an art project; so we did. Unfortunately, David wasn’t there at the time. I don’t recall exactly what we helped with, but I do wonder what photo our help was used to create.
2) A few years later, without his knowing I had sex on his bed while he was out of town. I knew who he was at that point in time. I had sex with his ‘roommate’ who was house sitting for a few days. If you happen to know David, do tell!!!
3) Finally, we both have a muse in common in Amanda Lepore. The piece here is titled “Eye Am Lepore.“ Amanda Lepore inspires it; though I am making a reference to her plastic surgery, in no way am I making fun of her; it’s pure silliness, as are the majority of my Little Girls.

Today, I am determined to work on my Dali and Frida pieces; they that have sat untouched for some time. Also, I am going to get started on one Little Girls inspired by David LaChapelle. It is going to be of Pamela Anderson coming out of a giant white egg. I saw the image while watching the documentary. I see the finished product and I’m excited!

When life gives you eggs, make breakfast!

Happy Friday Morning! It’s grey outside and a bit chilly in my apartment, burrrr!

A few weeks ago, I accidentally got caught watching the new reality show staring Joan and Melissa Rivers- Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best on The WE Network.

The episode had Joan going around town and spreading the ashes of her gay best friend of 40 years who had recently passed away. As she went around Beverly Hills spreading the ashes, I laughed and cried. I wondered if anyone found it offensive. Personally, I found such love in her actions. She wasn’t doing it for a laugh, nor to mock his life, but rather out of a deep love and respect for her friend.

I felt grateful for all the love in my life, for all the friends whom I cherish and adore. I wish that when I’m gone, my own ashes are used to plant a tree overlooking the ocean. I imagine a sense of peace, calmness, and beauty.

At the end of the episode, Joan spoke of the great love for her friend; she started crying and saying how much she misses him. Watching it made me love her even more. Immediately, I took out my sketchbook and drew the piece in her honor. The finished piece here is titled “Can We Talk.” Considering she is always talking about her plastic surgery, I think she’d find it humorous. As I age, I wish to have the same sense of humor, courage, and spark for life

If you laugh, laugh out loud, laugh as hard and as long as you can, laugh until your head and stomach hurt. Cheers!


Have a most beautiful weekend ahead.

It’s a beautiful Monday morning.

Yesterday evening after work, I considered going out to a bar to watch the Oscars, but instead I decided to stay home in sweat pants and a t-shirt; I’m glad I did. I was so unimpressed with the fashions and as for the actual show, hated it.
None of the women really wowed me! Overall, I thought the men looked way better. But, anyways, I thought I’d give my opinions. Here is my short list for best and worst dressed.
BEST:

1) Hailee Steinfeld- she looked like perfection in her Marchessa gown.
2) Helen Mirren- She looked gorgeous and statuesque; she always does.
3) Mila Kunis- If she didn’t look so miserable, I would have given her best dressed.

WORST:
1) Melissa Leo- It can’t get much worse than this dress.
2) Marissa Tomei- I don’t recall her ever looking fashionable.
3) Scarlett Johansson- she looked messy and I didn’t like the fuscia color on her.

Surprisingly, I did like the way Sharon Stone looked in her Christian Dior black dress.

The piece here is titled “Charlize’s Little Red Monster.” Charlize Therons 2004 Oscar win for her role as Aileen Wuornos in Monster inspires it. She looked absolutely gorgeous in her Gucci dress; she looked like an old time movie star.
Having had the sketch done many years ago, I spent all day Saturday painting it. In the middle of painting this Little Girl, I had second thoughts and had to do some layering. The little red, barely visible figure is a remnant of a ‘change of mind;’ in the end, I loved the way it came out.

Today, I will work on finishing up my Joan Rivers Little Girl; she is almost done.

Have a beautiful Monday day and week ahead.

It’s a grey Friday morning and I’m feeling a little groggy.

The Oscars are this Sunday night. I’m looking forward to seeing the show, mostly to see the fashions and sor some inspiration for my Little Girls. “Academy Award Winner…” I’m sure that after Sunday night, these words will precede Natalie Portman’s name. I believe she’ll win for her amazing performance in Black Swan.

Though it won’t go down as one of my all time favorites, I loved the movie. I loved Black Swan for two reasons 1) I loved the idea of having to see the 'other' side of oneself. I believe that in facing our ‘dark’ side, there is liberation; it opens us up to understanding and compassion. 2) As an artist, I love the idea of transformation. Though I have never taken anything to the level of Natalie’s character, I admired her determination to make her dreams her reality.

The piece here is titled “Swan Black;” Natalie’s role inspires it. Boy, did I struggle with this piece; it was driving me nuts and for a while I felt like giving up and throwing it away. Maybe, as my friend Christine said, I had to go to a certain ‘other’ place in order to complete it. Aha!

Just yesterday, I finished up Breakfast at Tiffany’s; she came out beautifully. My two Frida’s have sat untouched for some time, as has my second Dali piece. I will attempt to place a few brush strokes on these pieces as well as finishing up a Little Girl inspired by Joan Rivers.

Enjoy your weekend! Fashion, Fashion, Fashion, what to wear, what to wear? Some 'Happy Socks' for sure!

Happy Monday! It’s Presidents Day!

Ah Ha! I just realized that Presidents Day is in honor of George Washington’s birthday. I guess I can learn something new every day. Or maybe I forgot something I had already learned in grade school?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, democracy is defined as “government by the people; especially: rule of the majority.” I wonder what our world would be like if everyone voted; if all our voices were heard. I can only imagine.

I am a proud US citizen; I feel blessed and grateful to not only have been born in this country, but also at this 'time' of our world. May there be peace everywhere, may it flourish along with compassion and kindness.

The piece here is titled “Obama Black and Blue.” Michelle Obama’s dress at the state dinner last year inspires it. I thought she looked amazing! After my already late morning walk I will come home and paint some more. I hope to finish another Michelle Obama piece in her Alexander McQueen dress; I finally finished my Black Swan. Boy, did it drive me nuts!

Happy Birthday Luis Orozco and if you live in West Hollywood, vote for MITO!

Enjoy, Celebrate, Let Your Voice Be Heard!

Happy Valentines Day!

I’m waking up from some heavy dreams and I'm about to go for a little morning walk.

It’s been over 6 months since Jason and I split up. I miss him and think of him daily. I’m hoping that with time, we I can be a part of each other’s lives.

The piece here is titled “Extravaganza!” A photo of Jason inspires it. A few weeks after our split, I came across the photo on Facebook. I knew immediately that I would be painting it one day. I love him, always will.

I’ve never really been one to celebrate Valentines. But today, I am especially grateful to not only have ‘a’ soul mate, but many soul mates in my life. Throughout my life, I have been blessed with so much love and connections. There has been acceptance of one another! Each friend and family member has a special place in my life; the memories, oftentimes, provide inspiration, strength, and renewed joy.

This weekend I finished my Little Girl of Michelle Obama and I struggled with finishing up my Black Swan; it’s driving me nuts. Today, I will sit again and let her unfold, gently.

May love flourish in your life. May acceptance of one another be ever present.

Another glorious day in LA!

As I was walking home the other night, I was thinking about my blogs. And though not consistently, I realized that it has now been 2 years since I started writing about my process as an artist and how it relates to everyday life. “Life happens so fast,” I thought. Yet along with the writing, I have kept up with painting my Little Girls; It felt good to know that I have been doing the work that I most love.

The piece here is titled “Life.” My favorite Broadway play called by the same name inspires it. While living in NYC, I was fortunate enough to see my share of plays, but this one struck a nerve. It made me laugh and cry at the same time. I love the gesture of this Little Girl; it sort of exemplifies how I feel when life happens so quickly and I feel exhausted. Interesting that the piece happened so effortlessly.

This weekend, I will continue working on my Black Swan along with finishing up my Little Girls inspired by Dali and Michelle Obama.

Remember, as life happens- observe, remain present, and enjoy the ride!

Have a beautiful Thursday day.

It’s a Great Monday Morning!

I’m about to do a little meditation and then go for a morning walk. For the past month and a half, I have sat down each morning, if only for a minute or two, and I have meditated. Life has felt different; I have gone out into our world with a slight change in perspective. Different from the darkness I was feeling last year.

Interesting that in reading Deepak Chopra this morning, he writes, “It takes willingness to face the darkness before the light can come in.” This morning, these words caught my attention. I wondered about how often we turn our eyes from seeing those dark parts of ourselves. We fear accepting all of who we are.

In meditation, I have found tranquility. I sit still without judgment and I observe what passes through. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I question and sometimes, it just is. In meditating, I have observed something that I have thought of for many years. It’s that the little boy in me is always present; he has never left my side. He is spirit that is pure, curious, joyful and loving. So long as I keep him nearby, life remains lighter.

The piece here is titled “Black and White and Red All Over #2.” It’s a self-portrait and one of a 3-piece set. The photo is of myself one hour into my life here on earth. Seeing me at that one-hour age reminds me of not just of myself, but also of everyone!

May you cherish your own spirits and allow them to shine!

Buenos Dias! I’m getting my day started with a little coffee and a quick workout at home. Possibly heading downtown for a walk and some inspiration.

Yesterday, I spent all day painting and after some struggle, I finished the piece here. It’s titled “In My Death’s Head. Salvador Dali’s “Ballerina in Deaths Head” inspires it. I must admit that I was afraid of starting this piece; I was afraid of the shading and detail. But Helen Keller once said, “The best way out is always through.” I often go through this feeling of fear when starting most of my Little Girls. And so, for a few days, I went through the fear; I went through the process. I'd show up to the canvas and paint a few strokes here and there. Yesterday, I sat down and finished it; it felt amazing. I even did a little happy dance.

Next up is Dali’s Burning Giraffe, possibly some more Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s and My Fair Lady. And on the table sit, my white and black swans along with a new Little Girl of Michelle Obama.

Have a beautiful Tuesday day. Go ‘through’ it all and enjoy the experineces.

And the Winner Is

It’s that time of the year; Award Season has begun. Over the years, I have painted my share of Little Girls that have been inspired by the fashions worn during award seasons. For this past Golden Globes, I was hoping to have a beautiful dress worn by Natalie Portman, but somehow the Viktor and Rolf dress was a bit silly. Normally this would inspire me, but as of yet nothing has transpired. Instead, I painted Angelina Jolie in her Atelier Versace dress. The piece here is titled, “Jolie Green.” I normally do not use a lot of green in my painting, but I kept think of the Jolly Green Giant and her giant lips, thus the title.

I am almost finished with my Little Girl of Audrey as Sabrina. A few weeks ago while watching Black Swan, I kept thinking of Audrey Hepburn; I thought it was a role she would have played. I should be done with the piece tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will spend the day painting and working on my Black Swan inspired Little Girls of Natalie Portman as well as continuing on Ballerina on Death’s Head.

As for the Academy Awards next month, I’ll keep my fingers crossed and wish for some amazing gowns.

Have a most beautiful weekend ahead!

I’m just getting back from my morning walk; it’s another gorgeous sunny day in LA. I’m about to eat a little breakfast before I sit down and start painting.

It’s a little over 3 weeks since the start of the New Year and I continue to be motivated and inspired. As I wonder about what to work on next, I will finish up a Little Girl of Angelina Jolie at the Golden Globes. I will work on Audrey Hepburn as Sabrina, and finally I really want to work on my Little Girl inspired by Dali’s “Ballerina in a Deaths Head. “ I have a feeling that this one will be a great challenge. By the end of this year, I am determined to finish up my series of artist inspired Little Girls. It’s a goal to keep me focused. Focus! Focus!

The piece here is from my latest of Little Girls. It’s titled, “Seeing Me Nude.” Modigliani’s “La Belle Romaine” inspired it. Just last year, it sold for almost $69 million dollars! Personally, I’d sell mine with many zeros less.

Enjoy your new day!

Yesterday morning, I went out for a run. As a kid, I didn’t dream of being a doctor, a lawyer, not even a priest (ha!), I dreamt of being an Olympic runner. At 11 years of age, the dream abruptly ended when the kids at school made fun a boy because of his hairy legs; they called him a werewolf and a gorilla. I couldn’t bring myself to wear shorts again.

After many years of NOT running, but wanting to run, I couldn’t take it anymore; I joined the track team my senior year of high school. For almost 15 years, I ran. I ran wherever I could go. Though I knew I would not become an Olympic runner, I could live the dream of being a runner. Running became a great passion. After many trails, races and 3 marathons, I stopped almost cold turkey; the passion was no longer there. It was during this time that I started my series of Little Girls and a new dream began. Though I have not been able to make a living solely based on my art, I am living a dream. I am an artist! It’s been almost 14 years and still, my Little Girls continue to appear; I can’t imagine life without them.

The piece here is from my series of Sketchy Girls; it’s titled “On the Run.”

As for running, I like to do it every now and then. And sometimes I feel the magic and it feels oh so good. It reminds me that no matter what, I am capable of accomplishing anything I can imagine.

May you imagine and live your dreams!

I’m just getting home from an early morning walk, what a beautiful day it is!

This past Friday, I spent an evening with my great loves Vero and Alex. How beautiful it is to have people in your life that allow you to be ‘you.’ Vero’s mom made a tasty breaded chicken dinner. Afterwards, Vero pulled me aside and asked me to paint a Little Girl of her mom. It is my second commissioned piece of the year.

Yesterday, I spent most of the day finishing it up. I won’t post either of these pieces until after the recipients have received them. The piece of Vero’s mom is from a photo of her on one of the first days after arriving in the U.S. from Guatemala. I spent hours in mixing colors; it’s interesting that after over 12 years of painting my Little Girls, my use of color has become more intricate.

The piece here is titled “Lost in Grapes.” A few years ago, Alex commissioned me to paint the piece for his wife, Vero. He told me that on their first date up in wine country, he snapped a photo of her looking out into the field of grapes. He said that at that moment, he knew that she would be his wife. I love this story and the mix of colors in this piece are beautiful.

Until next time, Cheers!

Okay, so it's been some time since I have posted.

Just yesterday, I finished my first Little Girl of the New Year. While home for Christmas , my sister Moni found a photo of Mama and her mother. I believe, other than a glamour shot, there isn’t a photo of them together. It looks like it was taken a few years before Mama married Papa. She looks sexy.

Many years ago, my grandmother passed away of Lou Gherig’s disease; she passed away quickly and seemed to be angry those last days of her life. Mama has now been living with it for many years. Her will to live has been unbelievable; it amazes me. She inspires me to be the best man possible. She inspires me to paint: she is my muse.

My grandmother used to love to draw flowers; Mama says I probably got my talents from her side of the family. I only wish I could find one of her drawings.

When I got home for Xmas, I couldn’t wait to start the piece. I can’t wait to frame it and hang it up in my apartment. It’s titled “Mi Mama, Su Mama.” It’s in honor to all the mothers of the world.

May you have a beautifully amazing day!

I meant to write yesterday, but didn’t. After a workout at the gym, I headed out to the downtown library in search of books by Erich Fromm. Just the other day while watching an episode of CSI, Lawrence Fishburne’s character tells his co-worker, ““The philosopher Eric Fromm, he forecasts a society that was obsessed with possession. He believed that human beings had two basic orientations, having or being. Now a person with a ‘having’ orientation seeks to acquire and possess things, property, and even people. But a person with a ‘being’ orientation focuses on the experience; they derive meaning from exchanging and engaging with other people.”

These words intrigued me. What exactly did they mean? Of course I would like to think of myself as a person of ‘being’ rather than ‘having.’ But what exactly does it mean to ‘be?’ Do I let go of everything? Can I have and still be? Does it mean that I come from of place of compassion, openness, vulnerability, maybe love?

And so while searching for books by Fromm, I came across Deepak Chopra’s “A Path To Love.” I kept walking, but after a few minutes, I came back to the book. It was calling me to pick it up. As if I had gone there to find it, and not books by Fromm. After sitting down and reading a few pages, I knew that I was must read it. For some time, life has been a bit dark, but in a few minutes, after reading about love, my state of being altered. I felt different and open. I felt sunshine in my being.

I felt gratitude for the words. I felt good. I feel good.

The piece here is the second piece of my self-portraits. It is titled “Courage.” I definitely struggled with it and it feels a bit scary. Yet there was relief in finishing it. I chose the word courage because it isn’t always easy to see the dark part of me. Yet in allowing myself to see it, I see all of me.

See you in you, in everything. Feel the love.

May you have a beautiful Wednesday day!

In a few minutes, I’m off to the art store- they’re having a SALE!

Recently, for 31 continuous days, I took a self-portrait and digitally enhanced it. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with them. Possibly just leaving them as they were. But after a few days, I was inspired to paint each photo onto a canvas board. It would be something completely new for me, something outside of my Little Girls. Along with the 31 portraits, I collected 31 words that meant something to me. As I was writing them down over a 3-day period, I realized that I would be using each word to title each completed painting.

A week ago, I started the project and finished my first portrait of me. I was excited to be painting me on a 12x16 canvas board, quite bigger than my 4x6 little girls. Even though I had an idea of what I wanted to do, I didn’t expect to feel the sadness of the piece. It was reflecting what I’ve been feeling for some time. Interesting that even though it’s already been an emotional process, it’s brought out a lot of joy in just doing the work.

The first piece here is titled “Beginnings.”

If you have any thoughts, I’d be curious to hear them, por favor.

Have a beautiful Saturday day.

It’s another rainy day in LA. For the past couple of days, I have not felt well.

I woke up this morning feeling heavy and in need of wanting to write. I have not posted for quite some time. But after reading an article about the importance of ‘blogging’ for artists I have decided to give it another shot and to keep on posting.

The piece here is titled “My Clown of Monkeys.” As obvious, it is Frida Kahlo inspired. Having been sidetracked with other projects, it is my first finished ‘Little Girl’ in quite some time. I have two more Frida inspired pieces in the works, but I am struggling with them; they feel flat and in need of some texture. And so today, I will add some texture and keep on resting.

I must admit that I’ve been afraid of sitting down and working on these pieces. Afraid of making my mistakes and of them not turning out how I have imagined. But then I remember that it takes one stroke of color at time, because in the end, there are no mistakes. I just need to let go and surrender to the magic of who they are to become.

Surrender to the magic of who you are.

WOW! I haven't written in some time, but I felt compelled to do so today. We woke up to a most beautiful sunrise and just now, we had a most spectacular sunset here in LA. I saw a double rainbow, some lightning, scattered clouds, a few raindrops, and a pink-orange glow. It all reminded me of my adventures while living in New York City. For the 3 years that I lived there, never a day went by that I didn't find myself wandering the streets filled with possiblities and with the thought, 'I'm living in New York City!' I am in awe of the beauty in our world.


The piece here is titled 'Lost in Her New York City.' I'm looking forward to all the adventures ahead here in my own beloved LA.

May all your possibilities continue to shine!

It's feeling like Sunday today. After a walk this morning, I came home and made myself some 'chilaquiles,' again! One of the best things about being an adult is that I can eat whatever I want, when I want. If I want breakfast for dinner then that's what I do. A few years ago, when I first made 'chilaquiles,' they came out so good, that I had them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I know it's a little crazy, but they were so good!

The piece here is titled "Pot in My Pot." While drawing this, I thought of of my good friend Christine. I was supposed to hang out with her last night, but I decided to stay in. I choose this piece today because, like making breakfast for dinner, if I want to, I can plant 'pot in my pot.' It's meant to be silly, yet it reminds me about the freedom in life to do as I choose.

Like yesterday, today I will watch some more US Open and do some more drawing. I am so loving this new series of Sketchy Girls; they make me feel happy and light.

Now back to the drawing board.

Happy Monday Labor Day!

It's a beautiful Sunday day. I got back from the gym and I just finished eating 'chilaquiles' with some refried beans and a cold glass of milk. They were the best I've ever made. As a kid, it was my favorite thing to eat on Sundays.

Inspiration continues! As I'm watching the US Open, I am drawing more 'Sketchy Girls.' The piece here is titled "I Pooped Corn." It drew this yesterday and it had me laughing. I just printed a copy and hung it on my bathroom wall.

I'm not sure what else I will do with the rest of my day; I'm not sure if I'm up to being out and about. For now, I will draw some more and let the magic continue.

Yippeee!

I've been writing, but I haven't posted here in a little over a week. After posting for 40 days straight, I needed some time off.

For reasons unknown, I've been wanting to sketch for the past week. Of what exactly, I don't know. I even bought a brand new sketchbook and it's been empty until today. I don't know what happened this morning or where it came from, but inspiration struck! Woohooo! For a few hours, I sat down and using pastels, I started sketching a different type of 'little girl.'

The piece here is titled "My Sisters Dont Suck!" It's what started it all. From here, I kept going and going. I felt great joy and doing the work; I even laughed out loud as I finished some of the pieces. I wonder what direction this will take me to. I am curious about these 'sketchy girls.'

Happy Labor Day weekend!

This morning I headed out to the gym wearing brand new sneakers. I remembered being a kid and wanting to race the kids at school when I wore new sneakers. I thought I could run faster.

I remembered being a kid at Assumption Elementary School and playing kickball. I remember kicking the red rubber ball as hard as I could so that I could run around the bases, home- free! It was in playing kickball that I remember the first feelings of competitiveness. I remember wondering why certain kids didn’t bother trying, to give it their best regardless of their capabilities. To me, it didn’t matter whether my team won or not, but rather that we gave it our best effort.

Over the years, I have carried with me, this ‘best of efforts’ idea. It's sort have been a way of living. It’s a way of honoring my abilities, my gifts from the angels above. It’s not about being better than another, nor whether I win or not, but rather in knowing that I have truly done my best.

In my works of art, I do the same. Each Little Girl is a reflection of the best of me. In bringing them to life, there is often a struggle in the process, but there is also a moment of surrender, of trusting the powers above, and of allowing the magic to unfold.

The piece here is titled “Bitch Walker.” It’s an early piece and is meant to be pure silliness. In writing about being the ‘best,’ I choose it today as I thought of the movie ‘Best In Show’ and the degrees to which people can take these dogs shows so seriously. Though I have never been to a dog show, I often wonder if it’s truly about the dogs.

Enjoy the sunshine today.

Don’t Be Great, Be Outstanding!

I’m just getting back from a little walk in downtown. I’ve been thinking about rereading The Artist Way by Julia Cameron and so I went in search of it at the Central Library. Instead, I found another of her books, Walking In This World. I’m hoping for a little direction, a little light. 20 pages in and I like the idea that she writes about the importance of walking. She writes, “It is while walking that I experience a sense of well-being and connection, and it is in walking that I live most prayerfully.”

In the past couple of months, I’ve been swamped with inspiration. It’s been a great blessing, but I can now use a little focus so that it doesn’t begin to feel so overwhelming. I am hoping that I can find a little magic in the book. For the past 10 years or so, walking has become a great passion in my life. It is in my early morning walks that I feel most connected and inspired. It is in walking that I get the opportunity to experience the world around me in a manner that allows me to feel like I belong.

The piece here is titled “Home #3.” It’s part of a 3-piece set from my Evolution series. I have chosen this piece today, in ‘light’ of the creative inspiration and the changes I’ve been making at home.

This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine!

I am catching up with life after the art show this weekend. Not only was it a success, but I also had a great time and the opportunity to meet plenty of new faces. I want to thank everyone who not only came to see the exhibit, but to everyone who has been supportive throughout the years, a very special thanks to Jason, Christine, and Oded.

Tomorrow is my last day for my project called “In The News.” After 16 days, I still haven’t bitten my fingernails and my Postcard series is coming along. I have a new idea for 30 continuous days; it will deal with self-portraits. I will figure out the details tomorrow and then wait a few days before I get started.

The picture here is a photo of my exhibit- Little Girls: Missing Fortunes @ The Collective. I was absolutely happy with the installation. I think it looked beautiful and everything I had imagined when I first thought of the concept.

Again, Thank you. Thank you.

It’s another beautiful sunny day. All is quiet this Sunday morning. I’m having a little coffee and about to jump into the shower and head back to Sunset Junction. Yesterday, my art show at The Collective went well; it was a long day.

Top Ten List of Books

#1) Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. After reading this book, I felt emotionally drained, but not in a bad way. I went through so much emotion; I felt so very much. He wrote words that I have lived by ever since. “…Everything can be taken from a man but one last thing: the last of human freedoms- to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Regardless of life’s challenges, I have remembered these words and have been fortunate enough to see those challenges from a different life. What a gift it has been.

As I flipped through the book in search of the exact quote, I see that almost half of the book has its pages flipped, bookmarked. There is so much insight and meaning in this book. If I had one book to take with me on a deserted island, this here is it.

The piece here is titled “Hot-seller Ghost Write Her.” I did this pice from imagination. It is about a writer and her words falling off the pages. I know that I am not the most articulate of writers and so sometimes I do feel that my own words are falling off and scattering everywhere. I wish, that in my words, there is light, meaning, and a little bit of insight.

How do you want to see your day today?

“I choose…”

It’s a beautiful Saturday morning and I’m about to jump in the shower and head out to my art show. Wish me luck.

Rush, rush.

Top Ten List of Books

#2) Demian by Herman Hesse. I read Siddhartha by Hesse in school and didn’t understand it until I read it again much later. I came across Demian on one of my ventures out to one of the Berkeley bookstores. I used to spend hours in the bookstores searching for anything that got my attention. I related to this story so very much. It was like magic. I haven’t read it in a while and I will do so once I’m done with Sex Death and Enlightenment.

This here sums it all up.

He writes, “If we were not something more than unique human beings, if each one of us could really be done with once and for all by a single bullet, storytelling would lose all purpose. But every man is more than just himself; he also represents the unique, the very special and always significant and remarkable point at which the world’s phenomena intersect, only once in this way and never again. This is why every man’s story is important, eternal, sacred; that is why every man, as long as he lives and fulfills the will of nature, is wondrous, and worthy of consideration.”

I know it’s a mouth full, but these words hit me so powerfully. After having struggled through 4 years of high school and spending those years contemplating suicide, I knew that I had my purpose in life. I new I was ‘worthy’ of being here. I feel a little teary eyed right now as I’m about to head out to my show. I do question my work sometimes, but then I remember that I can leave a little beauty in this world, not just through my work, but also through being the best of me.

The piece here is titled “Her Wonder Bread Powers.” As a kid, I used to love Wonder Woman and all her powers. I used to spin around in my room hoping that I could transform into someone else. As I head out the door today, I can use a little strength, a little light, and a whole lot of joy. SMILE!

Have the most glorious day.

A few days ago I completed my 30 days of continuous blogging. I have kept at it, as I need 5 more days to go to finish up my 30-day project of “In the News.” Aside from photocopying an image inspired by the day’s news and adding my twist to it, I have photocopied my blog for that particular day. It’s definitely been a challenge and I’m looking forward to it being done. I can definitely say that I have found some interesting things in the newspaper.

Top Ten List of Books

#3) Who Dies by Stephen Levine. I feel I started my ‘soul searching’ quest at a very young age. At 7 years old, I started helping Papa on weekends and days off from school. During those times of work, I had plenty of free time to wonder and think. I started questioning the meaning of life.
In Who Dies, Stephen asks the question “Who am I?” He answers it with, “I am the pure observing spirit.” WOW! I felt like everything stopped. Here was the answer to the question I had been asking myself for most of my life. It felt right and true. At that moment my ‘soul searching ‘ quest came to an end.

I realized that there was no search to find me. Me was indefinable, ever-changing. At that moment I started ‘soul-experiencing.’ I coined this term for myself. Rather than look for answers or judge myself for NOT being ‘perfect’ or on the ‘right’ path, I would observe me, as if watching a movie. After all these years, I could sit back and enjoy. I felt liberated.

I must admit that this ‘movie’ has had its ups and downs and so I keep coming back to those words. I AM THE PURE OBSERVING SPIRIT.
The piece here is titled “She Found Love.” It’s a very simple piece and I choose it today because when I let go of searching for me, I found love for myself.

My you love you.

I’m feeling exhausted and hot this Thursday evening. I just want to call it an early night and get some rest before the long weekend coming up. I will be at my art show all day Saturday and Sunday. Tomorrow I will finish up with last minute details.

I don’t have much else to say so on to my list of books.

Top Ten List of Books

#4) Exit to Eden by Anne Rice. After studying English at UC Berkeley, I came one class short of receiving my bachelor’s degree. After 5 years of struggling to papers, I thought I wouldn’t read much for some time. Surprise! After reading so much literature, I picked up Anne Rice’s vampire chronicles. I was hooked. Soon after, I came across Exit to Eden. To my surprise, it changed how I viewed myself as a sexual being. I was about to turn 23 years of age and had I just moved to New York City. I felt sexually awakened in the city. Everything down to my clothes had a sexual aspect to it. I felt alive and amazing.

It was weird watching the movie version of Exit to Eden, as it was turned into a comedy staring Rosie O’Donnell. The book was in no way comedic.

In it Rice writes, “In love there is understanding, there is respect for the innermost secrets. There is compassion for the very root of desire itself.” Though I had highlighted these words, it wasn’t until many years later that I finally came to understand the meaning of these words. The ability to express true desire without being judged is most liberating.


The piece here is titled “Dita.” It is inspired from a photo of Dita Von Tess. She exudes true sexuality. If there were ever a ‘real’ erotic version of Exit to Eden, Dita would be my first choice to play the main character.

I think this is all for now. My brain is fading away.

Good night and Sexy Dreams to all.

I’m just getting back from setting up my show @ The Collective. Many, many thanks to Christine and Jason. It’s been a two month long project and now it’s finally done. It looks better than I imagined. I will take photos before it all starts this weekend @ Sunset Junction.

I just want to chill for the rest of the evening.

Top Ten List of Books

#5) Ageless Body, Timeless Mind: The Quantum Alternative to Growing Old. I’m not a huge fan of Deepak Chopra, but this one really did it for me. At first, it is challenging and it took me some time to read through, but in the end, it had a huge impact in my life. It made me look twice at my thought process and how it affects my aging process. I have read it twice and believe everything he wrote. When people ask me why I look so young, this is part of my secret. (Along with drinking lots of water, sleeping, and avoiding stress, whenever I can).

The piece here is titled “Seeing Me.” It is inspired by Marlene Dumas. It’s the flyer I created for my show this weekend. I'm already proud.

Thank you to everyone who has been unbelievably supportive. I am looking forward to the day when I can make my living doing what I love most- painting beautiful little things that people can love, cherish and appreciate.

Happy Middle of the Week!

Cheerios!

This time, he didn’t tell me he loved me. On a street corner, I ran into the guy who a few days ago told me he loved me. This time, he was ranting about ‘being slaves to the American dream.’ It wasn’t until I had walked away that I wished I had told him “I Love you.” But I’m not always so courageous.

I have few more things to finish up for my art show this weekend. I’m a little concerned that I still have not heard back from Oded at the gallery. If it doesn’t end up happening this weekend, I will trust in God’s will and know that it’s meant for another time, possibly another space.

It’s not Sunday, but I’m hungry and craving some chilaquiles. I think I will have them for lunch today along with some refried beans and a very cold glass of milk.

Top Ten List of Books

#6) Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui by Karen Kingston. A few years ago for Christmas, my brother, Johnny, gave me this book. Over the years he has shared books with me, but this time, I wondered why this particular one.

I understood immediately; I had ‘stuff’ to get rid of. After all these years, I continue to get rid of ‘stuff.’ Just the other day, after having gone to The Goodwill to drop off ‘stuff’, I came back home, looked around and decided that I could get rid of more ‘stuff.’ It wasn’t easy, but I went back to The Goodwill with more ‘stuff.’ If I’m ever feeling stuck or challenged, I can start clearing out and feel the effects immediately. It’s liberating! In a few days, I think I’ll go back to The Goodwill.

The piece here is titled “Her Outlet #1.” It’s one of 3 pieces from my series of Little Girls: Evolution. In honor of clearing clutter, I choose this piece today because of its simplicity; not every piece needs to be so complicated.

Let it go!

Obama’s in LA! I’m just getting home. The streets are closed all over the place and the bus took a major detour. In the 12 years that I have lived in LA, I have never seen traffic jam like this: it’s a parking lot out there. Good luck to my fellow Angelenos! On a positive note, in lieu of the detour, I took a 25-minute jog home. I feel good.

I have lots to accomplish this evening in preparation for my art show this weekend. I’m going to eat a little something and get going.

Top Ten List of Books

#7) Confessions of an Economic Hit Man by John Perkins. This book opened my eyes and really changed my perspective on how I see the world. After reading it, I wanted to give it to everyone I knew. It’s a great summer read.

The piece here is titled “Her Dark Knight.” I choose this piece today in honor of Obama’s visit to LA. Last year, a photo in the LA Times, as the Obama’s were walking off of Air Force One, inspired the piece. It was Michelle’s yellow dress by Jason Wu that caught my attention.

Happy Monday!

It’s a beautiful sunny Sunday day and after yesterday’s ramble of thoughts, I am feeling much better. As I was walking back from the supermarket, I felt peace. I felt gratitude.

I am so enjoying my latest project on postcards. For the last 5 days, I have taken a photo of something that captures my eyes attention. I come home, make adjustments and then print it out onto a postcard. I will do this for 31 continuous days and afterwards send them out to 31 people in my life for them to write on, draw, paint, or whatever they choose to do. I can’t wait to see what comes back to me. I can already see it displayed at a gallery.

Top Ten List of Books

#8) Einstein A life by Denis Brian. I had always been curious about Einstein, his thoughts, and mostly what he thought of after having helped develop the atomic bomb. He changed our world forever and I wanted to know about him. I had my challenges grasping onto his theory of relativity, but I got the jest of it. It’s interesting that in my own way I find myself using during daily life. It comes in handy when I am having my challenging moments and I can look at any given situation and know that’s it’s all relative and I can see life from any perspective I choose. It especially helps in understanding others though I know I can use it more often. That’s for sure.

The piece here is titled “Liberty #2.” It’s part of a 3-piece set and I did this last year for my art show at The Company of Angels. It was inspired by the 4th of July. I choose this piece today as I am feeling a sense of liberty and ease. I am grateful to live in a country with freedoms to be who I am and to live according to my choosing.

Life Liberty and The Pursuit of Happiness!

WOW!!! My head is spinning out of control; it’s rambling and it won’t shut up. I wish I could hit the pause button or put it in time out. I’m hoping that it runs out of tape. I want to laugh and cry at the same time. I think this is what’s called ‘on the verge of insanity.’ An old friend used to say; “I’ll see you at Bellevue.” Is it time already?

I better get to my Top Ten List of Books before they come pick me up, seriously.

#9) Sex Death and Enlightenment (A True Story) by Mark Matousek. I came across this book at The Bodhi Tree here in Los Angeles. It was, of course, the title that caught my eyes. I was surprised to have had such a deep connection to his story; I felt like I was reading a part of my own personal journey. Over the years, I have picked it up for a second go around, but have never fully gone through it. I think it’s time to does so. I can use a little enlightening in my life today.

The piece here is titled “I Love Jesus.” It’s a self-portrait of me in a straight jacket. I once had a vision of putting on this costume for shock value, but have never done so. How appropriate for how I’m feeling today.

Inhale, Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I’m just getting back from the gym and I’m about to have a little something to eat- some oatmeal with honey, flaxseed, and blueberries.

Other than writing, I have lots to accomplish today on Friday 13th. Number 13 is my lucky number, but today, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I must finish my “In the News” piece for the day. (It’s featuring the new Monster High Dolls from Mattel). I must work on finishing up odds and ends for my art show next weekend at The Collective for Sunset Junction. I just finished printing up my photo for the day; it’s my latest project. I will work on it for 30 continuous days. I must get a commissioned piece onto the canvas. I must drop off more ‘stuff’ at The Goodwill. And lastly, I must enjoy the process. ☺ I realize it’s not how much I do, but how I do it.

Rather than write a list of the Top Ten Books that have had the greatest impact on my life, I have decided, that for the next 10 days, I will post one at a time, as they each have a story behind them.

#10) Stranger in the Mirror by Sidney Sheldon. The book belonged to my older sister Chela; I found it on the living room couch (we had red and yellow curtains to match). It was the early 80’s and on this summer day, at 16 years of age, I fell in love with reading.

I was home alone with nothing to do, I remember thinking, “I’m bored!” I had a few 'safe' hours to do wahtever I wanted. I had already checked off everything on the “What I Would Do If I Was Home Alone List.” Out of curiosity, here are some of those embarrassing things on the list. Now remember, it was the 80’s and I didn’t know I was gay- in no particular order.

1) Write poems, inspired by The Smiths, on wanting to die and having no friends.
2) Play a game of Monopoly with my invisible friends and of course I didn’t cheat.
3) Masturbate to the ‘dirty’ magazines I had found in the back of the riverbed, of course looking mostly at the men.
4) Clean every room of the house; it was one of my favorite things to do, only when I was alone.
5) Snoop through all the drawers, including my parents.
6) Dance around the house completely naked and looking in the mirror while doing so.
7) Cutting the grass and trimming the bushes; it was relaxing, but I hated doing this when my dad was around.
8) Watching anything on TV in any room of the house. We had 4 TV’s.
9) Drawing “Gothic” things because I thought it was ‘so cool.’ Siouxsie and the Banshees was my favorite group.
10) And my personal favorite was putting on my little sisters clothes, shoes and make-up and walking around the house like I owned it.

So now back to reading, on this day I fell in love with books, I didn’t want to do any of these things. I picked up the book from the couch and I was hooked. The character's name was Toby and there was drama, comedy and most importantly, there was sex, lots of sex. In a couple of days, I was at the Sante Fe Springs Library looking for more books by Sidney Sheldon.

The piece here is from my Evolution series and it’s titled “Disguise #3." I choose this piece today in honor of remembering those days when I first put on my sisters shoes.

And now, I’m off to the races.

Happy Friday The 13th!

The other day, as I was walking around downtown, I saw a homeless man crying as he passed me by. I didn't say anything. A few minutes later, as I was walking out of the library, he was coming down the escalator and he was shouting every bad word possible. Just as he was passing me by, he looked me in my eyes, I looked at him, and he said, "I love you man." There was love in his voice; I believed him. So silly, but I felt loved.

I thought of him yesterday when I walked by a homeless woman and she smiled a big smile. I smiled back. These little gifts do some big things.

The piece here is titled "Home #2." It is from my "Evolution" series and it's inspired by a piece a did many years ago while living in NYC. There was one day in life when I had nowhere to go; I was homeless. I remember walking around that day not knowing where I was going to sleep that night. It was the strangest feeling in the world. Without my bosses knowing, I laid out some carboard boxes and slept on the floor of the showroom.

As you go out today, may you feel the love and share it. Home is everywhere you go.

It's a beautiful Wednesday and I'm about to run out for a little while and do some walking and of course lots of thinking.

I'm guilty! I must admit that for the last two days, I did not finish my pieces for my "In the News" project. I have the articles ready to go and I'm curious about today's newspaper findings. I'm not guilty about NOT writing for 30 days straight. I'm still going strong. And for the last 12 days I have still not bitten my fingernails. What else can I do for 30 days straight? I'm hoping for some inspiration while I'm out for the day.

Yesterday, after picking up Karen Kingston's book titled "Creating Sacred Space With Feng Shui," I spent the day cleaning out my bedroom. It feels so clean and tidy. I even washed everything in the drawer. A few years ago, my brother, Johnny, gave me her other book titled "Clear Your The Clutter With Feng Shui," and it changed my life. I got rid of so much 'stuff!' It's amazing how gettting rid of 'stuff' feels so good and liberating. The book is a must read!

For tomorrow, I think I will put together a top ten list of books to read.

The piece here is titled "Ask Me." I did this a few days ago for my "In The News" series. Even though I don't see myself ever getting married, I don't understand what's the big F'ing deal.

Happy, happy!

On my way to the gym this morning, I thought about what my friend John told me 20 years ago. He placed a pencil on a table and told me to, "Try and pick it up." I went to the table and easily picked up the pencil. He said, "I didn't say pick it up, I said try and pick it up." And so again, I picked up the pencil. "You just picked it up, you didn't try," he said. I didn't understand what he was saying. And so once again he said, "Try and pick it up." This time I pretended to struggle in picking up the pencil, as if trying, but eventually I picked it up. "You just picked it up again," he said. On the last try, I just stood there and didn't do anything. I was confused. He looked at me and said, "Either you pick it up or you don't, there is no trying." I got it, I understood.

I took the lesson with me and I have used it over the years. Though I have not always remembered it, I still find myself thinking about it whenever I hear myself or anyone using the word 'try.' I think it's beautiful that over the years lessons continue to appear. Whether I am mindful of them or not, I know that they shape who I continue to be.

The piece here is titled "Self-Portrait #2." It is a portrait of myself as a clown in drag. Over the years when I have received inspirations or visions, I have felt obligated to bring them to life. In doing so, I honor my spirit, my creativity and hopefully inspire others to do the same.

Go out into the world and DO IT!

I just finished dinner, a bowl of pinto beans with an avocado filled flour tortilla, followed by a small bowl of ice cream.

This morning, as I was reading the LA Times in search for inspiration for my "In The News" piece, on the front page was an article of a group of "altruists who had long cared for the poor and ailing, thrown together on a mission to provide medical help in the most daunting of places." In total, 10 volunteers were shot to death by the Taliban in Afghanistan. I looked at each of their faces and got teary-eyed. I felt anger and sadness at knowing that these people were doing the best of things; each day they risked their lives in the name of service, of giving back to our world. They are HEROES!

In the next section of the paper, there was an image of a Afghan girl on the cover of Time magazine; her name is Bibi Aisha. Bibi is 18 years old and lost her ears and nose as punishment for fleeing an abusive husband, also part of the Taliban. She was brave enough to have her face photographed in order to bring attention to the brutalities of women in Afghanistan and possibly preventing further violence. She too is a HERO!

The piece here is titled "Sad Girl." It was inspired from a piece of work I once saw on a storefront window display. I choose this piece today because of the sadness I felt in reading these articles; I was caught off guard and feel that there is more for me to learn. It's strange that of all my pieces of work on FAA, this one has by far received the most views. I only wonder why.

As I write of these two articles, I wonder about my own contributions to our world; I feel like I have not given back. It puts my life in perspective and inspires me to want to do more.

To everyone who is making contributions, however big or small, I admire the courage, the strength and determination. You are my inspirations!
Thank you all for titlting the scales of goodness, every little act counts.

Take a chance.

It's a beautiful Sunday day and I'm home watching a little tennis and doing some painting.

It's my older sister's birthday today. Feliz Cumpleanos!!! Her name is Glicelda, but mostly she goes by Celdie or my personal favorite, Chela or Chelita.

The piece here is titled "Mona Chelita"; it is my version of the Mona Lisa. It is inspired from a family portrait while we lived in East LA. Along with my grandmother, all 7 of us stood in our living room. Not one of us had a smile on our face, but it was Glicelda, in her frilly pink dress who had the biggest of frowns. I always wondered why there seemed to be so much unhappiness or lack of joy. Did we all hate the camera? Had there been a fight between Mama and Papa? I can only wonder. Even in my favorite rainbow colored vest, I too had a big frown.

I look at the photo now, and can only laugh. We have all come a long way and I can honestly say that we are a happy family. We can spend quality time together and have the most wonderful of times. We are so very blessed.

Los quiero mucho! ( I love them very much!)

I'm just getting back from a day spent in Santa Monica and Venice. It was nice to wander around with no plan, no direction.

On yesterdays blog, I posted a piece titled "Me and My Birdie." I know it's gramatically incorrect, but it's just words. I wanted to see what this piece would bring to mind; it brings about a true story from when I was living in San Fransico some 15 years ago.

A stranger came up to me at a bar and, for reasons I don't remember, we get on the subject of birds. I think it may have come up from having been reading Jonathan Lvingston Seagull by Richard Bach. The man at the bar says, "Imagine peopel being like birds. Very few birds ever reach the most magnificent of cliffs overlooking the oceans." He continues, "You are one of these lucky birds. And only of few of these birds will actually take off from the cliffs and soar." Again he says, "You are one of these lucky birds."

He paused long enough and looked at me and aksed, "Why do you come back?" He didn't have to say anymore, I understood what he meant. Throughout my life I have taken my share of risks, but no matter what risks I have taken, I haven't followed fully through. I keep coming back to a safe place. Is it fear? Is it doubt? I don't know.

And so today, I ask myself, "What do I need to risk? What am I willing to do? What am I willing to surrender? For the next couple of days, I will take this with me and think about it. For now, there is no answer and I'm okay with NOT having an answer.

But I know that it's time to fly, soon, very soon!

The piece here is titled "Her Birdie." It came to me easily and without much effort.

Okay, so here I go.

But before I begin, the sober drought is over; after 31 days of sobriety, I had my first drinks last night and came home with a feathery birthday hat of I don’t know whose birthday.

On yesterday’s blog, I chose a piece of art titled “Combing My Hair.” After posting it and running out the door for most of the day, I found myself flooded with thoughts. There was so much more to the piece than I realized.

For the majority of the past 20 years, I have kept a buzz cut and have had no need for a comb.

There are two people that came to mind, Papa and Father Leo.

One day during my high school years, Papa asked me to borrow a comb, oblivious to the messy and moppy head of hair that I kept dyed a blue-black for that ‘Goth’ look. I looked at him with that are-you-serious face. “Don’t you see what I look like,” I thought. I felt invisible.

One morning a few years later, as we headed out to work, Papa demanded that I get a haircut and then proceeded to blame everything on me including his problems with Mama. At the end of that day, I tried to kill myself. For now, I won’t go into the details, not because I feel uncomfortable talking about it, but because it’s too long of a story, maybe another time.

On the first day of my sophomore year, Father Leo, the principal at St. John Bosco High School did notice the messy hair. Along with 20 other boys, I was pulled out of my classroom and asked to report to the principal’s office. Each one of us was in violation of the school’s dress code. The first thing Father Leo asked was if I had a comb at home; he thought my hair was too messy. Other than that, he said there was no problem. What he didn’t notice was the checkered pattern I had shaved into my head, a la Cyndi Lauper. I was smart enough to not only sit at a certain angle while talking with him, but I had slicked the long part of my hair to cover up the real violation.

Almost 2 years later, I was being called back into his office. A few minutes before my last exam of my junior year, he pulled me out of class. He told me that I didn’t belong at St. John Bosco High School because I didn’t have the 'right attitude' of what a boy at St. John Bosco should have. If I didn’t change, he said he was going to be writing a letter to my parents during the summer letting them know that I was not welcome at the school anymore. I hated this man. Throughout my entire 4 years, he never once said hi to me. Even while walking the hallways, he would look the other way as if I didn’t exist. Here was a man of God who never bothered to see beyond the façade to see if I was okay.

Luckily, change came over the summer. Though it had nothing to do with him, I changed my appearance and even that caused shock on that first day of my senior year. I finished high school with a bad taste for God and religion. I sort of got my revenge on graduation day when my little sister Moni went up to Father Leo and in front of a group of parents she said, “You’re a fucking asshole!” I was close enough to hear it, but far enough to not let him know that she was my sister. It was the best graduation gift.

And so, if you’ve read up to this point, thank you for listening.

Funny how a piece of art triggered so much. I was going to repost the image, but I’ve decided to post another piece and see what this one brings to mind. The piece here is titled “My Birdie and Me”; like yesterdays piece, Angel Botello also inspires it.

Have a most beautiful Friday day!

Last night, I promised myself that I would get up early this morning and go out for a run. And so @ 5:30am, I went out for a run. It wasn’t too bad; it’s been some time since I’ve been out running so early in the morning. As I ran past a homeless man who was sitting quietly alone, he said, “Good morning.” I said good morning back to him. And then he asked, “How’s it going?” “Good,” I said as I passed him by. “Very good, very good” he said. I took his little act of kindness and decided to have a most magnificent day.
The 30 days of sobriety are now over. WooHooo! I thought I would have shed a few pounds, but I didn’t. Instead, I made some junk food substitutions but more on that another day.
Later tonight, I may meet up with Jason downtown at a club called The Glass Door. I haven’t officially decided to go, as it’s too early to tell; I may show up for a drink or two, maybe three. Or I may go to see the Dennis Hopper and Arshille Gorky exhibits both showing at the MOCA.
I’d like to wake up early tomorrow morning and possibly head to Santa Monica for a little sun and inspiration. Again, it’s too early to tell.
Along with the 30 days of sobriety, I now have 21 of blogging, 9 days of working on my “In The News” project, 5 days of not biting my fingernails, and now 1 day of giving away a dollar a day-very good, very good.

Have a very good and most beautiful day!

Just because I think this piece is beautiful, I choose it today. It’s titled “Combing My Hair.” It’s inspired by Angel Botello and is part of my series of Little Girls called “Imitations of Me.” Each piece will be inspired from another artist and are self portraits of myself

I’m just getting home from the gym. It’s a noisy Wednesday afternoon; the guy across the street will blow leaves for almost 2 hours.

Yesterday, if I thought of something to confess, I would do so today. When I was 15 years old, I stole a pair of red Jordache bikini underwear; not only was I too embarrassed to take them up to the counter and pay for them, but I had never stolen anything before. I walked into the dressing room, put them on and walked out of JCPenny. I think it’s the only thing I remember ever stealing.

Yesterday, Jason gave me the ‘bestess’ of surprises. He trekked over to Pasadena to get my computer fixed. Thank you so very mucho, now I don’t have to do out there myself and I can enjoy my day off. I felt so vey loved.

Yesterday morning while on the bus, a young black girl who was sitting up front and appeared to have a disability, had a big smile on her face that did not disappear. It reminded me of a girl named Alice who was also black; she was one of seven clients at a home for the developmentally disabled where I worked for 9 months while taking a break from college life. Alice was one of two clients who could see, as the others were blind or visually impaired. Her favorite thing to do was to go into the boy’s room and rip off the elastic band from their underwear, always with a clean swipe. We used to say that she would be a great inspector for Hanes Underwear; Inspector Alice, we called her.

Alice would sit at her favorite chair by the window and spend hours twirling and stretching the elastic band all the while laughing uncontrollably; it was her favorite thing in the world. She would laugh so hard sometimes, that I could not keep myself from laughing along with her. Sometimes I laughed until my stomach hurt; it was contagious. Even now, thinking about it makes me laugh at the silliness.

In between the stretching and twirling, she would pause and closely examine her hands as if seeing them for the first time; there was such intensity at the way she looked at them that I always wondered what she saw in them. But then she’d go back to stretching, twirling, and laughing. Though she sometimes drove me nuts, she brought me so much joy.

The piece here is titled “Alice on Acid Paints Her Nails Red.” Though it is not a resemblance to what she looked like, I thought of Alice while painting this piece. I’ve always wondered what she saw through her eyes that made her laugh so hard. What world was she in? I wish I could visit!

P.S. I have not bitten my fingernails for the past four days, I’m shooting for at least another 26 days with the hope of kicking the habit. Wish me luck.

If you find yourself with a smile on your face or laughing for no reason at all, it’s all good. Share the joy!

It's early this Tuesday morning. I had some dreams last night about some 'mean girls', who weren't very nice to me and also that I made a porn video while Jason watched- weird.

Last night, I must confess that I got teary-eyed at the season finale of The Bachlorette. Though I hadn't seen it all season, the music and everything got to me. I'm thinking that maybe they will last and it made me want to go to Tahiti.

confessions. how much do we confess to one another, honestly, about those things in our lives that we keep to ourselves, that we don't share, that we keep secretly quiet and let it grow in the shadow of our spirit.

What are we afraid of? What am I afraid of? What have I NOT said out loud out of fear? I will take this question out with me for the day. If something comes up, I will share tomorrow.

I just remembered how I hated going to 'confession' and struggling to come up with things to tell the priest because you didn't want o go in empty handed. "Father it's been many many many years since my last confession… I had bad thoughts, I said a bad word, I lied to my parents…." and then usually I got stuck. LOL!

Hmmm. this coffee tastes good today and I'm looking forward to reading the newspaper. What will I find in the news other than Lindsay's release from jail?

The piece here is titled "Confessions of A Child Dropped on The Dance Floor." It's my version of Madonna and Child; and it's meant to be silly.

It feels good to be silly, and thank you Jason for allowing me to do so.

Out of curiosity, I looked up the meaning of the word Monday. It means "the second day of the week, the first day of the work week." The names of the week stem from Roman mythology, (Monday- meaning moon/ luna in Spanish). Interesting that this past Monday was a full moon and possibly explains the sort of 'muddy' feeling along the week.

Anyway, it's a new Monday; it started a bit foggy this early morning, but the sun came out quickly. I soon had a smile on my face when I came across Frank's memorial on the street corner. The flowers had dried up, but there was a new note saying that a get together was being held in his honor. How beautiful it made me feel to know that he made a difference; he made a difference in my life. I ended up having a great Monday day, there is joy in my spirit.

Though I'm now feeling a bit pooped this evening, I just finished up my piece for today's "In The News' project. It's titled "How Lo Can You Go." I combined an image of J-LO's newsworthy American Idol deal with news of attempts to deport the children of immigrant workers from Israel. It bothered me to hear that children of foreign working families born and raised in Israel were being deported in order to ensure "the Jewish character of the state of Israel." I wonder where is Israel's compassion? Where is their God?

On another note, the piece here is titled "Blue Shadow." I choose this piece today just because I love it so much; It is one of my earliest pieces. Strange to think that it is over 10 years old.

And so if you are or were feeling some Monday blues, know that it is almost over and tomorrow is another day.

Cheers and Good Night.

Yesterday as I walked to the 99 cents store, (in search of prune juice and a magnifying mirror-just in case you wanted to know) I was reading Paulo Coehlo's "By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept." It's been 13 years since I last read it. In it, he writes, "Every day, God gives us the sun-and also one moment in which we have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy…a moment when all the power of the stars becomes a part of us and enables us to perform miracles"

After starting off the day with overcast skies and feeling 'muddy', the sun finally came out and, as I read these words, the moment appeared; I realized that here was 'my moment.' I felt thankful for the sun and cool breeze. I felt love and blessings. I felt joy, I felt young and beautiful (even though I hadn't shaved and I was wearing grungy sweats.) I felt emotional, a little teary-eyed, I felt alive!

This morning as I went out for a run, feeling a bit lethargic, I wondered when today's 'moment' would appear. Just thinking about it made me feel better. As I ran, I turned into an alley I had not run through before and there to the left was a yard sale. Ta-Da! There it was. I found a book titled "The World of Pablo Picasso"; it had been published in 1967, a year before I was born. As I ran home, I felt inspired, I felt grateful, I felt love.

I came home and made some breakfast (hash browns, sausages, scrambled egg whites and one belgian waffle for each of us.) As I write and finish up my latest piece from "In The News", Jason is sleeping. How lucky I am to come home and see a big smile on his face; it happens all the time.

The piece here is titled "She Dreams of Butterflies." I choose this piece today because it reminds me of what it felt like this morning waiting for my moment to appear.

Let them come and share the magic.

Have a most beautiful Sunday day!

What a gloomy Saturday morning. Jason is at the gym and was so kind to go buy me my newspaper this morning.

27 days of soberness including no smoking, 17 days of blogging continually, and now I am 5 days into my 30 day commitment of working on a project called Little Girls: In The News. For 30 days straight, I will read the LA Times; from it, I will create a piece of art with something that inspires me.

On July 27th while riding a stationary bicycle at the gym, I got the idea. I don't always read the newspaper, but it's a treat to do it every now and then (cover to cover). So far, it's been cool to wake up feeling curious about what I will encounter in the paper. This morning, there wasn't anything that truly caught my eye so I chose to do the piece on an ad of Angelina Jolie's movie Salt

The piece here is titled "Little Mexican Girl." As you can see, it's an article of the Arizona law, the day prior to it going into effect.

What else can I do for 30 days? I am thinking about NOT biting my nails. For as long as I can remember, I've been doing it; most of the times, I'm not even aware of doing so. I wonder if it drives Jason crazy.

I am hoping for a little sunshine, oops, I forgot to check out the weather section.

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

It's a beautiful sunny Friday day with a cool breeze. Even after my workout and for no apparent reason, I'm feeling "muddy, muddy." Hmmmm? Shall I think about it or should I just feel it out and know that it will pass?

Anywho, yesterday evening Jason and I went to the LACMA to check out the John Baldessari exhibit. After 5PM on Mon., Tues., Thurs., and Fri., the museum is FREE to LA residents with valid Id's. WoooHooo!

A few minutes into it, we realized we were seeing the exhibit backwards; we had entered on the wrong side. I was enjoying it and felt quite inspired. As we continued, it sort of fizzled out for me. I wonder if I would have felt different, had I entered on the left side (the 'right way'). I was not familiar with his name nor work and I was looking forward to it after seeing his images online. Though I did walk away with some ideas for a current project, the final critique- "it was good, but not great."

The piece here is titled "Her Vertigo." Though I had this idea prior to having seen his work, it is very 'Baldessari.' Oh Well!

Tomorrow, I will fill in the details of this current project.

By the way, I'm feeling better already and hungry for some lunch. I knew it would pass.

Happy Friday!

Three years today, Jason's grandmother Lester passed away. She raised him since he was a kid; a few weeks ago, he warned me that the month of July would be tough for him. Though I never met her, she has come to be a part of my life. I know she's an angel in his life; he woke up this morning and mentioned that she had sent him messages through his dreams.

Without going in to details, this morning there was frustration between us. I was moody; he was moody. Out of playfulness, we say and pronounce it 'Muddy, muddy Libra;' were both Libras, uh, ho

Instead of going to the gym, I went out for an early morning run; it felt good to feel the sunshine and fresh air. Rather than let the frustration boil up, I thought of his grandmother and said a little prayer in her honor. I said a little prayer in his honor. I prayed that on this day of memorial, there was light rather than darkness.

A few months ago, Jason and I started a journal where we could both write down our thoughts and feelings; it would be a safe place for us to share. I liked the word 'safety' as a code word to let the other know that we needed a little understanding and love. This morning, we were both in need of it. And so as I kept running, I felt love for him. I knew that I would come home and rather than be 'muddy,' I would be kind. When I came into the apartment, I sat down and we talked; it felt easy and light. I smiled; we were all right.

The piece here is titled "Welcome Aboard Mr. John." It was commisioned for my boss and friend Brad John. I choose this piece today because I am thankful to God for the angels, both in and out of uniform, that fly our friendly skies. To all the angels in our world, we love you!

Thank you Mrs. Lester for raising an amazing and beautiful man.

I love you mister!

"This moment I wake up, Before I put on my makeup, I say a little prayer for you…"

Two days ago I wrote about a man named Frank Raymond Clark who had passed away. What I didn’t write is that I took a small wooden cross that was left at his little memorial on a street corner. Though I didn’t know him, I took it to remind me of him; to remind me of the magic moment I felt on that day. I took it to remind me of the magic we leave behind. I’d like to believe that he wouldn’t have minded.

Today, as I read from All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, Fulghum wrote, “There was a famous French criminologist named Emile Locard, and fifty years ago he came up with something … to the effect that any person passing through a room will unknowingly deposit something there and take something away.” On this day, I left a little prayer in Frank’s honor and I took not only a little cross, but also a memory that I will cherish forever. I hope to leave more of ‘me’ on our world.

Again, thank you Frank Raymond Clark.

The piece here is titled “Lindsay’s Lows.” It is inspired by Lindsay Lohan’s mug shot on July 20th. For reasons I don not know, I came home yesterday and felt compelled to start and finish it. Viola! I choose this piece today for the obvious reasons of me not only taking this cross, but of knowing that I have been in jail once before. To be ‘frank,’ I received a DUI almost 12 years ago when I first moved to LA. I promised myself to not ever drink and drive again. On that day, I even thanked the cops who arrested me for not only saving my life, but also for saving the lives of others who were out on the streets that day.

Throughout life, we make our mistakes; how we use the lessons learned from those mistakes is the true judge of our character.

Forgive yourself and one another; it’s less to carry around.

This morning as I walked to the gym, I read Robert Fulghum’s “All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” I love the simple and beautiful stories. It’s my third time reading it though I hadn’t picked up the book in quite some time. Half way through, I decided to stop. I started thinking about a story I had written many years ago about my kindergarten days. I was trying to remember the story word for word, but couldn’t when all of a sudden I felt like that 5 year-old boy walking to school. It felt good to feel him again; I had a big smile on my face.

When I got home, I searched for the story. After some time, I found it. Here it is:

“I remember crying on my first day of kindergarten at Malabar. I remember my teacher Mrs. Endo giving me a puzzle and the kids gathering around to help me build the puzzle, as I was blind from tears and unable to see what I was doing. I remember smiling as we all finished the puzzle together.
I remember a girl named Elizabeth; I chased her around the sandbox and monkey bars. I remember her long-to-the-ground red and white-checkered dress. I remember getting extra cookies from Mrs. Endo.

I remember a girl named Marisela asking me for ‘un beso,’ a kiss. When I didn’t give her a kiss, I was afraid of Marisela because her older sister had long fingernails.

I remember walking to school with Carlos and Rossi; one day, the three of us wore the identical black and white-checkered pants. I remember the local corner store on our way to school. For four years, I bought many erasers from money I stole from Mama’s purse. I loved new erasers on pencils.

Once the school bell rang and everyone left to go home, I remember often waiting outside for Mama on a table with Mrs. Endo. I remember crying because I would think that Mama had forgotten about me.

I remember all this and know that I have lived many years and I have experienced many different things.
As I write, I remember all this and know that today will maybe become a memory. I may or may not remember this moment. I know that today is all I have. Today is my moment to experience life, to share, to laugh, to cry, to give thanks, to express myself, to create, and to love. (The list is endless.) With every breath, today passes me by. And so I remember that today is my day.”

The piece here is titled “Blanca Graduates Kindergarten.” A photo of my younger sister Blanca inspires it.

In honor of the kid in all of us. Remember!

This morning as I walked to the bus stop, I noticed a memorial of flowers on the corner across the street. His name was Frank Raymond Clark. He was struck and killed by a motor vehicle. Along with the flowers, was an anonymous type written note telling about their experience with Frank. She was touched by his kindness. She wrote, “There are moments of Grace in everyone’s life if you choose to see it that way. It was my moment with a homeless man that showed grace to me and filled my heart that day.” The day she is referring to is the day that Frank sat with her when he saw her crying on a bench; he sat with her until he felt she was okay. That day, she says, “They became friends.”

This morning, I was graced to read these words about Frank, to know of a man who became an angel in this woman’s life. I felt incredibly touched; for a moment, I stood still and said a little prayer in his honor. Later on in the day as I was feeling frustrated for the delays on the train, I thought of Frank and everything felt better.

This piece here is titled “Angelica Sent to Heaven.” It is one of my earliest pieces from 1999. I chose this piece today because the angels in our lives are not taken from us, but rather they are sent to grace us.

Thank you Frank Raymond Clark for being you. May your spirit shine brightly in our world!

Happy Sunday!

Jason and I are off to downtown for The Renegade Craft Fair and Summertramp. It's another sunny day in LA. I don't have much to say and so I will leave it at that.

The piece here is titled "Wordly." I chose this piece today because it I don't have much to say and this piece has a few of my favorite words.

Blessings! Joy! Acceptance! Wonder! Soul! Free! Kindness! Give! Vulnerable!

The follwoing are notes from what I wrote early this morning:

"It's a beautiful hot sunny day in downtown LA. I am sunbathing in a little grassy area on the grounds of the Bonaventure Hotel. It is so quiet, I love it! I could barely hear the cars going by, mostly I hear birds chirping away.

There's a slight breeze and it feels so good to be here alone. I cherish my alone moments.

I am reminded of a comment from a boy in high school who referred to me as a "loner." He was telling another boy that he never saw me with friends. It was true that I had no friends at the time. But being called a "loner," made me feel ashamed and embarresed. It's as if he knew my secret.

A few years later while at UC Berkeley, I had a realization that changed my life. Being alone was NOT a bad thing; it 's a bunch of bologna to think so. I realized that being alone with myself meant that I felt not only comfortable with me, but I enjoyed my own company. I could sit alone knowing that there was and is so much love in my life. I have been blessed with amazing friendships that have lasted 20+ year and countings. It seems that as the days and years go by, I am blessed with new and amazing bonds of friendships. I realized that not everyone is lucky enough to "be" alone with oneslf and feel happy, love, joy, aliveness.

I feel all this today as I sit here writing, reading, being quiet, and mostly doing much of nothing.

The piece here is titled "Lost in Her Forest." I chose this piece today beacuse sometimes it feels good to be lost and all alone. Lost in one's world, one's thoughts, one's being. I love the simplicity of this piece; It happedned quite by accident.

Enjoy you, Celebrate you!

p.s. Thank You Jason, my love for allowing me to be here alone in 'our' apartment. And thank you for allowing me the freedom to be me no matter how silly. A few weeks ago in front of you, I sang word for word the Oscar Meyer song of "My Bolgona has a first name; it's O-S-C-A-R. My Bologna has a second name; it's M-E-Y-E-R. Oh, I love to eat it every day and if you ask me why I'll say, 'cause Oscar Meyer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A.

I feel all this today

So last night I was woken up by the sensor lights on the building next door; I’ve complained to management about them, but so far have had not luck. It’s like having spotlights pointed into the bedroom preparing for a reality show. Jason and I slept in the living room.

Out of the anger boiling up, I thought I wasn’t going to fall asleep, but luckily I was able to let it go after writing an e-mail. Looks like the bulbs will be coming down.

The piece here is titled “Unjolly Jolie;” it’s inspired by Angelina Jolie on the red carpet at the 2007 Golden Globes. Over the years, I have been inspired by the red carpet looks and, as I may have mentioned before, I would like to put together a show from actresses past and present. I chose this piece today because we went to see Salt early this afternoon. I enjoyed the movie and will look forward to seeing part 2.

I am almost done with putting together everything for my show in August. I’ve decided to do one more piece. It will be of Wonder Woman. I started the beginnings of it today and I promise that tomorrow I will get started on my sketchbook for the Brooklyn Art Project.

Cut!

Peace Out.

This morning, while riding the bike at the gym, a guy behind me started running on a treadmill, a very noisy treadmill. Rather than hop onto one of the many available quiet ones, he continued running. I thought, “What an F’ing idiot!” Was he clueless, I thought? Did he not realize the amount of noise the machine was making?

Personally, I allowed the noise to get to me and I couldn't seem to switch around the thoughts. After a few minutes, I remembered a moment when I first moved into this apartment. The guy above me would happen to make some very loud noises early in the morning. I turned the situation around and realized that maybe it was time for me to get up; it was my personal alarm clock. A few days later I realized that I could ‘hear’ the noise; I felt grateful for my sense of hearing; soon after, the noise stopped bothering.

The piece here is titled “Blown-Up.” I chose this piece today because sometimes we allow things to get blown out of proportion. The more I heard the noise of the treadmill, the more I allowed myself to be bothered. I wanted to turn around and tell him to stop. I kept quiet, but the turmoil had built up inside me.
When I finished my turn on the bike, I stopped myself from turning around and giving him a dirty look. In that moment of consciously not turning around, everything stopped and I knew that I had the choice to look at that situation however I wished to see it. I stopped and felt gratitude for being able to hear.

May you go out into the world and LISTEN! Listen and give thanks.
Cheers!

Jason and I just got home from spending the day with my great friend Christine and her little sister Yolanda. Christine and I go back some 20+ years. Tonight, I will keep it short; I just want to lay down and crash.

The piece here is titled "Christine with Cherries in Her Hair." It is one of my earliest pieces and I thought of it when she bought cherries this afternoon. The piece is inspired by a day we spent together on her birthday many years ago while living in San Francisco. She wasn't have a good birthday and so while we were out and about, I bought her a little barrette with 2 cherries. As soon as she put it on, there was a smile on her face; it seemed that something so simple brought joy into her spirit.

I am grateful to have her in my life. She brings joy into my life. Thanks to her, I am able to receive and give affection. She would rub my hands and feet for hours on end. Ah! so good. Prior to having met her, the simple thoguht of being touched me me twitch. Thank You, Thank You.

I call her 'woman,' she call me 'hombre.' In these names we call one another, there is affection, there is love, there is history.

Blessings and Buenas Noches!

I just got home an hour ago and after devouring 2 beef tostadas, I am now chilling out. Yesterday, out of great curiosity, I started reading a biography on Hitler. 80 pages into the book and the thing that has caught my attention of all things are that he was found to have had only one testicle.

So far, I see that we have two things in common. He was an artist who painted mainly postcard-size paintings, just like the size of my Little Girls. And as Ian Kershaw writes, “The happy, playful youngster of primary school days had grown into an idle, resentful, rebellious, sullen, stubborn, and purposeless teenager.” This description of him sounded a lot like me during my high school years. I remember my older brother once telling me that he always wondered what had happened to me, as he had always remembered me as a happy kid. Luckily, after time, I snapped out of the darkness and into the light.

I do wonder what it would have been like to just say, ‘Hi Hitler.” Not in salute but as one man to another, one human being to another. According to this biography, it doesn’t appear that he kept any intimate relationships.

On Wikipeida, I found this: “In order to salute, it was customary to raise the right arm at an angle so that the palm became visible.[1] The appropriate phrase that went with it was Heil Hitler or at least Heil. If one saw an acquaintance at a distance, it sufficed to simply raise the right hand.[1] If one encountered a superior, then the right hand was to be fully extended, raised to eye-level, and at the same time one should say Heil Hitler.[1] If physical disability prevented raising of the right arm, then it was correct to perform the greeting with the left arm.[2] The form Heil mein Führer was designated for direct address of Hitler.[3] The phrase Sieg Heil was used as a repeated chant on public occasions.[3] Written communications would be concluded with Mit deutschem Gruß (with German greeting) Heil Hitler, or simply Heil Hitler.[4]”

I just can’t imagine a man having had so much power and influence; he changed the face of our world. I will curiously keep reading.

The piece here is titled “Goldie Yawns in Iraq. It is inspired by Goldie Hawn’s role in Private Benjamin. Though I can somehow grasp the ideologies of why there is war, I don’t understand how one man can kill another. I don’t understand!

With a few days off, I will do some painting and, of course, more writing.

Peace!

It’s late night this Monday and Jason is out working. It’s day 5 of blogging for 30 days straight and we are 15 days in of staying alcohol free; we are half way there! It hasn’t really been an issue, but I know that I will want a very tasty Martini when the time is up. One of the best things is that I have also NOT had a cigarette; drinking and smoking have gone hand in hand.

After 7 years of being in each others lives, Jason and I re-met a little over a year ago. At that time, he had finished working with The Black Eyed Peas and ‘Meet Me Half Way” was reaching the top of the charts. It became our song and even now, I love hearing it still; it reminds me of falling in love.

I am feeling sleepy; I’m off to bed in a few minutes. This weekend, I didn’t get a chance to start on the Brooklyn Art Project sketchbook, but I will do so this week. I’m almost finished in getting together my pieces for a show in August called Little Girls: Missing Fortunes at The Collective on Santa Monica Blvd. It will open during the Sunset Junction Street Fair.

The piece here is titled "Venus." It is my version of Boticello's Birth of Venus. I chose this piece because of the symbol of love she represents and also because a large print of it sits as the headboard in our bedroom. There is love here.

I think it's all for today.

Good night and Sweet Dreams.

It’s an absolutely gorgeous sunny Sunday early morning. Jason and I will be off to the ‘new’ LA Flea Market at Dodger stadium and later Palos Verdes.

Happy Birthday to my sister Monica; I call her Mona. The piece here is titled “Homecoming Mona.” It is inspired by a photo of her after having won Homecoming Queen at St. Paul High School. She loves ice cream and was a star in track and cross country. I loved going to the meets and watching her run.

During my dark and ‘goth’ years in high school, I shared my writings and first poems with only her. They were so heartfelt at the time, but now, I laugh when I read them. Even though she was 3 years younger than I, Mona always listened and seemed to understand. I admired her a great deal for having the courage to stand on her own 2 feet. During high school, along with being a star athlete in track and cross-country, she maintained excellent grades, had a boyfriend, worked part-time, and drove a car.

At her age, I felt like had accomplished nothing. I dressed weird, mostly in black clothes. I belonged to no sports team, I had no boyfriend, I didn’t work, nor did I drive. The only thing I had going for me was my straight A’s.

Luckily, out of boredom one day, I sketched a little drawing while at school. Later that day, I took that little sketch and turned it into a pencil drawing. I didn’t realize until 15 years later, that it was the start of my Little Girls. The little girl in that sketch was the beginnings of my series of Little Girls.

Also, at that age, I met my friend for life in Alex. It is also his birthday today. Feliz Cumpleanos!

Life turned out just as it was meant to be- absolutely no regrets!

Another Scorching HOT day in LA. I just got back from a 2 hour hike in Runyon Park. I was hoping to catch a little of the British Open, but no luck. Jason is quietly sleeping a few inches away.

As a little boy, Mama says I told stories of monsters. I told these stories to a woman and her mother who would come and take me out for the day; I vaguely remember. Mama says they liked spending time with me. Mama wondered where I got my imagination; she wondered why I didn't share them with her. At home, Mama says I was very quiet.

For my Brooklyn Art Project, I am titling my sketchbook “Remembering Monsters.” Over the years, I have come to realize that those monsters in my life, are happy monsters; they are those people and moments that have shaped who I am, who I’ve become, and who I’ll be. When I look for inspiration, guidance, courage, strength, joy, I often turn to those memories. I'm excited about this project and the vision of how I want it to look like. It will take some work and lots of storytelling. I will start this weekend. I MUST!

The image here is from my series of Little Girls: Evolution. It is titled "Monsters." I struggled with this piece. I had a vision of what I imagined them to look like, but in the end, I had to surrender to what they wanted to become. I am very happy with them and will most likely continue to paint more monsters. As soon as I am done with the first pages of the sketchbook, I will post them here.


May you remember those happy monsters; may you smile and feel their light. May you radiate their spirit out into our world.

Cheers!

Another Scorching HOT day in LA!

S. O. S! I need your HELP. I am working on a series of Little Girls featuring iconic female images from artists past and present. Please, please post! I would appreciate it so very much.

I have, of course, the basics in the Mona Lisa, the Birth of Venus, and Madonna and Child. Just yesterday, I read that Da Vinci's "The Virgin on the Rocks" underwent an 18 month cleaning; I was inspired. The article states "Scholars have long agreed that the work is a masterpiece. In 1483, the Milanese Confraternity of the Immaculate Conception asked Da Vinci to paint a work for their chapel's altarpiece, but it took the artist 25 years to deliver the final product." 25 years-WOW!


For the past couple of months, I have been working on pieces inspired by artists that have shaped my work. They are: Picasso, Angel Botello, Marlene Dumas, Keith Haring, Jerome Caja, Frieda Kahlo, Salvador Dali, Modigliani, and even Alberto Giacometti. Just the other day, I told Jason that it feels good to be working on these pieces. It's opened my eyes to seeing my work in a different light.


The piece here is titled "Dreaming of Me;" it's inspired by Picasso's "The Dream." For as long as I can remember, I have looked forward to going to bed each night; I look forward to dreaming of everyone and everything; it's like going to the movies for free. I especially love laying in bed before sleep and reminiscing about the previous night's dreams; it knocks me out! I chose this piece today because I've been trying to figure out how much more I can do in regards to my work. I dream of the day of being able to do it full-time.

By the way, I have not begun on my sketch book for the Brooklyn Art Project. I saw pieces being posted already; I'm so behind.

May the dreams of today become your life tomorrow!

Inspired by the 30 days of being alcohol free, I have decided to blog for the next 30 days starting today. We’ll see what happens and how much I’ll have to say over this period of time. I’ve never been one to place restrictions on myself, but I am open to a different and new approach.

A few days ago, I received an e-mail from Mama who says she feels hurt by my silence. Though I feel a deep bond between Mama and I, there is some distance. I can’t even begin to imagine her struggle with ALS. I find it interesting that she questions my silence, as I have always been quiet around her and Papa. Over the years, she has not once asked about my personal life or my relationships with men. yet she wonders why I don't have much to say. From my end, I made peace in knowing that it would not happen between us.

I love her so very much and know that I could write a little more to give her peace of mind; I could visit a little more often.

I am one to share everything and anything about me. I have nothing to hide. If there is anything you are curious about, just ask and I will be honest.

Let the questions be asked.

Let your spirit be free; be vulnerable.

The piece here is titled 'Mama La Nina;' it is inspired from a photo of Mama as a little girl. The idea appeared easily and so I left the piece simple and raw to reflect those times when life was different. Mama has been an angel and a great inspiration in my life. I LOVE because of her.

It's early and a beautiful sunny day on this Wednesday morning. It's day 10 of not drinking alochol, except for the mouthwash. Haha! Otherwise, so far, so good. I had a moment a few days ago and the first thing I wanted was to have one drink, but it passed. It's not about never drinking again, but rather it's about having a few days of clarity without the haziness. This past weekend, I went hiking for 2 days in a row and I've had a chance to work out a little more. Life had been feeling out of balance and I missed those days when I felt like I was accomplishing so much more.

I'm looking forward to this weekend and possibly doing some more hiking in a few different areas. Jason and I have not talked about how it has been going between us. He has made some very tasty dinners when I've gotten home; cooking is truly a passion for him and I taste the love in his meals.

The piece here is titled 'Seeing Me.' It is inspired by Marlene Dumas. I chose this piece today because it reflects what I am gooing through in life. I feel like there is something for me to see in myself, hence the decision to be alcohol free; 20 more days to go.

What am I not seeing, I wonder? I pray to my angels for clarity and know that it will come. I'm so very blessed in life!

May you go out into your day and see the clarity of who you already are.

Cheers!

Happy Anniversary to Jason and I. Today, we've been together for one whole year. This morning, we made breakfast and finished watching Into the Wild with Emil Hirsch. I saw the movie back in 2007 when it first came out: it had a great impact in my life as it did when I read the book years before. In it, Emil says "The core of man's spirit comes from new experiences." Over the years, I have noticed that in those moments of newness, there has been the greatest joy and feelings of aliveness. The act of doing something new even if it's as simple as taking a new route to work or trying a new dish at one's favorite restaurant awakens our spirit.

It is day 3 in Jason's and I's pact to not drink for an entire month. I am still curious about how it will develop. I will keep you posted.

This piece here is titled "My Two Faces and Two Yellow Hands. It is the 3rd piece inspired by Picasso. I may do one more as I found another image that sparked my interest. It took me some time to finish it, but when it was done yesterday, I did a little dance of joy. I felt proud!

I will now work on finishing 3 Little Girls inspired by Modigliani. Doing these pieces inspired by artists has been so amazing; it has opened my eyes to seeing my work a little differently.

Thank you Jason for being on my side and for the love and light that you are in my life. Thank you for taking this journey with me; I feel so very happy and blessed.

May you go out into the world and be courageous enough to try something new today, tomorrow, and for everyday to come.
Cheers!

Oh brother, I finally finished reading Gandhi's autobiography. I didn't care for it very much. In the end, I just wanted to be done with and move onto another book. What to read? What to read? Out of curiousity, I'm thinking about possibly reading a biography on Hitler.


I'm about to go Trader Joes for some food, but wanted to write before I get really lazy on this quiet Monday sunny day.

I am thinking about my brother and a conversation a few weeks ago. We don't talk often, but when we do, there is always a connection. Over the years, he has helped me see life from a different perspective; he has helped me see my Purple Cows. Jason and I continue to fight and I'm reminded of what my brother said in our last conversation about " what we bring to the table in a relationship." It made me think, then and now, of what I am bringing and what I would like to be brought. For now, there is some thinking for me to do. I do know that change MUST happen. Jason and I have promised one another that for a month we wouldn't drink nor go out to the bars and clubs. In the past couple of months, drinking and clubbing has lead to one fight after another. It's not good. I'm curious about what change will come from it.

The piece here is titled 'Me and My Blue Pearl Necklace. It is the finished piece. It was harder than I thought. After blogging last time about putting the first layer of paint, I thought that it would all come together easily. It didn't! I struggled with the balance of colors. At first the color on the face was not right, then the background wasn't working. I sat for a few hours on Saturday and kept layering one color after another until finally it felt almost done. I let it sit for a day knowing that it needed a little something. I came home yesterday and added a little touch of green and yellow. Viola! I am so very happy with it and will now move onto finishing my 3rd Picasso inspired Little Girl. I promise I will paint today.

Bring your very best to your own tables.

The greyish piece here is the fourth step of my Frida inspired Little Girl. Getting to this step is always a good feeling. From there, I put on a frist layer of paint. It is the main piece featured here. Once I have arrived to this step, I sometimes let it sit for a while before layering the piece with colors. The cool thing about this is that the first layer of color sets the tone of the piece. Choosing the colors comes naturally and is very instinctual. In a few days, I will sit down and finish the piece. I know it will be called, 'My Necklace and Me."

Jason is making an early dinner right now on this hot Sunday late afternoon. It smells so good. It's his very yummy lentil soup with noodles and homemade hummus.

It's been a very chill Sunday of laying around and watching TV.

May you all have a beautiful Sunday evening.

Cheers!

It's a beautifully sunny Sunday day and I just go up this morning. Jason is still sleeping. Yesterday, we spent all day inside our apartment; we ate, we napped, we watched the U.S Open and movies. It's pretty awesome to do so with the person I love.

I'm feeling quiet this morning. I'm not sure what to write about. I have my ideas, but none of them feel appropriate today. I think I will open the curtain and let some sunshine in.

I'm feeling curious about the day. Curious about what it will bring. Ah Ha!!! This reminds me of when I was a little boy and my Aunt Guille dressed me up in my Sunday clothes and took me outside to take a photo of me. As I stood there squinting at the camera; I remember that first moment of feeling curiousity. I wondered why she was taking a photo of me on a weekday day. What was the purpose?

30 years later, I realized that the photo was taken for me to have. Without knowing, Aunt Guille had passed away a long time ago. Upon hearing the news, I went in search of the photo. I wondered if that moment had really happened or if the photo really existed. After digging through a bag full of photos, I found it.

As I looked at the photo, I realized that it was a blessing from above. I understood that this photo was here to show me what Aunt Guille saw for a moment in life; she saw me. Mama then explained that Aunt Guille loved to baby sit me for no reasons at all; Mama said 'she just loved being around you.' I feel blessed. Anytime, I can look at the photo and know that someone in life saw 'me."

The piece here is titled Frida Trace. Instead of cropping a copy of only Frida, I decided to leave the entire page as is. I think these sheets are so beautiful and interesting. As you can see, the others traces are of my Modigliani inspired Little Girls. The piece below is my last finished Little Girl called 'In My Evening Dress.' (The next step after tracing my Frida will be to paint the background color on the canvas followed by tracing the Frida onto it.)

My angel Bill once said, "Never stop wondering!" And so today, tomorrow, and always, keep your spirits curious.

It's a hot friday afternoon and I'm feeling pooped from last night. I had way too much to drink and I don't remember everything. I know that Jason and I had our words and I know that I wasn't very kind. He has been very patient and loving to me. I adore him with everything I have. He just stepped out to get his 'crackberry' fixed.

I don't know how it happened, but last night, the silver 'R' around my neck broke off. I've worn it for years and it feels weird not having this necklace around me. I have worn the 'R' backward all these years and I have often been asked why it's backward. I say because "I have lived my life a little differently" and because when I look at my reflection in the mirror it is straight. It is me seeing me.

Appropriately, I woke up this morning with REM's song 'Losing My Religion.' It stirs up so many feelings; too many to try and explain right now. After last night, I have some self reflecting to do. Why would I have to get so ugly drunk? I don't have an answer right now and only hope that my angels Sam and Bill will help shed some light. So beautifully funny that as I wrote these words, Jason called from his old cell phone. He told me that he couldn't find my name in it since it's so old. And so he manually dialed my number and instead of 'Ricky' coming up the word 'Beautiful' came up. I so needed to hear that as I don't feel very pretty right now. Thank you my angles for always listening.

The piece here is titled Frida Sketch #2. It is the final sketch before I trace it. Tracing my Little Girls is my least favorite process in doing my work. I often hesitate doing it. The cool thing is that I have sheets and sheets of all the Little Girls I have traced. They are works of art in themselves and I hope in some day doing a show of just them called Little Girls: Traced.

Anyways, I hope that you have a beautiful friday day ahead and when life is feeling blue, know that you are already beautiful!

It's a quiet Saturday June gloomy day. Jason is at work and I'm finishing up a Modigliani inspired Little Girl. I'm almost there. In a bit, I may start on another of my Picasso's or I may just take a nap. I would like to have a set of about forty pieces from the artists that have inspired and shaped my work; it's my goal to have them done within the next 3 months.

The piece here is titled 'In my Necklace.' As you can see, it's Frida Kahlo inspired. I was fortunate enough to see some of her pieces at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art back in 1996. I want to chronicle the process of how I begin and end one of my Little Girls. Here is the first step; it's a very basic sketch which is why it's so light. Later on today, I will darken and tweak the image before I trace it.

OMG! I'm yawning and falling asleep as I'm writing. Jason and I had another long night. We went out to The Highlands and saw some very inspiring dance performances. Carmit and Dante rocked it out!

Oh well, I can't keep my eyes open. I will get some rest. May you all have a beautiful Saturday day.

I woke up early this morning even after a late night out at The Collective Art Gallery opening of BITCHES. Jason purchased a small piece for me. Thank You Oded for providing us artists' a place to show our work. I'll look forward to the next opening in August during Sunset Junction.

It's middle of the afternoon and I've had a busy and productive morning. I've started my 3 Picasso inspired Little Girls. They will take some time, but I can see the finish. I've also done some 'googling' for some Frida Kahlo inspiration and next up I will search for some Keith Haring images. I will look forward to the simplicity of Keith Haring inspired Little Girls. I spent my early years, imitating his work, yet knowing that I wasn't being honest to myself. Yet still, I can see a little Keith in all my Little Girls.

Jason is at work today. It's nice to have some alone time to get back into my painting. It's been some time since I've sat down and painted all day. It's feeling great to do so. While on Google, I also found some images of Divine, The Lady Bunny, and Amanda Lepore which I sketched earlier in the morning as Jason was sleeping. Inbetween working on the Picasso and Modigliani pieces, I will treat myself for a little 'freak' painting-meaning working on those people such as Divine, Amanda, Jerome, the Lady Bunny, and the many many others who remind me that their courage to express themselves has been a great gift to me.

The piece here is titled 'Heart Strung White Love Her Girl.' It is my second Little Girl after 'In Red Light District.' Personally, I don't think of this as one of my best pieces, but luckily she appeared immediately after my first Little Girl. Almost 12 years later, my Little Girls continue to appear; I can't imagine life without them. They are my light, my spirit, my little miracles. They are my love, my gift to the world.

May you share your own miracles with our world.

Enjoy!

I think it's time for a little nap!

It's a hot Monday evening. Got home from work a little while ago. Feeling pooped! Made some refried beans and Mexican rice for dinner. I may go out for a walk and to the supermarket.

This past week, I got my inspiration for the Brooklyn Art Library Project I am participating in next year. I have 6 months to put together my personal sketchbook on 'Happy Thoughts." I'm excited to have the idea and can't wait to begin.

Jason and I had a beautiful weekend together. We saw Sex in the City on Saturday and The Killers yesterday. At the end of the movie, they play Macy Gray's 'Beauty in the World." It brought a smile to my spirit. It's my new favorite song. Just played the video on you tube and loved it!

The piece here is titled 'Her Outlet.' It is the first piece from my series called Evolution. Throughout high school, I spent my 4 years contemplating suicide as I felt I had no other outlet in life. I came close to accomplishing it one late summer day. Luckily, I survived and after leaving to college, the thought of taking my life was never an option again.

The piece on the right with the sky and cloud is in reference to my angel Sam. Seeing blue skies remind me of him. They remind me of life, of living my life as an example. Blue skies remind me of beauty in the world, of beauty in me, and beauty everywhere!

I felt grateful for having heard the song, I felt grateful for Sam; I felt grateful for Jason in my life. I felt grateful for all the beauty in the world.

May you see it all around. It is everywhere!
Happy Monday evening. :)

I am up early this Friday morning unable to fall asleep and feeling hungry already. Jason didn't come home tonight.

Inspired by reading Gandhi's autobiography, I have been eating lighter foods for the past couple of days, thus the hunger. I have been surprised about how much he talks about food, eating, and fasting. At a very young age he deals being a vegetarian and the issues he encounters during his time.
Though the thought of becoming a vegetarian is not yet likely especially since Jason and I have been on a quest on finding the best burger in LA. so far, it's been between The Lucky Devil and Umami

I think I will go for a run before I start my day. Running has always helped clear my mind and lighten my spirit. I will go to work soon after.

The piece here is titled Green Hunger. It is inpsired by a photograph of one of the Olsen twins. She looked so sad and skinny in her dress. I can't imagine putting myself through such pains in order to maintain a certain body image. As I mentioned yesterday, I have gained a few pounds in the past couple of months and so I am on a quest to find some balance. Nothing a little excercise and conscience eating cant change.

Before I go, I will make my spinach and cucumber shake. Though the green drink of choice has changed over time, I got into the habit of having green drinks some 10 years ago when I lived with Mama and Papa. Every morning Mama made me a green drink to start my day. It's all about creating good habits and having them become a part of daily life.

"TGIF! Habit Friday!"

It's Thursday night and I'm laying low. Not going to the fashion to see Jason. Not feeling up to being social this evening. It's all good.

The piece to the left is a from my series called Evolution. It's a set of 3 pieces titled Balancing Difference. The piece in the middle is a self portrait and the balls on the side represent the many sides/colors of who I have been, who I am, and who I see myself becoming. I chose this piece today because earlier in the day, I had spoken with my sister Blanca about the ongoings with Jason. As I struggled to have understanding, it was beautiful to hear her talk about the importance of having balance in life; I needed to hear these words today.

It was interesting to find myself hearing her words, as I knew immediately that the lack of balance in my life was creating uncertaintity and unhappiness. I found it funny that I had not caught onto it myself earlier. Seeking balance has always been an important part of me. I can easily look back on my life and see that I felt most unhappy or uncertain when there was a lack of balance.

In the past couple of months, I have gained weight, I have not been eating as I would like, I have not been sleeping regularly, I have not been going to the gym often, I have not been painting the way in which I would like, I have not been working on my relationships with friends. I can go on, but I won't And so, the light bulb turned on and I realized what I needed to focus on.

I felt grateful for having this understanding and looking forward to sharing it with Jason in greater detail. Thank you all for listening :)

In those moment when life feels odd, look to find what is off balance and immediately the focus will change. It really is that simple, I promise.


Buenas Noches!!!

It's a weird Wednesday afternoon. Waiting for some oatmeal to cook. Life with Jason is now over. It feels sad and strange. He wants silence from me and so I will give him silence. "It's godly," he said. I'll leave it at that for now.

Yesterday, I worked on my Mogdiliani sketches that came out quickly and I can't wait to get the pieces started. I may do so today along with the Picasso inspired Little Girls. Getting lost into my paintings may help provide some much needed cheer.

The pieces here are of a set of my Puprle Cows. A few years ago when I started my 'Evolution' series, I came across the phrase, "Purple Cow, Purple Cow!" When I asked about it's meaning, I was told that it helped provide a visual distraction from ones thoughts e.g. ones parents having sex. I immediately liked the idea of seeing a Purple Cow. For a few days, the phrase and visual stuck in my head and I began thinking about my own life. I realized that without using that phrase, I had been able to change my perspective on life's unpleasant situations. Rather than see, the not so good, I asked myself "What else could this mean."

Being able to see the other side of a situation has been a blessing in my life. And so now, I remember to quietly say, "Purple Cow, Purple Cow!" It may not always happen so easily, but with time, there is a bright side.

And so when life is not so bright, may you go out into the world and remember to see your Purple Cows.

Cheers!

Yesterday, I got back from my trip to SF. Lot's of good eating.

Now, I am watching a little French Open and thinking about how to get back into a painting rythm. Aside from pulling out some unfinished pieces, I started to do last minute touch-ups on some recent sketches. One being of Modigliani's Woman with a Fan that, along with some other pieces, was stolen a few weeks ago. Though I had heard of Modigliani before and I recognized his work, I had not really taken a closer look up until today. I started googling his images and I fell in love with his work featuring women, but also his beautiful use of color and tone. I am now excited to to some Little Girls inspired by his work. And so thanks to a thief, who stole the work from a Paris museum, I would not have read the article in the LA Times and thus googled Modigliani.

This is when I love life's flow.

The piece here is titled Miss Stress. It's is one of my very first pieces. It is inspired by Picasso and looking at it today, I love it more than before. I see how my Little Girls have evolved and I am curious as to how they will evolve with the passing years.

And so now back to some googling, a little snack of milk and cookies, and hopefully some more sketching. Tomorrow, I promise I will paint.

Happy June 1st!

On May 20th 1938, God sent us a gift. Yesterday was Mama's 72nd birthday. For some time now, we have thought that she would not be around. We have celebrated birthdays and Holidays thinking that they would be her last. Living with ALS has not been easy, yet her spirit continues to shine and brighten up our lives every day.

She reminds me of the courage to live, to love, to be compassionate, thoughtful, and unselfish. From Mama I have learned to be loving and kind. I have learned to see the world in a different light. I am who I am mostly because of her. I see her in me and just writing it down brings tears to my eyes. She is an angel, not only in my life, but in the lives of so many others. I can't believe she would even question the meaning of her life. What she has done for all the people around her is unbelievable!

In a few hours we will be having a celebration for her day of birth. The piece here is titled 'Mama in Roses.' Over the years, Mama and I have shared a love of all flowers. Seeing roses will always remind me of her. A few years ago, I planted my own rose bush in front of my kitchen window to remind me daily of her. It is healthy, strong and oh so beautiful!

She calls her 5 children her vitamins. I love hearing her say that. She says that we nourish her spirit and give her strength to move onward. But she is source of our strength, our inspiration, our nourishment, our soul. She is the all encompassing multivitamin.

As she ends in her letters to us all "I love you very much and so does God."

p.s. thank you John for your kind words. I don't always know who is reading what I write.

One more thing- Thank you Jason for being so thoughtful in trying to buy the prettiest of flowers for Mama.

It's a beautiful sunny Thursday morning and Jason is still asleep on the couch.

'I did it Ethel, the dress is mine.' After writing yesterday, I went to the gym downtown and worked out with weights. As I left, I decided to run a little. 50 minutes and some 5 miles later, I was home.

I did not plan on running all the way home as I had not run like that in a while. I kept telling myself, I want to say those words, "I did it Ethel the dress is mine." The only way it felt appropriate was to run home. Halfway through I struggled, but then I remembered my track coach saying, 'keep your eyes 10 feet in front of you.' All of a sudden, I remembered my yoga teacher named Pretzel, saying 'this to shall pass.' I remembered my angel Sam who helped me through the LA marathon. I thought of my sister Moni, whom I had run many races with before. I thought of Jason and his great love for me. I thought of Mr. Yurak, my other angel who cared for me when no one else did. I thought of my family who has been supportive, loving, and generous. I thought of friends and strangers who have helped me throughout life. I felt an amazing sense of gratitude. I felt alive! I kept running and before I kenw it, I was home. It felt AMAZING!!!!!

The piece here is titled 'Homecoming Mona.' It is a portrait of my younger sister Moni whom I have amdired a great deal. The piece is taken from a photo of her winning Homecoming Queen. She was also a track star in high scool, thus the sneaker on one foot. After running the LA marathon, she too said that my angel Sam helped her through the race. I won't forget that moment.

As I ran, I thought of my Little Girls. I thought of how I have struggled with some of them, yet I have pushed through. I can see now that in those moments when I have struggled to paint, I had the magic of all those people who have shaped my life. And in the end, after struggling with these Little Girls, I would dance around the house feeling just as AMAZING as I had felt yesterday after my run. I think it's about feeling a 'connection.'

Today, may you go out into the world with an open spirit and allow the magic of feeling 'connections.'

Cheers!

It's a grey Wednesday morning and I woke up thinking about John Lennon's song 'Imagine.' It's been in my thoughts for the past couple of days. "...Imagine all those people livin for today." Sounds like heaven.

I'm 60 pages into reading Ghandi's autobiography. It's very different that Nelson Mandella's; it's not as smooth and easy, but already very interesting especially when he talks about being a vegetarian not only very early in life, but during that time of the world especially in England of all places.

I've been thinking about why I haven't approached Bloomers Coffee Shop in Upland about doing a show of Lucy prints. I wonder what's keeping me from asking the simple question of "Who's the manager/ owner?' It's the first step. Am I afraid of the rejection? And if so, what have I got to loose? Nothing really. My good friend always says "When you're ready, you're ready." So why am I not ready? What is keeping me? I'm just not sure. I know that life overall has felt a bit off balance.

The piece here is titled "Lucy's Burning Red Ball." I believe I may have written about this before, but in this episode Lucy tells Ethel, "I did it Ethel, the dress is mine." I say these words to myself whenever I accomplish anything. And as of late, I have not said them. Ghandi writes, "Today I know that physical training should have as much place in the curriculum as mental training." As of late, I know I haven't been as active. I know that excercise is important to me; it keeps me in good spirits. And so in a few minutes, I head off to the gym.

'You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

Today, imagine your possibilities.

Cheers!

It's a beautiful Thursday morning and it's quite loud today with the construction crew next door. When is it going to be finally done?????

626 pages later, I am finished with Nelson Mandela's autobiography. What I loved most about the book was the manner in which he told his story. Even with all the names of places and people and dates, the soul of his story felt simple, beautiful, and powerful. I cried when he finally wrote about his release. I couldn't image spending those many years in a prison cell. I loved learning about how a man becomes the man who changed his country, history, and the world around us. As I read along, it never felt that it was all leading up to him becoming president and the man we came to know as Nelson Mandela. It just felt like the story of a man with big ideas and dreams seeking what every other man deserves-equality.

Over the years, I have often looked back at my life and wondered about the people and moments that have shaped the course of my life. It gives me perspective and an amazing sense of gratitude. Today, I look out the window with this in mind and I ask myself, "How do I contribute?' This questions reminds me of the importance of thinking about others and the world around me. I may not change history on the scale of Nelson Mandela, but in my own very small way, I can shape the course of life by just being the greatest of me.

The piece to the left is titled "Becoming Me." One night in San Francisco, I went out to a house party dressed up in drag. My friend said I looked like I could kick someone's ass. I didn't know anyone there, but I had the courage to put on a dress and heels and be 'me' for that moment in life. Maybe, on that night someone looked over and thought to themselves. "Wow, that takes some balls." And maybe in that moment they felt inspired. But maybe no one thought nothing and nothing changed. But regardless, I gave the world the gift of me. And so today, I will go out into th world with this in mind. Be me.

May you have the courage to be the best of you!

In honor of our recent Mother's Day, I have posted a piece featuring Mama. The piece to the left is titled 'Mama and Her Ninos.' I took the image from a photo of her and the 5 of us kids when we were very young and visiting Mexico.

Mama has always loved planting flowers especially roses. I have memories of us working in the garden together or on my own tending to her flowers. Over the years, I have come to have a love for flowers just as she has.

Anthony Robbins says that if we want results or change in our lives, it is important that we make things 'a MUST' rather than a maybe or should. His words continue to have an impact in my life. At first, I thought that I would feel restricted and bothered in having things be 'a MUST.' Instead I came to understand, that like the flowers Mama planted, I was planting little seeds that would grow into everything I dreamed of and valued. In making things 'a MUST,' I am making priorities that are shaping the path of life fulfilled. If I write: I MUST paint, I MUST write, I MUST smile, I MUST go to the gym...I am reminding my spirit the importance of having to do those things. Because without painting, without writing, without smiling, without exercise, without all those things I love, life feels incomplete.

And so today, tomorrow, and the next days, remind yourself to make those things you love to do, a MUST!!!!! .

We are worthy.

Jason got home very late from work last night or really early this morning and so instead of going back to sleep, I started my day and headed to the gym. Yesterday, I wrote about feeling in a rut and not knowing how to get myself inspired. As I left Trader Joes yesterday afternoon, I picked up a copy of the LA times left on top of the newsstand- a little gift from God. Viola, on the front page of the Calendar section was an article of Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" selling at a record high 104 million dollars. I felt inspired!

For the past couple of weeks, I had been meaning to do a set of Picasso inspired Little Girls and here it was. I immediately got out my sketch book and sketched it out. Today I will work on tracing the image and putting it onto the canvas. I must get started and back on track. I must!

The piece to the left is titled 'She Plays Guitar.' It is Picasso inspired. I remember taking an art class in college and having to do a copy of a famous artist's painting. I choose Picasso, but I don't remember the title of the piece and I can't seem to find it anywhere. We were instructed to not only do an opposite color palete of the piece, but also a black and white piece that would capture the tones. The professor said I had chosen a challenging one; I completed both pieces and received A's. I felt so proud. Unfortunately, both those pieces were lost while moving from NYC and SF.

I wonder if they ended up in the trash or if they are hanging on someones walls, I hope the latter.

Cheers!

I'm excited about this new slide feature. wooohooo!!!

It's a beautiful Cinco de Mayo and in honor of today, the piece to the left is titled Chelita Mexican Flower Girl. It is a portrait of my older sister Glicelda as a flower girl for someones wedding day. This piece took some time do as I had to tape of each stripe and then wait for them to dry.

As I ran on the treadmill at the gym yesterday, I was struggling as I haven't been running much lately. And I remembered the words that my senior track coach would tell us. "I'm happy, healthy, I am terrific." he said to repeat these words as we ran. I have kept these words all these years. They lift up my spirits and remind me to be greatful for the many people and things in my life. I have been blessed. It's interesting the things we keep dear to us and how powerful some simple words can be.

Lately, I haven't also been painting. I've been in some sort of a rutt. How to I get out of this? Something needs to change and I don't know what. Is there some words inside me that can help? What can I remember? I am writing this hoping that something comes out and spills onto the page. Nothing! Oh well, I will jump in the shower and go out for a walk and some sunshine!

Cheerios!

A week ago, I started reading Nelson Mandela's autobiograpy and 350 pages into it I am loving it. What a story!!! And surprisingly, it's been an easy read. He named his second daughter Zenani "... which means 'What have you brought to the world?' - a poetic name that embodies a challenge, suggesting that one must contribute something to society." These words struck me deeply. For the past couple of weeks, I have been in some sort of a funk. And even today, after a long night of drinking, I find myself asking. 'What am I doing?' I haven't been painting much nor doing anything that feels worthy. It feels weird even writing about it.

I found myself reading his words on the train on my way to work. I started thinking about my life and what I needed to do to make changes. To remind myself each day about contributing, about giving back to our beautiful world. At a very young age, I was fortunate enough to realize that I was here on earth to make a difference in the lives of people around me. I knew it would be about being kind, generous, honest and living my life to it's fullest as an example to others. I don't always live up to these standard and I forget sometimes. It doesn't feel good. How I MUST make this a priority each morning as I wake up. A simple smile or a 'good morning' to a stranger is so powerful.

I may not see the impact my Little Girls will have 100 years from now, but I hope that they leave a mark of beauty on our world and remind those who come across them that a man once lived a most beautiful, wonderful, and oh so blessed life and in his 'own' way left his mark.

And so with these words, the piece to the lefft is titled The Disguise. It is the mark I use to sign on the back of each of my Little Girls. (okay it's not working so I'm pasting it down below.)

Okay, so here I go. I haven't written in a few days and I've been feeling somewhat strange. I'm not sure how to descibe or even understand what I'm feeling. Things between Jason and I are strange, I'm feeling stuckm creatively, and I'm not sure how I feel about being back at work. I know that with time, it will all unravel.

I am thinking about a small article I read in the LA Times about the weeds that grow from inbetween the cracks in the freeways. It mentioned something about their resiliency to keep pushing through asphalt and to grow. I'm feeling that I need a little bit of that resiliency right now. Feeling like I'm in need of a little inspiration or strength to help push me out of this weirdness. I Know I don't want to avoid these feelings. I just want the process to move along. Helen Keller once said, "The best way out is always through." They are such simple words that, after many years, continue to remind me not to 'avoid', but to go through.

And so through this weirdness in life I will go knowing that there will be light. Even in sitting down to write today, I am going through. Later on today, i will show up to the canvas and paint. It is what I love to do. And so with love, I will pick up my brushes and let the magic unfurl.

The piece to the left is titled Princess Lepore. It is inspired by Amanda Lepore as Glinda the Godd Witch from the Heatherette fashion show. I have picked this piece today because Amanda has always been a muse in my life. I'm in need of it today.

In just blogging right now, I'm feeling re-inspired. WoooHooo!!!

Happy Tuesday!

It's an early sunny Thursday morning and I'm drinking some coffee before I head off to the gym and the library downtown. The piece to the left is titled 'The Bride in Me.' It is a self-portrait inspired by Marlene Dumas. Here is a copy of what I wrote a few years ago.

A few weeks ago at the MOCA downtown, I saw the Marlene Dumas exhibit, ‘Measuring Your Own Grave.’ I had not heard of her prior to seeing the show. I happened to see an image on the front page of the calendar section of the Los Angeles Times; the image was of her painting called “The Kiss.” Immediately I was drawn to the image and her use of color. Two days later and after much ‘googling’, I was heading downtown.

Upon entering the exhibit and seeing the first few images up on the walls, I was taken aback. For a moment, I stood still before taking a first step, as if preparing myself for what was to come. I felt like I was seeing a ‘real’ exhibit for the first time; I was hooked. I felt drawn to everything. I felt connected in a way that I had not imagined.

As I stood in front of “The Teacher,” I felt a deep sense of gratitude for her and her work and for having brought these images to life. I felt moved and greatly inspired. Quietly, under my breath, I said, “Thank You.” Even as I write now, I feel a lack of words that express the emotions I felt wandering through the place.

Later that day and rambling with inspiration, I worked on my own pieces, I read and flipped through her book, I sat and thought about my own work and came to realize, for the first time in my life, that every Little Girl was a very real reflection of me, my thoughts, how I live, and see our world. Even though I have always felt a great connection to my Little Girls, I had not seen them as a real reflection of me. After 10 years of painting them, I was surprised to suddenly be feeling all of this. I felt inspired to take them to a greater level of reflection. I felt inspired to dig deeper within myself, to pull out everything from inside me and to bring it all to life.

Happy Thursday Everyone!!!

It's late night this Wednesday night. Below is copy from my old website.

In honor of gay pride month (June 2009), I did my ‘little girls’ of some personally favorite drag performers. Over the years, I have had the privilege of seeing them perform. After many years of seeing them around, I admire their creativity, but mostly their courage to be true to them self.

1) Sado Sutan- (the piece picture here) I first saw ‘Raja’ at OZ in Buena Park when I first moved back to LA. His performance at Peanuts of Chaka Khan’s ‘Through the Fire’ was GENIUS!!!
2) Dynamic Duo: Joey Arias and Sherry Vine- I have had the pleasure of watching both Joey and Sherry perform in NY and LA and they will always remind me of my life in NY.
3) Princess Lepore- I am a huge admirer of Amanda Lepore. There are so many more little girls of her to come. Though I have only seen her a few short times, I have not had the pleasure of meeting her, yet she is a great muse in my life.
4) A Bunny in Bed- I have had the opportunity to run into The Lady Bunny in NY, SF, and LA. Seeing her always brings a smile to my face. Her mc performances at Wigstock are truly memorable and she has a voice I can always recognize even with my eyes closed.

I am grateful to the many drag performers who have brought joy and laughter into my life. They will always inspire me.

And by the way, I saw Raja at Rage last night and I gave him a copy of his portrait. Oh another drunken night.

buenas noches and as Mama always says "suenen con los angelitos." Meaning 'dream of little angels.'

On my drive home yesterday, I was thinking about Papa. For the past couple of days I've been working near Mama and Papas home. After 49 years of marriage, he is now taking care of her as she has been living with ALS for the past 7 some years. For the previous 42 years she had taken care of him.

Papa has now learned how to cook a little and in the middle of the day yeasterday, he stopped by to bring me some bean burritos for lunch. He is so proud of his bean burritos. Papa and I are not so close and we don't have much to say to each other. I know he's doesn't accept me being gay, but we just don't talk about it. I'm okay with it. I know he loves me. Just showing up to bring me some food is his way of showing me.

When I finish painting one of my Little Girls, I sign it with my signature and chalk mark. In doing so, I promise myself not to touch it again. I come to accept them as they are. As time goes by, I see flaws or maybe even better, 'room for improvement.' But again, I don't ever touch them. I love them as they are. No matter what.

The piece to the left is titled Shooting Papa. It is a portait of Mama pointing a gun at Papa. I took the image from a photo I found of them vacationing in Mexico. She was pointing a pirate gun at Papa; she had a great big smile on her face. After years of having to take care of every little thing for him, I'm sure the thought of possibly shooting him, even with a toy gun, gave her great joy.

I love Papa. I love Papa for loving Mama and taking great care of her. I love him for showing up with bean burritos and in doing so, showing me that he loves me.

May you go out into the world and perform a little act of kindess to those who come your way.

Happy Thursday!

It's been some time since I last wrote. I have my ideas, but I've just been a bit lazy about it.

A friend once told me that whenever I told stories, I told the 'X-Rated' versions and not the PG-13 version. She wasn't refering to them being pornographic, but being uncesnsored with my way of sharing who I am and how I have experienced life. So often, we censor our 'ownness' and tell the world watered down versions of who we are. We paint the 'clean' image of what we want others to think of us so as not to be judged. Yet in doing so, we build a prison for ourselves and block intimacy from forming. We close off our beautiful spirits and don't give others the freedom to show off their own.

With my Little Girls, I attempt to do the same. I know I am being honest to myself as an artist. I am not trying to imitate others nor to create them just for fun. They are a real part of who I am. My Little Girls have always been present in me as if on the tip of my tongue, my brush, waiting for me to show up to the canvas and be brought to life.

The piece to the left is titled Roberta Ball Comes Home from the Ball. This piece is a portrait of my friend of 25 years. Together, we have been fortunate enough to share many life experiences. We have seen each others light and darkness.

May you go out into the world and give your family and friends and maybe even strangers the gift of you.

Blog blog blog. Blah Blah Blah. It's a beautiful Saurday morning. I'll keep it short and simple. Sometimes not saying much is best.

May you all have a most beautiful Satiurday day. WooHooo!!!

The piece to the left is titled Aurora Queen of the Jungle.

It's a grey Thursday morning. My allergies are still here and Jason is stiring in bed.

I have finished my 3 Jerome Caja inspired pieces. It felt like it took me forever. The piece to the left is titled The Virgin in Me. The 3 pieces are self-portraits of me as a virgin/ clown. Inspired by Jerome, I used condoms. It was a bit of a challenge painting over them and getting them to sit properly on the canvas.
The other day when I told my sister about them, I found myself pausing to tell her not because she would be offended by them, but becasue I also used semen inside them to immortalize myself and Jason. Jerome used his friends' Charles ashes into some of his work to immortalize him. I figure that some may take offense to the the work. it's not meant to be offensive, but rather just pure silliness.

It feels good to be done with them as these 3 pieces finsih off my goal of painting at least 3 Little Girls per month for the year 2009. WooHoo!

I can now move on to 2010. i have started work on 3 Angel Botello inspired pieces. So far, these have been fun to paint because of the use of color. I wshould be done with them shortly. I will hae to start thinking about the pieces for February and March.

I'm off for a walk and then back for some painting.

The pieces below are titled Recylcing My Love and Losing My Virginity:

It's Marathon Sunday here in LA. Looks like the sun wants to come out. Due to the change in course, it will no longer be going by the apartment here. I would normally be waking up with louds screaming today. I kind of miss it. In the past, I would go out and watch the runners go by. I would get teary-eyed at knowing what it felt like to go through the process.

As a kid, I dreamt of being an Olympic runner. Due to 'stuff' happening as a kid, I let go of that dream and life seemed to change in every manner. I started running again at 18 years of age. And though the dream of being an Olympic runner had passed, I started dreaming of just being a runner and running free. I ran my first marathon 12 years ago on the streets of LA. Crossing the finish line, I new I had accomplished something huge. Life changed for me and a year later my Little Girls appeared. Just as I had made a committment to running the marathon a year before, I made a committment to my Little Girls.

There are days when I veer off course and I don't focus my atttention to painting, but I keep coming back to the canvas. I know that it's a part of who I am and will be. I can't imagine myself not doing the work.

The piece to the left is titled Mama and Her Ninos. I picked this piece today because with the exception of my older brother Johnny, all 4 other siblings have run a marathon. He is still a runner at heart and in recent years, he has come to realize the importance of it in his life. If you get a chance, read Born to Run by Christopher McDougall. Not only did the book inspire me to run again, but I found it very interesting.

Now before I veer off course for the day, I will sit down and paint a little.

Cheers!

It's a quiet Saturday monring. Waiting for Jason to get up so that we may head off the the gym downtown.

Yesterday, I finished piece #2 from the Jerome Caja inspired pieces and I am now working on finishing the last and final piece. This last piece has been a challenge. I've already had to start over once before. The color pallette just isn't coming to me. I've had to remember that it's okay to make mistakes. That there really are no mistakes. In the past, when I have struggled with a piece and I think I am making a mistake, I keep plugging away and come out realizing that each stroke led to the next and the next. Stroke by stroke, each Little Girl has it's own journey. In the end, I am always proud of each one regardless of the the struggle.

Helen Keller said, "The best way out is always through." These words have stayed with me over the years. They remind me to keep going, to show up reagardless of any hardship. In the end, it's always amazing!

The piece below is titled My Rock N Sisters. It was commissioned by my sister Monica who lives in Colorado. I struggled with the background on these pieces. I couldn't seem to get the right colors, but I kept at it, I kept going through. In the end, there was joy; there was a great big smile.

May you have a beautiful Saturday day and remember to keep going through.

Waking up this morning feeling very congested with allergies. Ughhh!!! I think I will stay home today do some painting and watch some March Madness. Go Bears! (CAL).


As I wrote yesterday, I will begin transferring over some of my writings from my other website as I will now be using FAA as my home base. I thoguht I'd start of with my Sex in the City- Little Girls:

Little Girls for August 2009

My Little Girls this month are in homage to my 2nd favorite TV show- Sex in the City. Prior to the opening of the movie a few years ago, I got teary eyed. I felt that I was seeing great friends that I had not seen in a while. Up until a year ago, I had not had cable TV and so aside from the basic channels, I spent a lot of time watching my DVD’s of the entire series; some of those DVD’s no longer work from watching them so much. I have come to think of the 4 girls as dear friends in my life. I have laughed and cried with them. It may seem a little silly, but there is a very deep connection with them. I have come to relate to them, their friendships and their challenges with sex, love, and intimacy.

1) In Charlotte I see my willingness to be romantic, to see life with new eyes. It’s a challenge sometimes, but I try.
2) In Carrie I see the writer in me, I see the willingness to be truthful to my self; it takes courage to do so.
3) In Miranda I see my hard shell that is afraid of being hurt.
4) In Samantha I see my sexy side and my willingness to be free, I see the clown in me.



I’m excited about continuing many more pieces form the show and movie and possibly doing an entire collection for a future exhibit. I’m already excited about the sequel. WooHoo!!!

The piece above is titled My Sexy Friends #2. It is of course Ms. Carrie Bradshaw in the opening sequence of the movie. I am going to try and be creative and try to position the FAA links on the page somehow. Keeping my fingers crossed as to how it will look once I hit the submit button. Okay so I've tried to edit a few times and I'm not allowed to add a main image up on top. Booo!




Keep it Sexy!

I'm waking up a little late this Thursday monring and feeling very congested from allergies. I took a benadryl last night and it helped with sleeping, but I had a hard time waking up.

I am excited about the new feature on FAA. Having our own site is really exciting and I'm looking forward to seeing more changes come our way. I was in the process of creating my own website, but will now change course. Aside from FAA, I was also on Blogger.com where I would also post my work and blog. With this new feature, I will be switching over to FAA entirely. And because of this, I will be 'copy-catting' some of the writings from before so that they are all in one site. Cut and Paste. I will start tomorrow with Sex in the City.

Today I will work on my Jerome Caja inspired pieces. I've been distracted with other things these past 2 days and I know that I've been putting the pieces to the side. Not good.

The piece to the left is titled Frida Fraud. Minus, the dog, it is my version of her Itzcuintli Dog with Me painting.

Cheers!

Another beautiful day in LA. I had a great chat with Jason last night. And it reminded me of one day telling a close friend that since I was a kid, I always felt diffrent. A good different. I felt that I have always marched to a different beat in ways that I can really express in words.

One day 10 some years ago, I dressed up like a creepy S&M clown for Halloween. From out of nowhere, the idea popped into my head and as with many ideas, I felt the need to bring it to life. I had never been to the circus as a kid, nor had I had an attraction to clowns. Looking into the mirror that day, I felt a connection that I didn't imagine happening. The weird clown looking back at me was so scarry looking and different that it felt like I had put a face to that feeling of having felt different my whole life.

A few years ago when I did some self portraits of myself as a Little Girl, I decided to put the clown nose on the face. It felt right. It felt like 'me.'

The piece to the left is titled Disguise. It's one of the first pieces in my second series of Little Girls called 'Evolution'. In Evolution, I reflect on my life, who I am, have been, and will be. I took the nose from the clown (the image in the middle) and from there so many more images have come. It's evolved and evolving into something different, something beautiful and oh so meaningful.

May you embrace the differences of who you are; it makes you you.

Cheers!

It's another beautiful sunny day in LA. I'm off to the gym with Jason in a few minutes.

It's no big deal, but I thought I'd come out and let everyone know I'm gay. I've been out for some 20 years. It feels a little weid writing it down as I haven't done so in a very long time. I also don't care to put a label on it, but I do so for a lack of better words. In many ways, I don't always identify with 'gay' men/ culture. I remember the days of coming out to my family and friends. The hardest part was saying it to myself because of the shame I felt. Even after 20 years, I still believe it takes courage to come out because of any backlash one may get. But, I am fortunate enough to have a very loving group of friends and family who have always been supportive and embracing of who I am regardless of my sexuality.

It's the same family and friends who have supported me on my journey as an artist. Many of my friends I have known for over 20 years and every year that goes by, I continue to be blessed with new friendships who are just as beautiful and accepting.

The piece to the left is titled Coming Out. It's about coming out as an artist and I thought it to be appropriate for today's blog; it is one of my favorite pieces and it hangs in an extra large gold frame in my living room. I face it everyday that I sit down to paint.

Cheers!

Just got back last night after a weekend at Alex and Vero'. I met Alex 25 years ago while vacationing in Mexico. 2 years ago, he married the love of his life-Veronica. The piece to the left is titled Her Love, His Light, Their Life. It is inspired by a photo on their wedding day in Long Beach California.
Being with great friends is always inspiring. I was thinking that today I'd be painting after not having done so for the past week. I got caught up picking up the apartment and doing laundry and just lazing around. I promise that tomorrow I will paint. I am determined to finish the Jerome Caja inspired pieces by the end of the week.

I also need to re-join Netflix and start doing my research on old Hollywood movies so that I can start getting a better concept before approaching the Archlight Theater here in Hollywood about doing a show sometime next year.

Buenas Noches!

I got up early this chilly Friday morning and I walked about a mile to the offices here in Ontario, California. The song says 'Only a nobody walks in LA.' I've been living without a car in the heart of Los Angeles where you do see people walking around. And I know that I'm not a nobdy. Here in Ontario, there wasn't anybody out and about. It felt great to be out on the streets with just me, myself, and I.

Living without a car has been unbelievably amazing. I get to experience the world in a very different manner. After I stopped running a few years back, I relaized how much I love walking; it's defintely a great passion of mine. I walk around without any music and until recently, without a cell phone. I get to hear my thoughts, to give thanks for the many blessings in my life, and I get to feel the world around me. I feel Alive!!!!

I also get to experience this feeling of aliveness when I'm painting my Little Girls. It's an amazing feeling to bring them to life; there are moments when I literally dance around my apartment with such joy and pride knowing that I am doing what I am meant to do. It's been strange not painting this week and so I'm looking forward to going back home and showing up to the canvas.

The piece below is titled Becoming Me. It is a self-portait of me in drag. As with walking and painting, I love to read and write, thus the words on the canvas.

May you have a happy Friday day! Do what you love, live with passion.

It's late this Thursday day and I'm beat from a long day of work. I'm just about to head home to Mama and Papa's one more night before I get back to LA.

This morning, I woke up thinking about a night some 13 years ago when I had a conversation with a now close friend on the topic about commitment. And though we weren't talking about our own commitment issues directly, I was left deep in thought. Growing up, I knew the day would come when life would change dramatically. But I didn't ever expect it to be about making commitments. Immediately the next day, life had changed for me. I realized that in the 28 years up until that night, I had not committed myself to anyone or anything. Though I had had 2 serious relationships up until then, I knew, I had one foot out the door.

Interesting that within 2 years from that night, I would make a commitment to my artistic self. I started my series of Little Girls. Being committed to them doesn't just come from saying it once, but rather it's a daily choice I make every day. Just as I may show up to the gym in an effort to be committed to my physical self, I show up to the canvas and I work on my Little Girls. Doing so has brought light, joy, and inspiration into every area in my life. I love them so very much.

The piece to the left is titled Joker's Wild. It is in tribute to the late Heath Ledger. Upon hearing of his passing, I broke down in tears. Though I wasn't a huge fan of his, I admired his deep commitment to his work. His performance as the Joker in The Dark Knight is a reflection of his deep passion to be an actor.

Thank you Heath for the inspirations.

I didn't blog yesterday as I got caught up with work. I'm away from home for a week. It will be strange not painting. I was able to finish one of the Jerome Caja inspired pieces on Sunday. I'm hoping to have the other 2 pieces finished by the end of next week. I will post them as soon as they are done.

As I took the train early yesterday morning, it was a gray cloudy day. I started thinking about the darkness of my high school years. I was the 'Ally Sheedy' from The Breakfast Club. Funny how life has changed. I thought about the darkness of my artwork. Though I didn't consider myself an artist at the time, my work was very dark.

The piece to the left is a 3-set piece titled A Roar in the Forest. It is a reflection of my journey as an artist. The gray forest is those early years. The green forest is my colorful period during my early twenties when I was imitating the childlike figures and colors of Keith Haring. The red forest is my present. It reflects the great passion for my Little Girls.

Interesting how all this came from seeing the gray morning while riding a train. I am always fascinated by how our brain works.

It's a beautiful sunny day today. Though I am inside an office, I will feel the energy of the sunshine and remember how life is constantly changing.

Cheers!!

I'm having a little coffee and taking it easy. It's Oscar sunday and it's a beautiful sunny day. This time of year, has always been an inspiration for my Little Girls. I'm looking forward to seeing the fashion on the red carpet, especially this year. I'm in the process of writing an e-mail to the curator at The Arclight Movie Theater in Hollywood. This time next year, I'm hoping to have a show featuring, not only past and present red carpet fashions, but also those iconic female movie roles and gowns that we remember still today.

The piece to the left is titled Penelope on a Cruz. I was inspired by Penelope Cruz at the 2007 Oscars. She didn't win that year, but she looked absolutely beautiful in her Versace gown.

If I am able to cut and paste this properly the piece below is titled Meeting Oscar Ghost. It's inspired by Whoopie Goldberg's Oscar win in Ghost (my all time favorite movie) for her role as Oda Mae Brown/ a.k.a Rita Miller.



And the winner is...

Oh no! I didn't blog for 2 days. I was away all day yesterday and there is no real excuse for the day before.

I am up early this Saturday morning and it looks like it's going to rain. Jason and I have tickets to go see the first showing of Alice in Wonderland in IMAX 3-D. I'm excited!!! I don't know much about the story and you'd think that at 41 years of age, I would have read the book at some point.

After seeing the ads for it, I know that I will be painting some Little Girls from it. I'm hoping to get some extra inspiration from seeing the movie. I'm debating whether or not to smoke a little something as it's still too early and I rarely do it. It may be fun. I'll let you know tomorrow.

The Jerome Caja inspired pieces are coming along. I had to restart one, as the condom was not sitting properly on the canvas. It's all good. There are no real mistakes; it's all a process. I'm hoping to have them finished soon.

I have also started the 3 Angel Botello inspired pieces. I'm really happy painting with a lot of color and trying out new color combinations. These may take me some time.

The piece to the left is titled Her Purple Haze. I chose this piece today as it's pschedelic in feeling. I took a color copy of some old squiggle drawings I used to do many years ago and I elaborated on it. I was playing around with something new and curious about how I could use these old drawings.

Until tomorrow, may you have an interesting Saturday day. I'm off to Wonderland!

I'm just getting home from the doctor's office. It felt like I spent hours there. I got some x-rays on my knees. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I won't have to do an MRI. After having major knee surgery 20 years ago, I'm a little afraid of having to go through that again as it was the most challenging thing I've had to live through. If necessary, I know that I can handle it and come out stronger.

Yesterday, I tuned in to watch Roger Ebert on Oprah and I didn't expect to find myself crying. Immediately, the emotions swelled and I was taken aback to be feeling so much. I felt great admiration for his courage to share his journey through thyroid cancer. I admired the love between him and his wife. I felt inspired in not only seeing the amazing joy he radiated, but the unbelievably will to live, to live with self accpetance and purpose.

As shared the emotions with Jason later on in the day, the tears came back. I knew that this was a moment I would carry with me for years to come. I didn't end up painting yesterday. In a little bit, I am going to work on the Jerome Caja inspired pieces. The piece to the left is titled Jerome Caja at Folsom. I chose this piece for todays blog as I also admired Jerome for being a light and inspiration in my life. His courage to live honestly, true to his own self, has stayed with me over the years.

I am going to use the inspiration from yesterday and paint today. I feel a great sense of gratitude for having seen Roger Ebert share his journey.

Thank You Roger for being a light and inspiration.

May you go out into the world and share your own light of inspiration.

Just finished having some lunch and feeling a bit hungover from last night. About to get some shut-eyes before I do a little painting. I didn't paint yesterday so I have to take a few steps forward on the Jerome Caja inspired pieces.

As I was walking to the park this morning, I found my penny for the day. Over the years, I have collected piggy banks and have filled them with pennies, mostly those I have picked off the streets. Picking up pennies is not always easy especially if people are around as I start to feel self conscious about doing so. 'What will they think of me?' I wonder. But I made it a commitment to pick them up regardless. Picking up pennies reminds me of the amazing abundance already in my life. I have been blessed with so much of everything, the list is endless.

I feel blessed for the abundance of creativity that allows me to continue painting my Little Girls. For the past 12 years of working on the series, there has never been a lack of inspiration. It's been a beautiful journey being an artist. I am fortunate to see life a little differently as my imagination is always at work. And so I will continue to pick up my pennies knowing that abundance is always present in my life.

The piece to the left is titled Mama Poses in the Living Room. It is inspired from a black and white photo of Mama posing in the living room.I picked this piece today as I have been blessed with a mother who has blessed me with an abundance of love, support, and inspiration.


May abundance flow through your life today, tomorrow, and always. Cheers!

Just getting home this afternoon from a long day of being out and about. Time for a little rest. I'm not sure if I will get any painting done today. In the past 2 days, I did start my Jerome Caja Inspired pieces. Painting on condoms has not been so difficult after all. I've got the 3 pieces started already; they're all in different stages of becoming Little Girls.

The piece to the left is titled I Have A Feeling I'm Not in Kansas Anymore. It's a self -portrait of me as Dorothy( as a clown) from the Wizard of Oz. I chose this piece today as I've been thinking about the word 'courage.' Over the years, I have written in my journals attempting to define the word. I believe it takes courage to wake up each day and go out into the world. It takes courage to do anything in our lives, even the simplest of acts. It takes courage to show up to the canvas and paint. Before I start painting, I have observed the fear. I fear that the paintings won't turn out exactly how I imagine them in my head. I fear that I'll make a mistake(s). I fear that they won't be good enough to show. Yet, I keep showing up, courageously. I show up and I allow the brush strokes to flow. I show and I push through the fear. I show up and in the end I have a beautiful Little Girl."


In Facing the Lion, Being the Lion, Mark Nepo writes "Like the courage to persevere through the doorway of nothing into the realm of everything...Like the courage to choose compassion over judgment and love over fear..."

May you go out into the world today, tomorrow, and every day knowing that you are already courageous!

As I rode the bus home from the gym downtown on this sunny Sunday day, I was reading Stephen Levine's A Year To Live. In it he writes about meditating from a 'soft-belly' place. Not a soft-belly from cookies and potato chips, but from a place of letting go, surrendering, and being present in our world. It brought a smile to my face just thinking about it and so I placed my hand on my belly button, as I have over the years, and it felt good to be sitting on the bus observing life around me.

Over the years, when I have sat down to paint, I realized that without thinking, I have worked on my Little Girls from a soft-belly place. I have sat down and surrendered to them; I have allowed them to become whomever they are meant to be. It has been a liberating process. Even though I may have an idea of what I want to paint onto the canvas, in the end, with each brush stroke, I surrender.

The piece to the left is titled Expecting Me. It is a sort of self-portrait. It is inspired from a photo of Mama while she was expecting my older sister Glicelda. Since there was no photo of her while she was pregnant with me, I used this photo and incorporated myself into it by placing the red circle onto her belly; it is the clown nose in my self-portraits. When I think of Mama, I think of a soft-belly place. She has been an inspiration of loving kindness to everyone who has crossed her path. And so when I place my hand on my belly, I can feel a place where life began and still continues to begin with every breathe I inhale. I exhale. I inhale. Ahhh, so good.

May you have a soft-belly Sunday :)

Looks like it won't keep raining for the day and the skies may be clearing up. I'm off for a slow walk to the art store. My leg is feeling much better.

Today I will start painting on the condoms and see how the paint sits. Unlike my other Little Girls, I will be working without any type of sketch. I will trust in the strokes and know that in the end they will end up as they are meant to be.

As a little kid, I remember Mama saying that all she ever wanted is to have 'Paz en el Corazon.' These words have stuck with me over the years. It means to 'Have peace in the heart.' Today, I will work from that place of peace. Interesting that I will be painting on condoms, as I believe Mama would not approve or maybe understand. But, I am fortunate enough to know that she is supportive of my work and only wishes for my happiness and peace in life. It's all she wants for her 5 kids.

The piece to the left is titled Corazon de un Bobo. It translates into Heart of a Clown. It's a piece I painted for myself. It is part of my Little Girl series called Evolution. I painted the first corazon (heart) in honor of Mama and the words that continue to shape my life. I am grateful for the loving kindness she has been in everyones life. She is my angel.

May you all have a beautifully peaceful day.

Laying very low this overcast Friday day and over the weekend. I'm hoping that my leg feels better. It's not as swollen as before.

I'm not feeling too inspired to do any painting, but hopefully something will trigger me. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I have been trying to figure out how to paint on a condom. So far, I have tried some gel mediums and a varnish. They are in the process of drying. It may take some layers. I've got 3 Angel Botello inspired pieces started so it may be a good idea to start with them as I figure out how to proceed with the condom pieces.

The piece to the left is titled Amanda More Lip More. It's inspired by the fabulous transgender Amanda Lepore. I entered this piece into the Red and White Contest and I won! Woohoo! Or not really, because for the first time I asked family and friends to vote. I didn't ask them to vote so that I could win, but so that I could possibly get some visibility. I figured that if I won, it may introduce someone new to my Little Girls. I have noticed more visitors on my pages than before. And so it was like cheating, but not really, because it's never about winning to me, but rather, it's about doing my very best and in this case, taking a chance on how to get my work noticed in a different manner.

thank you for listening. Thank You, Thank You.

Peace and Blessings

Buenos Dias

My leg is still hurting lots and just hanging in there. Yesterday, I spent the entire day laying down with my leg up and iced. Today I am off to the taping of the Ellen Show and I'm excited about taking her my painting of her and Portias wedding day. I've included a little note. I wonder if there will be any giveaways. Wooohooo!!! If you are reading this and want to see the piece, it is in position #18.

The piece to the left is titled Black and White and Red all Over #3. It is a self-portrait using my first photo taken of moi. I was just an hour born. I picked this piece today as I am thinking about how I have been blessed with 41 years and some days of life. I freaked out the other night when I hurt my leg and I was hoping not to have to go through not being able to walk again for some time. Almost 20 years ago to this date, I hurt my leg really badly and it was the hardest thing I ever had to go through in life. Thinking of all my blessings in the past 41 years and some days of life, I easily snapped out of it and I realized that there is so much I am grateful for and in worst case scenario I will be able to paint a lot more.
Oh, Yea!!!

Ouch!!!! It's a grey Tuesday morning and I'm in a lot of pain. Last night while out dancing you can say I was 'dropped on the dance floor.' I twisted my leg while attempting to dip a friend. Looks like I will be laying around and doing some reading and resting and lots of nothing. Tomorrow I go see the taping of The Ellen Show so hopefully my leg feels better. I can't miss it.

The piece to the left is titled Confessions of a Child Dropped on the Dance Floor. After last night I thought it to be appropriate for todays blog. I think it's one of my funniest pieces and it took me some time to finish. I had it started for a long period of time, but was afraid of making a mistake and so I let it sit in a closet for years. Until one day last year, I sat down and finished it. It's my version of a Madonna and Child. It's meant to be silly and I hope it bring a smile to your face.

Now it time to rest and P.S. I started my Jerome Caja inspired pieces. I'm trying to figure out how to paint on a condom. Wish me luck!!!!

I got up at 4am this morning. I could not sleep after Jason, my partner-in-crime, came home. I felt congested with allergies and so I got up and did some reading and writing before heading off to the gym. In A Year to Live, Stephen Levine writes about what we would do if we had a year to live. As I walked to the gym, I pondered the thought. What would I really like to do if I had a year to live? Nothing really sunk into my thoughts, but I asked myself "Would I still paint?" I paused, walked a few steps and thought YES! Yes I would keep painting, but it would be by the beach somehwere facing the ocean not having to worry about having to do something else for a living.

I sat down yesterday, late afternoon and I finally finished Teachers Pet. "I did it Ethel, the dress is mine." This is what Lucy tells Ethel in an episode of I Love Lucy after wallking down a runway and getting her free Don Lauper dress. I think of these words whenever I accomplish somehting. Not only does it bring a smile to my face, but it reminds me that I can do anything that I set my mind to. I feel so proud.

Now I wonder how to get started on the pieces inspired by Jerome Caja. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Cheers!

Waking up from some strange and heavy dreams. Feeling a bit groggy. After my walk in a few minutes, I am coming home and sitting down to paint. I've got to finish my 'Teacher's Pet' piece. Not finishing it up is making me feel stuck like I can't move on to the next pieces. I'm trying, I'm trying.

The piece to the left is titled 'The Bride in Me' and is one of 3 pieces inspired by Marlene Dumas. This piece, unlike, Teacher's Pet came so easily. I have not posted this piece anywhere so unless you are reading this, you are the first to see it. As soon as I finish 'Teachers Pet,' I will post all 3 of them here on FAA on my website with more details about the inspirations.

Smile it's Monday

It's a quiet Sunday morning so far. I am off for a walk in a few minutes. Not sure if I will do any painting today. The "Teacher' piece is getting there and I can't wait until it's done. How do I get myself to sit down and paint this afternoon. Maybe a need a break. Not sure.

The piece to the left is titled Jerome Caja. I had the opportunity to meet him in San Francisco before he passed away. His work has been an inspiration for my Little Girls. I love everything about his work. I love the concepts, the use of nail polish, the twistedness of it all. In honor of is work, I used a little of my semen in the piece. Sounds gross, but I think Jerome would approve. My next 3 pieces will be directly inspired by him. I have not started them, but the idea has been planted in my head. Now I need some condoms to get them started.

happy Sunday!

I just got back from a run. I ran longer than I had run in a very long time. And as I ran, I kept thinking what if I fall down. The scabs on my knees are healing from a bad fall 2 weeks ago. But I kept running because I love to run. And I thought, I paint because I love to paint. I have those moments when I'm afraid of making a mistake and slabbing down the wrong brush stroke and using a wrong color, but I always keep going. I keep painting just as I kept running today knowing that I may or may not fall down. I may or may not make mistakes, but I will keep painting because it is in me to do so.

The piece on the left is titled Rosa in Rosas. It is a self-portrait of me in drag. And I remember one morning many years ago when my best friend looked over at me while having coffee one morning and he said, "You're really something!" I asked him what he meant and he said "Last night you where out dressed in drag and this morning you're so absorbed into reading the sports page." I write this now because there are so many sides to me and who I have been, who I am today, and who I will continue to be tomorrow. May you have a most beautiful Saturday day. Cheers!

Another overcast day here in LA. I'm off to the gym and then coming home to do some painting. After the library yesterday, I did not want to paint at all. Zero! I needed a break. I will work on my 'Teacher' piece. It still needs a lot of layers.

The piece to the left is titled Amanda More Lip More. It is isnpired by the fabulous transgender Amanda Lepore. I have great admiration for her and for anyone who is courageous enough to be themeselves regardless of opinion. I have painted a few of pieces inspired by her and along with my mother, think of her as a muse. I can google her name anytime and be inspired.

Interesting that yesterday, I checked out Facing the Lion, Being the Lion by Mark Nepo and he starts off by defining the word courage. Today I will remember to be and feel courageous.

It's an overcast day and feeling hungry this morning. I am off to the Downtown Public Library in a few minutes. Looking for inspiration and possibly a good book to read. After stuggling yesterday, I was able to work on my piece inspired by Marlene Dumas. I realize that it's going to take a few sit downs. More than usual.

The piece to the left is titled Marry Me! I was inspired by photos of Ellen and Portia on their wedding day. It is my latest creation and a week from now, I will be going to see the Ellen Show with my sisters and friends. A few weeks ago we waited for hours only to get into the 'riff-raff' room. This guaranteed us tickets next time around and we are now confirmed. I will be taking the piece framed along with a letter of appreciation for all the laughter she has provided. I'm excited! I wonder if it will hang in her house or if it will get locked up in some closet?

Another beautiful day in LA, yet a bit nosiy due to the construciton going on next door. I will sit down and paint a little later on. After not feeling inspired yesterday, I was able to sit down and start 3 new pieces inspired by Angel Botello. His work has been an inspiration for my Little Girl series. So far so good.

The piece to the left is called Uhura Stars in Space. I just uploaded the piece today. A few months ago, I had the opportunity of donating this piece to The Company of Angels Gala honoring Leonard Nimoy. This is the same theater company where I had my first show. I also had the privelege of going to Nichell Nichols home, (the actress who played Uhura.) She was lovely and beautiful as ever. It was exciting!!!

Now, I'm off for a run to get the juices flowing.

Thinking about inspiration. Wondering what to do. Not feeling inspired to sit down and paint. Thinking about Marlene Dumas and how unbelievably inspired I was almost 2 years ago when I saw her exhibit at the MOCA. I actually cried as I stood in front of the 'Teacher' painting. The piece to the left is inspired from that day. I am currently working on 3 seperate pieces inspired from her work. I am struggling in finishing my own version of the 'Teacher' painting. I want it to be absolutely perfect. maybe I need to let go of thinking it will and just show up to the canvas.

It's a beautiful sunny afternoon and I'm thinking that maybe a walk will help. what to do? what to do?

It's another beautiful sunny day in LA. Did not get much inspiration from being at the Rose Bowl Flea Market, but still had a great day walking around.

This 'Little Girl' to the left is called In Red Light District. It is the very first in the series that I started 12 years ago this coming July. She hangs in my living room to remind me to keep going. It's been interesting to see the progression of the series as the years pass by. When I first imagined her, I imagined a piece of art that would be red in color, a red matt, and a red frame. And so I sat down to paint after having come back to LA from New York City and I picked up a wood slat, relics from working as a decorative artist and within a short time, she was finished. And just like that, my Little Girls began and the inspirations keep coming.

Soon after, I sat down with my parents and I told them that even though I had gone to Berkeley to possible become a teacher of some sort, I would now pursue my art career. I was blessed to have them say that 'as long as I was happy, that's all that mattered to them.' It was the most liberating thing to hear as I no longer felt the need to live up to a parent's expectation. I am so very grateful to have their support. Thank you Mama and Papa!!!!

Last year after my first art show at the Alexandria Hotel in downtown LA, I was fortunate enough to receive a phone call from a close friend who let me know that Whoopi Goldberg was in town for a day and that it would be okay for me to drop of the print from the show at her hotel. I knew that I would not be giving the piece to her in person, but I was nervous as I drove up to the valet and handed the piece to the concierge. I was curious as to what I would hear back as this piece meant so much to me.

Along with the print, I wrote a letter to her letting her know not only of my admiration for her performance and the my feelings about the movie Ghost (my favorite movie of all time), but to let her know of a boy from high school named Oscar who changed the course of my life then and still today. Almost 25 years later, I have not seen him since and this piece, in essence, is also about my dream of seeing him once again and knowing that he really existed in my life as it sometimes feels that he's a ghost.

Soon after, I heard from my friend that she loved it and was very grateful to have received it. I wonder if it really hangs in her home or if its stashed away in a closet.

It's a beautiful Sunday morning here in Los Angeles and I'm off to the Rose Bowl Flea Market looking for inspirations. Before I head off, I want to wish everyone a beautiful Valentine's Day.

I drew this piece called 'Love' at the age of 15. It's been 25 years ago, but it is the inspiration for all my 'Little Girls.' It started from a tiny doodle while bored in high school class. I took the doodle home and enlarged it into this piece. I can still remember the feeling of struggling to draw and finish the little boy. I felt limited to what I could do. With the little girl, I felt that I could draw anything; I felt free and full of possibility. It is these feelings of freedom and possibility that continue to be an important part of how I live my life. Each 'Little Girl' reminds me that I can let my imagination roam free and create without restriction.

And now I'm off for a little exploring feeling love and life in the air.

I've been working on my 'little girl' series for the past 11 years. This July will be the 12th year anniversary of the first appearance. I didn't realize 'til a few years ago that I had the habit of turning on the cd player and listening to Billie Holiday while I painted. Her music inspired me to show up to the canvas and lay on the brush strokes. I'm not exactly sure what it is about it, but I feel grateful for the inspiration. Just recently I purchased a Diana Ross cd of her singing Billie Holiday songs which also does the trick.

Holy Mama!

A few days ago was Papa’s 76th birthday. In 41 years, I don’t recall ever giving him a gift. About a month ago, while visiting Mama and Papa I took a photo of Mama hanging on the wall and asked him if I could bring it home to sketch. It is a photo of Mama’s First Holy Communion. He said that he keeps in eyesight to remind him of why he does what he does. For the past couple of years he has been taking care of Mama as she has been living with ALS (Lou Gherig’s disease.) The photo “keeps him going,” he says. I got teary-eyed at hearing him say that, as I know it’s been a difficult journey for them both. His compassion for her is remarkable! Her courage to live onward with so much love in her heart is an inspiration to us all. I continue to be inspired to paint my ‘little girls’ of her and I am honored to be able to give him this gift. I am eternally grateful to them both.